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Sir wants to know - 9/28/2006 8:51:36 AM

pqwinny

Posts: 117
Joined: 6/23/2006
Status: offline

A little background first. Sir and i are in a monogamous relationship for about 5 months real time and 2 months email and phone prior to that. We spend a lot of time together and the general nature of the relationship is D/s.

Our personality types are quite different outside of the obvious D/s difference. He tends to be even paced in His emotional reactions and responses and i tend to be the opposite; what i feel, i feel deeply and express as such. In and of itself, this is not a problem. The problem occurs when we have found ourselves in conversations where our differing viewpoints result in the expression of my point of view being inappropriate according to Him i.e. too loud, un-submissive tone and dripping with sarcasim (i disagree as to His definition of sarcastic). He feels that i should be able to control myself and express myself in an even toned way as He does and feels that it is wrong for me to do otherwise and incongruent with the nature of our relationship.

i'm posting this for one reason only. He asked me to check on Collar Me and see if anyone would tolerate or accept such behavior in a sub.

i'll be happy to add more info if requested for clarity but i don't want to go on and on so i'll stop here and kindly request the input of other Doms and Masters.

_____________________________

I have no special talent. I am only passionately curious.
-Albert Einstein

Post #: 1

RE: Sir wants to know - 9/28/2006 9:05:27 AM

Kinkypupper

Posts: 713
Joined: 9/26/2004
From: Portland oregon
Status: offline

My answer Yes.
But then my relationship with my slave is somewhat like that and I have encouraged her viewpoints.I did not want a mindless slave but one that constantly challenged me.

_____________________________

Phil Moulton
A Sensual Touch
Locopony Racing
Portland Oregon

(in reply to pqwinny)

Post #: 2

RE: Sir wants to know - 9/28/2006 9:07:03 AM

OhReallyNow

Posts: 249
Joined: 9/11/2006
Status: offline

this slave is prone to violent outbursts of temper, she has been this way all her life. It has taken her alot of years, and alot of time to learn NOT to react first, but rather to think first. With that in mind, when this slave and her owner discuss something that is of varying viewpoints, and she finds herself becoming 'too' involved in trying to get her point across; this slave stops, takes a step back and rethinks everything that has been said so far. Master, when he sees this slave do this, will often stop the discussion and have this slave instead write down everything that she is thinking and feeling ABOUT the discussion and why it is causing her such frustration and anger.

if your words are coming across as disrespectful or sarcastic in his eyes, perhaps you both should stop for a minute and collect your thoughts. If this slaves voice starts to raise during a discussion with Master, he is very quick to let her know it. One thing Master will NOT do is have a discussion with one who needs to shout to be heard

with that all said, this slave is a bit confused as to this

quote:

i'm posting this for one reason only. He asked me to check on Collar Me and see if anyone would tolerate or accept such behavior in a sub.

it is of no importance how others would view the behavior in your own relationship. The question that you both should be asking yourselves is ' can I tolerate such behavior in MY OWN submsissive; and can this submissive learn to control the temper that shows when such discussions get heated?"

_____________________________

~ When anger rises, think of the consequences
CONFUCIUS ~

(in reply to pqwinny)

Post #: 3

RE: Sir wants to know - 9/28/2006 9:07:23 AM

jeffman1234

Posts: 61
Joined: 6/11/2004
Status: offline

Personally I like someone 'feisty' and opinionated.

(in reply to pqwinny)

Post #: 4

RE: Sir wants to know - 9/28/2006 9:08:10 AM

PhoenixLM

Posts: 79
Joined: 5/12/2005
From: Fort Wayne, Indiana
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: pqwinny

i'm posting this for one reason only. He asked me to check on Collar Me and see if anyone would tolerate or accept such behavior in a sub.

There are as many levels of submission as there are leaves on a tree, as well as what dominants/owners will accept, tolerate or encourage in thier property. My first Master would gag when he thought I was out of line. The next Ds relationship thought it was funny that I was sarcastic or flippant within bonderies. My present Mistress allows me a great deal of longitude in private, but in public will shush me with a word if she feels its called for. A couple we know he allows his slave to say anything she wishes as long as she prefaces it: "With all due respect" He thinks it is cute for her to insult others and thinks it is ok as long as she uses the all due respect first. So as you can see every dominant will have thier own expectations and rules on how thier submissive may or may not express themself.

I doubt seriously you can get a clear cut answer to this, other than your dominant/owners wishes should be the final word as long as he/she is not causing you metal or physical harm.

There are other ways of expressing your thoughts and feelings on things one might be to journal them for him to read.

_____________________________

Phoenix
House Ds Haven
http://dshaven.com

(in reply to pqwinny)

Post #: 5

RE: Sir wants to know - 9/28/2006 9:12:29 AM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: pqwinny
i'm posting this for one reason only. He asked me to check on Collar Me and see if anyone would tolerate or accept such behavior in a sub.

It really doesn't matter if we would or not. He runs his relationship the way it suits him. He expects certain behaviors from his submissive. The real questions are:
Should he expect you to change your behavior or accept you as you are?
If he accepts you as you are, is he then willing to still be in a relationship with someone who reacts in that manner?
If he's not, are you willing to change yourself in order to save the relationship?
If you're not, are you then willing to still be in a relationship were someone is expecting you to change and you are incapable of doing so?

Master Fire

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to pqwinny)

Post #: 6

RE: Sir wants to know - 9/28/2006 9:14:02 AM

CrappyDom

Posts: 1883
Joined: 4/11/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline

There are only two ways to deal with this and stay together. You stop doing it or together you create a specific time and place to hold discussions on these sort of issues.

(in reply to PhoenixLM)

Post #: 7

RE: Sir wants to know - 9/28/2006 9:17:36 AM

WhyteRavenne

Posts: 125
Joined: 9/16/2006
Status: offline

If it is within the confines of your D/s relationship, then you should submit. However, if it's in the vanilla world, you should ALWAYS be yourself. You can not change to fit someone else's view point. You can always try and better yourself, if you feel you need to.

Sometimes it's hard to keep one relationship out of the other, especially in this lifestyle, if you want both, though, you have to work on both individually and with respect.

_____________________________

Last night, you were, unhinged. You were like some desperate, howling demon. You frightened me.... do it again! - Morticia Addams

(in reply to pqwinny)

Post #: 8

RE: Sir wants to know - 9/28/2006 9:20:32 AM

pqwinny

Posts: 117
Joined: 6/23/2006
Status: offline

i appreciate all that has been offered so far. i have several very clear and specific thoughts and opinions on this myself but have deliberately left them out.

Please continue to share your opinions and ideas as i beleive it will definitely be helpful to us in sorting this out when we sit down to tackle it. And it may help some other folks too!

< Message edited by pqwinny -- 9/28/2006 9:21:29 AM >

_____________________________

I have no special talent. I am only passionately curious.
-Albert Einstein

(in reply to CrappyDom)

Post #: 9

RE: Sir wants to know - 9/28/2006 9:21:39 AM

MrDiscipline44

Posts: 1776
Joined: 1/5/2005
Status: offline

I find it intolerable and unacceptable. I wouldn't have it in my relationships. Having a point of veiw is one thing, it's presentation is something else. The use of sarcasm, confronational tone and raising of your voice suggests to me that you have little respect for the man you submit to. And respect isn't a one way street.

_____________________________

If you love somebody, you have to be willing to break them.

Those who can, do. Those who can't, teach.

Have you slapped your slave today?

(in reply to pqwinny)

Post #: 10

RE: Sir wants to know - 9/28/2006 9:25:17 AM

OhReallyNow

Posts: 249
Joined: 9/11/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MrDiscipline44

I find it intolerable and unacceptable. I wouldn't have it in my relationships. Having a point of veiw is one thing, it's presentation is something else. The use of sarcasm, confronational tone and raising of your voice suggests to me that you have little respect for the man you submit to. And respect isn't a one way street.

LOL the first time this slave raised her voice a notch with Master, he gagged her; then continued the conversation without her input. When he had finished, he removed the gag and asked if this slave had anything else to add. The look in his eyes was enough to keep my voice down, and my highly charged emotions in check. It was something that this slave never forgot

_____________________________

~ When anger rises, think of the consequences
CONFUCIUS ~

(in reply to MrDiscipline44)

Post #: 11

RE: Sir wants to know - 9/28/2006 9:27:42 AM

Lordandmaster

Posts: 10943
Joined: 6/22/2004
Status: offline

No, I wouldn't tolerate it--but if he doesn't like it, it's up to HIM to make it stop.

quote:

ORIGINAL: pqwinny

i'm posting this for one reason only. He asked me to check on Collar Me and see if anyone would tolerate or accept such behavior in a sub.

(in reply to pqwinny)

Post #: 12

RE: Sir wants to know - 9/28/2006 9:28:50 AM

WhyteRavenne

Posts: 125
Joined: 9/16/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MrDiscipline44

I find it intolerable and unacceptable. I wouldn't have it in my relationships. Having a point of veiw is one thing, it's presentation is something else. The use of sarcasm, confronational tone and raising of your voice suggests to me that you have little respect for the man you submit to. And respect isn't a one way street.

In life you have to accept not everyone is going to share your opinion... lol.. and so, I'm saying I do NOT share your opinion...

I love Sarcasm, debate and confrontation. In D/s.. true, I will only put up with so much, but, that's why the advent of underwear! WHAT, you thought it was to keep your balls cozy and your pussy warm? nyah uh!

Sorry, had to.. 'cause I thought it was funny

_____________________________

Last night, you were, unhinged. You were like some desperate, howling demon. You frightened me.... do it again! - Morticia Addams

(in reply to MrDiscipline44)

Post #: 13

RE: Sir wants to know - 9/28/2006 9:34:56 AM

slutsusan

Posts: 8
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

i am lucky my Master and i are pretty much even tempered i am 54 and He is 44. if the things that you do not agree with when speaking it your Dom always do it respectfully. some times you have to agree to disagree which has happen with me then do not say any thing futher about it. with my Master when i know He is not going to like i before i start i say Respectfully Master and then say what i need to say i hope that will help.

(in reply to pqwinny)

Post #: 14

RE: Sir wants to know - 9/28/2006 9:37:22 AM

Donnalee

Posts: 339
Joined: 7/15/2006
Status: offline

I'm wondering if you've ever had honest feedback on your presentation before, or can ask someone else whom you trust to give you some now. I'm thinking in the form of non-opinionated (good or bad) reflections of what you look/sound like when you're especially expressive. Maybe there's a part of your presentation that you might decide to curtail that he finds particularly abrasive.

When I hear people talk about this issue, I can often agree with the person's right to be expressive and look, sound, and act congruent with their feelings and opinions, but that isn't the only thing involved here....there is another person who is on the receiving end. It isn't always about what is ok to do, what other people think, but rather about being considerate of another persons preferences: simple as that. I've seen people get lost in defending their "rights", as the other person walks away.

(in reply to MrDiscipline44)

Post #: 15

RE: Sir wants to know - 9/28/2006 9:44:02 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

FR

If I felt one of my boys was behaving inappropriately, I'd train them to behave appropriately.

Whether the solution here is for you to learn new ways of debating, NOT have those debates at all (a solution I DO employ with one of my partners), patience techniques, or realizing I'm getting unnecessarily uptight about it- we WORK TOGETHER.

I'd say your first issue is coming to terms on exactly what it is that gets to him- like you disagreeing on what "sarcasm" is.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to Donnalee)

Post #: 16

RE: Sir wants to know - 9/28/2006 9:57:33 AM

gypsylee

Posts: 293
Joined: 9/18/2006
From: Melbournia, Australia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: pqwinny

The problem occurs when we have found ourselves in conversations where our differing viewpoints result in the expression of my point of view being inappropriate according to Him i.e. too loud, un-submissive tone and dripping with sarcasim (i disagree as to His definition of sarcastic). He feels that i should be able to control myself and express myself in an even toned way as He does and feels that it is wrong for me to do otherwise and incongruent with the nature of our relationship.

mmhmm.

can i post even tho i'm a sub? *looks around*

yeah, i have to control my mannerisms a bit (but not my opinions). raised voice and sarcasm wouldn't go down too well at all. but it's a dynamic thing... He speaks to me and looks at me in such a way that it's not a huge effort to modify my manner. i generally don't like raising my voice or being sarcastic anyway ~ it's something i only do when pushed by people i don't respect.

i do have a problem with talking at inappropriate times, interrupting and not listening properly, but i'm learning (i think).

good luck...

_____________________________

You're one twisted fuck... Nup, I'm just an ordinary girl with nothin' to lose.

(in reply to pqwinny)

Post #: 17

RE: Sir wants to know - 9/28/2006 9:58:26 AM

Kaledorus

Posts: 95
Joined: 9/4/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: pqwinny

A little background first. Sir and i are in a monogamous relationship for about 5 months real time and 2 months email and phone prior to that. We spend a lot of time together and the general nature of the relationship is D/s.

That is a very short time that you are together and nothing in D/s comes quickly.
I have owned My slave for nearly 10 years and she is still being trained, still learning, although it is very refined, the job is never done, it continues on for as long as you own the property.

May I inquire as to just what you mean in the underlined section of the quote?

(in reply to pqwinny)

Post #: 18

RE: Sir wants to know - 9/28/2006 10:12:43 AM

pqwinny

Posts: 117
Joined: 6/23/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Kaledorus

May I inquire as to just what you mean in the underlined section of the quote?

Not heavy on the BDSM aspects most of the weight on D/s in interaction and play. Does that clarify it for you?

_____________________________

I have no special talent. I am only passionately curious.
-Albert Einstein

(in reply to Kaledorus)

Post #: 19

RE: Sir wants to know - 9/28/2006 10:26:47 AM

Kaledorus

Posts: 95
Joined: 9/4/2006
Status: offline

It is not confined to the bedroom? It is the very root of the relationship? There is no restriction on the submission?

In the case of a genuine exchange of power I wouldn't be concerned, at this point, if you are having rough experiences and actual sense of discordance. Too many people assume D/s is a very easy thing to do since most have had profound feelings of submission and fantasies about it for most of their lives. However it is anything but easy, it is the toughest job, in My opinion, that a man can undertake and it is, above all else, HIS responsibility. So while you can engage in self-examination and so forth it is really in his hands and you will find as time progresses whether or not there is a genuine NEED, on his behalf, to dominate you, to own you, it is not a choice, it is not a "play" thing it is a deeply rooted part of the dominant man's nature to, in fact, dominate his woman, or women, as the case may be. Unless that burning desire, really the very essence of the male dominant character, is there most males grow weary of the task, and task it is, of assisting the woman into the deepening and exploration of her submission, which can begin a very long, and most interesting, journey.

(in reply to pqwinny)

Post #: 20

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