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RE: Being outed to your job by a fellow poster. - 10/4/2006 8:45:54 AM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		No one outed anyone.  The poster provided all of the information necessary to locate him.  Including his place of employment and university.  If he didn't want someone following up, he should've been more careful about disclosure.

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Profile   Post #: 41
RE: Being outed to your job by a fellow poster. - 10/4/2006 8:54:50 AM   
angelic


Posts: 1807
Joined: 1/24/2005
Status: offline 		Katylied... the word "outed" was coming from the OP, not me.  i read the same thread that many others have.  yes he DID give out information... i give him the benefit of the doubt that when he did that, he did it with complete awareness of what he was doing and what the outcome may well be.  He also (unless i am mistaken) offered to speak on the phone to take it off the boards... my 'take' on it (and i could very well be wrong), is that a person in what i would call a 'cowardly' way called him on it.  Yet, no one has mentioned whether the person making the phone call had the balls/honor to stay on the line and wait for the person to answer..

~edited to add~ it sounds very much (to me and in my opinion) like a very childish act.

< Message edited by angelic -- 10/4/2006 8:56:44 AM >

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Profile   Post #: 42
RE: Being outed to your job by a fellow poster. - 10/4/2006 8:57:09 AM   
raiken


Posts: 868
Joined: 10/18/2005
Status: offline 		On the bizarre flip side: but a side none the less....
 
Some abstract thought....Some folks want to be found out, for they are not able to be free within themselves.  So they set a trap for themselves.  It works much like a self fulfilling prophesy would.  They receive attention, howbeit in a negative light, it is still attention.  Then they become once more, the victim...to be coddled, and pitied, and oh that poor thing, look what those big bad meanies have done...etc...ad nauseum...sad, but true.  Just another view to consider....

(in reply to KatyLied)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: Being outed to your job by a fellow poster. - 10/4/2006 9:20:24 AM   
happypervert


Posts: 2203
Joined: 5/11/2004
From: Scranton, PA
Status: offline
quote:

my 'take' on it (and i could very well be wrong), is that a person in what i would call a 'cowardly' way called him on it.  Yet, no one has mentioned whether the person making the phone call had the balls/honor to stay on the line and wait for the person to answer..

Well, it looks to me like your "take" on it has come from jumping to all sorts of wild conclusions without a shred of evidence to support them. Earlier you wrote "It seems to me the person that tried to 'out' the other person has serious issues, scarey issues, maybe even a stalker mentality?" even though no attempt at outing was made, and now you call him cowardly for making a phone call when you don't even know if he waited for the other to answer or if that guy was even available.

Amazing stuff! Thanks for sharing.


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Profile   Post #: 44
RE: Being outed to your job by a fellow poster. - 10/4/2006 9:23:22 AM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		fast reply

Part of what I find disturbing is that someone could take another's personal credentials from the real world, make up an identity, pretend to be that person, and the real person never knew what happened. If that happened to me I would want an email with the thread of the incident so I could take matters to correct that situation. We never know who could be using our identies for their own agenda, and that is extremely disturbing

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Profile   Post #: 45
RE: Being outed to your job by a fellow poster. - 10/4/2006 9:25:52 AM   
angelic


Posts: 1807
Joined: 1/24/2005
Status: offline 		ok so he may have serious issues, is a scarey person AND a coward.  Thanks for correcting me. 

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~....and once you have tasted flight, you will walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been and there you long to return.~ -- Leonardo de Vinci


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Profile   Post #: 46
RE: Being outed to your job by a fellow poster. - 10/4/2006 9:52:25 AM   
Devilslilsister


Posts: 1262
Joined: 8/3/2006
Status: offline 		i think the person that outed another like that should be shot.

Personally i wouldnt care, i'm pretty open.  i think 3 of my grandparents might be alittle stunned and my mothers father would prolly bang his fists on a table hollaring about "thats not right"  My grandmother would just ask if i was happy.

And genereally i out myself at work anyways.  Everyone wants to know about the chain around my neck and the lock that sometimes falls forward.  I usually give them a wicked grin and tell them they cant handle the truth (as i size them up)

I had one boss tell me i'd have to take the chain off and i told him i'd quit first.  So he shut up and left me alone. 

There isnt much the people on this board could do to harm my life.  Anything possible is recoverable.  Even the possiblity of us Parents with family services (as it can be grounds) i generally keep back up plans for anything that may fall through. 

Its called calculating the threat factor and a plan for all possiblities.
Its the only way to live as anything is possible at all times


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Profile   Post #: 47
RE: Being outed to your job by a fellow poster. - 10/4/2006 10:26:55 AM   
raevyntc


Posts: 10
Joined: 10/2/2006
Status: offline 		 
quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania


Part of what I find disturbing is that someone could take another's personal credentials from the real world, make up an identity, pretend to be that person, and the real person never knew what happened.


Let those of us who wish to play like adults pay attention. NO ONE stole my identity, some posters contention otherwise not withstanding. I am who and what I claim, nothing more nothing less.
 
 
Twice did not state I had been outed, it is difficult to out someone who left the closet a long time ago. I did give freely of information because it could not in any way damage me.
 
 
I believe the purpose of this thread was to bring attention to the fact that were I not public about my lifestyle those who for some reason needed so desperately to verify my identity could have indeed caused me injury.
 
 
And to bring to light the fact that there are those on these boards whose ethics are so poor they are only searching for their own vindication irregardless of the possibility of destroying another's life.
 
 
 To Scooter and Jewel, pardon me if I have caused you any grief, your girl is a dear friend, and I honor the memory of Him who has gone before her. Perhaps I tend to try and guard her too hard occasionally in his memory. I hope it offends you not.

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: Being outed to your job by a fellow poster. - 10/4/2006 10:47:29 AM   
MstrssScarlet


Posts: 633
Joined: 6/3/2005
From: Indianapolis, Indiana
Status: offline 		Ok, I 've read this entire thread from beginning to end TWICE because I thought surely I must be missing something.  The OP brought up an excellent topic for discussion and was almost immediately slammed for it.  What the hell did I miss?  I also took the liberty of looking at the OP's profile.  Nothing there either.  Why was everyone so quick to criticize the OP?  So much anger for....what?
As for me, all but one of my friends are in the lifestyle.  I am one of those dreaded pro dommes (gasp!) so I don't have to worry about a boss.  There are people that work with my husband who are aware of what's going on and if someone had wanted to blackmail him, I would guess they'd have done it long ago.
My husband and I have a motto that we live by when it comes to this sort of thing.  If someone sees you online, at a munch, event, party, etc. and recognize you, so what?  In order to turn you over to....whoever, they're going to have to explain why THEY were there looking.  It works both ways.
Mistress Scarlet

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"Say, that hurts a little bit" "And you don't like to be hurt do ya?" "I don't know...kinda fun sometimes if it's done in the right spirit."
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(in reply to raevyntc)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: Being outed to your job by a fellow poster. - 10/4/2006 11:19:52 AM   
ShiftedJewel


Posts: 2492
Joined: 12/2/2004
Status: offline
quote:

 To Scooter and Jewel, pardon me if I have caused you any grief, your girl is a dear friend, and I honor the memory of Him who has gone before her. Perhaps I tend to try and guard her too hard occasionally in his memory. I hope it offends you not.


Not at all reavyn, it's been an honor having you here. No grief from you... only a few tears at the mention of "L"'s memory. Thank you for being there for her in her time of need.
 
Jewel

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Profile   Post #: 50
RE: Being outed to your job by a fellow poster. - 10/4/2006 11:25:05 AM   
MASTERRocker


Posts: 277
Joined: 9/19/2006
From: Kitchener-Waterloo, ON
Status: offline 		I have no problem - I am very open on my beliefs, lifestyle and way of thinking. Being in the public domain - it is better to be already known as - 'unusual'; then to wait for the shoe to drop.

(in reply to ShiftedJewel)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: Being outed to your job by a fellow poster. - 10/4/2006 11:45:53 AM   
Najakcharmer


Posts: 2121
Joined: 5/3/2004
Status: offline 		My boss already knows and really doesn't care as he could be described as an intellectual freethinking bohemian.  My co-workers would think it was hilarious and make jokes about getting me to tie things up on the job..  A few of my older and more prudish colleagues and business associates might possibly raise their eyebrows and tap their foreheads, but I'm not working directly with anyone who fits that description at the moment.  That would be about the end of it.

Still, I try to keep some reasonable separation between my professional and personal activities, just because I think that is appropriate.  And it might well come back to bite me in the ass one of these days if I end up job hunting at a less liberal institution.

(in reply to twicehappy)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: Being outed to your job by a fellow poster. - 10/4/2006 11:50:39 AM   
MisPandora


Posts: 2911
Joined: 4/7/2004
From: Philadelphia, PA
Status: offline 		If ya can't risk being outed, don't be posting revealing personal information on a public board.  You also shouldn't have a profile that's on one of these sites or blog on the web either......they're ALL google-able.

I've BEEN outed at work, not from someone on this site, but a random co-worker who came across what I'm involved with outside of work.  It was rough, but I survived.

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Pandora
Ms World Leather 2004
Ms Philadelphia Leather 2004

"Simply put, if you want a real femdom to love you, give her reasons to love you." Gloria Brame

(in reply to twicehappy)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: Being outed to your job by a fellow poster. - 10/4/2006 12:02:35 PM   
MsKatHouston


Posts: 1909
Joined: 6/7/2006
From: Houston, TX
Status: offline 		All I can do is be the best possible person I can be.  If along with that someone chooses to get bent out of shape by what I do with consenting adults in the provacy of my bedroom, then I can do without them.  Family would not be surprised.  Work contacts would not care as long as I am doing my work well.  Most people I know, vanilla or not would be offended by the person who outed me because it would be a transparent attempt to harm me for what I do that ahas no affect on my other relationships. 

and I believe in karma...if someone is that vicious to maliciously try to harm me, then I am fairly certain they will get what's coming to them eventually.  I'll survive...and the best retibution I could personally give to someone who tried that would be to have it slide off my back with a laugh and no harm done. 

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-Kat

~If you can't be a good example, you'll just have to serve as a horrible warning~

(in reply to MisPandora)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: Being outed to your job by a fellow poster. - 10/4/2006 12:06:36 PM   
Sinergy


Posts: 9383
Joined: 4/26/2004
Status: offline 		 
Hello A/all,

If the person did not want to be known about, why exactly did they state their place of business, where to find them, what they looked like, and what they did on a message board.

Including a comment to look them up?
 
Is this person so obtuse as to think that if they provide personal information and then ask people to look them up on an internet message board, that nobody will do so?

Im thinking this is another member of the Canadians For Bush party.

Just me, could be wrong, but there you go.

Sinergy

p.s. edited for spelling

< Message edited by Sinergy -- 10/4/2006 12:14:00 PM >

_____________________________

"There is a fine line between clever and stupid"
David St. Hubbins "This Is Spinal Tap"

"Every so often you let a word or phrase out and you want to catch it and bring it back. You cant do that, it is gone, gone forever." J. Danforth Quayle


(in reply to twicehappy)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: Being outed to your job by a fellow poster. - 10/4/2006 12:07:28 PM   
proudsub


Posts: 6142
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Washington
Status: offline 		Fast-reply

Anyone who doesn't want to be outed shouldn't post a picture or personal information, or use the same screen name that they use elsewhere. A google search for your screen name will take you to Collarme. I would also be concerned about being blackmailed about beintg outed. One poster said they live in a small town and being outed would be devasting, yet they posted their picture on their profile.

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proudsub

"Without goals you become what you were. With goals you become what you wish." .

"You are entitled to your own opinions but not your own facts"--Alan Greenspan


(in reply to MsKatHouston)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: Being outed to your job by a fellow poster. - 10/4/2006 12:10:35 PM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: twicehappy

I wonder how many posters here on collarme are really secure in WIITWD?

 
You can count me among the secure. ;)

 
 
quote:

I mean really secure.
 
Yes, really, really, super duper secure! ::chuckles::

 
quote:

So secure that if another poster on this board put together enough information from their various posts to contact their employer, their family, and their friends it would not affect their lives.
 
Actually, I would probably appreciate it as I might have missed someone when I came out, so for all you Columbo's out there, do you mind sending my info along to everyone just in case I forget to mention it in my Xmas card letter again this year. :)

 
quote:

Not possible you say? You would be wrong!
 
Well, I'm pretty sure I've come out to everyone I know, but it is possible I missed a few people somewhere along the way.

 
quote:

Face it we all talk about our jobs, families, living situations, what have you, often enough when we post so that if someone wanted to they could figure out where we lived or worked. Not to mention many of us have our photos posted here.
 
Yeah, people probably shouldn't do that unless they are prepared for the consequence of the action. It's called personal responsiblity and I'm a huge advocate.

 
quote:

I post no photo but I often talk of my racing habits, it would be fairly easy to figure out my real name simply due to my age, sex and the type of racing I prefer.
 
I call that taking an acceptable risk.. something which you have 'chosen' to do knowing there maybe consequences to it.

 
quote:

A dear friend of mine whom I have known for years, who visits me often, opened an account just so he could jump in on another thread of mine because right or wrong it irritated him.
 
Friends are good. :) The ones who will bail you out of jail are great.. the ones who sit in jail with you are even better. ;)
 
 
quote:

When asked questions about his profession he answered them honestly, he personally would not be affected in his field of expertise by being outed, the fact is almost all who know him are aware of his lifestyle, it actually gives him an advantage in his chosen field among the clientele he works with.
 
Then he and I are pretty much in the same sort of boat.. the one with an outboard motor.

 
quote:

Yet if the folks who did this were do proceed in this manner with another collarme member whose posts they care not for, the consequences could potentially be disastrous.

 
I would suggest to those folks to be a bit more careful than your friend on what information they make available to a group of strangers if they aren't prepared for that contigency. We're all adults here so the choice is ours to make.
 
On a side note, collarme posts are often searchable on 'google' via screenname as well, so it's not just collarme folks who can find you, it's the whole damn world wide web.. something to think about.

 
quote:

What do you think of posters who take this type of action?
 
When someone puts their information out there, they've consented to such action. I hold the one putting the information out there as the one who is accountable. If someone decides to pick up such a gauntlet which has been thrown down, well, basically, they have been given permission to do so.
 
That said .. just because one 'can' do a thing does not mean one 'should' do a thing. I would not make that choice for myself. For me, it would be wrong ... for others it is not wrong and I do not dictate to adults what they should or should not do with the consent they've been given.

 
quote:

What would be the damage done to so many of us if this same action were brought to bear on our lives?


This isn't a tea party in the Rose Garden. It's a lifestyle which is often unforgiving, causes untold grief to many people, can have your kids taken away, your friends and family turn their backs on you and a host of other crap foisted on you by a society that thinks you are a sick muther fucker. Hell, some of the collarme members thinks some of the rest of us are sick muther fuckers.

If you can't stand the heat get out of the kitchen because making the choice to live in 'this' lifestyle has the potential to destroy everything you have and hold dear.

Believe it. 
 
Celeste

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Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."


(in reply to twicehappy)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: Being outed to your job by a fellow poster. - 10/4/2006 12:12:35 PM   
Sinergy


Posts: 9383
Joined: 4/26/2004
Status: offline 		Hello A/all,

On a related note, as I tend to suspect this entire thread was aimed at me.

I didnt out anybody.  I merely made a phone call and asked about a psychiatrist who was affiliated with a hospital.

Then I kept the information to myself.

Just me, could be wrong, but there you go.

Sinergy

_____________________________

"There is a fine line between clever and stupid"
David St. Hubbins "This Is Spinal Tap"

"Every so often you let a word or phrase out and you want to catch it and bring it back. You cant do that, it is gone, gone forever." J. Danforth Quayle


(in reply to Sinergy)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: Being outed to your job by a fellow poster. - 10/4/2006 12:33:41 PM   
akisha


Posts: 2071
Joined: 6/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: twicehappy

 
What would be the damage done to so many of us if this same action were brought to bear on our lives?
 
 
 


Other then some serious ribbing from teh guys i work with I don't think it would effect my career at all.

But to maliciously try and harm someone just is not nice if that is what someone was trying to do.

_____________________________

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It's not a blonde moment! It's momentary peroxide posioning. ;)

Your pain makes me smile ~ Happy Bunny

532-095-649

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Profile   Post #: 59
RE: Being outed to your job by a fellow poster. - 10/4/2006 12:45:49 PM   
MisPandora


Posts: 2911
Joined: 4/7/2004
From: Philadelphia, PA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Sinergy

Hello A/all,

On a related note, as I tend to suspect this entire thread was aimed at me.

I didnt out anybody.  I merely made a phone call and asked about a psychiatrist who was affiliated with a hospital.

Then I kept the information to myself.

Just me, could be wrong, but there you go.

Sinergy

And if said person POSTED the information, including the name of the hospital....that's not exactly being outed.

_____________________________

Pandora
Ms World Leather 2004
Ms Philadelphia Leather 2004

"Simply put, if you want a real femdom to love you, give her reasons to love you." Gloria Brame

(in reply to Sinergy)
Profile   Post #: 60
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