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RE: Being outed to your job by a fellow poster. - 10/4/2006 6:48:26 AM

MrrPete

Posts: 614
Joined: 11/7/2005
Status: offline

outing someone to anyone is a vindictive act Period.

We have first responsibility to protect our identity, yes, but
if Collarme had no responsibility for what goes on here then we
wouldn't have a need for moderators.

The person who did the outing should be kicked and banned
from Collarme. The "outer" used info garnered from the boards
to do intentional harm to another poster.

_____________________________

Awrabest,

Mr. Pete

Boycott Citgo

(in reply to ShiftedJewel)

Post #: 21

RE: Being outed to your job by a fellow poster. - 10/4/2006 7:25:41 AM

desireofblkpearl

Posts: 3
Joined: 9/20/2006
Status: offline

There are some very prominent people on collarme and many of them i count as friend especially on the West coast which is were i resided for 10 yrs. It would destroy them and they would loose much. We are adults and should act as such to take the time to get into someones business and try to or to hurt them because you don't agree with them, or because they were not interested in you. Everyone here should have better things to do other than trying to make another miserable because you are. Holding grudges like that is unnecessary and hurts more than the person you slander. You also suffer because you are spending negative energey and it will eat you alive. You may feel good about it at first but later you will not like yourself unless you are just that Mentally Twisted.

(in reply to mstrjx)

Post #: 22

RE: Being outed to your job by a fellow poster. - 10/4/2006 7:34:04 AM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

quote:

holding grudges like that is unnecessary and hurts more than the person you slander

Wow, I agree, people should not use their professional credentials to slander others, it truly is reprehensible! At least I was taught better than to use my credentials on an internet message board to bolster my claims that some individual is disturbed, and then give that individual a way to reach me.... Call it common sense.. you do not give out your calling card and then cry foul when someone sees if you are there.

No one was outed,... the OP has been called on her statements by others, I will just add that no one has mentioned this board or BDSM to anyone outside of CM in anyway... but if you claim to be something and then tell others its ok to check... why be all surprised when they check?

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to desireofblkpearl)

Post #: 23

RE: Being outed to your job by a fellow poster. - 10/4/2006 7:34:42 AM

angelic

Posts: 1807
Joined: 1/24/2005
Status: offline

It seems to me the person that tried to 'out' the other person has serious issues, scarey issues, maybe even a stalker mentality? Unstable, unhealthy people abound everywhere and CM is certainly not an exception.

_____________________________

~....and once you have tasted flight, you will walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been and there you long to return.~ -- Leonardo de Vinci

(in reply to twicehappy)

Post #: 24

RE: Being outed to your job by a fellow poster. - 10/4/2006 7:38:21 AM

ownedgirlie

Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline

I am caring less and less what others think. Yet I still believe that what I do in my life is no one's business unless I wish to be the one sharing it.

If someone outed me, I wouldn't have much regard for them after that.

I agree with other posters who have pointed out that if others do not wish employers, family, etc., to know of their BDSM activities, they they ought to be very careful about what they post in a public forum. It is wise to be mindful that LOTS of anonymous folks read these boards, not just the ones who post to them. You really do not know who is reading. People give out so much personal information - descriptions, locations, birth dates, career info, photos, family info (these are just general pieces of info I see regularly shared here) that after awhile anyone can connect the dots and create a bigger picture. And yet, on the other hand, I see all sorts of posts saying, "Big deal - you shouldn't worry about who knows about your life." Personally, I try to be mindful of my privacy, although it is easy to get caught up in a discussion and reveal too much. In the case you quoted, the poster himself revealed to an entire board of strangers where he works, what he looked like, what his profession is, and the full name of a colleague as well as her location. He also offered the pub he frequents and when, his involvement in the scene, and invited others to come meet him. I'd say there was not much mindfulness practiced in retaining privacy; in fact, he was pretty much an open book.

However, the OP does appear to be a continuation of the other train wreck of a thread, which is unfortunate.

Jewel, my mother said the same quote, only in spanish: "Contra la mas mueve mierda, mas huele, corazon." :)

(in reply to twicehappy)

Post #: 25

RE: Being outed to your job by a fellow poster. - 10/4/2006 7:46:02 AM

Silvermoon

Posts: 156
Joined: 11/24/2004
Status: offline

Hmmm what ever happened to personal responsibility instead of projected blame?

Welcome back to high school *s*.

Silver

_____________________________

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"In Manus Tuas Commendo Spiritum Moum"-Into Your Hands I Entrust My Spirit

"A man's word is his honor, his honor is his worth; Therefore a man who can not keep his word, is worthless"-Self Quote

(in reply to ownedgirlie)

Post #: 26

RE: Being outed to your job by a fellow poster. - 10/4/2006 7:46:59 AM

Iskander

Posts: 264
Joined: 9/26/2006
Status: offline

Anyone wanting to out me just have to ask me for my bosses phone number and I'll happily give it...

I promise I will sack myself on the spot!!!

Iskander...

(in reply to twicehappy)

Post #: 27

RE: Being outed to your job by a fellow poster. - 10/4/2006 7:50:43 AM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

First of all. I would not put my face on my profile or type anything about my life if I was concerned about people "finding out". I have a brain and realize that there are alot of intelligent, sneaky people that have far too much time on their hands and could go thru all my posts and my put 2 and 2 together, especially if they lived here. I knowingly took that risk. Anyone that puts any type of personal information out for all to see and ASSUMES they can still hide behind the computer screen and remain a mystery person is a fool.

I am reminded of a nasty tempered woman that used to frequent another site's chat room. That woman made more enemies that GW. Even though she wanted to remain a mystery her ego thrived on bragging about her career. Trust me, there are less than 50 women in the WORLD in her career and you can access full bio's on each and everyone thru a public website. She never hesitated to discuss where she lived and where she grew up. Put 1 and 1 together and "magic" One spiteful person she had been nasty with for too long and everyone that frequented that room knew her name, age, schools attended, family.......everything. Do I think it was morally right, HELL NO! But she can only look in the mirror to find the person ultimately responsible.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to angelic)

Post #: 28

RE: Being outed to your job by a fellow poster. - 10/4/2006 7:51:09 AM

angelic

Posts: 1807
Joined: 1/24/2005
Status: offline

~fast reply to no one in particular~ In watching these threads for a couple of years now, it is quite apparent that there are those that wish to come here to learn and have discussions and even heated debates....then there are those that simply THRIVE on drama. Instead of intelligent, honorable discussions, they begin name calling (whether veiled under the guise of intelligence or out and out name calling)... i do my very best to steer clear of these self-proclaimed "intelligent" folks (that term is used quitely loosely).

my opinion on the subject of the OP is that i would certainly hope they did it with the full knowledge that there might be some malcontent, drama queen out there that might try to use that and be damn sure no damage can come from it.

my mom had a saying (God rest her lovely soul) "two wrongs do not make a right".

_____________________________

~....and once you have tasted flight, you will walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been and there you long to return.~ -- Leonardo de Vinci

(in reply to ownedgirlie)

Post #: 29

RE: Being outed to your job by a fellow poster. - 10/4/2006 7:54:55 AM

stef

Posts: 10215
Joined: 1/26/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Silvermoon

Hmmm what ever happened to personal responsibility instead of projected blame?

Personal resonsibility is such a drag. It's much more fun to pull out the blamethrower and play the victim.

~stef

_____________________________

Welcome to PoliticSpace! If you came here expecting meaningful BDSM discussions, boy are you in the wrong place.

"Hypocrisy has consequences"

(in reply to Silvermoon)

Post #: 30

RE: Being outed to your job by a fellow poster. - 10/4/2006 7:57:08 AM

Sensualips

Posts: 1013
Joined: 10/8/2005
Status: offline

I have been outed in my workplace in the past. It sucked. I was angry.

But I also consider that as part of being risk-aware. Just like with a scene, I make choices - to post a picture, how much detail to post regarding my life, if my livejournal is open or has privacy settings, to attend public events. I hope that I am cautious enough and make good choices about who I am involved with. But the risk is always present.

(in reply to twicehappy)

Post #: 31

RE: Being outed to your job by a fellow poster. - 10/4/2006 8:03:10 AM

Amaros

Posts: 1363
Joined: 7/25/2005
Status: offline

Jesus people, if you don't know the risks by now, you need to sever your internet connection and read books - you have control over how much information you disclose, if you're going to disclose personal information to hundreds, even millions of strangers, you have to understand that there's an element of risk involved - no?

The poster that is being referred to put out a bunch of very specific personal information, Sinergy decided to follow up for his own reasons.

I could give a rat: maybe the guy taking on all comers, but for all I know, the whole thing weas a trap to make a fool out of somebody - works both ways, there is a layer of abstraction between individuals on the internet that is far wider and more facile than the fronts we put on face to face.

I just deal with what's in front of me, there's no percentage in playing little fucky-fuck mind games games with people so smugly impressed with their own cleverness - not thinking of anyone in particular here but in a general sort of way, you know the type - in the end they're only fooling themselves.

(in reply to Iskander)

Post #: 32

RE: Being outed to your job by a fellow poster. - 10/4/2006 8:04:17 AM

angelic

Posts: 1807
Joined: 1/24/2005
Status: offline

If someone 'outed' me at my work place, first off i would ask how that person found me here (and what precisely were THEY doing here?). However, i do my job very well... i excell at it; as such if i was outed probably the worse that would happen to me is that the men would give me 'different' looks and the women would be jealous

_____________________________

~....and once you have tasted flight, you will walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been and there you long to return.~ -- Leonardo de Vinci

(in reply to Sensualips)

Post #: 33

RE: Being outed to your job by a fellow poster. - 10/4/2006 8:08:12 AM

Tikkiee

Posts: 1099
Joined: 4/6/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: angelic

If someone 'outed' me at my work place, first off i would ask how that person found me here (and what precisely were THEY doing here?). However, i do my job very well... i excell at it; as such if i was outed probably the worse that would happen to me is that the men would give me 'different' looks and the women would be jealous

I will admit that I get some nasty comments from both the men and the women. Alot of that though really has nothing to do with what I enjoy in my offtime. They do however use this as a means of being catty.
/shrug
all it says to me is that they have no life of their own.

_____________________________

~~@ cass @~~

(in reply to angelic)

Post #: 34

RE: Being outed to your job by a fellow poster. - 10/4/2006 8:10:27 AM

bandbinohio

Posts: 8
Joined: 8/18/2004
Status: offline

Speaking for us it would be devastating. My wife/sub and I live in a small extremely conservative town. If she was outed she could lose her job because of how conservative things are there. In fact the place she works actually has spies that are instructed to report suspicious things to the administration. So we have to remain as secretive as possible. In fact we once gave a pro Domme friend who lives well over an hour away of ours a photo of my sub with a requested costume and pose that she truly loved. She put it up in her dungeon and had several comments from someone that they thought they recognized the girl in the photo. After our Domme looked into it it turned out that he did work where my wife works. The Domme played it coola nd explained taht it was a pro model on the west coast or some other excuse but she took the pic down and put it in more private location just in case. So it just goes to show that you can never be too careful.

BandB

(in reply to Amaros)

Post #: 35

RE: Being outed to your job by a fellow poster. - 10/4/2006 8:10:42 AM

angelic

Posts: 1807
Joined: 1/24/2005
Status: offline

Exactly, Tikkiee. Women are catty and men have pissing contests

_____________________________

~....and once you have tasted flight, you will walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been and there you long to return.~ -- Leonardo de Vinci

(in reply to Tikkiee)

Post #: 36

RE: Being outed to your job by a fellow poster. - 10/4/2006 8:11:27 AM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline

We all take risks just being on here regardless of how much information we give out. Because of my writing (both fiction and book reviews) I'm even more public in some ways so not much to hide really.

I and my family made a choice years ago that we wouldn't want to be in jobs or around people who would fire us for our sexuality or private lives.

By the same token, none of this relates to what any of us does for a regular income so we don't talk about this at those jobs. We also don't believe that work is a good place to make friends really and prefer to keep paid work separate from private life.

Anyone joining my household would have to accept this high level of risk because just being with me will out them to some people.

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Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to twicehappy)

Post #: 37

RE: Being outed to your job by a fellow poster. - 10/4/2006 8:19:12 AM

Amaros

Posts: 1363
Joined: 7/25/2005
Status: offline

In fact I think that's what I love about the internet: nobody can pull rank, pull the old "do you know who I am?" routine, hide behind the caste system.

All you've got is the quality of your ideas and your ability to articulate them - and that's not going to change no matter how many nicknames you go by.

It's why neo-con control freaks hate the internet: they can't get traction by estabishing a false consensus because communication on the net is a two way street the way god, nature, or whatever, intended. Patriot Act II contains the basics for a an internet putch - they banned online gambling because Carnivore gives them the ability to track down servers without pesky warrants, and enforce it.

It's gonna be interesting to see what form it takes, but there is little doubt in my mind that it will involve some attempt to establish a chilling effect on free speech whether that's outing or what, I dunno. Hell it's very existence constitutes a chilling effect.

(in reply to mstrjx)

Post #: 38

RE: Being outed to your job by a fellow poster. - 10/4/2006 8:23:00 AM

ShiftedJewel

Posts: 2492
Joined: 12/2/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

First of all. I would not put my face on my profile or type anything about my life if I was concerned about people "finding out". I have a brain and realize that there are alot of intelligent, sneaky people that have far too much time on their hands and could go thru all my posts and my put 2 and 2 together, especially if they lived here. I knowingly took that risk. Anyone that puts any type of personal information out for all to see and ASSUMES they can still hide behind the computer screen and remain a mystery person is a fool.

I feel the same way. I know the risks and am fully aware that there are people out there that would go to extremes to out someone that pissed them off... or just cuz they can. In my case it wouldn't matter much. Everyone I know also knows all about us. Even my husbands boss's and co-workers know and don't even raise an eyebrow.

I understand that a lot of people need to be careful about who finds out and to me that is tragic... but what the hell... I guess someone has to man the closet, right? I may not always agree but I'll defend their right to privacy.

Jewel

_____________________________

Don't ask, trust me, you won't like the answer... no one ever does.

(in reply to LaTigresse)

Post #: 39

RE: Being outed to your job by a fellow poster. - 10/4/2006 8:40:38 AM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: twicehappy

So secure that if another poster on this board put together enough information from their various posts to contact their employer, their family, and their friends it would not affect their lives.

Whether or not if it would affect your family and job doesn't have anything to do with your security in who you are. You can be the most secure person in the world, but still get fired or loose your kids or whatever. It's a risk you run by being out in any way.

quote:

What do you think of posters who take this type of action?

That you've simply pissed them off. But, in the end, you cannot control their actions. You can only control yours. It's crappy, but again, it's a risk that we run. Since this person is your friend, I suggest letting them know that while you accept their opinion and respect it, it would be nice if they would respect your fear of being publically outed. In all likelihood, they won't, but it doesn't hurt to ask.

quote:

What would be the damage done to so many of us if this same action were brought to bear on our lives?

This is totally dependent on the person and their situation. For me, I highly doubt I'd loose my job. If I did, there'd be a lawsuit. I have no children to loose. I don't talk to my neighbors much anyway and since I'm fairly open, they pretty much know that I'm kinky (or at least "not quite right" in their eyes). My mother's side of the family knows. My father's side is more likely to not talk to me anymore or work hard to save/reconvert me (lots and lots of Baptist preachers there), but mostly 'cause I'm bi and have lots of pagan tendencies. They don't talk to me much anyway, so while it'd hurt if they no longer did, I wouldn't be missing much.

Master Fire

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
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Ms Relationship Books
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(in reply to twicehappy)

Post #: 40

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