Young Dominants (Full Version)

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shaen -> Young Dominants (10/2/2006 8:37:55 PM)

I have been having a problem with age descrimination in this life. It makes me ask what is wrong with being young. Getting rejected isn't a problem but I don't see why age is the issue. A sub. or slave saying no simply because of age is a bit dumb, I know we may not know as much or be as goood as older Dominants BUT, what most seem to lean toward is that we have to be lonely, miserable until we're 30+. Now, if we do this we're in the same place as we are now since we don't learn anything because we have noone to learn with because they want older Dom(me)s. They base this on nothing more than the young generation of assholes that are coming up now instead of those few that were raised right. I know many of my generation deserve nothing less then to be shot, but there are a few good ones out here. I personally have experience in training and know what I want and am doing. I'll admit I don't know everything, I'm not that arrgoant but I know what I want and what I am and there is no reason for this bull shit to happen.



FancySeatCover -> RE: Young Dominants (10/2/2006 8:41:35 PM)

get involved in a local group and prove yourself by doing instead of speaking. when your actions speak louder than your words the age thing will go away.



MasterC46910 -> RE: Young Dominants (10/2/2006 8:44:16 PM)

From looking at your profile, I would say it is more what you don't say.  Subs want a Dom that is able to express himself  and communicate well.  It could be your age is just an excuse.  There are a number of girls wanting a Dom in their mid 20's.



MasterFireMaam -> RE: Young Dominants (10/2/2006 8:58:23 PM)

I don't think it's your age...in all honesty, your profile is less than exciting. If you want to attract someone, you have to make yourself attractive. You wouldn't send out what you wrote on a resume would you?

If you have trouble describing yourself, try writing about what you want in a relationship. Then, write about what you have to offer. If you do this long enough, you'll have a doucment much like my household manual.

Master Fire





NakedOnMyChain -> RE: Young Dominants (10/2/2006 9:10:00 PM)

From one twenty-something to another, it's unfair, but it's understandable.  You've effectually answered your question in your post.  They don't want someone inexperienced.  They don't want someone immature.  It's that simple.  And while most people understand that this is not always the case, many aren't willing to take that chance.  It's not going to change anytime soon.  In the meantime, try to find someone a bit younger than you.  When I was eighteen I remember thinking that twenty-five was quite mature.  (Of course the closer I get to it, the more I think how wrong I was.)

On a side note, I agree with the above posters.  Your profile reads as impersonal.  Honestly, your profile in a word would be "submissive".  It's one thing not to be picky, it's quite another to have no idea what you are searching for.  Most submissives want a dominant who knows their own mind.  If you are having trouble realizing what you want in the lifestyle, and would like to gain more experience, I would recommend searching for a mentor instead of a submissive.



Lordandmaster -> RE: Young Dominants (10/2/2006 9:13:27 PM)

That's putting it mildly.  This is the full text of the OP's profile:

quote:

Hello... um... I suck at describing myself, so if you have any questions feel free to ask anything. My only real requirement is a sense of humor, other than that I'm not that picky.

P.S. Picture upon request because I have only 1 and I hate it...


If you hate the only picture you have, why not make the effort to get one you like?  Your profile doesn't do anything except convince people that you really do suck at describing yourself.  A little effort goes a long way.  I suck at a lot of things that I've forced myself to learn how to do because I'm not content with just sucking at things.

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterFireMaam

I don't think it's your age...in all honesty, your profile is less than exciting.



willow06 -> RE: Young Dominants (10/2/2006 9:21:29 PM)

As another 20-something, I'll say that I haven't experienced the age discrimination myself.  Then again, I'm extremely new.  However, from reading numerous profiles of just about every type, I can see that such an age bias exists.  I came to CM assuming that most of the people who I would appeal to as a new dominant female would be people around my own age.  I also figured that most of my experience would be out in the local scene, which I am venturing into already.  BTW, not to steal the spotlight or anything, but I'd love constructive criticism on my own profile.  It's not much yet, but I'm still feeling my way.

edited 'cause it was a fast reply...



wysper -> RE: Young Dominants (10/2/2006 9:21:39 PM)

Many folks do equate age with experience, whether it's fair or not.  I'd have to agree with all who have posted so far.  You're more likely to attact the sub you want by giving us a little more information about yourself. 

If you're one of those folks who present themselves better in person, get out to a munch or two and start talking to people. :)  I've also heard tell that there is a chapter of TNG (a group comprised of BDSM'ers between 18 and 35) in the area somewhere.  I don't personally agree with the philosophy that we should segregate ourselves by age.  We have so much we can all learn from each other.  But at least at their gatherings all the subs will be expecting to see young Doms.

Personally, the only time I use age as a determining factor is when the difference is so great as to make common interests next to impossible.



dombill32 -> RE: Young Dominants (10/2/2006 10:11:59 PM)

People have the right to have a preferred age range that they would like their partner to be in, that isnt discrimination, just a person's preference.

I think experience is something valuable and something people should try to gain in anyway they can, but its not the only thing.  I think knowing who you are and being able to be honest about what you want, what you believe in, the type of relationship you are looking for are just as important and need to be made as clear as possible to any person you approach or to who ever approaches you.

When you meet a person for the 1st time whether it be online or in person experience is valuable but with a new relationship will come new things that your experience may not fit exactly with what you have with that new person, and thats where your personal beliefs and knowledge and confidence in yourself come into play.  Some things between people are purly intuative and who you are and your experience help you to act in the proper ways.

Get a good understanding of yourself and learn how to express it.



prettichinadoll -> RE: Young Dominants (10/2/2006 10:12:45 PM)

I have nothing against people of my age, but I simply prefer older guys. I see it as a personal choice, like some people like Mexican food, others like Chinese food, or some of us enjoy canes, while others love thuddy floggers.

First of all, to be honest, although I set my age range to 35-45, I always try to keep an open mind for younger people. Yet more than often, I was disappointed. Many proclaimed that they have years of experience, yet don't even know the most common safety issues during the scene. And if they're caught up on lack of necessary knowledge, they often take offensively. I see that as a huge red light. There's nothing wrong with limited experience, nobody born to know everything. It is the attitude that counts.

secondly, it is quite understandable for subs who might want a more experienced dom to play with, especially newbie subs. It is out body on the line there, and we need to make sure that the doms we play with are experienced enough to keep us safe. Many people learn from mistakes, but what we play is risky and more than often dangerous physcially and emotionally, maybe as  dom you can always find some other "fresh meat" subbies to try out, but we can't offered mistakes.

Some people believes that a dom should started out as a sub, i don't think it's necessary for everyone, but I think it's a very good starting point.

Please do understand that what i'm saying comes from my experiences, and it doesn't necessarily apply to your situation and it doesn't mean every young dom is like that. I simply hope you understand why subs would want a more experienced dom.  



TheShadows -> RE: Young Dominants (10/2/2006 11:00:52 PM)

Most everyone's been the new kid on the block at some point.  It's not forever and will gradually go away as you gain hands-on experience.  You wouldn't apply for a job as a CEO of a corporation at 25 with only a high school diploma to your name and expect to get the job, would you?  The same kinda thing applies here.  As FancySeatCover said, walk the walk instead of talking the talk, and things will get better for you.

As always, YMMV...

MrsShadows



MasterKalif -> RE: Young Dominants (10/3/2006 3:14:56 AM)

I sympathize with you as I had the age discrimination thing not too long ago. I think those subs are using it as an excuse because they didn't like your profile, I suppose. 

Anyways, my advice to you, like many on here, is to change your profile to make it more interesting, at least state what you look for, and take it slow, with no expectations. You can post your profile for us to give you hints or ideas as to make it more succesful. Remember, as lousy as it sounds, we have to "sell" ourselves to someone who doesn't know us, much like in a job interview.



DivaDuchess -> RE: Young Dominants (10/3/2006 3:29:26 AM)

Shaen ... You come across in your profile as submissive.  Change it up a bit ... Dominants show confidence, even when they don't feel very confident.  For instance, my husband didn't write our profile ... I did it.  He, quite frankly ... sucks at it *lol*.  Suggestion ... hmmm ... find someone that can write a profile (I can for instance), after you describe yourself, likes/dislikes and goals.  Answer me these questions:

1.  What do you want?
2.  What IS your experience?  (ie:  have you owned a sub/slave before)
3.  Are you seeking a TPE?
4.  Hobbies?
5.  List a couple of hard limits (so you don't get every nut case in the world in your mail box)
6.  List some vanilla activities IN the profile, not just down the side questionaire stuff.

If you can give some detail ... I'll write something up for you.  No biggie.  And ... if you don't like the picture you have, take one you DO like.  Webcams are wonderful things for doing that.





Mavis -> RE: Young Dominants (10/3/2006 3:42:10 AM)

There are a few groups in your area that offer social contacts, and educational events.  Youth is only a problem when it's coupled with inexperience and ignorance.  Either of those can be solved with some community contact.  Check into any or all three of these links:

Meet times vary:
NLA can get you in touch with educational meets, and a group of 35 and under BDSMers.  http://www.nla-nashville.org/  

Fridays:
This group is informal and also has both social and educational meets.
http://www.middletndungeonsociety.com/

Wednesdays & Thursdays:
This group has a roving munch, and an e-mail alerts list so you can get updates on events in the area.    http://GrownUps.info



FangsNfeet -> RE: Young Dominants (10/3/2006 5:01:10 AM)

Interesting scenerio.

A you lady say age 20 becomes attracted to only guys in there early to mid thirties due to maturity and experience. This young lady later turns 32 and finds herself attracted to men in there 40's and mid 50's. Why is she no longer attracted to the guys in there 30's? The thirty year olds of today are just as mature as the the thirty year olds she was attracted to 10 years ago. Odd how that works.

Anyways, age is still a preference such as height, race, hair color, income, genital size, and such. Get use to it and stop your bitching. The more you whine, there less mature you look.



stillexploring -> RE: Young Dominants (10/3/2006 5:08:51 AM)

i have  friend  who  was domme  at age of  20 ,  she was questioned number of times , how could  she be domme in such a young age ,  i think peoples want experienced hands , so  most successful  domme's  i know are of age  30 to  45 ( older  domme's  are also not  preffered  by subs, because they cannot  fulfil sexual needs of subs).. however there is no age limit on subs ,  sub could be accepted at any age if  he proves he is good ,   i donot know why ? but its the fact that i can tell from my experience .



MrRodgers -> RE: Young Dominants (10/3/2006 6:31:27 AM)

Young man, first, you do not come here as 'Hamlet' in a public display of your own doubts...(bullshit ?) That means your profile and your post. You come here as well rounded as possible, confident in exactly who you are and then sit back and stick to your guns. You could be amazed and at your young age, how they will come.



mnottertail -> RE: Young Dominants (10/3/2006 6:40:51 AM)

Oh, c'mon now, allow the youth to suffer their angst.  We all had our turn at it.

Ron



amayos -> RE: Young Dominants (10/3/2006 7:38:50 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: shaen

I have been having a problem with age descrimination in this life. It makes me ask what is wrong with being young. Getting rejected isn't a problem but I don't see why age is the issue.



Hi Shaen,

I agree. Since my twenties, I have dominated more than one female who was old enough to be my mother. Ironically, all but one of them were removed from the "BDSM culture" entirely. When I was younger, I noticed the stigma youth carried in the collective. It seems many believe wisdom and depth lies only in those seasoned by age. While it is true the older usually bear a greater reef of the soul's experience, I think it is foolish to judge a young adult foremost by number of years lived. Preferences are one thing, but absolute assumptions are quite another.



Sinergy -> RE: Young Dominants (10/3/2006 8:03:46 AM)

quote:


Hello... um... I suck at describing myself, so if you have any questions feel free to ask anything. My only real requirement is a sense of humor, other than that I'm not that picky.

P.S. Picture upon request because I have only 1 and I hate it...


Hello A/all,

I would read a profile like this from a submissive and think to myself that going out for coffee would be an endlessly grueling non-consensual interrogation scene hinged around my attempts to discover whether or not the person went to school,

do they like pina colada?

getting caught in the rain?

were they into yoga?

And ultimately I would start thinking things like "oh, they have half a brain."

At some point in the evening (this actually happened to me) I would feel nails being pounded into my coffin as she gazed at me with vacant cow eyes and said "yer so smart."

And I would finish my coffee, go home, and lose her phone number.

If you suck at describing yourself, perhaps you could talk a little bit about what you are looking for.  Perhaps you could start by mentioning your inexperience and attraction to the Lifestyle.  I would also suggest you not talk about how much you hate your picture.  If you dont like it, get a new one up.

If you are not sure what to write or what picture to put up, at least give the impression to those reading that you are willing to try.  A submissive that is looking for a Dominant wants somebody to take care of things, and your profile seems to imply your unwillingness to even take care of your own things, much less hers.

Good luck!

Sinergy



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