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RE: confused - 9/25/2006 6:16:49 PM   
MASTERRocker


Posts: 277
Joined: 9/19/2006
From: Kitchener-Waterloo, ON
Status: offline 		Whoa!! Girl from down under is not   a 'down under' girl......   'smiles'   no problems gypsylee    everyoen has an opinion - unfortuantely it is how it comes across;  not the actual intent
BIG HUGS
MASTER Rocker

(in reply to Missokyst)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: confused - 9/25/2006 6:25:22 PM   
Najakcharmer


Posts: 2121
Joined: 5/3/2004
Status: offline 		I shall now channel my spirit guide, Mistress Manners, to offer some sage advice.   **puts on a vaguely fake stuffy British accent**

"I am now opening the BIG LEATHER BOOK OF ANSWERS  as an infallible reference to declare what is the One True Correct Way for every D/s couple to run their relationship.

If your Dominant is female, she must wear a corset, six inch high heels and a tight leather dress at all times.  Even to the library and the post office.  Taking off these items at any time, even in the shower, means that she loses Domly-Domme points.

The True Dominant Male must never eat quiche or wear bunny slippers.  He shall always address his slaves in a formal, ritualized manner as "Hot Momma" or "Mah bitch."  He loses Domly-Dom points if he drinks anything but Budweiser from the can."

Oh wait....that sounds kind of like bullshit.  ;)  Mistress Manners, you are dismissed.

Maybe there is no such thing as the Big Leather Book of Answers that dictates how True Doms and True Subs must relate to each other.  Maybe it's harder than that in real life, where actual human beings have to figure out what works in their relationship and sustains it in a healthy way for both people in the long term.  People aren't all clones of each other, and different people have very different needs, desires and ways of communicating and expressing their D/s feelings for one another.  There really is no One True Way that works for everybody.  What will make one couple healthy and happy in their long term stable relationship may break up another couple very unhappily in a matter of months. 

The only measure of what is "correct" in a D/s relationship between two people is whether it keeps the relationship healthy, happy and stable.  If it does, then you're doing what works for you and that's a good thing.  If you care more about living up to arbitrary standards of what somebody claims is in some Big Leather Book of Answers than you do about keeping your relationship working well for you and your partner, that probably isn't a good thing. 

< Message edited by Najakcharmer -- 9/25/2006 6:31:26 PM >

(in reply to patina)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: confused - 9/25/2006 7:27:46 PM   
syreena


Posts: 36
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline 		Dear patina:

As you have seen from the varied responses to your question, each relationship has a unique path determined by the participants in it.  In a M/s or D/s relationship the path while being guided by the Dominate/Owner (etc.) is still followed by the submissive/slave (etc.).   As LadyHugs so eloquently said, “It seems safe to say, that each dominant sets the protocols they wish to practice as individuals and where protocols are practice seems more within the Gay Leather Community and Lesbian Community but, Heterosexual community is seeing merits of the use of protocols.” Each relationship contains negotiations, kinks, protocol, etiquette and rules.  There is not one “right” or “true” way except for what is agreed upon and needed for the participants in that relationship.

While my Master requires certain things in O/our daily life, the protocol and etiquette He demands from me are there to assist in O/our journey but are always openly discussed.  i proudly walk one step behind Him to His right side; kneel for Him while serving a drink in lifestyle and private matters and call Him Sir in public for i am His first slave/alpha (whatever term you want to label it).  W/we have other rituals, protocol and etiquette rules to which O/other P/people may not understand or desire but aid me on my journey.  Like MasterFireMa’am, W/we had to adjust some of the details of what worked and didn’t work for O/our relationship.  i agree and will reiterate kyraofMist’s words, “i would also recommend that you don't make assumptions about how others feel doing things based on how you might feel doing them.”

Patina, the thing to remember is to keep an open mind, learn, continue asking questions and when in a relationship discuss honestly and openly your needs, desires and goals.  Please feel free to contact me if you would like to know more about the daily, private and public rituals, protocol and etiquette that Master has set for me.  These things assist to help me on my journey; in this aspect i’m fulfilled and able to help complete the total power exchange in the relationship.

< Message edited by syreena -- 9/25/2006 7:33:30 PM >

(in reply to patina)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: confused - 9/26/2006 10:57:44 AM   
Nimkii


Posts: 67
Joined: 11/22/2004
Status: offline 		I think it depends on persoanl tates and desires. sure the crawling can be fun. I would not require it or demand it at all times. as for the titiles if there comfortable with Sir Or Master fine if not fine. Don't need a title to earn or have some ones respect

(in reply to syreena)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: confused - 9/27/2006 6:52:25 AM   
Celeste43


Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline 		Quite honestly, if my dom had to follow somebody else's rule for what is real, then I wouldn't consider him a dominant. He does what he wants, makes his own decisions.

Now, in our relationship I wait for him to open doors and pull out my chair, he sees no dichotomy between being dominant and having tradition, gentlemanly manners. I walk by his side, usually with his arm around me or hand in hand because he likes touching me. Having family members at home means I couldn't crawl across the floor at all times. But honestly, he prefers me not at his feet but sitting next to him so he can touch me or show me something he's reading.

His choice which works for him and for me.

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: confused - 9/27/2006 11:00:07 AM   
hypnoticblue


Posts: 130
Joined: 9/20/2006
Status: offline 		It is my personal opinion that a Ds relationship has to be looked at the same way as any other relationship (just friends included).  It all depends on the friend/relationship.  Every one is different in vast ways.

(in reply to Celeste43)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: confused - 9/27/2006 12:22:31 PM   
LASub4Real


Posts: 169
Joined: 1/10/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sublizzie

I talked with someone from C-me who went on about those of the True Life. It was interesting but he didn't convince me he was any different or better than anyone else in the lifestyle. He had it all related to genetics and generations of people who were a part of the "True Life". Interesting story, but not someone I felt was safe to continue talking to.


Geez... were these "Princes of the True Life" all 6 foot aryans with red armbands and german accents?

(in reply to sublizzie)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: confused - 9/27/2006 12:54:39 PM   
LASub4Real


Posts: 169
Joined: 1/10/2005
Status: offline 		And in reply to the main question posted. I want to keep this short but basically most of the people in the lifestyle that I know behave one way "in scene" (which cooresponds a lot more with your Dom #1's ideas) and in a much less formal way at other times. Why, because it's just not very practicle to that inflexible and regimented 24 hours a day. Can you imagine how just the "do not speak unless spoken to" rule could screw things up if it was a 24/7 thing?

Another reason is because there is an entire vanilla world out there to interact with and they can't know that how you are acting is mutually consentual. I mean a subdued female who cringes and walks 4 feet behind her man when out in public and never speaks to anyone unless spoken to is likely to have been kidnapped by some wack job! It may sound great to some, but in the day to day, it just does work great.

LAsub

(in reply to LASub4Real)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: confused - 9/27/2006 4:13:37 PM   
kyraofMists


Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LASub4Real

Can you imagine how just the "do not speak unless spoken to" rule could screw things up if it was a 24/7 thing?


We don't practice "do not speak unless spoken to" but I do have to ask for permission to ask a question, give and opinion or to give information.  It actually works quite well for us on a 24/7 basis and unless people were paying very close attention, they would not see me ask permission.  They are probably just amazed at his "perceptiveness" in knowing that I have something I want to say.  If I need his attention, it is just a matter of a simple, discrete hand signal that communicates to him that I wish to speak.  He will turn to me and either give permission or say "not now".

With a little creativity it is amazing how many protocols can be incorporated into every day life and not be noticed by others.

Knight's kyra

_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

(in reply to LASub4Real)
Profile   Post #: 49
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