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raiken -> RE: A Master is only a Master if His heart can submit.... ... ... ? (9/27/2006 7:58:58 AM)
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Here is how it is for me...making a futile attempt at explaining this...*grin
Submission, if one wishes to call it that, has been the only way i have known to interact in my intimate relationships ever since i began dating as a young teenager. i knew what i needed in a man, and what i desired to give to a man, long before i knew about the "lifestyle" or the tenets of D/s, etc. It is how i love and express my affection. i have only been with dominant men. i have always deferred to the man in my relationship as a natural progression of my growth. In terms of vanilla, i have never had that. It was a D/s to M/s progression that occured totally on its own in my relationships. So when my first dominant guy showed me the joy in getting my ass beat, and the significance of obedience, and taught me how to respect, and respectfully speak my mind without provocation, it automatically became a part of my intimacy, and not just a "good spank", a good punishment, a good discipline session, etc. It was a natural thing, and felt right for me.
M/s dynamic is an integral part of how i love, i don't know how to seperate those parts of myself, for i am whole and have to love and submit wholly or not at all. My love and my submission are one and the same.
Because i know this about myself, i am careful who i join with, because i can't just be in an M/s relationship with only a part of me. i have to be in it all the way, or nothing. The fulfillment must be mutually felt and exchanged, to include the principle of love.
i cannot be in a "committed and intimate" relationship if the man cannot love me back, for maybe his Mastery is not anywhere near love, and since my submission IS the way i love, it wouldn't be a healthy match for me in that sense.
i have only (fallen) in love once. i know what that can do to a person's head and heart if the one they are in love with does not respect, or reciprocate, and instead offers selfishness and abuse of such love. Since that time, with much painful experience and learning under the bridge, relationships for me now are based on a "descision" to love, based on the principle of love, and not fleeting emotions. i believe that distinction makes a difference in the M/s dynamic. When i "decide" to love, i am not stripped of self control, i am confident, for it was my descision. i wasn't rolled over with torrents of emotional surges, that toppled me from thinking rationally, for when it is based on my descision, then love becomes deep, calm and sublime. Yet, the passion is there, but it is healthy and controlled.
As far as structure in M/s, i don't need structure, i need the dynamic. It has to be a fluid dynamic, that can flex with change, and not resistant to change, for i am always growing and changing as i learn. i am not the same person i was a year ago, and this time next year, i will not be the person i am today. If i am confined to ridgid structure, i would suffocate and die spiritually, for i am a free spirited person. Those who Master my person are those who have the same type of spirit and understanding of love and M/s that i do.
The whole of M/s is the conduit for my love and affection.
The principle of love has to be there no matter what emotions are flying around, the underlying principle is still an unwavering love, that deep and sublime love that keeps the bottom centered and grounded. Because emotions will come and go, but the principle of love shouldn't be tossed around and disrespected so carelessly. Just the way i view things for my life.
So for me, i will have it all, the M/s and the love, or i will choose nothing. My line of integrity will not allow me to settle for less than that which totally fulfills my spirit and soul. Just my way of loving and serving and living my life to the fullest in my relationships. Hope this made sense, and thanks for reading. *smile
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