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how did you know you were Dom? - 9/28/2006 1:11:25 AM

gypsylee

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errrr yeah... what led you to believe you were Dominant?

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RE: how did you know you were Dom? - 9/28/2006 1:53:18 AM

Frank01

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A better question might be,"what lead others to"?

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RE: how did you know you were Dom? - 9/28/2006 3:15:07 AM

Focus50

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Same thing that spawned my attraction to the opposite sex; some dark and mysterious inner need. One of my favourite sayings is that "water always finds it's own level" and I found the BDSM lifestyle....

I think some of the trolls and wannabes will find your question a cinch - that little thing in their pants leads them to all manner of shameless predicaments.

Focus.

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RE: how did you know you were Dom? - 9/28/2006 3:27:49 AM

RazorJAK

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In my case it was a long drawn out road.

Experimentation with bondage began in high school. Definately did not like being the one tied up but enjoyed the feeling of the girl giving up any power she had by letting me practice my knots on her. But I tried both ways. Definately not the being tied up type.

So, I thought of myself as a dominant before I even realized the term existed. One of the women I dallied with while in the army was more experienced in D/s than I was and "taught" me of this. She was the first sub that I collared. Hard to believe that was 15 years ago.

I agree with Frank01 though. It'd be a better question to ask when others began to think of me (or any dom) as a dom.

After all, any chucklehead can CLAIM to be a dom. That does not make him one. Ask any of the subs, switchs and even dommes. They've all been preyed upon by wannabes.

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RE: how did you know you were Dom? - 9/28/2006 3:40:20 AM

mstrjx

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I've been kinky all my life.

When it came time for me to understand the dynamics of power within relationships, I chose dominance because of my passion and creativity in knowing I could create the appropriate mood for a partner.

I don't know that that 'mood' could be instilled in me, psychologically speaking, the other way around. Then again, I would probably create my own mood there, as well.

Jeff

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RE: how did you know you were Dom? - 9/28/2006 3:52:22 AM

georgejames68

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Didn't for many years. Didn't know the term existed for a long, long time, but knew that bondage with girls seemed right even tho it certainly seemed to be a no, no to the rest of the world! Started thinking dominant when I was about 10 years old, (now 68!!), didn't stumble onto the term "dominant" for nearly 30 years!

Surprising how many ladies I stumbled into along the way who were naturally submissive and responded so nicely to a guy who "took over" in a relationship. A simple action such as holding the woman's hands over her head in bed - or pinning her arms behind her back as she lie "nekid" across the dining table elicits the most astounding responses from a woman with the "submissive" personality. It's been a long, lovely journey... so far!!

Unfortunately fate has led me to living in the Philippines and there seems to be a shortage of submissive ladies here. I know everyone thinks the Asian ladies are meek little girls, well, have I got a surprise for you!!! This is a Matriarcial society! On the surface they're passive, submissive, but there is a rip tide of strength and resistance under all that meek manner.

Sure do enjoy reading the ladies comments on how they respond to a Dom. They agree surprisingly with my experience and it still takes me by surprise from time to time. Enjoy!!!

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RE: how did you know you were Dom? - 9/28/2006 3:54:57 AM

FangsNfeet

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Of all the things I have to put up with in life, I refuse to put up with Bull Shit in my personal relationships. There's that and I happen to like being kinky.

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RE: how did you know you were Dom? - 9/28/2006 4:40:16 AM

gypsylee

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quote:

ORIGINAL: RazorJAK

I agree with Frank01 though. It'd be a better question to ask when others began to think of me (or any dom) as a dom.

After all, any chucklehead can CLAIM to be a dom. That does not make him one. Ask any of the subs, switchs and even dommes. They've all been preyed upon by wannabes.

respect.
maybe i phrased my question that way deliberately?

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RE: how did you know you were Dom? - 9/28/2006 4:42:21 AM

Milivoje

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I tried almost everything in my youth (I am still youg though). I was tied up some times... that was boring. But when I tie up, I got excited...

The first contact with this world was via the film Story of O, I loved what they did to the girls. That felt almost natural to me.

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RE: how did you know you were Dom? - 9/28/2006 4:48:38 AM

Lashra

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I've always been Dominant since childhood but it was those fantasies about tying up boys and torturing them while we played cops 'n robbers that sorta set me apart. Then when I got older and decided to really tie up my boyfriend it was then that I knew.

I like giving orders and expect them to be obeyed, although I do so in a laid back manner. I'm not a pushy bitch but I do have expectations that I want met.
As time went on things just progressed, it was all quite natural.

~Lashra

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RE: how did you know you were Dom? - 9/28/2006 4:59:48 AM

LadyEllen

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Lashra

I've always been Dominant since childhood but it was those fantasies about tying up boys and torturing them while we played cops 'n robbers that sorta set me apart. Then when I got older and decided to really tie up my boyfriend it was then that I knew. I like giving orders and expect them to be obeyed, although I do so in a laid back manner. I'm not a pushy bitch but I do have expectations that I want met.
As time went on things just progressed, it was all quite natural.

~Lashra

Its interesting I think, and one of those taboos as yet rarely broken; at what age do we become sexual beings? I remember at age 5 at latest, albeit without a clue as to what went where and why and how and so on, along with feelings that fit dead centre into the whole bdsm thing, although again with no knowledge what that meant. Yet I talk to other people and they say they had no sexual feelings whatsoever until much later - puberty often as not.

And how does our age of sexual awareness affect our erotic interests I wonder? Are we hard wired for our interests, or develop them as what psychologists might describe as dysfunctions due to awareness coming before maturity for it?

Its fascinating I think. But in the end, much more fun to engage my "dysfunction" than to analyse it, and as for "cures"? No thanks!

E

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RE: how did you know you were Dom? - 9/28/2006 5:03:24 AM

gypsylee

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uh. i'm having a guilt trip now... i really am interested in how people became Doms... i just worded my question 'openly' and a couple of you picked that up straight away.

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RE: how did you know you were Dom? - 9/28/2006 5:11:12 AM

RazorJAK

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Amazing how that works, no?

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RE: how did you know you were Dom? - 9/28/2006 6:14:11 AM

gypsylee

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quote:

ORIGINAL: RazorJAK

Amazing how that works, no?

amazing how what works Razor? me being an embarrassment?

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RE: how did you know you were Dom? - 9/28/2006 8:10:06 AM

MasterFireMaam

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When the other girl scouts made me be Bossy the Cow in a puppet show with barnyard animal characters. I asked why they wanted me to play THAT part. They said it was because I was bossy. I had to admit it was true and agreed to be the character. *chuckle*

Master Fire

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RE: how did you know you were Dom? - 9/28/2006 8:33:43 AM

gypsylee

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ahahaha. sweeeeet. *wonders what barnyard animal they woulda wanted me to play*

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RE: how did you know you were Dom? - 9/28/2006 10:29:40 AM

MadRabbit

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That is a hard question to answer. Its a bit hard for me to answer as I am still a novice at all this.

Dominance is a fealing in my gut, something that has always been there. Sure, I have had the same fantasies that most of had. Dark desires of tying woman up, being in control, humilating them. But the actual fealing of dominance goes far beyond that. I was the caretaker and guardian figure for a younger brother and sister during my childhood, the natural role of an older brother. In most aspects of my life, it has been a natural thing for me to be the leader and take charge, make decisions and call the shots when others did not want to. Not something I ever really wanted, but something that just seemed to happen. And as for my relationship history...I have had nothing but a long list of girlfriends with substance abuse, psychological and emotional problems. I used to think I was a magnet for unhealthy women, but as I entered BDSM, I began to realize it was actually myself that sought them oit. Their problems and weaknesses enticed my nature as a caretaker and protector.

Upon entering BDSM world, I slowly began to change and this dominant fealing began to become more and more a part of me. Duality would be the best way to describe it, my light and dark sides. I am a very nice, sweet, and layed back guy, but when I enter my dominant mindset, I become a different person. Rough, stern, capable of barking and giving orders without a single moment of hesitation, total confidence and no doubt. I love every minute of it. This mindset, this beast that slumbers under my skin waiting to be awoken, is the greatest thrill and high for me ever.

Am I a Dom or a Master? I dont know. If I had to describe myself at this point in my path, I would call myself a top. I am young and have much growing, maturing and learning to do. But this is a role and figure I desire to be though and not one I can honestly claim I am because to me and the way I see it, it is something that is earned and not self proclaimed.

So how will I know when I am a Dom? I think I will know when the submissive I have collared as my own calls me Sir because she wants to and not because it is required.

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RE: how did you know you were Dom? - 9/28/2006 10:48:24 AM

Kirei

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When I had to come up with asking all the damn questions! When I had to write up stuff, like what do you want and desire. During those years I just got tired of looking. I just got tired of meeting and talking with people that were not really serious and just played at it. Both locally and on-line.
When ever a dominant wrote to me and asked if I had any questions. I'd give them my first 12. If I got any answers I counted myself as lucky. As most of my questions involve provoking trust with someone they are not easy questions. As a dominant I've done the same thing and still have the same problem. I guess that makes it easy to weed out the fakes...but it still gets to be a pain. Most dominants never ask the hard questions. I start with them...get them out of the way.
When I wrote my philosophy for if I was to have a house. After reading the 20 pages I wrote I figured...damn I can do this! Probably better than they can. I looked at what they said you can't do, or not possible and looked at how close can you come? I figured out ways to achieve it, steps to take. The more I worked at it the more being dominant just took over....too the shock of my local community mind you. Then again the ones that wanted me never did answer my questions either. Just because they met me in person doesn't mean I would treat them any different. People put on masks with others....better to look before you leap. Be prepared. Personally if I was a post-op TG I would have what I desired....thats the conclusion I've come too. It may seem a little bitter, but then those that want a trans never really thought things through and were only looking for a fling to full fill some kink. Nothing to last a while.

Koneko

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RE: how did you know you were Dom? - 9/28/2006 11:53:29 AM

gypsylee

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thank you all for taking the time to respond. it's really interesting to get some insight into the Dominant personality ~ hard for me to understand being naturally submissive.

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RE: how did you know you were Dom? - 9/29/2006 6:32:33 AM

FirmhandKY

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The only thing I was "lead" to was the name "dominant" with capital letters i.e. a "Dominant."

I came of age before the 'net world existed. I came of age in a rural community and society. I didn't have "kinky" desires, I was a pervert who knew it and kept my mouth shut.

I was a headstrong man child who didn't like to be told what to do. I was smarter than most, but had to learn that intelligence is little in comparison to other personality and character traits.

I came from a large family (had four other siblings), I was the youngest brother, but they almost always turned to me for advice and answers. I liked giving them. I was always the one with plans and schemes.

My older brothers often felt threatened when I was around their girlfriends.

As I grew, the books I most enjoyed were the ones where the man was a competent loner, able to achieve his aims through hardwork, crafty planning and an innate ability to lead others to his vision.

I identified with that.

When I matured enough to think deeper, I was attracted to strong intelligent women who, through their attraction for me, gave me my way. I honored them by giving them what they wanted, and getting what I wanted in the process.

I was attracted to principles of honor, of duty and of self-expression.

When I was 18, I sat down and made a list of all the things that I wanted to accomplish in my life, before I was 40.

Then I accomplished them all.

A "Dominant"? No, not at all. I was simply a man. A "real" man, but with emotions and a heart. And with a cold appreciation of reality that helped me not to fool myself, and to see through a lot of BS and scheming on others part.

When I married, it was still before the days of the 'net, and I made sure that I was in a "50's" style marriage: I was the breadwinner, I was the final word, but I was willing to listen. She was strong as well. I honored. She obeyed.

I liked that. I needed that. I refuse to live without it.

A "Dominant"? That's a word and a concept I learned on Compuserve, years ago, even before the days of the 'net, back in the days of BBS's (with phone lines! Anyone remember those?).

A "Dominant"? Yes, that's what I am, because that is what others see me as.

To me? I'm just a man.

Seems to work out.

FHky

< Message edited by FirmhandKY -- 9/29/2006 6:37:18 AM >

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