quote:

I am upset because I feel he was vague previous to our coming together and the issue could have been avoided had he told Me earlier that he was not ok with it.

quote:

"To learn the art of submission a slave must first give up the desires that drew him to submission in the first place." Mistress Jasmyn Jan 2005.

quote:

ORIGINAL: overhereslave

Dear Group:

I'm quite new to the power exchange lifestyle and have been experimenting (revelling!) for about the past year. Most of my experiences have been with dates, some with friends, and have never gone beyond scening.

I realized rather quickly that single, or even multiple, play scenes lack a depth of emotion and connection for which I yearn. A bit ago, I met a man who I think could be potential "it/the one" material. How exciting! Having said that, moving from playing to the potential of a relationship carries with it all wonderful, yet at times bewildering, emotions and turmoil. We've been together just a few months.

So! All that background to ask the question which follows:

My sub and I were in the midst of a scene which had more of a psychological/mental aspect to it rather than a physical one.

[the scene had been written down, and as well talked about on two separate occasions. I will clarify here that "talking about" was more of the kind of "ewww, guess what I'm going to do to you sort...]

As we progressed, I realized quickly that he was uncomfortable (again, not physically), but I pushed a bit because I thought he was ok with what was happening.

Finally, he stopped the scene.

I don't have a problem with that per se. I am upset because I feel he was vague previous to our coming together and the issue could have been avoided had he told Me earlier that he was not ok with it. Of course, added to that was My embarrassment. Here I thought he was having fun and he was very uncomfortable. I'm concerned that I could have so misjudged someone, or maybe what I mean is prejudge because nobody in My previous experience had ever *not* liked this sort of play. I also worry--what if it had been physical--he could have been hurt! Additionally, I felt a sense of annoyance that he stopped the scene. What was going on didn't seem so horribly bad, and I got this sense of entitlement; if he doesn't want to play My way then I won't play or can't he give a little for Me? *a little stamping of the foot goes here*

However, I like him. I want to see where this could lead. I'm just not sure where to go at this point. he does tend to follow willingly at times and balk stubbornly at others. Is this one of those time? Should I treat it as such?

Any thoughts are greatly appreciated.

[note--I do not have my profile visible at the moment. I realize there are many people who just play on the forums, therefore, I hope that My question reflects My sincerity.]



L. Morrigan

quote:

ORIGINAL: overhereslave

{cutting good stuff} ...

As we progressed, I realized quickly that he was uncomfortable (again, not physically), but I pushed a bit because I thought he was ok with what was happening.

Finally, he stopped the scene.

I don't have a problem with that per se. I am upset because I feel he was vague previous to our coming together and the issue could have been avoided had he told Me earlier that he was not ok with it. Of course, added to that was My embarrassment. Here I thought he was having fun and he was very uncomfortable. I'm concerned that I could have so misjudged someone, or maybe what I mean is prejudge because nobody in My previous experience had ever *not* liked this sort of play. I also worry--what if it had been physical--he could have been hurt! Additionally, I felt a sense of annoyance that he stopped the scene. What was going on didn't seem so horribly bad, and I got this sense of entitlement; if he doesn't want to play My way then I won't play or can't he give a little for Me? *a little stamping of the foot goes here*

However, I like him. I want to see where this could lead. I'm just not sure where to go at this point. he does tend to follow willingly at times and balk stubbornly at others. Is this one of those time? Should I treat it as such? ...

quote:

ORIGINAL: marieToo


Talking about doing something is not the same as doing it. I have been in a position where I actually asked for something ( the details are irrelevant), because I thought I wanted to experience it, then I couldnt handle it when it was happening.
If he is fairly inexperienced, this may be what happened. Or he may have agreed to it, simply to please you, thinking that he could handle it. I cant get inside his head. But there could be any number of reasons. I would talk to him about it at length to try and ascertain where he was coming from. I would also suggest just listening to your gut instincts. If he is playing the part of the spoiled little bitch who throws down a tantrum because its not going his way, then I think you will come to sense that. Otherwise, please keep in mind that his fears, or apprehensions could possibly be valid. What seems like nothing painful to you, may actually be triggering something in his psyche that makes him pull back. Thats why I would discuss it at length to get to the bottom of it. As in all types of relationship, we have to put in the time and effort in order to determine someone's level of sincerity. Best of luck to you.

quote:

ORIGINAL: overhereslave

Dear Group:

I'm quite new to the power exchange lifestyle ...<snip>

I met a man who I think could be potential "it/the one" material.  <snipped again>

However, I like him. I want to see where this could lead. I'm just not sure where to go at this point. he does tend to follow willingly at times and balk stubbornly at others. Is this one of those time? Should I treat it as such?


L. Morrigan

quote:

ORIGINAL: overhereslave

Thank you for your question.

I, and he, knew this. But I didn't know the extent of his "fear" (uncomfortability? pride?). I'm wondering if he thought he could manage it or wanted to manage it, but in the end could not.

Morrigan

quote:

ORIGINAL: overhereslave
As we progressed, I realized quickly that he was uncomfortable (again, not physically), but I pushed a bit because I thought he was ok with what was happening.

Finally, he stopped the scene.

I don't have a problem with that per se. I am upset because I feel he was vague previous to our coming together and the issue could have been avoided had he told Me earlier that he was not ok with it. Of course, added to that was My embarrassment. Here I thought he was having fun and he was very uncomfortable. I'm concerned that I could have so misjudged someone, or maybe what I mean is prejudge because nobody in My previous experience had ever *not* liked this sort of play. I also worry--what if it had been physical--he could have been hurt! Additionally, I felt a sense of annoyance that he stopped the scene. What was going on didn't seem so horribly bad, and I got this sense of entitlement; if he doesn't want to play My way then I won't play or can't he give a little for Me? *a little stamping of the foot goes here*

quote:

"To learn the art of submission a slave must first give up the desires that drew him to submission in the first place." Mistress Jasmyn Jan 2005.