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Contacting Dominants - 10/1/2006 5:52:59 AM

eyesopened

Posts: 2798
Joined: 6/12/2006
From: Tampa, FL
Status: offline

Dear Sirs: i am wondering what is proper in contacting Dominants? For example, should a submissive make first contact? If a Dominant places a submissive on His "favorites" list, is He expecting a comment or contact or what exactly might He be conveying if He has a sub on His favorites but does not send an email? Please, Sirs, i've noticed that the vast majority of Dominants in my state will post no information or picture. Is it expected that a submissive should contact these Dominants based only on age, height, weight and location and then ask questions? i've read posts where Dominants are unhappy about the quantity and quality of the submissives who contact Them. i am rather old-fashioned and tend to think that the Dominant would make first contact if interested but i know there are others who believe the submissive should express her/his interest first. Please advise. Thank You.

_____________________________

Proudly owned by InkedMaster. He is the one i obey, serve, honor and love.

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Post #: 1

RE: Contacting Dominants - 10/1/2006 6:07:39 AM

gypsylee

Posts: 293
Joined: 9/18/2006
From: Melbournia, Australia
Status: offline

uh. if uncollared i'd do whatever i wanted.

just cos someone claims to be a Dom doesn't mean they are. and even if they are, they might not be the right kind of D for you.

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You're one twisted fuck... Nup, I'm just an ordinary girl with nothin' to lose.

(in reply to eyesopened)

Post #: 2

RE: Contacting Dominants - 10/1/2006 6:52:22 AM

RedSavageSlave

Posts: 733
Joined: 9/12/2006
Status: offline

<short not quite rant about "who approaches">

One of the things that bothers me is when a dom (but could also apply to a sub) approaches someone because they are interested in their profile, but then expects the RECEIVER to take on the responsibility of pursuit and interest after the initial contact. My take on who approaches is this.. if you are interested in ME.. make me WANT to pursue you as well. Dont send me an initial email, get a response to that email and then immediately go into "So tell me about yourself" like I am suddenly applying for a job. Maybe thats just me .. but I used to have as a "personal quote" .. I dont interview for positions I havent applied for.

If you want someone to be interested in you.. make your "ad" something that makes others want to get to know you better instead of just assuming everyone does want to when all you put out there is "looking for sub" or some such drivel.

<finishes rant with a simple> Thank you

_____________________________

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So many thoughts, so few of them rational

(in reply to gypsylee)

Post #: 3

RE: Contacting Dominants - 10/1/2006 7:24:16 AM

topcat

Posts: 1675
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Tidewater, VA
Status: offline

Dear Eyes-

It's a little old school of me, but i expect a submissive to make the petion, at least at the beginning.

Certainly , though, one who doesn't put in a little work to make ones profile attractive and at least a bit informative, shouldn't expect anyone to reach out...

Stay warm,
Lawrence

_____________________________

-there is no remission without blood-

(in reply to eyesopened)

Post #: 4

RE: Contacting Dominants - 10/1/2006 7:26:20 AM

SweetSarijane

Posts: 3788
Joined: 10/7/2005
From: KC area Missouri
Status: offline

It's really up to you what you want to do. If you see a profile that catches your interest for whatever reason, and you want to, then send a note saying hello and maybe remarking on what caught your eye in the profile. Even if it doesn't go as far as being in a dynamic, it could be the start of a wonderful friendship. Finding the one(s) who fits you doesn't happen overnight...takes time...build friendships and learn and be involved in your local lifestyle groups.

_____________________________

Sarah2
Deviant Mind
Wild Side Readers KCSass

(in reply to RedSavageSlave)

Post #: 5

RE: Contacting Dominants - 10/1/2006 7:29:59 AM

NYMaster101

Posts: 107
Joined: 7/11/2005
Status: offline

If you are interested, you should contact the DOM. It is possible he did not know you existed- make yourself know and see how it goes.

(in reply to SweetSarijane)

Post #: 6

RE: Contacting Dominants - 10/1/2006 8:07:31 AM

SwPuno

Posts: 72
Joined: 10/28/2004
Status: offline

I agree with NYMaster101. Perhaps the dom is open to a new relationship but does not routinely search through profiles so unless you post regularly and catch your eye they may never know about you unless you approach them. Also, some people do not have profiles and only post on the forums. Likewise a dom may never visit the forums (or the ones you post on) and so may not know of you if they just look at profiles. Don't rob both of you of a possibly wonderful future by waiting for them to see you if you see them first.

(in reply to NYMaster101)

Post #: 7

RE: Contacting Dominants - 10/1/2006 8:41:43 AM

diamonddreamlove

Posts: 770
Joined: 5/19/2006
Status: offline

I agree with the above is up to you, however if you do not share that you are interested you may miss out on the best D/s relationship in the world. I did the initial emails and continued to do so for quite a while. I also received many emails from Doms i would have missed had they not approached me. The relationship i am in now is one that i initially made the contact with. He responded and was not long before we met in person. I won't say it has been without a lot of soul searching and frustrations but keep looking until you find who is right for you. Don't miss your chance just because someone tells you not to be proactive in this search. Make it happen by looking, emailing and whatever it takes to find out if He (whoever He is) is the Dom for you. Good searching and best wishes for success.

diamond

_____________________________

"Many attempts to communicate are nullified by saying too much." Robert Greenleaf

(in reply to SwPuno)

Post #: 8

RE: Contacting Dominants - 10/1/2006 11:21:33 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

Why would you bother contacting someone who didn't care enough to make an impressive profile to begin with?

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(in reply to diamonddreamlove)

Post #: 9

RE: Contacting Dominants - 10/1/2006 12:58:51 PM

happypervert

Posts: 2203
Joined: 5/11/2004
From: Scranton, PA
Status: offline

quote:

If a Dominant places a submissive on His "favorites" list, is He expecting a comment or contact or what exactly might He be conveying if He has a sub on His favorites but does not send an email?

he may intend to contact you later, he may like looking at your picture while he jerks off, or he may have other reasons. Don't try figuring it out, but if you see someone on there you want to contact, then drop a line.

quote:

i am rather old-fashioned and tend to think that the Dominant would make first contact if interested but i know there are others who believe the submissive should express her/his interest first.

Well, this old fashioned stuff may do you no good if a dom doesn't see your profile or misinterprets what you wrote to think you won't get along. If you're interested in a fella then drop a line to let him know and see what happens.

As for the blank profiles -- you could write to them if you like such men of mystery, but it is probably better to assume they are not looking or are so stupid they have nothing interesting to say about themselves; after all, there are so many with just a few inane lines that it is unlikely the blanks are any better.

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(in reply to eyesopened)

Post #: 10

RE: Contacting Dominants - 10/1/2006 1:27:57 PM

DiurnalVampire

Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: eyesopened

Please, Sirs, i've noticed that the vast majority of Dominants in my state will post no information or picture. Is it expected that a submissive should contact these Dominants based only on age, height, weight and location and then ask questions?

If someone, Dom or sub, hasnt bothered to make even the minimal effort to put SOMETHING into a profile... picture or information, then I dont see much merit in contacting them. Its the lazy way out to simply use the CM checklist, and assume that someone will read the stock responses and want to get to know you. I wil often reply jokingly to someone who has added me to their favorites list, but has no profile to speak of. "Occasionally, a man of few words can be appealing, but it doesnt tell me much. Care to expound?"
However, being added to someones favorites list is not always a show of interest, as much as it is a bookmark. They might be thinking about contact, or they might just like your pictures (which I get often).
IF you wish to contact a Dom, do so politely, and dont go over the top with the I want to be your property take me crap. Thats just a complete turnoff right away. Maybe a hello and ask them if they would like to ge to know you better, or that you would like to learn more about them and then see where they take it.

My 2 cents.

DV

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to eyesopened)

Post #: 11

RE: Contacting Dominants - 10/1/2006 1:41:08 PM

MASTERRocker

Posts: 277
Joined: 9/19/2006
From: Kitchener-Waterloo, ON
Status: offline

For Me personally; I have no issues sending a message to a sub or slave - expressing condifence or something they mention in their profile - it is no different than if I was at the mall; and saw a lovely woman - I would approach her to express my appreciation or whatever. Does that mean I want to own her = NO.
It is common courtesy and most times makes their day brighter.
And honestly - from what I hear - the men constantly 'hound' the women with messages...; not often the men are complaining about 'being overwhelmed' by messages... LOL!! I enjoy getting responses and questions from whoever - for you to show an interest in someone is welcome and acceptable.....
Remember (this is a contentious statement) - it is the slave or submissive who decides who she will give herself to - not demanded or manipulated

(in reply to DiurnalVampire)

Post #: 12

RE: Contacting Dominants - 10/1/2006 1:47:12 PM

CrappyDom

Posts: 1883
Joined: 4/11/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline

LA and I are spoiled, we get to go to many events where we can meet a wide variety of people.

If you are in some tiny or repressed state and ANYONE is worth contacting, then shoot them a polite email asking about them. In a state where you have knuckle dragging Christians I don't blame some people from not having a big profile, although you still might wonder how big their balls are. Anyway, if the guy isn't an ass and sends back an interesting email, flirt away. If instead you get some pompous or chatroomesque response, blow them off.

(in reply to MASTERRocker)

Post #: 13

RE: Contacting Dominants - 10/1/2006 2:18:20 PM

akisha

Posts: 2071
Joined: 6/25/2005
Status: offline

I think the only person that added me to thier favorites list that i contacted was another sub and that was because she was a friend of a friend and I wanted to say hi. 95% of the people that have added me to their favorites list have never contacted me so i just assume they did it for some other reason. No skin off my butt that they did. They obviously had their own reason for doing so. I don't feel i'm there for obligated to write them.

I tend not to e-mail a Dom first. Not because I don't feel it's my place but I tend to like to sit back and learn people first. I've only contacted on Dom on this site with out knowing anything about Him. I must say it's turned out suprisingly well so far hehe

I figure if you really feel you should drop someone a line and say hi then go for it. There is usually a reason you are compelled to do something.

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(in reply to CrappyDom)

Post #: 14

RE: Contacting Dominants - 10/1/2006 5:09:47 PM

TemptingNviceSub

Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
Status: offline

As someone said you are not collared so do as you will.Some Dominants I find prefer to be contacted whilst others do not.Since you know not ,what each individual prefers, then you make the decision.Personally I have contacted some Dominants who interested me thinking I am a better judge of what it is that I am attracted to..but you leave yourself open to be ignored or rejected for whatever reason..(kind of get a taste of what men deal with)..good thing for the most part that most Dominants tend to have a very good ego base.

.....Tempting

(in reply to akisha)

Post #: 15

RE: Contacting Dominants - 10/2/2006 2:38:07 AM

eyesopened

Posts: 2798
Joined: 6/12/2006
From: Tampa, FL
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CrappyDom

If you are in some tiny or repressed state and ANYONE is worth contacting, then shoot them a polite email asking about them. In a state where you have knuckle dragging Christians I don't blame some people from not having a big profile, although you still might wonder how big their balls are.

*laughs* i DO live in a tiny and repressed state that is filled with knuckle-dragging Christians.

i thank everyone for their advice and comments.

_____________________________

Proudly owned by InkedMaster. He is the one i obey, serve, honor and love.

No one is honored for what they've received. Honor is the reward for what has been given.

(in reply to CrappyDom)

Post #: 16

RE: Contacting Dominants - 10/2/2006 7:10:33 AM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: eyesopened

Dear Sirs: i am wondering what is proper in contacting Dominants? For example, should a submissive make first contact?

What do you feel comfortable with? If you'd like to contact someone, do so. If they take this in a negative way, they're most likely not the one for you anyway.

quote:

If a Dominant places a submissive on His "favorites" list, is He expecting a comment or contact or what exactly might He be conveying if He has a sub on His favorites but does not send an email?

There's no way to answer this as we are not that particular Dominant. Again, if you like what you see in the profile, contact them.

quote:

Please, Sirs, i've noticed that the vast majority of Dominants in my state will post no information or picture. Is it expected that a submissive should contact these Dominants based only on age, height, weight and location and then ask questions?

You only have to contact people if you WANT to. If you don't like what you see, or don't like that you can't see anything, don't contact them.

quote:

i've read posts where Dominants are unhappy about the quantity and quality of the submissives who contact Them. i am rather old-fashioned and tend to think that the Dominant would make first contact if interested but i know there are others who believe the submissive should express her/his interest first. Please advise. Thank You.

You are allowed to be unhappy with the quantity and quality of those who contact you, too. After all, you are looking for someone to have a real relationship with (I'm assuming). Simply put in your profile that you're "old fashioned" and so, as a woman, you don't feel comfortable making the first move. You're allowed to want what you want. Know, however, if you put that in your profile, you're apt to get some who email you to tell you how wrong you are. Again, if this is how you truly feel and they happen to disagree with you, then you know they are not for you simply from their initial contact. It's a great weeding process.

Master Fire

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
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Ms Relationship Books
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BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to eyesopened)

Post #: 17

RE: Contacting Dominants - 10/2/2006 9:51:39 AM

Rule

Posts: 10479
Joined: 12/5/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: eyesopened
If a Dominant places a submissive on His "favorites" list, is He expecting a comment or contact or what exactly might He be conveying if He has a sub on His favorites but does not send an email?

I have two girls only on my favourites list because I like their pose. I suppose I could add a few more. I hardly ever activate them, though. Months may pass before I look on my favourites list and activate their profiles. It is merely a compliment. Would I like to own them? Yes and maybe.

quote:

ORIGINAL: eyesopened
i've noticed that the vast majority of Dominants in my state will post no information or picture.

I have no picture and little information. I have clearly stated that I am not looking and why and that I have a herpes virus. It works fine, as only a very few people have contacted me.

Surprisingly, two "local" subs took the initiative to contact me, for my interest in Gor, but unfortunately they were empty or very reticent vessels. That does not enable a productive conversation.

Anyone who wants to know me, may read my posts on the forums.

(in reply to eyesopened)

Post #: 18

RE: Contacting Dominants - 11/26/2006 11:49:14 PM

LoganStrange

Posts: 34
Joined: 4/13/2006
Status: offline

In real life, I tend to contact first, but I have found that online that most women get swamped with so many emails that there is no real point in trying, So online I let my profile do what it can, If there is an interest in a Dom then by all means drop a line but know that if you have a profile that attracts a good Dom, it will attract houndreds of others too.

And yes, blank means don't waste your time.

(in reply to Rule)

Post #: 19

RE: Contacting Dominants - 11/27/2006 1:42:46 AM

CandleInTheWind

Posts: 347
Joined: 10/20/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: eyesopened

Dear Sirs: i am wondering what is proper in contacting Dominants? For example, should a submissive make first contact? If a Dominant places a submissive on His "favorites" list, is He expecting a comment or contact or what exactly might He be conveying if He has a sub on His favorites but does not send an email? Please, Sirs, i've noticed that the vast majority of Dominants in my state will post no information or picture. Is it expected that a submissive should contact these Dominants based only on age, height, weight and location and then ask questions? i've read posts where Dominants are unhappy about the quantity and quality of the submissives who contact Them. i am rather old-fashioned and tend to think that the Dominant would make first contact if interested but i know there are others who believe the submissive should express her/his interest first. Please advise. Thank You.

I know that alot of the people that put me on their favorites contact me once and tell e that they like my picture, ot that they liked my chuzpah in my journal or what ever..then then have put me on their favorites list...I assume that they simply wanted to either be able to see my picture again...or read what i had to say...or perhaps down the line when they are not attached make a go for me.. I do not feel the need to contact anyone just becasue they have become an admirer...they can admire all they want they can look they just cant touch

Just my read onthe topic

have great day
little red

_____________________________

It is better to be hated for something that you are
than it is to be loved for something you are not

(in reply to eyesopened)

Post #: 20

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