Is it always the Dom who decides or instigates play time?

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Is it always the Dom who decides or instigates play time? - 10/2/2006 8:50:46 PM

doodle64

Posts: 15
Joined: 7/27/2006
From: Vacncouver Island BC Canada
Status: offline

Is it always the Dom/me who instigates play time? Or do You have a system whereby the sub may ask permission or show somehow that s/he would be grateful for Your attentions...? Sometimes a lot of time goes by when my service is entirely domestic, and i crave play time. Is it acceptable for a sub to request play time or should one wait patiently for their Master or Mistress to instigate it?

Post #: 1

RE: Is it always the Dom who decides or instigates play... - 10/2/2006 9:02:51 PM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

Ask your Master/Mistress.

For me, if my slave had a need, I'd expect to hear about it regardless of what it was. When needs are not met for an extended amount of time, a person begins to stumble...this is true in reference to anyone, Ms or not. It's up to each of us to try and meet our partner's needs, Ms or not.

Master Fire

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
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BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to doodle64)

Post #: 2

RE: Is it always the Dom who decides or instigates play... - 10/2/2006 9:06:40 PM

Lordandmaster

Posts: 10943
Joined: 6/22/2004
Status: offline

Sometimes it's the dog.

quote:

ORIGINAL: doodle64

Is it always the Dom/me who instigates play time?

(in reply to doodle64)

Post #: 3

RE: Is it always the Dom who decides or instigates play... - 10/2/2006 9:30:17 PM

diamonddreamlove

Posts: 770
Joined: 5/19/2006
Status: offline

In this we think much alike so is not really a question of who instigates it is a question of where and what time.

_____________________________

"Many attempts to communicate are nullified by saying too much." Robert Greenleaf

(in reply to Lordandmaster)

Post #: 4

RE: Is it always the Dom who decides or instigates play... - 10/2/2006 9:51:21 PM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

My Daddy calls it "Anticipating his needs" when I instigate sexual things of any sort. He has voiced liking me to shower him and pleasure him without saying a word or telling me to... damn being his sub is fun

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to diamonddreamlove)

Post #: 5

RE: Is it always the Dom who decides or instigates play... - 10/2/2006 10:11:08 PM

Owned1

Posts: 847
Joined: 7/6/2005
From: Toronto, Ontario
Status: offline

This is something that should be clearly defined when venturing into a relationship of power exchange.

Unless absolutly forbidon then my suggestion would be to identity how you are feeling and respectfully request play. If you are given a response that is not what you were anticipating then your place would be to accept that response without acting out.

It is always best to request or identify needs, rather than acting out in an attempt to garner attention. To some any attention is positive whether it be play or punishment. That is a slippery slope once you start down it and you dont want to go there.

Owned

_____________________________

~~in His Chains i am free~~

(in reply to doodle64)

Post #: 6

RE: Is it always the Dom who decides or instigates play... - 10/2/2006 10:55:06 PM

OhReallyNow

Posts: 249
Joined: 9/11/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: doodle64

Is it always the Dom/me who instigates play time? Or do You have a system whereby the sub may ask permission or show somehow that s/he would be grateful for Your attentions...? Sometimes a lot of time goes by when my service is entirely domestic, and i crave play time. Is it acceptable for a sub to request play time or should one wait patiently for their Master or Mistress to instigate it?

everyone's relationships are different, but for this slave, everything is decided by her owner. This slave can let Master know that she wants to do something special, but it is Master's decision as to how we proceed.

_____________________________

~ When anger rises, think of the consequences
CONFUCIUS ~

(in reply to doodle64)

Post #: 7

RE: Is it always the Dom who decides or instigates play... - 10/2/2006 11:04:10 PM

Bluebird

Posts: 384
Joined: 2/17/2006
From: Las Vegas
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: doodle64

Is it always the Dom/me who instigates play time? Or do You have a system whereby the sub may ask permission or show somehow that s/he would be grateful for Your attentions...? Sometimes a lot of time goes by when my service is entirely domestic, and i crave play time. Is it acceptable for a sub to request play time or should one wait patiently for their Master or Mistress to instigate it?

As the others have said, it depends on your relationship. Of course, ideally you are totally in tune with one another, but in reality - you are people as well as your roles. And from your profile, it sounds as if you are relatively new to your relationship. If your Mistress is preoccupied with work or other mundane thoughts, she may not notice your needs. So, I think gently "offering" in whatever method is appropriate for you sounds like a reasonable suggestion.

_____________________________

Love is patient, love is kind. I am neither. Get over it.

(in reply to doodle64)

Post #: 8

RE: Is it always the Dom who decides or instigates play... - 10/3/2006 12:14:49 AM

doodle64

Posts: 15
Joined: 7/27/2006
From: Vacncouver Island BC Canada
Status: offline

Thanks A/all for Y/your responses...as i was writing my question, it answered itself -as is so often the case with thoughts put into words - and the answer is ...communication, communication, communication. It is always helpful to get some perspective through O/others' experiences, and for that i am grateful.

(in reply to Bluebird)

Post #: 9

RE: Is it always the Dom who decides or instigates play... - 10/3/2006 3:19:27 AM

Mavis

Posts: 828
Joined: 2/8/2004
Status: offline

There is a post in here, i cannot find the thread right now, but LadyHugs says Her subs can politely present Her with a toy or tool and She takes that as a sweet request for a physical tune up. (paraphrasing hugely here! forgive if i re-stated or interpreted it wrongly)

Anyway, i think that's a lovely idea! i WISH Master did. In His eyes, that would be my pulling His chain. i know many couples where a suggestion or hint is only allowing Dom-me/Top/Master to know what is in the mind of the bottom/sub/slave, and the Lead decides what to do with the info.. but that's not an across the board assumption.

But i see "playtime" (scening) as different from "warm intimacy".. i am allowed to do affectionate touching without restriction, it's something i am doing, not requesting Him to do anything. Reaching out and putting a hand on a knee or arm isn't making any request of His time or energies. (Unless i have been in trouble, after a "separation by sin" i would indeed request to be allowed back into His personal space via touch)

Anyway, to answer the Q.. with SOME of us, yes, it is always the Lead that instigates play. For others, not so.

(in reply to doodle64)

Post #: 10

RE: Is it always the Dom who decides or instigates play... - 10/3/2006 3:33:45 AM

OhReallyNow

Posts: 249
Joined: 9/11/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Mavis

There is a post in here, i cannot find the thread right now, but LadyHugs says Her subs can politely present Her with a toy or tool and She takes that as a sweet request for a physical tune up. (paraphrasing hugely here! forgive if i re-stated or interpreted it wrongly)

Anyway, i think that's a lovely idea! i WISH Master did. In His eyes, that would be my pulling His chain. i know many couples where a suggestion or hint is only allowing Dom-me/Top/Master to know what is in the mind of the bottom/sub/slave, and the Lead decides what to do with the info.. but that's not an across the board assumption.

But i see "playtime" (scening) as different from "warm intimacy".. i am allowed to do affectionate touching without restriction, it's something i am doing, not requesting Him to do anything. Reaching out and putting a hand on a knee or arm isn't making any request of His time or energies. (Unless i have been in trouble, after a "separation by sin" i would indeed request to be allowed back into His personal space via touch)

Anyway, to answer the Q.. with SOME of us, yes, it is always the Lead that instigates play. For others, not so.

Master enjoys intimacy at all times, unrestricted. He takes pleasure in knowing that this slave wants to be near him, wants to touch him, wants to kiss him. This slave takes comfort in knowing that Master allows this unrestricted.
However, this slave does not enjoy play in the sense that most do. She dislikes any kind of activity that brings pain. This slave, has on occassion though, asked master if he would cane her. Sometimes he does, sometimes he does not; it is his decision to do so if he feels the need. For this slave to ask though, not being one who likes pain; is a huge step. Not to mention the fact that Master is quite the sadistic owner , he enjoys seeing his property suffer

_____________________________

~ When anger rises, think of the consequences
CONFUCIUS ~

(in reply to Mavis)

Post #: 11

RE: Is it always the Dom who decides or instigates play... - 10/3/2006 5:21:09 AM

Lashra

Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline

Either of us can initiate playtime though generally it is me that does it. Once the Domme headspace for play hits its on

~Lashra

_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”

(in reply to OhReallyNow)

Post #: 12

RE: Is it always the Dom who decides or instigates play... - 10/3/2006 7:28:34 AM

happypervert

Posts: 2203
Joined: 5/11/2004
From: Scranton, PA
Status: offline

quote:

Sometimes a lot of time goes by when my service is entirely domestic, and i crave play time.

I suggest you consider why a lot of time may go by like that. Perhaps your dom is distracted by other things in life and just doesn't feel that special (or wicked) energy to initiate play. If that is the case, then service such as giving him massages or being even extra attentive to his needs (along with communication and seductive behavior) may be the most expedient route to playtime.

_____________________________

"Get a bicycle. You will not regret it if you live." . . . Mark Twain

(in reply to doodle64)

Post #: 13

RE: Is it always the Dom who decides or instigates play... - 10/3/2006 9:03:21 AM

toservez

Posts: 1733
Joined: 9/7/2006
From: All over now in Minnesota
Status: offline

Like all others it is about what you agree to and communication in your own relationship. For example with my former Master, I would be allowed to give him quick kisses and lean against him or put my head in his lap pretty much without asking but for anything overt like something sexual or BDSM then I would need to ask him in a somewhat formal matter and not argue or cop an attitude if the answer was no.

(in reply to happypervert)

Post #: 14

RE: Is it always the Dom who decides or instigates play... - 10/3/2006 10:21:31 AM

gypsylee

Posts: 293
Joined: 9/18/2006
From: Melbournia, Australia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: doodle64

Is it always the Dom/me who instigates play time? Or do You have a system whereby the sub may ask permission or show somehow that s/he would be grateful for Your attentions...? Sometimes a lot of time goes by when my service is entirely domestic, and i crave play time. Is it acceptable for a sub to request play time or should one wait patiently for their Master or Mistress to instigate it?

i'm not quite sure what you mean by 'play time'? sex? sceneing? generally i'd think it's up to the people involved. we do have a subtle system because i'm bad enough at initiating stuff in a vanilla r'ship, let alone a D/s one, out of a fear of rejection and embarrassment. which just ends up in me getting frustrated and throwing some kind of tantrum.

_____________________________

You're one twisted fuck... Nup, I'm just an ordinary girl with nothin' to lose.

(in reply to doodle64)

Post #: 15

RE: Is it always the Dom who decides or instigates play... - 10/3/2006 10:38:14 AM

Celeste43

Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline

I'm allowed to ask for play but I have trouble doing so for fear of rejection. So I show it in other ways. If he walks out of the bathroom to find me draped across the bed, naked rear waiting for a spanking, he knows what I'm interested in. He might respond or might tell me to hurry up as we have things to do. I can wiggle my butt at him. I can just start kissing and stroking him.

If I'm extremely tense I have said that what would most help would be a hard spanking. Unfortunately we rarely have that kind of time available due to whatever is causing the stress.

(in reply to gypsylee)

Post #: 16

RE: Is it always the Dom who decides or instigates play... - 10/3/2006 11:34:05 AM

Mavis

Posts: 828
Joined: 2/8/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Celeste43

If I'm extremely tense I have said that what would most help would be a hard spanking. Unfortunately we rarely have that kind of time available due to whatever is causing the stress.

Isn't that the truth! bingo. The time i could get the most from it is always the time it's not convenient.

(in reply to Celeste43)

Post #: 17

RE: Is it always the Dom who decides or instigates play... - 10/3/2006 11:43:51 AM

MsKatHouston

Posts: 1909
Joined: 6/7/2006
From: Houston, TX
Status: offline

Submissives can come up with the BEST ideas. I don't cut off my nose to spite my face. If a sub has a great idea for a hot scene and wants to try it...I want to hear about it. It might not happen then or exactly how it was imagined but I will tuck it away. If a sub is wanting to play, I have no problem with them asking for it. Better yet...seduce me ;)

_____________________________

-Kat

~If you can't be a good example, you'll just have to serve as a horrible warning~

(in reply to Mavis)

Post #: 18

RE: Is it always the Dom who decides or instigates play... - 10/3/2006 3:38:07 PM

FangsNfeet

Posts: 3758
Joined: 12/3/2004
Status: offline

My sub can ask all she wants. However, it is I who always decides when it's play time. Ready or not, here I come.

_____________________________

I'm Godzilla and you're Japan

(in reply to doodle64)

Post #: 19

RE: Is it always the Dom who decides or instigates play... - 10/3/2006 6:32:29 PM

MagiksSlave

Posts: 2768
Joined: 9/11/2006
Status: offline

Master desides when we play though he can tell when I need something.. LOL I often ask him if he is comfy in my head!!! Usualy though i just go and nuzzle him or become kinda clingy when I want his attention weather its play time or just for him to hold me. But he always seems to be able to read my mind.

Magik's slave

_____________________________

If you’re going through hell keep on moving
don't slow down
if you’re scared dont show it
you might get out
before the devil even knows your there.

-Rodney Atkins-

(in reply to FangsNfeet)

Post #: 20

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