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sub versus bottom - 9/28/2006 8:08:54 PM

bbwsub41

Posts: 5
Joined: 9/18/2006
Status: offline

I'm new to this, though I've played with vanilla parters most of my life. I'm curious: I've had people tell me that I am more of a bottom as opposed to a true sub. That very well could be the case, and I am curious as to how everyone here interprets the difference between the two.

Briefly, I enjoy submitting to bondage, power games, etc. in a sexual situation. Outside of that, I am not into those things and prefer to be free to live my life, my way within a relationship. Or as a friend jokes "Get in the kitchen and make your own sandwich!" Just how I am.

So...satisfy my curiousity please?

< Message edited by bbwsub41 -- 9/28/2006 8:09:47 PM >

Post #: 1

RE: sub versus bottom - 9/28/2006 8:23:56 PM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

Your curiosity about what? What are you asking?

Master Fire

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
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BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to bbwsub41)

Post #: 2

RE: sub versus bottom - 9/28/2006 8:29:15 PM

BitaTruble

Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: bbwsub41

I'm new to this, though I've played with vanilla parters most of my life. I'm curious: I've had people tell me that I am more of a bottom as opposed to a true sub. That very well could be the case, and I am curious as to how everyone here interprets the difference between the two.

Briefly, I enjoy submitting to bondage, power games, etc. in a sexual situation. Outside of that, I am not into those things and prefer to be free to live my life, my way within a relationship. Or as a friend jokes "Get in the kitchen and make your own sandwich!" Just how I am.

So...satisfy my curiousity please?

I wouldn't worry too much about what other people tell you. Are you happy and content with how things are? Do you have a good time? Do you feel as if you are living life as you are meant to live it?

That's what matters.

Welcome to the boards. :)

Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."

(in reply to bbwsub41)

Post #: 3

RE: sub versus bottom - 9/28/2006 9:06:16 PM

bbwsub41

Posts: 5
Joined: 9/18/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterFireMaam

Your curiosity about what? What are you asking?

Master Fire

i thought i was very clear.

I was curious to know everyone's thought of what makes a bottom different from a sub.

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)

Post #: 4

RE: sub versus bottom - 9/28/2006 9:16:22 PM

mstrjx

Posts: 2045
Joined: 11/27/2005
Status: offline

A bottom is someone who likes to be played 'with' or 'upon'. You like to be tied up, you are a bondage bottom. In the usual sense, a bottom is someone who likes painplay done to them. You like to be spanked, paddled, whipped, etc.

In other words, play, a scene.

A submissive is someone who yields control in a 'relationship' sense. A partner controls more than just the events in the 'scene'. This can be a larger portion than just the 'play', or it could be 24/7.

If you like to 'play', but prefer to leave your relationship 'equal' outside of that, then yes, you are a bottom, not a sub.

As above, though, these are just labels. But it helps everyone understand each other from time to time.

Jeff

_____________________________

Know thyself. It's the best gift you can ever give yourself.

(in reply to bbwsub41)

Post #: 5

RE: sub versus bottom - 9/28/2006 9:21:25 PM

CrappyDom

Posts: 1883
Joined: 4/11/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline

The only thing I am "truly" is an arrogant ass. If you are still worried about labels and whether things are true or not, I highly recommend ordering a copy of Dossie Easton's little book called The Bottoming Book as it is more educational that three "True Dominant Masters" mentoring you 24/7 in the lifestyle...

< Message edited by CrappyDom -- 9/28/2006 9:22:07 PM >

(in reply to mstrjx)

Post #: 6

RE: sub versus bottom - 9/28/2006 9:27:13 PM

Mavis

Posts: 828
Joined: 2/8/2004
Status: offline

the labels bottom or sub are only really important when you're trying to connect to someone with a particular thing in mind. If you get talking to a "Dominant" that wants a "submissive" you'll have to explain your interest lies in scene, and not power exchange outside of that. Doesn't mean you can't go forward with that dom, but it helps to clarify what you offer, lest they assume you WANt to kneel in the morning and make sammiches. i think letting the labels stop you from exploring all levels of relationships will not be fun. :)

(in reply to CrappyDom)

Post #: 7

RE: sub versus bottom - 9/28/2006 10:13:08 PM

LuckyAlbatross

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Joined: 10/25/2005
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I will also point out that it's completely possible to be BOTH a sub and a bottom.

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Post #: 8

RE: sub versus bottom - 9/28/2006 10:16:00 PM

Mavis

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Joined: 2/8/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

I will also point out that it's completely possible to be BOTH a sub and a bottom.

oh yeah! forgot that! i *am* a slave. (ok, that's debatable to some, let them say sub, whatever) but when i'm in play mode, i "bottom" as a verb. although sometimes the Him refers to me as His bottom, noun.. because it allows role designation without needing to clarify beyond that.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 9

RE: sub versus bottom - 9/29/2006 12:17:28 AM

MaamJay

Posts: 2101
Joined: 9/2/2005
Status: offline

I agree with other posters that labels should not limit you ... but they are useful as a means of expressing what it is that we do. Given that your interest in receiving is entirely within a scene sense and does not extend to power exchange in more everyday life situations, then yes, I would see you as a bottom rather than as a submissive. If you were heavily into receiving pain only, then you would be a masochist bottom, if your interest is more sexual than you would be a sexual bottom or sometimes called a bedroom bottom. None of these is better or worse than any others, they are simply different preferences. However, when talking to prospective Dominants (though you would be looking more for Tops) it is a good idea to make clear through labels and descriptions the limits and boundaries of your submission. It saves a lot of heartache later!
Mistress Jay

_____________________________

Life is a song ... and I love singing it! (By me!)

(in reply to Mavis)

Post #: 10

RE: sub versus bottom - 9/29/2006 12:28:05 AM

bbwsub41

Posts: 5
Joined: 9/18/2006
Status: offline

Well, I'm glad I posted this, as it has helped me to clear up lot of confusion on my part. I agree, labels shouldn't be the do all and be all. But now i have a better idea of where I am coming from, and I can explain myself a little more clearly.

(in reply to MaamJay)

Post #: 11

RE: sub versus bottom - 9/29/2006 12:42:50 AM

slavejali

Posts: 2918
Status: offline

I'm getting a headache....

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Different Strokes for Different Folks

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(in reply to bbwsub41)

Post #: 12

RE: sub versus bottom - 9/29/2006 1:01:56 AM

BitaTruble

Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: bbwsub41

Well, I'm glad I posted this, as it has helped me to clear up lot of confusion on my part. I agree, labels shouldn't be the do all and be all. But now i have a better idea of where I am coming from, and I can explain myself a little more clearly.

IMO "I'm a bottom" is no where near as clear as ...

Briefly, I enjoy submitting to bondage, power games, etc. in a sexual situation. Outside of that, I am not into those things and prefer to be free to live my life, my way within a relationship. Or as a friend jokes "Get in the kitchen and make your own sandwich!" Just how I am.

Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."

(in reply to bbwsub41)

Post #: 13

RE: sub versus bottom - 9/29/2006 2:10:53 AM

zenfull2

Posts: 62
Joined: 12/4/2005
Status: offline

A good book to read is Claudia Varin's "Erotic Surrender: The Joys of Female Submission"

She has some good deifnitions of each term as well as indepth explinations of things. Personally I feel a bottom is someone who temporarily releases control to their "play" partner. A submissive is someone who completely releases control to their Dominant with the chance to use safe words. A slave is someone who completely releases dcontrol to their Master/Mistress without the ability to call upon safe words putting complete trust in their Owner.

_____________________________

"I aim to misbehave!" -Serenity

(in reply to BitaTruble)

Post #: 14

RE: sub versus bottom - 9/29/2006 4:35:57 AM

Dnomyar

Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline

Good grief "verb" "noun". Enough of the damm english lessons. If you can read the spelling and understand the question leave it at that. We are all not english major's. When you start correcting someone's spelling and use of language you are labeled an ass by that person. Just answer the question.

(in reply to zenfull2)

Post #: 15

RE: sub versus bottom - 9/29/2006 4:41:35 AM

twicehappy

Posts: 2706
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CrappyDom

If you are still worried about labels and whether things are true or not, I highly recommend ordering a copy of Dossie Easton's little book called The Bottoming Book

Or pop over here and read our ongoing debate, there are already a few folks definitions of bottom there.

http://www.collarchat.com/m_604021/tm.htm

To complete my thread hijack.......Mstrjx, your definitions are very good, why don't you pop in and post yours on the above thread as well? Big grins.....

_____________________________

Infinite Diversity in Infinite Combinations.

The human heart is not a finite container but an ever expanding universe with all the stars contained there in.

(in reply to CrappyDom)

Post #: 16

RE: sub versus bottom - 9/29/2006 4:44:17 AM

Lashra

Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline

This is how I view these different terms

bottom: one who receives physical sensation from a Top in a scene.

submissive or "sub" for short: A person that gives up control either all the time or part of the time.

Only YOU can define yourself, don't let others do it for you. Lots of people enjoy being a bottom from time to time, I myself enjoy it. However I am no submissive as I am naturally Dominant.

Those that use the word "true" in regards to labeling other people are usually purists and I would take what they say with a grain of salt. Who is to say they know what they are talking about?

~Lashra

_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”

(in reply to bbwsub41)

Post #: 17

RE: sub versus bottom - 9/29/2006 5:12:20 AM

pleazuredpain

Posts: 29
Joined: 9/27/2006
Status: offline

I am both a submissive and a bottom. I can definately bottom for a Top, thank him warmly for the play and go on with my day. I was not really submissive to him, I needed a good hard spanking and he gave it to me.

When submissive to a Dom, I have given up control to him, have accepted that he controls every aspect of me at that time and feel much more docile than in the previous example.

If/when I find that relationship so many seem to already have, I hope to be Both and much more.

_____________________________

"You're going to do WHAT!!!!!!!!!"

(in reply to bbwsub41)

Post #: 18

RE: sub versus bottom - 9/29/2006 5:13:56 AM

MCandNuri

Posts: 50
Joined: 9/21/2006
Status: offline

Eh, given that most human beings are so multifaceted, I think most of these labels are a bit on the silly side. Screw 'em, anyway, you could be a bagel bottom for all they know! (OH YES! Give it to me kosher, give it to me, slap me with the bagel! OH YES!) *weg*
I spent a while trying to 'label' myself and I have come to a simple conclusion- I'm T., and what I am, who I am and all that great crap can't really be summed up in a simplistic term, nor is it something someone else is going to tell me.
But if you really need the semantics- I'm with the others, here. Who says you can't be all those things, at any given point in your day?

_____________________________

You spend so much time asking "What would coyote do?"
I think Coyote is laughing- as usual, and answering back, "What WOULDN'T Coyote do?"

(in reply to Lashra)

Post #: 19

RE: sub versus bottom - 9/29/2006 9:17:45 AM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

I wasn't sure if you were asking our opinions as to the definitions or our opinions as to what role you, in particular, where a bottom or a submissive.

My answer is another question: What you YOU feel you are? In the end, finding someone who agrees with you or presents the definitions in a way that you can agree with is really what counts.

Master Fire

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to bbwsub41)

Post #: 20

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