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Always a sub...pondering slavery - 9/29/2006 12:00:41 PM   
KnifeCandy


Posts: 32
Joined: 8/13/2006
Status: offline 		I have been submissive, probably since the day I was born...but have certainly known it for sure as long as I've been sexually active. I am an independent, strong-willed woman, who has never even let the concept of "slave" cross her mind. At least, not with reference to herself. I've recently taken up with a new Dom, however (a LDR Dom, at that), and believe I have finally found the one who is strong enough, emotionally, intelligence-wise and personality-wise, to handle me properly. An exciting prospect, to be sure!

In our most recent conversations, though, we have flirted with the idea of a more complete power exchange concept, albeit only on a short-term basis (due to the long-distance nature of our relation). It's not something either of us has ever considered before, so it's not as if there is pressure being applied toward it from one side or the other. It's just...happening. Mostly, I think it's happening in my mind, and I'm not sure how far I want to go with it yet. I must admit, however, that I am incredibly, to an extent I never before thought possible, turned on by something like the following:

To be invited to "Enter, of your own free will." To hear, as he closes and locks the door behind me, my Dom say, "You have made your last decision." Most importantly, to know and feel, all the way to the core of my being, all that is implied therein...to experience complete subjugation to the will of another.

THAT is what I want, more than anything else I can currently name. This is a soul-deep craving, a need so intense I can only just barely express it in words; there is no way in the world I could actually explain to anyone the "why" of it. I realize that there are those who will "get" it, and many, many more who will not.

So I come here, where I feel I have the highest chance of finding someone who "gets" this mentality, to ask...how did you arrive at it? Are slaves born and not made? Or is this a slippery slope? Right now all I desire is the experience, for roughly a week, to test the waters. I just wonder if anyone has "gotten hooked" so to speak, from a similar trial period.

As a (possibly premature) disclaimer...I'd really like to keep this discussion about general and personal experiences in this realm, and not a dissection of my particular relationship. Though he may be a distance Dom, yes, I know him & trust him. Yes, we are S/S/C, so no, I'm not going to get myself in over my head. TIA!

< Message edited by KnifeCandy -- 9/29/2006 12:05:20 PM >

_____________________________

You laugh at me because I am different. I laugh at you because you are all the same.
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RE: Always a sub...pondering slavery - 9/29/2006 1:50:14 PM   
sophia37


Posts: 1433
Joined: 2/7/2006
Status: offline 		Believe me, I get it. I arrived at it same as you. Unexpectedly.  And dont worry this is not  some sort of critique of your relationshship. I really couldnt care in that sense. But I will answer you from a person whos 47 years of age. And I think that does matter here.

I say sure. try it. BUT, leave your options open. If you find yourself wanting to think for yourself, thats ok. Thats more than OK. Things change for us as we go thru life. At this moment you may need some form of release. But seriously do NOT, feel bad if down the line you cant keep going with someone else making all your decisions for you. That may end up being harder for you than you think. And thats OK. Seriously. Whatever you get yourself into, you CAN get out of.

Dont think that this is it for you, if you are indeed as young as the person in that photo is. The experience is one thing, but if its not right for you, feel no guilt. You tried it right or wrong. At least you tried. So go ahead and try it since it rings your bells. But remember, youre not under contract at this point. Sign no contracts in your mind or with pen and paper.



(in reply to KnifeCandy)
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RE: Always a sub...pondering slavery - 9/29/2006 2:39:03 PM   
TheShadows


Posts: 403
Joined: 9/16/2004
From: Southern Illinois
Status: offline 		This is no dissection of your relationship.  More of a cautionary tale.

We had a part-time slave about a year ago, who's still a very close friend of ours.  She's like yourself....independent, strong-willed, take-charge, and a single mother on top of it.  We ended our relationship with her amicably.  We thought, as did she, that she needed a 24/7 relationship.  She went on, shortly thereafter, to find a Master.  We were happy for her.  He seemed like a very nice and capable man.  She moved 5 hours away from her home area, her vanilla and leather family, to live with him.

She's lived with him for less than a year, and she called me up in a panic, stating that she was wrong, that she found that she really didn't need 24/7 slavery.  It was a conclusion that she had come to in the midst of the experience.

My own personal experience.  When I got into this lifestyle, I decided that I was submissive.  I'm a strong-willed, independent, outspoken woman.  4 years, a lot of tears, and a marriage-in-the-toilet later, I came to realize that I'm not submissive.  I'm Dominant.  It's who I am.  submissive is "what I did"...in bed.  Submission was a great sexual fantasy, but wasn't who I was.  There's a big difference between who you really are and what you do sometimes.  It was a conclusion that I had come to in the midst of the experience.

The moral of these stories?  Just because the fantasy in your mind is very much a turn-on doesn't mean that it'll work for you in the real world.

Again, no judgment.  Just personal experiences in the form of cautionary tales.  I wish you the best of luck in whatever decision you come to.

As always, YMMV...

MrsShadows


< Message edited by TheShadows -- 9/29/2006 2:41:30 PM >

_____________________________

"The reason the mainstream is thought of as a stream is because of it's shallowness." - George Carlin

"Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most..." - Ozzy Osbourne

(in reply to KnifeCandy)
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RE: Always a sub...pondering slavery - 9/29/2006 3:15:19 PM   
subsa


Posts: 196
Joined: 8/3/2006
Status: offline 		i'm in a ltr (24+ years).  for us it has slowly built to the 24/7 thing.  we started off with an evening,; we both liked it but it was difficult (kids etc...) we'd have 'evenings' periodically.   after a time an evening wasn't enough so we we tried a weekend.  i, too, felt 'a soul-deep craving, a need so intense I can only just barely express it in words  '.  so we went for the 24/7 thing.  all i can say to you is i'm not sorry i submitted...ever. 
so, yes, it was a 'slippery slope' but i've never tried to climb back up.  and, yes, i did get 'hooked' but i wouldn't trade my submission to him for all the riches in the world.  my only regret is that we started so late.  my advice go for it!

(in reply to TheShadows)
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RE: Always a sub...pondering slavery - 9/29/2006 4:23:19 PM   
KnifeCandy


Posts: 32
Joined: 8/13/2006
Status: offline 		sophia37, TheShadows, and subsa...thank you all so much for your input! This is exactly the sort of thing for which I was looking -- the good and the bad. At this point, I should clarify that I *only* want the experience for a week...obviously, with a distance relationship, 24/7 isn't even an option, although under the right circumstances...well...let's just say I've been known to be nomadic before, and for less cause. :) I just feel as though I'm drowning in emotions right now, so I enjoy hearing other peoples' experiences and points of view. Though none of them may apply directly, they all give me things to chew on as I wait for our next fateful meeting...

Oh, and I am a slightly young-looking 31, although I admit that photo was taken two years ago. :)

Thanks all, keep 'em coming!

_____________________________

You laugh at me because I am different. I laugh at you because you are all the same.

(in reply to subsa)
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RE: Always a sub...pondering slavery - 9/29/2006 4:36:30 PM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		It sounds to me like you are a self-aware girl who understands what direction she aches to grow in.  Good luck.

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to KnifeCandy)
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RE: Always a sub...pondering slavery - 9/29/2006 7:00:09 PM   
diamonddreamlove


Posts: 770
Joined: 5/19/2006
Status: offline 		Am considering a collar and the understanding that within the limits established i will not make any decisions.  That is as far as i can go right now under our circumstances but i agree 24/7 sounds very interesting and like a huge relief.  I am just a bit cautious in making committments so please keep us posted i might find some courage from your experiences.


_____________________________

"Many attempts to communicate are nullified by saying too much." Robert Greenleaf

(in reply to KatyLied)
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RE: Always a sub...pondering slavery - 9/29/2006 9:03:06 PM   
yaqeta


Posts: 59
Status: offline 		I can relate to this a lot KnifeCandy   And I love your description of going through the door - it sent shivers down my spine....

I never saw myself as slave material - I had been in D/s relationships that had worked beautifully, but I always felt relief at having my "own space" when my partner was not around, and struggled if given too many rules or restrictions when not in their company.  But all that changed when I met my current Master, who seems to have a magic talent for bringing out my submission in ways I never knew it existed.  It scared me a lot early in the relationship to realise that he knew how to do and say exactly the right thing that made me feel a longing to give him more of me than I had ever given up before, but eventually I surrendered to it, and so far it has been wonderfully, blissfully, transformative.... before I misrepresent things I should say that I still am probably not *completely* his (sigh) - but this is because of the pace he wishes to proceed at, as a gradually increasing exchange of power.  It seems to me that he is being quite cunning, for want of a better word, in being sure that each step of the way, I long to give him more than he actually accepts, so that when each little fragment of power becomes his, it is experienced by me as a HUGE reward

I find myself doing things I never thought I could - extremes of play, deeper levels of trust, and even mundane things like his housework, and thriving on it.  I have discovered far more about myself in the months since knowing him than I ever have before....

My theory is that some people know they are meant to be a slave, and others never know until the day the right person comes along to bring that potential out into the open.  And I think for me, the right person is the key.  I suspect that, if/when the day comes that I am not his anymore (and I hope it never does, but .....) I will go back to being a sub, until probably a very long time later, when I may meet another person I can be slave to again..... and having experienced it, I know now that I would live for that day.

Wishing you well in your journey

xxx yaq

(in reply to diamonddreamlove)
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RE: Always a sub...pondering slavery - 9/30/2006 6:06:59 AM   
sweetnurseBBW


Posts: 2464
Joined: 1/26/2006
From: North Carolina
Status: offline 		When I started out I did not know I was a slave. I suppose I had slave tendencies and was curious about things a tpe but never had anyone to bring it out. After a few years in the lifestyle as a sub I had the most wonderful dominant that saw this and we discussed it and the rest is history. Its not for everyone but to me its wonderful.

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Sir Pain's pain slut

(in reply to KnifeCandy)
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RE: Always a sub...pondering slavery - 9/30/2006 6:22:20 AM   
subsa


Posts: 196
Joined: 8/3/2006
Status: offline 		i need to add that i'm not a slave.  Master would be angry if he thought i implied that i was.  i'm free to have my own thoughts and ideas (and He feels a slave does not).  but He makes all decisions about things He deems important (i don't call and ask if i can go to the bathroom).  i am free to express my opinion about His decisions (in a respectful way) because sometimes i think about things in a way He hasn't.
i'm sorry if i mislead anyone.  i'm sorry Master if i overstated our dynamic, please forgive me. 

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RE: Always a sub...pondering slavery - 9/30/2006 6:32:43 AM   
kyraofMists


Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: subsa

i need to add that i'm not a slave.  Master would be angry if he thought i implied that i was.  i'm free to have my own thoughts and ideas (and He feels a slave does not).  but He makes all decisions about things He deems important (i don't call and ask if i can go to the bathroom).  i am free to express my opinion about His decisions (in a respectful way) because sometimes i think about things in a way He hasn't.
i'm sorry if i mislead anyone.  i'm sorry Master if i overstated our dynamic, please forgive me. 


I don't see how any of the things you mentioned above would preclude someone from being a slave.


_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

(in reply to subsa)
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RE: Always a sub...pondering slavery - 9/30/2006 6:43:39 AM   
agirl


Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline 		......I'd just say that in reality, it's a little difficult not to have your own thoughts and ideas just because you're *owned*. Having thoughts and ideas are what makes each of us individuals and interesting.... and basically.....alive....lol


with regards, agirl

Edited to add..........What kyra said ......and ......if I had no thoughts and ideas of my own, there's be little left to *master*.



< Message edited by agirl -- 9/30/2006 6:45:54 AM >

(in reply to subsa)
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RE: Always a sub...pondering slavery - 9/30/2006 6:58:21 AM   
KnifeCandy


Posts: 32
Joined: 8/13/2006
Status: offline 		KatyLied: Thank you for the wonderful compliment! I do strive for self-knowledge, because I feel it is the surest route to happiness and stability, both for myself, and for anyone with whom I might choose to associate.

diamonddreamlove: WOW! what a huge commitment. I wish you the best with whatever decision you make, and please do keep us updated.

yaqueta: Yes, that scenario sends a chill down my spine as well...a very big, very nice one. :) I like your theory about people meant to be slaves not knowing until they meet the right master. It does make a certain kind of sense, that perhaps you'd have no other way of knowing.

sweetnurseBBW: That sounds like an awesome master you have there. I do, amazingly, sometimes think my Dom knows more about me than I do. A weird feeling to be sure.

subsa & kyraofMists: If there's one thing I've learned on these boards, it's that there are as many variations and definitions for wiitwd as there are practitioners. I would say that if subsa and her Master do not consider her to be a slave, she is not. Likewise, the way my definition of slavery has been shaping up (from conversations with my Dom) it would not be something that prevents me from making certain of my own decisions, nor would I be financially dependent upon him, which I know might be dealbreakers for other pairs considering such a relation. So...I guess what I'm saying is that, you're both right. :) Though what she describes does not preclude the label...if she and her Master don't want it applied to her, far be it from me to impose it upon her.

_____________________________

You laugh at me because I am different. I laugh at you because you are all the same.

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RE: Always a sub...pondering slavery - 9/30/2006 7:21:06 AM   
PlayfulOne


Posts: 1047
Status: offline 		knifecandy,

From the other side of the fence,  sometimes things just happen because they feel right.  When my little one and I met she identified herself as a submissive (in all honesty she had actually never been more than a bedroom submissive) but as things grew between us so did the power exchange.  Somewhere along the line when talking with others she started introducing herself as my slave.  Did that change anything?  No, the power basis and structure of the relationship were already there, it was more of  a way to identify herself  to others.

I promise you she is not weak and is fully capable of having her own thoughts.  I encourage her to.  She is not only my slave but my companion and her thoughts and ideas are valued by me.  The trick is the same as with any relationship, finding the right piece for you. 

I don't think we ever had a "trial period" as you want, but the answer would be yes she was hooked.  when she surrendered she gave all and it was over.   She will tell you it was not about being a slave, but about being my slave.

K

(in reply to KnifeCandy)
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RE: Always a sub...pondering slavery - 9/30/2006 8:28:27 AM   
subsa


Posts: 196
Joined: 8/3/2006
Status: offline 		to those that say the things i said aren't contradictory with being a slave.  i'd have to say i agree with you.  but Master (and so i too) do not define my status as 'slave'.  to Him that status goes further than what we do.  for example, i work outside the home, He feels a slave would not as it would take focus away from Him. i have a cleaning service that comes into O/our home to do the heavy cleaning.  He feels a slave would do all those things herself.  even the everyday stuff, He helps with; for example He'll start a load of laundry, or unload the dishwasher.  to Him a 'true slave' would not have that kind of help except from a sister slave; but never from the Master.  so i guess it goes back to semantics...what is each person's definition of  'slave'. 
when i read the original  post, i saw myself where she is and responded.  it wasn't until i read yaqueta's response that i realized that i might have misled some people about my status.  i have the idea that many people who post here are more 'slave like' than i and did not want to compare myself to them.  maybe one day i will be that committed but for now i can't be.  i do strive to more fully submit myself to my Master will on a daily basis. 

(in reply to PlayfulOne)
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RE: Always a sub...pondering slavery - 10/2/2006 1:12:59 PM   
petcerina


Posts: 143
Joined: 4/4/2005
Status: offline 		For me, it happened.  One night, it just happened and i made that decision.  There wasn't a trial period, i just knew that i was His slave and always would be.  The best way i can put this is that a slave is a slave when they feel that they are one and realize what the reality of that statement means.  It is obvious that you realize what the reality of that statement means, but it may take a while before you let go.  i toyed with the idea of being a slave for at least a year before i became one to Master.

(in reply to KnifeCandy)
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RE: Always a sub...pondering slavery - 10/2/2006 1:28:19 PM   
twicehappy


Posts: 2706
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: subsa

i'm free to have my own thoughts and ideas (and He feels a slave does not). 

(i don't call and ask if i can go to the bathroom). 

i am free to express my opinion about His decisions (in a respectful way) because sometimes i think about things in a way He hasn't. 


Perhaps you should go read the myths thread, unless i am mistaken most owners want slaves with brains not airheads who do not know when they have to pee.
 

_____________________________

Infinite Diversity in Infinite Combinations.

The human heart is not a finite container but an ever expanding universe with all the stars contained there in.

(in reply to subsa)
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RE: Always a sub...pondering slavery - 11/2/2006 7:48:49 AM   
CoadmanNlilc


Posts: 2
Joined: 10/31/2006
Status: offline 		i know exactly of what you feel ,..my Sir and i are new and as more trust is established the more i want to stretch my limits in order to please him. i dont know if i will ever be able to give up total power because a slaves heart has to be that of a very strong person and i dont know if im that strong, but the journey will be very ineresting*weg*
lilc

(in reply to KnifeCandy)
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RE: Always a sub...pondering slavery - 11/2/2006 8:19:11 AM   
Celeste43


Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline 		It's funny but you say you want to enter and have that be your last decision. That, in a nutshell is why I identify as a sub and not a slave. I decide every day to commit myself to him again, I choose to submit to him daily as if it were the first time. And that's what he wants from me, to know that every day I look at him and choose him.

That's why we identify as D/s, not M/s, in order to have every day the same knowledge in front of us that this is what we want.

(in reply to CoadmanNlilc)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Always a sub...pondering slavery - 11/2/2006 12:48:18 PM   
shadevarr


Posts: 360
Joined: 7/2/2006
Status: offline 		My girl didn't think she was much of a sub, let alone a slave until we met. It was almost instant, just this base level need and once we started talking, the realization that we both wanted the same kind of relationship took a lot of stress off.  The saying that one doesn't know they are a slave until they meet their Master is true in this instance as well.

(in reply to Celeste43)
Profile   Post #: 20
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