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i need some help please - 1/18/2005 1:48:45 PM

match2u

Posts: 131
Joined: 11/15/2004
Status: offline

dear all,

since a couple of months i have contact to a Master. we also saw us last weeks and things went well, althuogh i had considered myself until right now as sub. but i may grow in the slavery - enslavement.
He told me from the beginning He is in need for a slave, a sadistic Master, SlaveMaster, DungeonMaster. so far.
we have a lot in common, in our views, thuoghts etc. dont wanna tell to much right here now, but i got today statements from Him listed below.
may i am hopeless romantic, cause i see the relation of D/s, M/s beyond the fact reduced to the point of obedience, servitude and on the other hand the stable financial healthy environment given by the Master. told Him so and also told him imo it seems then just like a business. its not an offend here at all - please don't get me wrong.
i just wanna know - is that true? Love does have no place in a relationship like M/s. what is it who let You fullfill, become happy beside the fact of the service You give.
as i told him a slave who will not happy will probably not serve well - He told me its not His concern if a slave is happy - the only task is - he/she has to serve and being obedient. is that enuogh for a long term relation.
i am not sure if this thead comes out here before - but i am so confused, beyond the fact that there is a deep sadness inside me at the moment.

thank You for all Your replies.

petra

statements :

- for the record..love is not needed either in a M/s relationship.. but it makes things better in the bedroom area

- I think when a Man falls in love with His slut.. he loses a edge/ He no longer can see from His birdeyes prospective

- it is My experience that a slave choice to become slave happens long before the need for a Master comes along

-

Post #: 1

RE: i need some help please - 1/18/2005 1:58:18 PM

INSIDEYOURMIND

Posts: 483
Status: offline

petra,

The dynamic between yourself and your Dom/Master is defined by both of you, and until he collars or takes ownership of you, you have the right to set requiremments that are important to you. If he has requirements, why can't you? You can!

I love my sub with all of my heart, and we set ground rules before we entered this relationship, some of those rules have even been changed as we have evolved.

Do not settle for anything less than exactly what you seek, if you do, regrets will fester, and you are beginning something with an end, it may not be immediate, but it will end.

It can be very frustrating to search and search, but with patience, and determination, you will succeed.

I wish you all the luck that carolyn and I have had.

_____________________________

If I got smart with you.................
How would you know?

(in reply to match2u)

Post #: 2

RE: i need some help please - 1/18/2005 2:10:42 PM

match2u

Posts: 131
Joined: 11/15/2004
Status: offline

INSIDEYOURMIND - thanks a lot first of all for Your reponse.

like i told before i do not have a lot of experience, especially when it comes to M/s.
but i did told Him there is the need for me that my further Master will be in love to me.
His response was - may that will not happen with me.
not really an answer who helps.

got this problem with him before. He tell me anout a law and on the other hand i get a statement Master will make exceptions for their girls.

beyond the fact that it let a sadness inside me - thinking i have disappointed Him - i get totally confused then.

i am not sure what the best is to do?

petra

(in reply to INSIDEYOURMIND)

Post #: 3

RE: i need some help please - 1/18/2005 3:37:35 PM

Jeshy

Posts: 8
Joined: 12/10/2004
Status: offline

It's important to realize what YOU want. If he doesn't fit the description then you are probably better off with someone else. Granted, y'all can talk it out, but it seems that you want love and that's obviously something he doesn't believe in when it comes to a D/s relationship. And you can't force love. If you are feeling sad right now, before the relationship has even really begun, what are the chances that you might not feel worse when he actually does collar you?

(in reply to match2u)

Post #: 4

RE: i need some help please - 1/18/2005 3:48:57 PM

liltxsubby

Posts: 328
Joined: 11/18/2004
From: TX
Status: offline

There are at least 2 other threads asking this question. In both of them, the answer varies from person to person. (if i knew how to copy and paste the threds i would). Anyway, that being said i'm with you. i'm a sub that knows i will need love from my Dom, and if a Dom flat out told me he probablyy wouldnt be able to love me, i'd have to think long and hard about whether we wanted the same things and if i was willing to put myself through the heartbreak that would come wearing his collar knowing he didn't. The answer for me would be no It might hurt some now to leave him, but it will hurt a million times more later after you've invested your heart and soul to him and nothing in return. there's no relationship if 2 people want completely different things.

(in reply to Jeshy)

Post #: 5

RE: i need some help please - 1/18/2005 3:49:19 PM

SwitchNCgal

Posts: 79
Joined: 11/16/2004
Status: offline

I agree DON'T comprimise what you want just because you feel teh need to serve!

Serve someone that makes YOU HAPPY to serve and makes you HAPPIER when you make Him HAPPY that is the best way to get a very happy and fulfilling relationship for all involved.

_____________________________

A switch gal that needs a little special help now and then and is stuck in the southeast.

(in reply to Jeshy)

Post #: 6

RE: i need some help please - 1/18/2005 4:06:58 PM

nella

Posts: 1243
Joined: 12/30/2004
From: Norway
Status: offline

If you want romance and he only want a servant and cheep fuck perhaps you are not so right for one another after all. i am not judiging, just think aboute it.

(in reply to SwitchNCgal)

Post #: 7

RE: i need some help please - 1/18/2005 4:20:00 PM

emeraldgreeneyez

Posts: 4
Joined: 1/15/2005
Status: offline

I once heard something very similar to what you heard, and it wasn't long after that when I realized that I am not capable of serving someone who does not love me. Love meaning all aspects of love. There is a huge amount of trust needed in relationships of this sort and without genuine love, I find it hard to believe that pure honest trust can exist. It sounds like he may be right for you - but you may not be exactly right for him, it's a sad realization, yet good that you are questioning early on. Sub/slave or not, if you don't feel you are getting what you deserve, you probably aren't. In the end, if this situation does in fact end, all you will have is you, don't compromise what your heart tells you. It is possible to have a Master that will love you unconditionally, that is when the joy of this lifestyle really begins. Best luck and be safe, and above all, follow YOUR heart, not his requirements. emeraldgreeneyez

(in reply to match2u)

Post #: 8

RE: i need some help please - 1/19/2005 3:22:57 AM

darkinshadows

Posts: 4145
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: UK
Status: offline

Love is not needed to serve.

I am fortunate enough to serve Dominants who I respect and look up to. It does not mean I love them, not must I. The only absolute is that there is a mutual respect and power exchange.

I serve my husband. I love Him. I also submit to His will. I am His completely and how others see me... as a sub/slave or whatever... has no consequence upon my relationship with Him. The only thing that matters is His will. And His will is to love what is His.

Could I, as a bottom, serve and submit without love? Yes. But only if it had been discussed beforehand. You have mentioned that the Dominant in question has stated laws to you, yet agrees there are exceptions. Personally, it sounds as though you are confused by what He wants and He isnt communicating to you clearly. Explain this to Him. It is also possible that He doesnt truely know what He wants... possible the idea of love has never entered His thoughts before and now they are since you have been asking questions. The reality is that within BDSM there are no 'laws'. Possibly a 'Code of Conduct'... but laws and rules are set by individual relationships.

If You need love and He cannot provide it, then you have to decide whether you can cope without love if the need to serve Him is stronger than the need to be loved by Him. Only you can submit to that, He cannot force it from You. By the same token, You cannot 'make' Him love you... and hoping that one day, just possibly, He may... would be a blind hope that could cause much pain and suffering for the both of you in the future.

Just Angels opinion... its not the law...*s*

_____________________________

.dark.

...i surrender to gravity and the unknown...

(in reply to match2u)

Post #: 9

RE: i need some help please - 1/19/2005 4:23:43 AM

match2u

Posts: 131
Joined: 11/15/2004
Status: offline

hello darkangel,

thanks for your reply. you mention in your reply you fortunate enuogh to seve Doms who you respect and look up to.
also you mention you love your husband.

so that means your husband is also your Master?

in case it is so - and when i read your lines right then there is a relationship existing based on love too.

also you mention you could serve without love and submitt? probably everyone can for a time. does a long term relationship work out by this? and have you ever done - not just for a session, a month... in expectation that this will be a long term relation.

thanks a lot for your reply

petra

(in reply to darkinshadows)

Post #: 10

RE: i need some help please - 1/19/2005 5:43:35 AM

darkinshadows

Posts: 4145
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: UK
Status: offline

quote:

so that means your husband is also your Master?

Yes

quote:

in case it is so - and when i read your lines right then there is a relationship existing based on love too.

I would not say it is based purely on love, but love is there, yes.

quote:

also you mention you could serve without love and submitt? probably everyone can for a time. does a long term relationship work out by this? and have you ever done - not just for a session, a month... in expectation that this will be a long term relation.

I believe that you can serve and submit without love. But not everyone can nor should. Some people need love. If that is the case... then be true to yourself. I do know a longterm relationship(3 years and continuing)... that is not based on love, but on respect and the fulfilling of needs and desires that are reached in a mutual power exchange... the couple are happy, and that is all that matters.

I do serve others.... (with the permission of Him & not to the detriment of the relationship He desires).... and I have done for years. But that is not (as i understand it) what you are asking... You are asking about the specific relationship as a 'couple' or poly union....

Do I love my husband? Yes. Do I serve my husband because I love Him?.... No. I do so because it is what and who I am.

_____________________________

.dark.

...i surrender to gravity and the unknown...

(in reply to match2u)

Post #: 11

RE: i need some help please - 1/19/2005 9:50:44 AM

proudsub

Posts: 6142
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Washington
Status: offline

match2u,
You have made several posts in the last few weeks all of which show concern over your relationship. If you have that much doubt about your dom, i'm guessing maybe he isn't the right one for you. JMHO.

_____________________________

proudsub

"Without goals you become what you were. With goals you become what you wish." .

"You are entitled to your own opinions but not your own facts"--Alan Greenspan

(in reply to match2u)

Post #: 12

RE: i need some help please - 1/19/2005 10:23:11 AM

match2u

Posts: 131
Joined: 11/15/2004
Status: offline

Hello proudsub,

first of all thanks for your reply. like always i appreciate a lot.

may you are right - but i also have to admitt i am a novice when it comes to the lifestyle and so often i am not sure - is that right or wrong? testing limits? how to handle.

i do not wanna bother at all.

warm hug to you

petra

(in reply to proudsub)

Post #: 13

RE: i need some help please - 1/19/2005 2:54:21 PM

webgirl

Posts: 10
Joined: 12/1/2004
Status: offline

match2u,
i am new at this too but wanted to give you my honest opinion - don't settle! i know it is hard to not have someone to serve and perhaps even harder to end things when in some ways they are going well, but i think that the pain of needing someone to love you and never getting that love can be much worse and it may be something you can accept short term but in the long term it would weigh on me greatly... sometimes when we are new we rush into things and think that we can accept things from our M that if we only took the time to step back from the relationship that we would realise just aren't what we want... but i am a sub - not a slave so i have limits...

for me it wasn't until i ended a relationship that i realised how wrong it was for me and how much it went against who i am, even though when i was in it i thought i could handle all he was asking of me...

please take care of yourself and be true to what your needs and wants are. *hugs*

(in reply to match2u)

Post #: 14

RE: i need some help please - 1/19/2005 4:24:00 PM

match2u

Posts: 131
Joined: 11/15/2004
Status: offline

thanks to all so kind giving me an answer - even i may sometimes do not wanna hear - smile -

but at least all Your answers help me so far to find my way and refeclting myself - at least to search deep inside me who am i - what is it i need?

thats just what i love about the board ......

and i just wanna mention it

petra

(in reply to match2u)

Post #: 15

RE: i need some help please - 2/12/2005 8:05:15 AM

soulreaver67

Posts: 12
Joined: 1/30/2005
Status: offline

For what it is worth, this can be said--

You cannot truly love a woman and damage her (mentally, physically, or spiritually). For the meaning of true love is to sacrifice all of yourself and all that you have or will have, for that other person.

The *only* exception to that rule, is that if a Dom loves his slave so much, that he will hurt her, in order to keep someone else from hurting her and truly ruining her.

I remember watching the woman I love have hot wax dripped onto her bare pussy by another Dom at one point. It was fine, until I could tell she was registering actual unwanted pain and couldn't break free. It broke my heart. She does not know this, I share it here for illustration only. I had my answer then. Not to the one I love.

---

I hope this helps,

SoulReaver
"You are my Angel of Death, my SoulReaver."-- The Guardian

< Message edited by soulreaver67 -- 2/12/2005 8:06:18 AM >

(in reply to match2u)

Post #: 16

RE: i need some help please - 2/12/2005 9:43:55 AM

f0rbidden

Posts: 8
Status: offline

match2u, i feel for your confusion. i know what it is like to be so lost and just not know what to do..but i, for one (and this is just MY opinion) do not believe that love cannot exist in an M/s relationship. it's my opinion because i adore my Master..and love Him more than words can say..and i know that those feelings are returned in full by Him.

i would not live with a full-time Master/slave relationship only to serve. i wouldn't be me if i didn't love and if i wasn't loved in returned.

disclaimer: this is just an opinion. everyone is different: if we were all the same, the world would be a really boring place.

(in reply to match2u)

Post #: 17

RE: i need some help please - 2/12/2005 11:49:40 AM

MsSilvie

Posts: 248
Joined: 2/4/2005
Status: offline

I personally don't think love HAS to be a part of a D/s relationship. I sure don't think that it can't be. My belief is that a successful long term D/s relationship at least has mutial understanding and respect.

The other thing to take into consideration is that "love" is a word that gets tossed around in a lot of different ways. I love my parents, I love my boyfriend, I love my bottom guy, I love my dog and I really love a good microbrew with a well cooked dinner. It's the same word, but the feelings and relationships are not all the same. A lot of folks equate "love" with a frothy, romantic feeling that rhymes with "moon" and "June". Love can be fierce and firely or quiet and steady. There are lots of different ways to love and show your love, none of them are more intrinsically correct than others.

(in reply to match2u)

Post #: 18

RE: i need some help please - 2/12/2005 1:01:07 PM

krikket

Posts: 1183
Joined: 11/17/2004
From: Washington, DC Metro Area
Status: offline

I have to say that what he's telling you would confuse the heck out of me also. I've only had one Master, and loved him beyond all, as he loved me. I could not have served him had that love not been there between us. It definately did not affect the way he disciplined me, scened with me, etc. In fact, I think because he loved me and wanted only the best for me, he was stricter than he was with someone with whom he had a more casual relationship. He also expected the best from me, and I was wanted to give him nothing less.

For me it's as simple as that. I've been with several tops and Doms since then, and none of those relatinships have lasted. Now, I'll admit that I have some trust issues these days, so it's not the man's fault when things don't last. I wasn't looking for love the first time, it just happened.

I think there are many types of M/s relationships -- not all need love as a basis for it. Many times trust, friendship, respect, liking, etc., are enough. It's not for me -- so I wait, hope, and know that I was so very lucky in love once, and while I may submit with someone, I can't deeply surrender and give my complete submission until or unless those feelings are there.

It's difficult at times to stand firm. I refuse to settle. I'd love to have a partner who finds me loveable, and sexy and his submissive/slave.

Good luck and hugs
jimini

(in reply to match2u)

Post #: 19

RE: i need some help please - 2/12/2005 1:51:24 PM

BlouLady

Posts: 170
Joined: 2/8/2005
Status: offline

I may be new at this but one thing is for sure,if it is a long term relationship there has to at the VERY least be mutaul respect. I love my Dom very much and he loves me.I couldn't give him everyday the greatest gift I have (myself completely) without it. Remember you chose to be a sub/slave therefore it is a gift...find someone who deserves it.Read all of us telling you Don't settle. Good luck---Lady

(in reply to match2u)

Post #: 20

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