RE: 'In Control of Oneself' to Be a "Dominant"

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RE: 'In Control of Oneself' to Be a "Dominant" - 9/28/2006 6:19:27 PM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
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quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

quote:

If one chooses to dominate at a point in time when they are not in control, then there is a definite problem.

I agree. I've been there and done that. It was a bad experience. It was almost unbelieveable and it really diminished me (briefly) as a person. But it could've happened in a vanilla relationship as well. If someone is out of control and attempting to conduct any type of relationship it won't work, or it will be very difficult, unless the other person doesn't mind being along for (and enabling) a dysfunctional ride.

Being with someone that is out of control, truly out of control, is a frightening experience. And I do not think most people would want to say they have been that out of control with a submissive. There are levels of being out of control.

No one is perfect, but I would like to think most of us can control ourselves by not physically terrorizing others or emotionally battering them because we feel the need to gain an upper hand. I think about my former dominant and how he would use my fears against me to dominate me because he was out of control over himself, and when I hear someone say "In order to be a dominant you have to have control over yourself".. or a variation thereof, I think of that.

< Message edited by juliaoceania -- 9/28/2006 6:38:14 PM >

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to KatyLied)

Post #: 41

RE: 'In Control of Oneself' to Be a "Dominant" - 9/28/2006 6:21:19 PM

ExSteelAgain

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Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Georgia
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Being in control depends on the context of the situation. If I’m pissed about something with someone I deal with often, displaying anger may be a good thing to show my displeasure. If I am dealing with people who are not under my influence in whatever situation such as in business or possibly leading a discussion of some kind, anger would not be a good thing.

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Post #: 42

RE: 'In Control of Oneself' to Be a "Dominant" - 9/28/2006 6:53:29 PM

mstrjx

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Joined: 11/27/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

I would like to think most of us can control ourselves by not physically terrorizing others or emotionally battering them because we feel the need to gain an upper hand.

What concerns me most is how 'pointed' the conversation gets here. I would hate to find out that something that was said here put someone else in the hospital. But the thought persists.

_____________________________

Know thyself. It's the best gift you can ever give yourself.

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 43

RE: 'In Control of Oneself' to Be a "Dominant" - 9/28/2006 6:59:48 PM

angelic

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~fast reply~ How boring to constantly be in control... and how boring life would be (imvho).

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Post #: 44

RE: 'In Control of Oneself' to Be a "Dominant" - 9/28/2006 7:03:00 PM

KatyLied

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From: Pennsylvania
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Well there's all kinds of out of control. Some of it isn't fun and exciting.

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(in reply to angelic)

Post #: 45

RE: 'In Control of Oneself' to Be a "Dominant" - 9/28/2006 7:03:30 PM

LordODiscipline

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Joined: 6/28/2004
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quote:

quote:
If one chooses to dominate at a point in time when they are not in control, then there is a definite problem.

I am having difficulty wrapping my mind about this from several perspecitives:

1. We are stating that someone is "out of control" amnd choosing to dominate" - athough I can see this happening, it does not indicate someone being "out of control" in the manner in which we were indicating... they are actively choosing to do something demonstrating 'control'

2. I do not believe that "dominate" may have been the word we were looking for... if someone is dominant, it is not especially a choice in the issue... it just "is" - we you thinking about "topping" instead?

~J

_____________________________

"Anyone who thinks they're important is usually just a pompous moron who can't deal with his or her own pathetic insignificance and the fact that what they do is meaningless and inconsequential."
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(in reply to KatyLied)

Post #: 46

RE: 'In Control of Oneself' to Be a "Dominant" - 9/28/2006 7:05:45 PM

LordODiscipline

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Joined: 6/28/2004
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quote:

quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

I would like to think most of us can control ourselves by not physically terrorizing others or emotionally battering them because we feel the need to gain an upper hand.

What concerns me most is how 'pointed' the conversation gets here. I would hate to find out that something that was said here put someone else in the hospital. But the thought persists.

That is rather reactionary and alarmist of you.

Is there any basis for this besides prevalent personal feelings?

~J

_____________________________

"Anyone who thinks they're important is usually just a pompous moron who can't deal with his or her own pathetic insignificance and the fact that what they do is meaningless and inconsequential."
William Thomas

(in reply to mstrjx)

Post #: 47

RE: 'In Control of Oneself' to Be a "Dominant" - 9/28/2006 7:07:52 PM

RiotGirl

Posts: 3149
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Well - i'm not a dominant and i had NO clue to the answer you poised so it was very interesting to see what others had to say, especially Jewel. The "arming a bomb" thing.

(in reply to ExSteelAgain)

Post #: 48

RE: 'In Control of Oneself' to Be a "Dominant" - 9/28/2006 7:21:34 PM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
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quote:

ORIGINAL: mstrjx

quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

I would like to think most of us can control ourselves by not physically terrorizing others or emotionally battering them because we feel the need to gain an upper hand.

What concerns me most is how 'pointed' the conversation gets here. I would hate to find out that something that was said here put someone else in the hospital. But the thought persists.

How could my observation put someone else in the hospital? I was abused in my first marriage, and that is where my observation comes from. Not from anyone posting here... just make that perfectly clear

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to mstrjx)

Post #: 49

RE: 'In Control of Oneself' to Be a "Dominant" - 9/28/2006 7:29:25 PM

innatedesire

Posts: 111
Joined: 8/21/2006
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i prefer a Dom/Master who is human, not a unfeeling Dombot/Masterbot. We all have our good days and bad, after all we are only human. i would hope that my Sir would be mentally and emotionally stable enough to deal with life (after all we never know what is coming our way). i personally would be terrified of anyone who was not able to show emotion

and certainly could not be in any type of relationship with anyone like that. On the flip side i could also not be with anyone who thrived on drama . Balance please......................

(in reply to LordODiscipline)

Post #: 50

RE: 'In Control of Oneself' to Be a "Dominant" - 9/28/2006 7:33:04 PM

amayos

Posts: 1553
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: New England
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LordODiscipline

Do you think that a dominant must be in complete control of themselves at all times in order to be a "good" dominant?

I believe a noble dominant being will be in control of his emotional sovereignty. This is not to say he doesn't feel, rather that he is self-actualized and cannot be manipulated away from his better judgment.

If reliant, he is made weak and addicted. If wrathful, he is easily unbalanced. If too wanton, he is easily lured.

Men who do not exercise ascendancy over their minds and bodies are often easily subverted by a clever female "slave."

(in reply to LordODiscipline)

Post #: 51

RE: 'In Control of Oneself' to Be a "Dominant" - 9/28/2006 7:38:29 PM

mstrjx

Posts: 2045
Joined: 11/27/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

quote:

ORIGINAL: mstrjx

quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

I would like to think most of us can control ourselves by not physically terrorizing others or emotionally battering them because we feel the need to gain an upper hand.

What concerns me most is how 'pointed' the conversation gets here. I would hate to find out that something that was said here put someone else in the hospital. But the thought persists.

How could my observation put someone else in the hospital? I was abused in my first marriage, and that is where my observation comes from. Not from anyone posting here... just make that perfectly clear

Julia,

I wasn't saying 'you' specifically, although I suppose it could happen as a reult of any one of us. None of us know that we might say something directed towards another, even if only in the spirit of debate, that sets them off. They only find so much solace in arguing with the object of their ire 'here', that they need to take that release out on someone real.

After all, if the ol' black and white deal (the internet, and words) are enough to set you off, where does the anger end? Rather telling, yes?

_____________________________

Know thyself. It's the best gift you can ever give yourself.

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 52

RE: 'In Control of Oneself' to Be a "Dominant" - 9/28/2006 7:41:15 PM

FangsNfeet

Posts: 3758
Joined: 12/3/2004
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Only when I wanted to.

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Post #: 53

RE: 'In Control of Oneself' to Be a "Dominant" - 9/28/2006 7:52:16 PM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

Well that would not be anything that we cause, that sort of person needs very little "justification" for what they do, I know from experience... I am not worrying about how my words may "make" someone beat another person up... OMG there is enough to worry about without taking the responsibility on for the whole worldwideweb...smiles. Seriously, someone like that invents reasons to be out of control over themselves.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to mstrjx)

Post #: 54

RE: 'In Control of Oneself' to Be a "Dominant" - 9/28/2006 8:02:56 PM

LordODiscipline

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Joined: 6/28/2004
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So then you are omnipotent and infallible as originally supposed.

Excellent gig!

(Just do not let them get you near a tree while they are holding hammer and nails)

~J

_____________________________

"Anyone who thinks they're important is usually just a pompous moron who can't deal with his or her own pathetic insignificance and the fact that what they do is meaningless and inconsequential."
William Thomas

(in reply to FangsNfeet)

Post #: 55

RE: 'In Control of Oneself' to Be a "Dominant" - 9/28/2006 8:04:55 PM

ExSteelAgain

Posts: 1803
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Georgia
Status: offline

This discussion reminds me of a recent political occurrence. Does anyone else see the similarity?

_____________________________

You can paint a cinder block bright pastel pink, but it's still a cinder block. (By Me.)

(in reply to LordODiscipline)

Post #: 56

RE: 'In Control of Oneself' to Be a "Dominant" - 9/28/2006 8:10:14 PM

LordODiscipline

Posts: 995
Joined: 6/28/2004
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quote:

I believe a noble dominant being will be in control of his emotional sovereignty. This is not to say he doesn't feel, rather that he is self-actualized and cannot be manipulated away from his better judgment.

If reliant, he is made weak and addicted. If wrathful, he is easily unbalanced. If too wanton, he is easily lured.

Men who do not exercise ascendancy over their minds and bodies are often easily subverted by a clever female "slave."

So - in this instance and by your definition, someone cannot be dominant unless all of their base and higher needs are fulfilled prior to the time their personality is set (would that be a genetic imprinting or socialization set?) -and- any emotional abheration to the very essence of "cool" is a determination of the individual's inability to continue in a dominant role - and, when he finds himself thussly compromised, he might be swayed from his path for enlightenment by the guiles of a wanton scheming woman?

Or am I completely screwed up and the Sampsonian.Maslow.Buddhist.Jungian angle is being read incorrectly (because I kinda hoping I am).

Wonderingly:
~J

PS: Gentlemen - onay aircutshay by the ubmissivesay!!

_____________________________

"Anyone who thinks they're important is usually just a pompous moron who can't deal with his or her own pathetic insignificance and the fact that what they do is meaningless and inconsequential."
William Thomas

(in reply to amayos)

Post #: 57

RE: 'In Control of Oneself' to Be a "Dominant" - 9/28/2006 8:11:54 PM

LordODiscipline

Posts: 995
Joined: 6/28/2004
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quote:

This discussion reminds me of a recent political occurrence. Does anyone else see the similarity?

LOL... I was thinking along the same line!

~J

_____________________________

"Anyone who thinks they're important is usually just a pompous moron who can't deal with his or her own pathetic insignificance and the fact that what they do is meaningless and inconsequential."
William Thomas

(in reply to ExSteelAgain)

Post #: 58

RE: 'In Control of Oneself' to Be a "Dominant" - 9/28/2006 8:13:55 PM

Sinergy

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Joined: 4/26/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterC46910

Control is mostly an objective word. Depending on what you would define as Control.

Umm, how a person defines the word "Control" makes it subjective, not objective.

Objective is the definition carved on golden tablets and given to Joseph Smith to write the Book of Mo... Wait. Wrong thread.

Sinergy

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(in reply to MasterC46910)

Post #: 59

RE: 'In Control of Oneself' to Be a "Dominant" - 9/28/2006 9:14:36 PM

Frank01

Posts: 270
Joined: 9/7/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: amayos

quote:

ORIGINAL: LordODiscipline

Do you think that a dominant must be in complete control of themselves at all times in order to be a "good" dominant?

I believe a noble dominant being will be in control of his emotional sovereignty. This is not to say he doesn't feel, rather that he is self-actualized and cannot be manipulated away from his better judgment.

If reliant, he is made weak and addicted. If wrathful, he is easily unbalanced. If too wanton, he is easily lured.

Men who do not exercise ascendancy over their minds and bodies are often easily subverted by a clever female "slave."

Amen. Those who cannot control themselves, and thier motivations are doomed to be controlled by others.

(in reply to amayos)

Post #: 60

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