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Frusteration - 10/3/2006 7:02:24 PM

DiurnalVampire

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From: Nashville, TN
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I dont normally start posts just to vent. And really, this is not JUST to vent. I am sure others have been in a situation similiar to mine. The frusteration is killing me, and Id love to know how someone else, assuming I am not the only nutter to do something like this, dealt.

Angel is a student. We are long distance, and have been since we met. That never bothered me. Over the summer, when we built our relationship he was not in classes, so his time was essentially mine. I could call whenever I wanted to, and we stayed up late nearly every night talking about everything and anything. He was living on his own, since his roommate had left school and the new one wouldnt have been asigned until the start of the next school year. This meant when I wanted to play, we could. I got spoiled.

NOW things are a little different. He has a roommate again, so playtime is essentialy limited to weekends when his roommate goes home. I can deal with that. What I have trouble with is not being able to call on a whim. With work and classes and homework, he is generaly unavailable for the epic phone conversations I had gotten so used to. When I say epic, I mean 2-4 hours every night over the summer. Now, I am lucky if I can grab him for a few minutes during the week. Weekends I still get my phone calls.

The frusteration bugs me. Usually, its nothing. His roommates home and he cant talk freely, or he has to much work and realy cant take the time off to talk. When he is trying his damndest to keep his grades up to impress me, I cant argue with him putting school first. However, there are a few times (thankfully rare) when I REALLY want him all to myself and I just cant have it. I am ok with having to limit the control I have over him physically while he is on campus. I understand perfectly that he cannot dress as I want, and he cant wear his collar or a chastity device. No problem. But when *I* want to play, he cant always play. Even if he does wat to, it isnt aways manageable.

Sheesh owning a student is rough.

Anyone have any advice on grinning and bearing this? Angel has no idea how frusterated I am lately, I dont want him to try and skew his priorities for me. I want him to concentrate on school, we only have to deal with the LD thing for another few months. Its just making it through those months that I have to manage.

DV

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

Post #: 1

RE: Frusteration - 10/3/2006 7:16:48 PM

marieToo

Posts: 3595
Joined: 5/21/2006
From: Jersey
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Eh....a few months really isnt that bad. I dont want to minimize what you're going through and would add that it's only temporary. Some people go years not finding their sig other---and weeks and months without "playing" or being sexually active. You miss him and thats normal, but you are in regular contact, and you will survive a few months. It is worse if you compare the amount of time you had over the summer to the amount of time you have now. Imagine not even having weekends. Wouldnt that suck? It can always be worse. (Thats something I tell myself all the time in different situations) Dont draw comparisons. Be happy for the time you do have and the fact that you have found this person and he is a part of your life. Imagine going back to the time when you werent together and you may feel more grateful, regardless of the temporary distance.
I give you so much credit for not laying this on him. Its not easy for you and probably harder on him. You are doing the right thing not pressuring him, so that he can concentrate on his studies. How many days till the weekend??? lol. Tomorrow is Wednesday already! Maybe focus on making plans for the time you will be sharing with him. Like right now, focus on something that relates to his 'return' on friday instead of focusing on the absense. You can do this!!

_____________________________

marie.

I give good agita.

(in reply to DiurnalVampire)

Post #: 2

RE: Frusteration - 10/3/2006 7:16:50 PM

subjected2006

Posts: 248
Joined: 1/20/2006
Status: offline

Well , he probablly knows now.
I think you would be better off asking "your student" for suggestions.
(One of the most hot genuinely "Dom"ly things about Master is that He actually asked
me for advice once.)
If he is as frustrated as you, he will certainly welcome the discussion, and if he is not it may be a good thing for you to find out sooner than later.
Just a note though..just because he is concentrating on other things, doesnt make you less important.Remember that, because you might stress him out if you push him for more time.
Being honest is never a bad thing,
just sayin'
I could be wrong..
but a few months is a lifetime if you're lonely

_____________________________

a rose is a rose..

(in reply to DiurnalVampire)

Post #: 3

RE: Frusteration - 10/3/2006 7:21:58 PM

Chaingang

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Joined: 10/24/2005
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You have to set realistic goals for any relationship. If there is no real chance you can ever be together in the way you would prefer, move on now. Right now. If this is a short-term temporary thing that you must patiently get through, then just stop bitching and deal with it. There it is, the obvious stuff.

What isn't smart and what most people actual do is to accept totally unrealistic circumstances and somehow try to slog through it all as if things might somehow work out beyond all reasonable expectations of success - obviously, you don't want to do that. Not ever.

_____________________________

"Everything flows, nothing stands still." (Πάντα ῥεῖ καὶ οὐδὲν μένει) - Heraclitus

(in reply to DiurnalVampire)

Post #: 4

RE: Frusteration - 10/3/2006 7:23:30 PM

cuddleheart50

Posts: 9718
Joined: 2/20/2006
From: Kentucky
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What marie said. You have no idea how lucky you are.

_____________________________

Dance like no one is watching,
Sing like no one is listening.
Love like you've never been hurt
and live like it's heaven on Earth.

(in reply to Chaingang)

Post #: 5

RE: Frusteration - 10/3/2006 7:27:18 PM

DiurnalVampire

Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
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No, subjected, he wouldnt read this. He has made it a point to me that he doesnt bother with the forums.
The reason I have not brought this to him for discussion is because there is nothing he can do. He isnt as frusterated as I am, becasue he is stressed out over school. I know that, and I am not bringing this to him bcasue if he thinks he is making me unhapy in any way, it stressed him out worse.

Thank you, marie, for the encouragement. I know a few months isnt a long time, but when I am in a constant state of stress here, it can seem like forever. I am happier than anyone can ever know to have found him. There was a bit of time when I thought the distance would mean I was going to lose him, but we worked things out.

I just wish there was some way to make things ALL work. Manage to find a few extra hours in the day to talk, that wont impact school time or work time.

DV

edited to address Chaingang.
My move is realistic. I am dealing with a few months of managing through a LDR that went from free open comunication to limits that neither of us can control. And if you dont like the bitching, skip the thread. Sorry, I'm on here to get some friendly advice on how to keep from ripping my hair out, not to have someone tell me to shut up and deal. Ive been doing that on my own long enough. Support, which I knew Id get from a lot of the posters, especially those who know what I am going through, was what I was looking for. And aside from you, Ihave gotten it and I am very grateful.

< Message edited by DiurnalVampire -- 10/3/2006 7:30:48 PM >

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to subjected2006)

Post #: 6

RE: Frusteration - 10/3/2006 7:45:02 PM

BlueHnS

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Joined: 9/5/2005
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I'm in a somewhat similar situation. We dont have all the time that tha lazy days of summer afforded us. But we have made some compromises which make things easier to deal with. During study time if there is something to be read then my girl will call and read it to me. Sometimes I'll ask questions, mostly I just listen. Fortunately for both of us I enjoy being read to. We also have a bed time routine. Unless one of us is ill ( or I fall asleep early cause i have weird sleeping habits ) the phone rings every night. Sometimes we can't talk about the things we want, but that's ok because we don't to freak other people out. Generally we get at least half an hour a night in, even if it's just general conversation. The nights I like best are when her breathing shifts and she falls asleep in my ear. I hope this helps some.

_____________________________

Questions are dangerous, for they have answers. ~ Kushiel's Dart
I think I'm going to get off. ~ The Poet

(in reply to DiurnalVampire)

Post #: 7

RE: Frusteration - 10/3/2006 7:51:27 PM

DiurnalVampire

Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

It helps to know I am not the only one dealing, yes.
My favorite nights are when I do get a phone call, he goes out for a walk, and he can end it with "I love you". I'm not trying to whine. I am trying not to drive myself insane. Long Distance is the hardest thing in the world, when its a vanilla relationship. Its even harder this way.
I feel like I cannot have the control I want, becasue I have to respect his current circumstance. When I move in Jan/Feb, everything will change. I know that.
I am trying to just be grateful for what I have, and not miss what I had. Easier said tha done.

DV

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to BlueHnS)

Post #: 8

RE: Frusteration - 10/3/2006 8:03:22 PM

spanklette

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Joined: 2/22/2005
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I was the student in this scenario, and I worked full time. We went from summer where we could communicate freely to classes and study groups. Daddy gave me short assignments, with no particular due date. He also picked my outfits (nothing kinky). It was a fun way to keep Him in my life when He was so far away.

On the weekends we cooked together. That was the most fun. He'd make something with my directions and I'd make something with His recipe...all while on the phone. It was a hoot! None of it turned out great, but eating leftovers all week was a great way for Him to be a part of my daily life.

We took advantage of the shortened communication and it turned out for the best. Besides, it helped me get over that co-dependent feeling I sometimes get in a new relationship.

Now we live together, and we can really appreciate the copious amounts of alone time. And, we still cook each others' recipes.

_____________________________

~spanklette~

"The important thing is this: to be able at any moment to sacrifice what we are for what we could become. " Charles du Bois

"Please don't shout, can't you see I'm not listening." Billie Myers

(in reply to DiurnalVampire)

Post #: 9

RE: Frusteration - 10/3/2006 8:11:19 PM

marieToo

Posts: 3595
Joined: 5/21/2006
From: Jersey
Status: offline

The fact that you're being selfless enough to shoulder this without pressuring him is probably the reason you need to seek a little encouragement elsewhere. And you are doing the smartest thing in seeking a healthy outlet. Sometimes just talking about the person can make them feel closer to you, or at least get you through the night.

quote:

Thank you, marie, for the encouragement. I know a few months isnt a long time, but when I am in a constant state of stress here, it can seem like forever. I am happier than anyone can ever know to have found him. There was a bit of time when I thought the distance would mean I was going to lose him, but we worked things out.

If you dont mind my asking....and I dont mean to imply this could be fact, I just wondered if maybe deep down you worry about losing him to the college life, and that could be adding to your stress. Have you been together for a while? And is this a concern for you?

_____________________________

marie.

I give good agita.

(in reply to DiurnalVampire)

Post #: 10

RE: Frusteration - 10/3/2006 8:14:28 PM

marieToo

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Joined: 5/21/2006
From: Jersey
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: spanklette

Now we live together, and we can really appreciate the copious amounts of alone time. And, we still cook each others' recipes.

Uh huhhhh....Something tells me this has nothing to do with stuff like garlic and olive oil . : x

_____________________________

marie.

I give good agita.

(in reply to spanklette)

Post #: 11

RE: Frusteration - 10/3/2006 8:24:12 PM

spanklette

Posts: 882
Joined: 2/22/2005
Status: offline

*coughs*

Ahem...yeah, um, that too.

Edited to add...some times food stuffs are involved in said "cooking"!

< Message edited by spanklette -- 10/3/2006 8:54:59 PM >

_____________________________

~spanklette~

"The important thing is this: to be able at any moment to sacrifice what we are for what we could become. " Charles du Bois

"Please don't shout, can't you see I'm not listening." Billie Myers

(in reply to marieToo)

Post #: 12

RE: Frusteration - 10/3/2006 8:36:22 PM

BlkTallFullfig

Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
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Being a very impatient person myself, I understand how frustrating it is to wait before doing what you want to be doing, being with your loved one. Aside from the obvious suggestion for a daily routine of connecting, I would get busy with family or doing other things that distract me and I enjoy doing.
Besides, consider yourself lucky not to be "dating" anymore, and know that a few months will fly by before you know it. M

_____________________________

a.k.a. SexyBossyBBW
""Touching was, and still is, and will always be, the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni

(in reply to DiurnalVampire)

Post #: 13

RE: Frusteration - 10/3/2006 8:42:36 PM

DiurnalVampire

Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: marieToo

If you dont mind my asking....and I dont mean to imply this could be fact, I just wondered if maybe deep down you worry about losing him to the college life, and that could be adding to your stress. Have you been together for a while? And is this a concern for you?

Actually, losing him has never crossed my mind. We have been together for about 6 months, and have had 2 face to face meetings. What I worry about is that he will eventualy realize how rough this is for me, and try and "fix" it. That will unfortunately be to the detriment of his studies, and I will not allow that. As I have told him, he is my prize possession and being supportive of him through school and anything else he chooses to prefer is part of being a responsible owner. Stressing him out because he puts something else first is not what I want to do. I am going to have a far greater appreciation of our time together once I do move, though, after being apart so much.

DV

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to marieToo)

Post #: 14

RE: Frusteration - 10/3/2006 8:46:22 PM

Saint

Posts: 279
Status: offline

Just be happy that you found someone special.

_____________________________

"Anonymity is synonymous with longevity."
Faethor Ferenczy

"I wish I had an angel
For one moment of love
I wish I had your angel tonight"
Nightwish - Wish I had an Angel Tonight

(in reply to DiurnalVampire)

Post #: 15

RE: Frusteration - 10/3/2006 9:16:55 PM

DiurnalVampire

Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

I am. Theres no question about that. I am very well aware how lucky I am to have found him. Luckier still to have collared him. That makes it easier, and harder at the same time.
DV

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to Saint)

Post #: 16

RE: Frusteration - 10/3/2006 11:19:05 PM

StacyCat

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Joined: 1/11/2006
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Why does he have to take a walk to say that he loves you? I can understand not wanting to discuss deeply sexual intimacies within earshot of someone else, but he should be able to have a mostly normal conversation with you and end it with "I love you" reguardless if his roommate is there or not.

Same thing with a collar or chastity device. He is not always in plain sight of someone else, so the chastity device could be done in private, or when the roommate goes out of the room. And, you can get collars that do not look BDSMy that your boy can wear out in public. I know several guys that wear choker type necklaces, and they dont get a second glance.

(in reply to DiurnalVampire)

Post #: 17

RE: Frusteration - 10/4/2006 4:07:34 AM

marieToo

Posts: 3595
Joined: 5/21/2006
From: Jersey
Status: offline

DV:

I emailed you. Please let me know if you rec'ved it, as my mail here doesn't always go through. It seems I can receive mail, but people never get my returned mail.

Thanks
marie.

_____________________________

marie.

I give good agita.

(in reply to StacyCat)

Post #: 18

RE: Frusteration - 10/4/2006 5:00:17 PM

DiurnalVampire

Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

The reason he has to be alone to say he oves me is simple. Until I move down, we do not want anyone knowing he and I are together. It is by mutual decision because neitehr of us want to deal with outside people giving us unwanted advice about long distance relationships. The people he goes to school with would try and convince him I am wrong for him, and it just isnt something wedecided we need to deal wth for now.
As for wearing his collar and chastity, I dont mind that he cant wear them while I am not there. The collar I got him is the one I like, the one I enjoy seeing him in. It is not passable as normal everyday jewelry, and so he doesnt wear it unless he is with me. He doesnt need to wear it al the time to be collared. In his heart and his mind he knows he is, the actual jewelry is just a technicallity for when we can get away with it. I see no reason to get him one I dont like as much, and make him wear something I know he hates wearing just to make sure he remembers he is owned.
We were not happy with the idea of his trying to make sure he was not seen in chastity. If for any reason it was found out that he was in it, he could be expelled from school (yes, his school IS that strict, it is a Christian College) and it wasnt worth the risk.

The problem I have is not with hiswearing the collar, or the chastity. The problem is going days without talking when I want to. We have made a bit of a compromise, since he has told me he isnt happy with our lack of communication either. We are now speaking online daily, but still only on the phone on occasion. It is better than nothing, I suppose.

And no, Marie, I did not recieve your mail.

DV

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to marieToo)

Post #: 19

RE: Frusteration - 10/4/2006 5:32:30 PM

Chaingang

Posts: 1727
Joined: 10/24/2005
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I haven't read the whole thread, but have you met this person in real life?

_____________________________

"Everything flows, nothing stands still." (Πάντα ῥεῖ καὶ οὐδὲν μένει) - Heraclitus

(in reply to DiurnalVampire)

Post #: 20

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