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Casual sex versus Casual D/s and/or BDSM - 9/26/2006 11:34:03 AM   
toservez


Posts: 1733
Joined: 9/7/2006
From: All over now in Minnesota
Status: offline 		I have been reading the threads and while this question has popped in my head from them it was mostly how some people responded to the current “mentor” thread. Not in the answer to the thread’s question but how people talked about sex with someone you play with or are in a mentor type situation.

My question is this, is it easier to do D/s and BDSM things for you casually or have casual sex?

Personally for me, I cannot do D/s or BDSM with just anyone and there has to be a very strong mental connection and desire, it is very personal to me, but sex can just be sex many times. Since I have been free, I have had several friends within the life invite me to play or serve part time and I do not even consider it as there is just no way I could, but at the same time I have accepted invitations for sexual romps.

For me personally reading the mentor thread and the talk about not having anything sexual and still submitting was somewhat eye opening to me because if I submit to D/s/BDSM then I am well pass my sex boundary. I do not believe there is a right or wrong and good or bad in which is more private or sacred to someone, but I am curious if I am in the minority and how much so if I am.

So to all subs, slaves and bottoms, when you are not owned, which is easier for you to do sex or BDSM?
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Casual sex versus Casual D/s and/or BDSM - 9/26/2006 11:42:47 AM   
MASTERRocker


Posts: 277
Joined: 9/19/2006
From: Kitchener-Waterloo, ON
Status: offline 		Casual sex is just that    casual sex - making sure each rolls and bends; but so called casual D/ - (which I assume you mean just a scene with a acquaintance) still requires care, patience and obtaining certain set goals.....
Now  if it was rough sex.... then   we don't have enough time to discuss that....    maybe another thread..... LOL!!!
MASTER Rocker

(in reply to toservez)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Casual sex versus Casual D/s and/or BDSM - 9/26/2006 11:43:33 AM   
mstrjx


Posts: 2045
Joined: 11/27/2005
Status: offline 		For myself, I wouldn't consider any sort of a sexual encounter outside of a BDSM encounter.  In other words, vanilla sex is a hard limit.

Furthermore, I find it very difficult to simply 'play' without creating an atmosphere where emotions aren't running at a very high level, and expectations aren't set for some sort of future.

So, no casual play, no sex, without 'intent'.

Just the way I am.

Jeff

_____________________________

Know thyself. It's the best gift you can ever give yourself.

(in reply to toservez)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Casual sex versus Casual D/s and/or BDSM - 9/26/2006 11:56:55 AM   
Bearlee


Posts: 2311
Joined: 10/25/2004
From: South Central CO
Status: offline 		Interesting; for me I can (somewhat) enjoy ‘casual’ BDSM play…but not D/s or sex; casual meaning I am not in relationship with the other person, but know them and/or their friends and am in a safe environment to be playing casually.  BDSM play for me does not have to include sex or D/s…so casual play (beatings) works for me. 
 
Still, being IN relationship with a person means the play can grow and develop to D/s and include sex, of course; which would enhance everything and take it all to a much deeper level for me.
 
As for casual sex; I don’t participate…I don’t even date vanilla anymore.
 
With regard to sex with a mentor; I believe a mentor who allows that to happen to be ill-suited to mentor; its unconscionable to me.
 
beverly

(in reply to toservez)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Casual sex versus Casual D/s and/or BDSM - 9/26/2006 11:59:13 AM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		I do not take either casually, unless I really like someone they are not getting into my pants or domming me.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to toservez)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Casual sex versus Casual D/s and/or BDSM - 9/26/2006 12:05:06 PM   
MASTERRocker


Posts: 277
Joined: 9/19/2006
From: Kitchener-Waterloo, ON
Status: offline 		Well... Bearlee.... if I met ( let's say a 'kitty from Texas')  = the sex would be casual but very igniting and explosive.... that does not mean either tops  or bottoms   just good ol' hard and long sex.........
MASTER Rocker

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Casual sex versus Casual D/s and/or BDSM - 9/26/2006 12:05:35 PM   
alwayshis1


Posts: 27
Joined: 7/1/2006
Status: offline 		being a bottom, in a play scene is not d/s. it is just for that minute bottoming to agreed upon terms. within a circle of friends i see no trouble being a bottom, or as you may call it casual play. there is nothing about submitting in it. i take my submission to serious to have what you call casual d/s, but again that is not the same as play or bottoming.

(in reply to toservez)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Casual sex versus Casual D/s and/or BDSM - 9/26/2006 12:14:18 PM   
MsKatHouston


Posts: 1909
Joined: 6/7/2006
From: Houston, TX
Status: offline 		Interesting thread and oddly enough a recent conversation I was having.  To me casual is the one time play or sex with someone I barely know.  Yes, I can do.  I have done it.  I'm not a fan.  I very rarely engage in that and when I did it was mostly at play parties that were very male sub heavy with a few Dommes...poor guys never got to play so would do so on occasion.

I generally only play or have sex where there's a connection.  I like to run around in a sub's head and use that to enhance the experience.  Without a connection it just does not work as well nor is it as enjoyable.  That's not to say I have to be in a committed relationship either.  I have very good friends I can play with occasionally and that's fun too.  But I definitely need some deeper connection or interest that we can feed off each other. 

_____________________________

-Kat

~If you can't be a good example, you'll just have to serve as a horrible warning~

(in reply to alwayshis1)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Casual sex versus Casual D/s and/or BDSM - 9/26/2006 1:09:27 PM   
Sensualips


Posts: 1013
Joined: 10/8/2005
Status: offline 		There are certain types of bdsm play (as a top or bottom)  I would do as easily as casual sex.  There is also sex play that incorporates some bdsm themes that I would consider to be primarily sexual.

There are some types of play I do less casually, and some I reserve for a specific relationship dynamic.

(in reply to toservez)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Casual sex versus Casual D/s and/or BDSM - 9/26/2006 2:56:52 PM   
tcl0712


Posts: 113
Joined: 8/28/2006
Status: offline 		i don't consider it casual, but i can do a  bdsm scene with someone who i know and trust without being in a relaionship.  i don't do D/s or sex withuot there being a relationship evolving. 

_____________________________


tina

(in reply to Sensualips)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Casual sex versus Casual D/s and/or BDSM - 9/26/2006 3:04:09 PM   
Bearlee


Posts: 2311
Joined: 10/25/2004
From: South Central CO
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MASTERRocker

Well... Bearlee.... if I met ( let's say a 'kitty from Texas')  = the sex would be casual but very igniting and explosive.... that does not mean either tops  or bottoms   just good ol' hard and long sex.........


Well, if she's all for it; I'm happy for you.  <shrugs>

(in reply to MASTERRocker)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Casual sex versus Casual D/s and/or BDSM - 9/26/2006 3:06:59 PM   
ToGiveDivine


Posts: 650
Status: offline 		I've read your post and your profile and my response is, "I don't think you should care what others think if you have casual sex and/or casual bdsm between doms"

You are an intelligent, strong, and self-aware woman who knows what she wants and is willing to hold out for what she needs out of life.

If you want to get a little something on the side - you're woman enough to know where, what, and when

(in reply to toservez)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Casual sex versus Casual D/s and/or BDSM - 9/26/2006 3:07:59 PM   
MASTERRocker


Posts: 277
Joined: 9/19/2006
From: Kitchener-Waterloo, ON
Status: offline 		Yes Hon   funny though.....   three posts earlier look at moniker....'devilish grin'

(in reply to Bearlee)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Casual sex versus Casual D/s and/or BDSM - 9/26/2006 3:43:45 PM   
zumala


Posts: 1121
Joined: 6/16/2005
Status: offline 		I guess I don't do casual.  Especially not sex.  Since I'm in a commited relationship and we're exploring together, I guess BDSM would be more casual than our sexual relationship is.  Not that we're really what I could call casual about that, either.  We're very picky about who we interact with.
 
zuma

(in reply to MASTERRocker)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Casual sex versus Casual D/s and/or BDSM - 9/26/2006 3:46:36 PM   
MASTERRocker


Posts: 277
Joined: 9/19/2006
From: Kitchener-Waterloo, ON
Status: offline 		Rats!!!!!!   just when I thought I had one...........
'grins'
MASTER Rocker

(in reply to zumala)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Casual sex versus Casual D/s and/or BDSM - 9/27/2006 7:34:32 AM   
Celeste43


Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline 		I don't do either casually, just not able to separate my body and my emotions enough to not feel worse the next morning.

(in reply to MASTERRocker)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Casual sex versus Casual D/s and/or BDSM - 9/27/2006 7:49:10 AM   
SweetSarijane


Posts: 3788
Joined: 10/7/2005
From: KC area Missouri
Status: offline 		I'm not one for casual sex and D/s to me is too serious to be a casual thing. There's a lot of trust needed to fully submit and I can't do it casually. Now casual play is a different thing IMO. I do bottom at play parties, but also I do know the person(s) topping me and there is trust, respect and friendship.

_____________________________

Sarah2
Deviant Mind
Wild Side Readers KCSass

(in reply to Celeste43)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Casual sex versus Casual D/s and/or BDSM - 9/27/2006 9:04:33 AM   
Frank01


Posts: 270
Joined: 9/7/2006
Status: offline 		I don't "need' sexual outlets involving others. And I see sexual addicts as weak people. Sex is not a "need", you won't die if you cannot fuck someone. So the idea of casual sex and play really don't enter in with me.

I prefer only to do it with one I am exploring the potential of something more with.

(in reply to SweetSarijane)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Casual sex versus Casual D/s and/or BDSM - 9/27/2006 10:06:01 AM   
FirmhandKY


Posts: 8948
Joined: 9/21/2004
Status: offline 		I've found my opinions and tastes have changed over time.

At one time (think 18 year old horn dog), there wasn't anything that WASN'T casual.

Now, at 47, casual anything isn't something I'm even interested in.

FHky



_____________________________

Some people are just idiots.

(in reply to toservez)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Casual sex versus Casual D/s and/or BDSM - 9/27/2006 10:32:22 AM   
Aslave4You06


Posts: 37
Joined: 8/30/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SweetSarijane

I'm not one for casual sex and D/s to me is too serious to be a casual thing. There's a lot of trust needed to fully submit and I can't do it casually.



My thoughts/feelings exactly.

(in reply to SweetSarijane)
Profile   Post #: 20
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