RE: Fact or Fantasy? (Full Version)

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topcat -> RE: Fact or Fantasy? (1/17/2005 6:19:02 AM)

Madame-

for most things in my life I shun regrets or wishes, but in this, there are times that I wish I was too.

Stay warm,
Lawrence




caitlyn -> RE: Fact or Fantasy? (1/17/2005 12:04:47 PM)

I probably don't fit in with the majority, but thats probably an age thing.

My ideal dominant would be one that is completely dominant during play times (and it would be strictly roleplay), and just a friend outside those times.

If a dominant needs their house cleaned, why not hire a housecleaner? If they want meals cooked, why not hit a restaurant? If they want someone they can boss around, why not get a pet? If they want to pick someone's clothes, why not become a fashion designer?

I'm not knocking any of those things, as a matter or fact for those that get off on that kind of stuff, more power to you! I hope you find your perfect person ... but for me, that kind of thing just does nothing for me.

It's just kinky playtime for me, and my ideal dominant would understand and accept that. As a matter of fact, outside roleplay we probably wouldn't even talk about the lifestyle, because in a way, talking about it too much makes me too self-conscious to actually do any of it.

Caitlyn
(insert cool quote)




Suleiman -> RE: Fact or Fantasy? (1/17/2005 12:13:09 PM)

Actually, hon, your attitude is pretty common, despite what you may read in these fora. It's just that most of the folks who scene in bed aren't obsessive enough to hang out on websites like this (no offense or insult intended to my esteemed fellow members, of course.) What you find here is predominantly the heady mix of curious newcomers and experienced lifestylers, with the occasional person of questionable experience who posts furiously for about a week, then discoveres that their anecdotes do not stand up to the scrutiny of anyone who replies to the thread.

I applaud the fact that you understand what it is that you want and are looking for. Knowing this saves you and your potential play partners from a lot of mixed signals and wasted efforts. Go forth, and have fun.




Shayna -> RE: Fact or Fantasy? (1/17/2005 12:35:48 PM)

I haven't met my "ideal" Dom or submissive; but then again I haven't met my "ideal" anything in the adult part of my life; well at least the ideal-type that you spend a lifetime with. I've heard pros and cons about this, but fantasizing about an ideal person seems like a set up. People aren't perfect. They can be perfect for the first month...or 2...but we ALL have our stuff that comes up and inevitable conflict will arise.

Well maybe I do have an ideal: someone that knows it's the hard stuff that will be the deal breaker, not the yummy parts. That relationships take a real willingness to be honest and communicative...even about the hard stuff.

Oh, yea, and being silly and playful is a must :)





proudsub -> RE: Fact or Fantasy? (1/17/2005 12:55:31 PM)

quote:

My ideal dominant would be one that is completely dominant during play times (and it would be strictly roleplay), and just a friend outside those times.


There is certainly nothing wrong with that, it seems to be very common. A lot would say that makes you a "bottom" rather than a sub. But since i hate definitions i think you can call yourself whatever you want.[;)]




caitlyn -> RE: Fact or Fantasy? (1/17/2005 1:19:02 PM)

I usually just call myself Caitlyn, but they didn't have that catagory on the CollarMe profile, and I don't think they will be changing that any time soon. [;)]




Pavel -> RE: Fact or Fantasy? (1/17/2005 2:36:37 PM)

Firstly, haveing looked back at my ex's I've found the following similarties

All of them have been pre-law majors,

All of them have parents in the medical field (doctors and RNs, nothing else)

All are registered democrats who could very easily explode at the mention of anything not-good done by the democratic party.

Weird.

Anyways my ideal partner would either be another switchy type, or a sub that understands that I'm not a straight across the board Dom. I don't know how well I'd hold up as sticking submissive.
Physical attractiveness is important, I won't lie about that, but I've been been attracted to a pretty wide range of women, so it's not like I'm looking for a living breathing version of barbie. Anyways.
The most important thing for me is to be able to have intelligent conversations about the world. I swear, on the random occasions I have a really good talk that makes my brain actually work over things, well just quite honestly it's a very lovely experince right up there by certain more private activities.
As far as the BDSM end of things, it's really important to me to be able to do fairly "normal" things outside of of the home. I want someone that sees themself as an equal not as a doormat. That and if she's got a thing for latex I wouldn't mind.....




CTclay -> RE: Fact or Fantasy? (1/17/2005 9:54:22 PM)

My ideal domina is 5 foot, 8 inches tall, strawberry blonde, but she dyes it red; dark eyebrows; one green eye, one gray (the left one), but she wears a green contact lens in the left one. Every thirteen months she quizzes me on which eye is naturally green and which gray, and she flogs me mercilessly if I forget.

Maybe it's the right one.

She is English, but a U.S. citizen. (I find her accent annoying in some obscure way I can't put my finger on.) She conducts secret work for the government, but she is always home by 5:47 p.m., where I await her with slippers in my mouth. She can put a cherry in her mouth, eat the cherry and tie the stem into a simple knot with her accomplished tongue, which is pierced. She then feeds me the cherry stem. She drives a Bentley, which is odd for my perfect domina, because I don't really know what a Bentley is like, but I'm a submissive, and she tells me I don't get to decide these things. She's the domina, dammit. She decides. I trust her, and I'm sure I will like the Bentley or endure it for her sake. She smokes cigars.

She enjoys foot worship, which is unfortunate, because I don't, but there you have it -- my ideal domina likes things that I don't like, so I get to display my devotion to her by eagerly doing those things. She is a weightlifter, and her biceps are stronger than mine, although she is otherwise very thin. She likes to wrestle me into submission. Her middle name is Helga. I can't remember her first name. She flogs me mercilessly for forgetting.

That is my perfect domina. One day I shall meet her.






willing2serve -> RE: Fact or Fantasy? (1/18/2005 4:45:08 AM)

quote:

my ideal domina likes things that I don't like, so I get to display my devotion to her by eagerly doing those things.


First of all I know you have been taking lessons from Jules (Domina)..smile...

Thought this was very interesting that most of us want to find someone with the same interest. Your ideal Domina is opposite. Very intriguing.

Respectfully,
Willing2serve1




Darthbetta -> RE: Fact or Fantasy? (2/16/2005 8:42:10 AM)

I found my "ideal", but was not even looking for it at the time, and she actualy even said that she was not ( "this, this, this, that or that, but we could probably get along good" )

how right she was [:)]




TallDarkAndWitty -> RE: Fact or Fantasy? (2/16/2005 9:22:51 AM)

Ok, I wanna play...so here are the attributes of my perfect slave, in no particular order:

In a slave: agressively submissive. Knows her place and is not afraid to demand to be put there. Smart as a whip, though it needn't be "book smart." Curious to a fault. Charming, in an old fashioned sense of that word. Demure. Thoughtful. Physically, I must be attracted to her, though this is very hard for me to put into words (I just don't have a "type"). She must love to read and write. Articulate. Creative. Exhibitionistic.

She should need (not just desire) to be trained, kept, owned, disciplined and used. She should be willing to get her other needs (romance, tenderness, love, sexual intimacy, sexual intercourse) elsewhere. Ideally, she would be married to an understanding and supportive partner.

She should live in my area, but have her own place to return to. She should have a job, and be quite good at it. She would be able to meet for training and service a few times a month. She would be able to travel on weekends for overnight stays. She wouldbe able to go to Black Rose or Thunder in the Mountains if given enough notice.

She would bring value to my life, not just be submitting to my wants, but by using her intelligence and strength to add to my life in ways I would not know to ask for.

Sexually, she would primarily be submissive, and enjoy serving both men and women. She would be open to new experiences and even provide her share new ideas for them. She would enjoy public training, service and play. She would like wax, knives, leather cuffs and chain. She would possess a need to be collared when she served.



I am sure I will think of other things, and I reserve the right to come back to this post and add them when I do.

Taggard




songbird26 -> RE: Fact or Fantasy? (2/16/2005 10:22:23 AM)

Ahh, my perfect dominant...

He's funny, well-read, and isn't looking for a housekeeper, a blow-up sex doll, or a doormat. My physical ideal is over 6' tall and built squarely, with lots of muscle, dark hair, and light eyes. He takes a healthy interest in the fitness and strength of his body. He can keep a job, an apartment, and friendships for longer than a year at a stretch. He doesn't have children yet, but is open to the idea. He's tickled pink by the fact that I am submissive to him and ONLY to him. He's a little possessive, as am I: he doesn't often share me with other dominants or expect me to stand by passively and watch him pick up other submissives. He bases none of his lifestyle choices on the books of John Norman. He has a full and busy life with many interests outside of bdsm, but makes our bedroom and house his playground. He's creative and a little sadistic when it comes to thinking up new and unexpected torments and pleasures. heh. He laughs a lot. He welcomes and appreciates my service when he requires it, but expects me to think on my own most of the time. He can control his temper, his moods, and his thoughts. He's smarter than I am. He has adult experience training animals (in other words, that puppy or pony in childhood doesn't count. *grin*). He likes turning me loose on people who annoy him. He's presentable and well-socialized enough that I can introduce him to my vanilla friends and family without trepidation. He's relatively discreet about his involvement in kink, as am I: what we do in our home is our business. We can walk that line between dominant/submissive, lover/lover, and best friends, without either of us losing our minds or throwing in the towel. He enjoys a challenge and thrives on some healthy conflict and friction, but knows how (and when!) to say "NO." And mean it. He communicates openly, honestly, clearly, and often. He loves to travel. Our kinks are mostly compatible, but he's not afraid to do what he wants even when they aren't; he's never hesitant to do what it takes to maintain the upper hand in our relationship, even outside the kinky realm, and knows what tactics will and won't work in that capacity. He likes who I am and won't try to change that; will merely take us both to more complete and fulfilled versions of ourselves.

It's vague, I know, in some parts, but when I think of my perfect dominant, this is what comes to mind. It's a fantasy wish list, and not something I would hold anyone to in real life, though I don't think that taken one by one the list items are fantastic at all, and some are definitely more important than others. :)




RealityFix -> RE: Fact or Fantasy? (2/16/2005 11:57:04 AM)

I begin to wondewr if this isn't actually a fantasy,considering the rather low quality I see in "submissives: overall.

An attractive woman with pride enough to take care of herself.

Who actually submits to more than she just WANTS to do.




songbird26 -> RE: Fact or Fantasy? (2/16/2005 12:12:16 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: RealityFix

Who actually submits to more than she just WANTS to do.


That's a tricky thing, right there. Because at a certain level, a sub should be able to know herself well enough to communicate her wants and needs. However, there's a whole other level, where the primary want and need is to please the dominant, who she trusts to take care of those other, secondary wants and needs. Because s/he cares for her happiness too. :) So, if you're encountering people who sound to you like they're just running down a "want" list, maybe it's that that primary directive--the pleasure of the dominant--hasn't been activated yet, for whatever reason. But I think you might be unfairly judging the 'quality' of the subs out there, if you're basing your judgement on their failure to abandon any wants and needs of their own.




TallDarkAndWitty -> RE: Fact or Fantasy? (2/16/2005 12:44:19 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: RealityFix

I begin to wondewr if this isn't actually a fantasy,considering the rather low quality I see in "submissives: overall.

An attractive woman with pride enough to take care of herself.

Who actually submits to more than she just WANTS to do.


Yup, it exists...they are out there. It isn't easy to find, and it is easy to lose, but they do exist.

Taggard




happypervert -> RE: Fact or Fantasy? (2/16/2005 12:53:25 PM)

Perfect? Well, let's start with the necessary traits and then add the "wish list" to make perfect.

Necessary:
Mainly I look for compatible temperament and interests. That is hard to define except to say we'd be comfortable together; probably a mix of being optimistic, open-minded, calm and informal. Has plenty of opinions and isn't shy about voicing them. She can make me laugh and of course thinks I'm hilarious; she likes to learn and can talk about all sorts of "stuff" including some that I don't know about. Probably thinks I'm nuts, but in a good way; if we go visit my friends and they start telling stories about my youth, she'll be amused instead of wondering if she's with a complete idiot.

Wish list:
Athletic (golf doesn't count)
Great cook, especially Asian food.
Has a mischievous twinkle in her eye.
Has a sense of adventure: if given a choice of vacations between going to Florida or Costa Rica, she may say "been to Costa Rica; never been to Baja so let's rent a jeep and drive around".
Has an interest in other cultures and can look at an unlabeled world map and identify a lot of the countries
Prefers: country to city; mom-and-pop restaurant to trendy bistro; counter culture to pop culture; donkey to elephant politics; The Economist to People magazine; a movie with subtitles to Die Hard or some other Hollywood blockbuster.
Wants kids
Not very interested in cosmetics, but looks fine without them.
Probably skeptical about conventional wisdom.
Filthy rich. (hey, you asked for perfect)

I know I haven't mentioned anything about submission. I'd rather find the best mate/companion possible, and then the rest should be easy enough to sort out.




ShiftedJewel -> RE: Fact or Fantasy? (2/16/2005 1:40:20 PM)

I just have to jump in here, I can't let the poly households go unrepresented here...lol

They would have to be well educated and carry themselves well in a conversation concerning a wide variety of subjects, be comfortable at the ballet or symphony, lifestyle event, or motorcycle rally. Both would be self motivating and confidant, have a wonderful sense of humor yet know when to be serious. Most important would be an eye for detail and a willingness to learn and accept new challenges. Having their own income would be nice, but the chances of their work/vacation schedule matching ours would be slim to non-existant. So being comfortable not working outside the home would be a plus as well. And neither can have any jealously, this is, after all, a poly household.

He would be tall, fit and a pain puppy, massage skills would be a nice perk but not necessary. No older then 45 and no younger then 30. He also knows what he needs and how he feels and isn't afraid to say so. And as much as I love opinionated people he would need to be able to share his in a most respectful manor. Color of hair is no big deal to me, but I do love long hair on men! And being shy is cute, being introverted isn't.

She would be fit as well, between 28 and 45, some shade of red or blond hair, long would be a plus, being bi isn't a big deal... I have mine thank you... but it would be a perk. And she could be a little bit of a challenge without being out-right misbehaved. She should enjoy a wide variety of sensation as well as serious bondage.

Ok, I probably forgot a few things here, if I did I'm sure ScooterTrash will let me know...lol

How's that for a fantasy?

Jewel




Darthbetta -> RE: Fact or Fantasy? (2/16/2005 1:43:15 PM)

He bases none of his lifestyle choices on the books of John Norman.
- Songbird


Wehalp... guess I'm out of the running [:'(]


LOL

x0x0x.




Goodmix -> RE: Fact or Fantasy? (2/16/2005 2:03:21 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: topcat

Bluesky fantasy woman? A mid thirties, double jointed, long haired, redhead about five one, 110 lbs, literary minded, can take care of her self, likes to let me take care of her, polymorphic, tough and cute as kittens.

She talks- tells me everything- even if she thinks I might be happier not knowing it. She listens, and can hear what I am saying, or trying to. She likes motorcycles- not just the idea, but actuallly getting on the bike and going somewhere. She can express her needs and desires clearly without resenting that I am not a mind-reader. She keeps her promises. She sees and validates the the things I put into the relationship.

A hard worker with the ability to keep her work in perspective. She loves her work and the people around her. She has a generally sunny disposition, and a silly sense of humor. She's affectionate, and passionate, and doesn't think sex is a bargining chip. She's got a broad world veiw, and a strong sense of civic duty.

She should love adventures, be warm hearted, smart, funny and strong enough to know that letting me be in charge doesn't mean I think she's weak. Random things that I have found work well for me in a partner:

*Eldest child
*Wears glasses
*Reads (reads a lot)
*Likes Sushi
*Smokes
*Artist of some sort

None of which are deal breakers or anything- just things that seem to have popped up more than once.




i kept hearing the sound of breaking all day long, then i logged on and realized it was the hearts Lawrence was breaking.
i did not fair well either, especially in the latter
*youngest child
*no glasses
*feigns reading
*does not smoke
*not even one artistic bone in my body, although i can be creative.
*other than that i did pretty good (lol)




topcat -> RE: Fact or Fantasy? (2/16/2005 2:10:28 PM)

Midear Mix-

awwwww jeez.

now I am blushing (in a domly way of course<g>)...

and I did say that none of them were dealbreakers- but geography is, sadly.

stay warm,
Lawrence




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