RE: Is Honesty TRUELY the Best Policy?

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RE: Is Honesty TRUELY the Best Policy? - 9/27/2006 10:29:14 AM

FirmhandKY

Posts: 8948
Joined: 9/21/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Smythe

Honesty in relationships is important to most people. Personally, I try to avoid even small lies. But there are a million times in every relationship, both intimate and casual, when "white" lies preserve the other person's feelings or make life run more smoothly. When someone asks "Does this make me look fat?" "how do you like the pie I baked?" or "Did anyone talk about me after I left?" it's better to lie if it preseves someone's feelings. What would be the point in telling the truth in these cases?

Smythe

Well, Smythe, while I'd be a hypocrite if I said I never did any of those "little white lies", I think they can be very dangerous as well.

If the relationship isn't close, then I'd say sure, go ahead and lie to your neighbor about how much you liked that "delicious banana and skunk pie". But if it's my SO, then it can lead to misunderstandings, false expectations and confusion. Not to mentioned hurt feelings.

I think you should be more honest with someone with whom you have a relationship.

This isn't a plea for "brutual honesty". Brutality is easy. Getting the correct truth across in a manner that doesn't do undue hurt to the other person is sometimes an art.

In the "pie" example above, if mytreasure cooked it for me, and it simply ... well .. .stunk, and she was there, looking with great expectations of my positive reaction, I might be tempted to smile, get up and fold her into my arms, lean her over and whisper into her ear: "Pet, I don't think your skunk pie will ever be my favorite, but I love you for all the effort and care you put into it." Followed by a kiss ... or something.

There are lots of creative ways to lessen the sting, while maintaining the truth.

Ah, and btw ... treasure makes a mean skunk pie.

FHky

_____________________________

Some people are just idiots.

(in reply to Smythe)

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RE: Is Honesty TRUELY the Best Policy? - 9/27/2006 12:57:01 PM

Mavis

Posts: 828
Joined: 2/8/2004
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Somethings are worth it. Some are not worth the damage.

i would not tell Master "no... that's actually not the biggest dik i've ever seen." He seems to think it is, and if i were to say otherwise, it would never rise to the occasion again. Since telling that truth will not change anything about it.. why. i have learned more from finding diplomatic ways of dealing with the issue. Also, i have learned, NEVEr ask a question you don't really want the answer to.

Other things, yes. i told Master about His one most irritating personality trait. It nearly ruined our weekend, He was so hurt, my critique cut to the very core. i chose to do it because W/we could look honestly at the fact that O/our best qualities also seem to come with a corresponding flip-side that is hugely negative if allowed free rein. i also chose to do it because it is something within His power to change. if it wasn't, there would be no point.

Good news is after 30 hours of heart wrenching guilt, knowing i had caused such painful self-examination, He was able to agree to seeing where changes could work, and there is a new level of intimacy.

Only those closest to you really hold the big sword. When we reveal ourselves to another, we're giving them the power to cut away some bits, and build up others. When you think about it, humans are really brave creatures, that we empower each other like this, and continue to love and grow.

(in reply to FirmhandKY)

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