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Why? - 10/2/2006 7:51:19 AM   
banda1sea


Posts: 1
Joined: 7/28/2004
Status: offline 		I know Dommes receive a lot of mail from prospective subs particularly single males, and I also realise that there are a lot of wannabes out there BUT why oh why are Dommes so rude as to not reply to a polite respectful message. Is it beyond their capability to send a quick note saying thank for your message but I am to busy or not interested or is it tht there are a lot of fake Dommes out there
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Why? - 10/2/2006 7:58:15 AM   
littlesarbonn


Posts: 1710
Joined: 12/3/2005
From: Stockton, California
Status: offline 		They're probably too busy and overwhelmed by the number of emails that it is probably not cost effective to send a response to each and every one. They COULD be rude in some cases, but at no point is it really a requirement that they respond to ANYONE who sends them a message out of the blue.

For the most part, almost every domme I have sent an email has responded, but mainly because I was sending a message of comment about posts or profile commentary (positive natured) and not looking for a love connection. And even a few of those have responded instructing me how to send them money to continue the conversation. But that's a rarity, and I ignore those people from that point forward if they haven't even bothered to read the email I sent them in the first place.

(in reply to banda1sea)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Why? - 10/2/2006 7:58:44 AM   
softpjOS


Posts: 398
Joined: 6/7/2005
Status: offline 		A post about "rude Dommes not responding to polite emails".  Must be Monday eh?

To publicly whine about not getting the response you expect from your unsolicited email and top it off with a comment about "fake Dommes"?  Hmm. 

Perhaps spending some time in chat getting to know people?  Or maybe participating on the message boards instead of sending out what could very well be considered "junk mail" would be a start?

Just my 2 cents on this rainy dreary "Moanday"

(in reply to banda1sea)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Why? - 10/2/2006 8:04:10 AM   
MASTERRocker


Posts: 277
Joined: 9/19/2006
From: Kitchener-Waterloo, ON
Status: offline 		Well; I cannot speak for the ladies - but with a 'crybaby' attitidue like that - no wonder you are on ignore;  Softpj has the right idea - get to know others first - and let them get to know you. Everyone does research if they are actually really considering someone.
MASTER Rocker

(in reply to softpjOS)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Why? - 10/2/2006 8:13:54 AM   
marieToo


Posts: 3595
Joined: 5/21/2006
From: Jersey
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: banda1sea

I know Dommes receive a lot of mail from prospective subs particularly single males, and I also realise that there are a lot of wannabes out there BUT why oh why are Dommes so rude as to not reply to a polite respectful message. Is it beyond their capability to send a quick note saying thank for your message but I am to busy or not interested or is it tht there are a lot of fake Dommes out there


I personally feel that it's polite to return mail as long as it's not rude or offensive.  Even a quick no thank you with a breif explanation is better than ignoring.  But not everyone will do that.  Most people who have nothing to gain from another person, simply will not extend any care.   Just be glad that you see upfront and immediately what they are made of and you can scratch them right off your list.  Not everyone is rude.

_____________________________

marie.


I give good agita.









(in reply to banda1sea)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Why? - 10/2/2006 8:33:30 AM   
Nikolette


Posts: 488
Joined: 10/2/2004
Status: offline 		Yes. Sometimes I actually get too many emails to reply to.

My main reasons for NOT replying even to be polite (although really most often I do reply, and occasionally I even give a mean reply if I am in a bitchy mood):

1: They clearly didn't read my profile all the way through. Its not my fault if they wasted their time in writing me, I am not going to continue to waste or, or my own by bothering with a reply.

2: Their polite email was stupid or boring. A submissive who is really interested in me ought to have more to say than "How's it going.... blah blah about me ... blather blather about what I like ... words words about what I want from a Domme etc" I expect them to at least pretend to be interested in me as a person. Its not my fault if they aren't willing to invest enough to get interested ... EVEN if its polite and nice and heart felt.

3: They are unreasonably unattractive. Seriously... unless they seem like their personality really WILL make up for the fact that I don't immediately find them attractive... Sometimes I don't bother replying if I am busy. However more often than not I still say no thanks.

4: I check my email at a time when I am busy, and if I am not interested I don't spare the time to go back and hunt through all the emails I get that I am not interested in.


.... if someone is THAT interested in getting a reply from me, they should send me a reminder note or two that they sent me a message, no matter how uninterested I am, if they really really need a reason I'll always tell them.




~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

additionally I don't think it makes me a bad person or even a rude one, or even someone a sub would see is "that type of person" and wouldn't want involved with ... just because sometimes I don't reply. And I don't think less of someone who doesn't reply to me, I especially don't think they are rude unless its a really specific email addressing a really specific thing.

< Message edited by Nikolette -- 10/2/2006 8:38:08 AM >

_____________________________

"You must be the change you wish to see in the world." ---Mahatma Gandhi

(in reply to banda1sea)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Why? - 10/2/2006 8:50:21 AM   
lunamor


Posts: 52
Joined: 6/9/2005
Status: offline 		For me the nature of the message itself determine whether I send a reply or not. I'll always reply with a brief, "Thanks, not interested but good luck" if the sender's message expresses something with genuine content. I don't reply to senseless messages like, "Do U chat?", "I'll do anything you want", etc.

(in reply to Nikolette)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Why? - 10/2/2006 8:57:22 AM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline 		Your profile couldn't be found. Perhaps this is related to your problem? Contact the collarme people...it seems that everyone once in a while this glitch shows up in the system.

In aswer to your question: the usual reasons I don't answer are: 1) They obviously haven't read my profile and/or 2) I don't find their profile to be even sub-standard. Most of the time, I do answer, even if to say we're not a match.

Master Fire


_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to banda1sea)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Why? - 10/2/2006 9:00:52 AM   
MsKatHouston


Posts: 1909
Joined: 6/7/2006
From: Houston, TX
Status: offline 		I reply to almost every message I get.  I do, however, sometimes take awhile to get to them.  I usually read them immediately then take a bit of time to run through them all and reply when I have a bit more time. 

It is a Monday.  I am overly tired of all us terribly rude Dommes.  We all are that way eh?  All us rude Dommes...all you rude subs...it's a wonder anyone here communicates at all.  Sheesh.

_____________________________

-Kat

~If you can't be a good example, you'll just have to serve as a horrible warning~

(in reply to lunamor)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Why? - 10/2/2006 9:06:14 AM   
DiannaVesta


Posts: 1087
Joined: 2/6/2006
From: Mid-Atlantic area
Status: offline 		I admit I don't reply to messages that appear to be copy and pasted. I get a lot of mail. If the email addresses me by name and it seems as though they actually read my profile then I always reply.

_____________________________



(in reply to MsKatHouston)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Why? - 10/2/2006 9:21:57 AM   
undergroundsea


Posts: 2400
Joined: 6/27/2004
From: Austin, TX
Status: offline 		I see a response as a gracious act done without obligation to do so. And I see it has the benefit to provide closure through clear communication--there is no question about whether the email has not yet been read and the like, or whether it has taken the back burner in favor of a dialogue already in progress. Still, I do not see a lack of response as rude.

I think the math (the time required to read an email and profile, and write a response then multiplied by the number of emails and multiple accounts most people have on CM, yahoo and the like) allows me to see why there might not be a response.

Cheers,

Sea

< Message edited by undergroundsea -- 10/2/2006 9:59:42 AM >

(in reply to banda1sea)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Why? - 10/2/2006 9:50:52 AM   
EbonyFtshGoddess


Posts: 446
Joined: 1/1/2006
From: Hollywood Hills, CA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: banda1sea

I know Dommes receive a lot of mail from prospective subs particularly single males, and I also realise that there are a lot of wannabes out there BUT why oh why are Dommes so rude as to not reply to a polite respectful message. Is it beyond their capability to send a quick note saying thank for your message but I am to busy or not interested or is it tht there are a lot of fake Dommes out there


whenever i  send someone a polite reply of rejection (for whatever reason), rather than just accepting the fact that i feel we aren't a match..  i get emails back that are rude, angry, antagonistic and sometimes flat out fucking creepy.

usually these are one liner emails, people that send me their WHOLE life story and it's like a 3 page email, form letters (and yes we can spot a form letter a mile away), people that don't take the time to read my profile to see what i'm seeking or accepting, offers of online servitude, or just plain goddamn boring and lacking of substance.

i took the guesswork out of approaching me in my profile. i list the things i want them to touch upon in their first email and i even add the caveat that if they don't adhere to the T that their email will most likely be deleted. so there really is no excuse for someone not to adhere to my protocol for contact. i'd say probably 10% actually do adhere to it on their first approach.. the rest fail my first test before class even begins. the rest piss and moan because their email landed in the rubbish bin.

maybe you shouldn't focus on why they're so rude as not to reply and ask yourself what about your approach is causing them not to reply. if someone has a specific way they want to be contacted, a specific age group they're seeking, or any other criteria.. and you don't fit that mold.. then odds are you're wasting your time and theirs and she is by no means obligated to send you a reply.

it's much easier for us not to reply than to send someone a response that will just set them off anyway. the sheer vast majority of the time that's precisely what will happen. they feel dejected or their little slave egos are bruised and then they show their true colours which makes us happy we didn't reply in the first damn place.

it has nothing to do with being fake or rude, but sometimes silence is a response heard loud and clear. review her profile, review the way you approached her, learn from it and chalk it up as a loss then move on.


_____________________________

One Man's Phobia is Another Man's Fetish

(in reply to banda1sea)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Why? - 10/2/2006 3:37:50 PM   
houstonmalesub


Posts: 10
Joined: 5/25/2005
Status: offline 		Usually, I try to look for something in the person's most recent journal post and I try to be original and funny, yet not tacky (unless I know the person ... then all bets are off!)  Even if there is never any connection, there's a good chance that I've made a new friend in the process.

I'd say that I get about a 90% response rate of some type.

(in reply to EbonyFtshGoddess)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Why? - 10/2/2006 3:48:17 PM   
BlkTallFullfig


Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: houstonmalesub
I try to look for something in the person's most recent journal post and I try to be original and funny, yet not tacky

I'd say that I get about a 90% response rate of some type.
And that is probably why people reply to you more frequently than not.   Writing like you've noticed her beyond the word dominant is a big plus in opening comunication.   M

_____________________________

a.k.a. SexyBossyBBW
""Touching was, and still is, and will always be, the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni

(in reply to houstonmalesub)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Why? - 10/2/2006 4:56:39 PM   
OriginalStuff


Posts: 48
Joined: 6/11/2005
Status: offline 		I find emails from trolls offensive. I mean if they trully read My profile, they would have seen that I clearly post several times init, that I am not interested in another slave. I am open to friends and I do reply to those emails. I state that 3 times yet the emails continue. So it is obvious they are not reading MY likes and dislikes, let alone  any portion of MY profile. So in My book these people are nothing more then whack kings/queens looking for nothing more then jerk off material.  And No I dont reply to such ignorance. As its been said in the previous posts, try getting to know someone.  I have actually messaged  one fellow on how humorous his profile was. He did reply and mentioned living near Me. pj and Myself offered to meet him for lunch as friends (upfront info), suddenly his profile dissapeared and I then began getting letters from some fool ( the guy who I had complimented) being rude, and foolish in MY opinion. I called him by his prior name  in the following message I sent him and wahhh laaah the messages dissapeared. GO FIGURE LOL.  Take the time to be polite and ask if its okay to converse with that Dom/me. Dont just think She/He will entertain you, they do have much more important things on thier list then putting up with some needy/rejected sub. I find that answering them usually just encourages them more.  So unless they were polite and sincere I dont bother.  I have included My profile quotes,  that states clearly I am not interested in other subs/slaves and yet I still continue to get "please mistress" mail.
 
MY profile,states it clearly. as anyone can see. Can it be spelled out any clearer????
I am not looking for another slave, just keeping contact with F/friends and reading the Message boards. Do not send Me resumes for your service, As I am not interested.
Here it is, spelled out: I do not seek subs or slaves at this time.

I am not looking for another personal slave.  If you write asking Me, your email will be automatically deleted.

OriginalStuff..........

(in reply to BlkTallFullfig)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Why? - 10/2/2006 5:05:21 PM   
Najakcharmer


Posts: 2121
Joined: 5/3/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: banda1sea

I know Dommes receive a lot of mail from prospective subs particularly single males, and I also realise that there are a lot of wannabes out there BUT why oh why are Dommes so rude as to not reply to a polite respectful message. Is it beyond their capability to send a quick note saying thank for your message but I am to busy or not interested or is it tht there are a lot of fake Dommes out there


I get lots of mail from prospective subs.  Problem is, it says clearly in my profile that I'm looking for friends of any gender and orientation who share some of my real life non kinky interests.  If you don't meet those criteria, please don't proposition me for kinky stuff and especially please don't send me explicit emails or photos. 

Guess what most of the guys who write me do anyhow.  Yep.  They don't even bother to take a few minutes read the profile before emailing, they just ask for all of the stuff I specifically say I'm not looking for, and they have no idea what I am looking for even though my profile is pretty clear on the subject. 

So yeah, they get ignored and blocked.  Anyone who takes the time to write a friendly, polite letter talking like a real human being, preferably about any non kinky stuff we have in common, definitely gets a friendly response.  Unfortunately most of the guys who email me aren't doing that.  If they don't care enough about what I want to bother reading my profile, I don't care enough about what they want to bother responding. 

(in reply to banda1sea)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Why? - 10/2/2006 5:13:17 PM   
DiurnalVampire


Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: banda1sea

I know Dommes receive a lot of mail from prospective subs particularly single males, and I also realise that there are a lot of wannabes out there BUT why oh why are Dommes so rude as to not reply to a polite respectful message. Is it beyond their capability to send a quick note saying thank for your message but I am to busy or not interested or is it tht there are a lot of fake Dommes out there

When I get an email from an interested sub, polite or not, who has professed to have read and oved my profile, and then offers himself to me, he will not be getting a polite aswer.  Mainly, becasue in my profile it very clearly states that I have collared my boy and I am looking for nothing beyond conversation. If you are going t tell someone how much you love their profile, read the whole thing.
HOWEVER a polite email, from a male or female sub, who does not tel me what a great pet they would be but shows some interest in wanting to actually have a conversation wil almost always get a reply.
Just becasue someone is polite when they write to us des not mean they have earned our respect. You have to be polite and actualy show you have made a effort to read what we offer and understand what we are looking for.  Just becasue you are interested, we may not be, and while replying to 3 or 4 emails a day is nothing difficult, 20 is a little more difficult. When I have that many, making sure a sub I dont know, who I have no interest in doesnt get his feelings bruised becsaue I dont reply is low on my priority list. Especialy since all I would be teling him was no thanks. Seems pointless.

Would you be happier with a form letter rejection?  Something we can type up and cut and paste?  Thats just as impersonal as not bothering to return the letter, but would that sort of acknowledgement be somehow better than getting nothing back?
DV

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to banda1sea)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Why? - 10/2/2006 5:22:21 PM   
michaelGA2


Posts: 1533
Joined: 4/26/2006
Status: offline 		most men love playing this game...for what reason...i do not know...i don't buy into it and find such men to give the rest of us a bad rep.

_____________________________

Are we having fun, yet?

(in reply to banda1sea)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Why? - 10/2/2006 6:14:02 PM   
Misstoyou


Posts: 1149
Joined: 9/4/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: EbonyFtshGoddess

whenever i send someone a polite reply of rejection (for whatever reason), rather than just accepting the fact that i feel we aren't a match.. i get emails back that are rude, angry, antagonistic and sometimes flat out fucking creepy.



I know I've been really lucky, that this has never happened to me. Not once. I do reply to emails, but lucky for me these days guys seem to believe me when I say I'm not looking. lol Removing most of my pictures hasn't hurt either. (But they were *never* as good as yours, ebonyfetishgoddess.)

_____________________________

~ Miss Marie

a.k.a. "mean Lady"


(in reply to EbonyFtshGoddess)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Why? - 10/2/2006 6:21:02 PM   
DiurnalVampire


Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline
quote:


whenever i  send someone a polite reply of rejection (for whatever reason), rather than just accepting the fact that i feel we aren't a match..  i get emails back that are rude, angry, antagonistic and sometimes flat out fucking creepy.


Ah, I had forgotten about those.  I get lots of those as well. And the there are the ones that look up my boy's information (since I have his name in my profile) and then proceed to tell me they are a better match for me than he is and why.  And of course there is always the flaming for being on the site when I am not loking, and how I should take down my profile if I am not trying to find someone.

It seems sometimes that a reply opens the lines of communication and a rejection seems to mean that a sub male no longer has to be polite or even particularly submissive anymore.  Sine they dont care about ipressing me, they can speak as they wish, and usualy its either self centered, arrogant or rude.  When you get enough of these responses (which I have since I put LoverForDomme under consideration, and even more now that he is collared) you ust stop responding.  Dont blame us for being rude.  Blame the subs that cant handle rejection for screwing things up. 

DV

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to EbonyFtshGoddess)
Profile   Post #: 20
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