RE: taking care of?

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

RE: taking care of?

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: taking care of?

Page: << < prev 1 [2]

Login

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

RE: taking care of? - 1/20/2005 8:06:47 AM

liljoy

Posts: 577
Joined: 3/25/2004
Status: offline

garylee,
please don't ever be afraid to ask for help. we are here for that.. you have howeer determined that i would not understand. In determining that you have underestemated me and yourself being able to explain.
i am very sad on both counts.

if you wish to underestemate yourself go ahead but please do not do the same with me.

If you would tell us what decision you are trying to make we might be better able to help you. As it is i feel like we are playing twenty questions. Not my favorite game so could you cut to the chase for us?

(in reply to RiotGirl)

Post #: 21

RE: taking care of? - 1/20/2005 8:30:42 AM

darkinshadows

Posts: 4145
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: UK
Status: offline

Greetings garylee...

Your question... on what is a Dominia responsible for... one answer, IMO is that it depends upon the relationship.

Some Dominias require sexual slaves... and that is all.

Some Dominias have slaves responsible for specific duties. One for sexual... one for housekeeping... one for even walking the dog...

Some Dominias take care of their sub or slaves entire wellbeing... choosing their Doctor, paying for their charges medical bills... food... sleeping arrangements etc...

Some are trainers only... dealing in the ettiquette of a slave/sub.

Some have slave/subs that pay tributes to show respect and thanks in worship to the Dominia.

Some Dominias have only one slave. He maybe their husband... father of their children. But still to her he is her slave/sub. They live together... He may work... He may not... depending upon the Dominias will.

Some Dommes have a sub/slave whos responsibility is bookwork only.

In a nutshell... a Dominia and a sub/slave negociate who is responsible for what... the needs and desires... the support and Will... on an individual basis. There is no firm answer set in stone. Thats what makes this Lifestyle so wonderful!

_____________________________

.dark.

...i surrender to gravity and the unknown...

(in reply to garylee)

Post #: 22

RE: taking care of? - 1/20/2005 9:14:07 AM

Tempestspet

Posts: 360
Joined: 1/13/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: garylee

i got a question for all people out there......

i am told.......have seen written...blah blah etc.......responsibilities of a domme.
say what?
i am 51 years old.....i do my medical at the V.A.--so She isn't involved THERE.....
i am able to mentally/emotionally and physically take care of my person w/o anyone's help for anything......so what is it She is supposed to do THERE?
i have my own income each month......which is not because of Her......so She is not involved there.......

someone explain to me WHAT responsibilities????????? i do my own laundry.....
i can do my own grocery shopping.........make my own meals......
hey.......just WHAT ---------IS........a domme responsible FOR?????? huh?

thanks,.......
garylee

I don't think that anyone is trying to attack you garlee, but this is your orignal post that started this off. We are all just trying to figure out where, and how to help.
You original post started off angry, hurt, and hostile. I am left wondering what happened the finally made you post this. If you are happy being of service, and not haveing a sexual relationship, then you wouldn't be this upset. Don't be afraid to entertain the possibilty, that perhaps your changing and you do want more than what you did previously, if that is even the case. If you want something sexual out of your relationship with your Misstress, then you should ask her if you may talk with her, and have discussion on the matter.
I may be wrong on this but it sounds perhaps, you are in a female worship situation? In which case, you feel on the outside, because you are, and intentionally kept there. But I have to assume this is, again, a situation you voluntarily joined into.
I hope I don't come off as mean, or callous, I really do want to help.

Sincerely,
Tempest's pet

(in reply to garylee)

Post #: 23

RE: taking care of? - 1/20/2005 10:17:03 AM

Mercnbeth

Posts: 11766
Status: offline

quote:

i have trouble trusting people........

Trusting people or trusting people to feel sorry for you versus being honest and responsive?

Has your Domme and your relationship with her changed from the day you became her slave? Have conditions changed? Have your duties changed? Expectations? Goals?

Assuming they haven't the answer to your question, "What is a dome responsible for?"; is consistency. If that consistency has become mundane to you now - you've changed the dynamic of the relationship.

If things have changed your responsibility is to point out what has changed - with her, discuss them - with her, amend or re-confirm your goals - with her. If there is a problem with how things have changed and they can't be resolved - LEAVE. Also your responsibility.

Sorry if my opinion is not the sympathy you obviously seek.

(in reply to garylee)

Post #: 24

RE: taking care of? - 1/20/2005 11:19:23 AM

garylee

Posts: 38
Joined: 12/15/2004
From: from? iowa.....
Status: offline

i dont want sympathy dudes dudettes.....
i dont want anything from anyone.........
i merely...............................................asked for feedback.

i wish i didnt now.
drop the whole thing........
and yes........i just wanted to know what is supposed to be the main things any domme is liable for........
i see and hear so much trash no one has the real gospel......
doesnt matter now....
since i am self reliant anyway.......i just thought i would see if i was cheating Her and didnt know it........

i'm gonna drop this.........

i cant get a straight answer anyway.
bye

_____________________________

i see the world, i notice it is turning, as my guitar gently weeps.

(in reply to Mercnbeth)

Post #: 25

RE: taking care of? - 1/20/2005 11:31:22 AM

INSIDEYOURMIND

Posts: 483
Status: offline

quote:

to see if i am okay in my own standards or if i went off course......

Your course is exactly that, YOUR course, it is not for anyone on these forums to tell you how or what you should do within your relationship.

If it works for you, great, if it ain't broke, don't fix it!

_____________________________

If I got smart with you.................
How would you know?

(in reply to garylee)

Post #: 26

RE: taking care of? - 1/20/2005 11:49:50 AM

liljoy

Posts: 577
Joined: 3/25/2004
Status: offline

silly, stupid lil me. i answered you as well as i was able as did many others here. Somthing to concider is if the answers you get are not in your mind straight answers, perhaps you're not asking the question in a mannor that others are able to understand.

The text format is not the best way to comminicate as we can't see your posture and facial expressions. you hae to be a bit more direct in your questions to really get an answer in this format. i've not met many here at collarme that are dense. i've found in fact that most are very bright. your tone implies that you see it differently.

i personally take a bit of offence to being talked down to as you have done.

you've been asked to clarify your questions ut you've not done so. i wash my hands of this twenty questions game

lil_joy

quote:

ORIGINAL: garylee

ii cant get a straight answer anyway.
bye

(in reply to garylee)

Post #: 27

RE: taking care of? - 1/20/2005 12:05:14 PM

domtimothy46176

Posts: 670
Joined: 12/25/2004
From: Dayton, Ohio area
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: garylee

i dont want sympathy dudes dudettes.....
i dont want anything from anyone.........
i merely...............................................asked for feedback.

i wish i didnt now.
drop the whole thing........
and yes........i just wanted to know what is supposed to be the main things any domme is liable for........
i see and hear so much trash no one has the real gospel......
doesnt matter now....
since i am self reliant anyway.......i just thought i would see if i was cheating Her and didnt know it........

i'm gonna drop this.........

i cant get a straight answer anyway.
bye

I think the nature of the problem is that there is no real gospel to be found within the sphere of human interaction. I can say with the utmost confidence that I have a better understanding of my responsibility to my girl than anyone else has, but it doesn't neccessarily bear more than a passing similarity to my responsibility to another girl wearing my collar. Each relationship has it's own individual dynamic based on the personalities, needs, wants and desires of the participants.

To truly ascertain whether or not you are, in fact, cheating your domme by being too self-sufficienct, you would neccessarily need to discover the answer through communication with her. Only through the course of that dialogue can the two of you determine the truth. There are no hard and fast answers to the question you pose,there is nothing but what works for the two of you.

As distasteful as it may be to you, a servant is still engaged in a relationship with his/her master/mistress. A servant /master relationship such as yours may not be fettered by all the ambiguity of other relationships, the sex, the s/m stuff, etc., but there remain questions that only you and your mistress have the capacity to answer. Only you and your mistress may determine if it's appropriate for her to accept any responsibility for you while you are in her service and, if so, to what extent.

Be well,
Timothy

(in reply to garylee)

Post #: 28

RE: taking care of? - 1/20/2005 10:12:37 PM

LdyAuburn

Posts: 179
Joined: 5/9/2004
Status: offline

I believe I have seen you post previously as someone who serves for service sake, so why would you want the dominant to be responsible for anything? It appears from what you have posted is that you serve. Nothing more. Therefore I would be ensuring you knew what chores were required to be done, ensuring you learnt how to do them my way.

(in reply to domtimothy46176)

Post #: 29

RE: taking care of? - 1/21/2005 6:01:38 AM

garylee

Posts: 38
Joined: 12/15/2004
From: from? iowa.....
Status: offline

quote:

As distasteful as it may be to you, a servant is still engaged in a relationship with his/her master/mistress. A servant /master relationship such as yours may not be fettered by all the ambiguity of other relationships, the sex, the s/m stuff, etc., but there remain questions that only you and your mistress have the capacity to answer. Only you and your mistress may determine if it's appropriate for her to accept any responsibility for you while you are in her service and, if so, to what extent.

Be well,
Timothy [/quote

--------
now thats the best answer i ever got----------
i have tried ti discover.....if there is a ''norm'' in these cases. no one would give me a straight answer....now you just did.
and after all these posts,........i asked my domme what She saw in this......for me to hand-over ALL personal power to Her is like She would be taking care of a child....and as an adult i can take care of myself.......SO........i was TRYING to maintain an aloneness....to be aloof....and take care of Her as i take care of myself.....so that She has zero cares and worries.......but no one seemed to grasp that idea.
i see so much,.......about doms pampering girls........but i never seen dommes pampering males......it just seems too two sided..........................
thanks again for the direct answer........

i'm done with this........
garylee

_____________________________

i see the world, i notice it is turning, as my guitar gently weeps.

(in reply to LdyAuburn)

Post #: 30

RE: taking care of? - 1/21/2005 6:26:15 AM

sweetpleaser

Posts: 689
Joined: 8/5/2004
From: Florida
Status: offline

I like Timothy's posts also!! He is really very informative. I know you are frustrated with the responses you received at first but if you read your first post it really had a negative tone to it and kind of set us all off. By all means do not quit posting. I wish you luck in your relationship!

_____________________________

~ann~

It's not the men in my life that count, it's the life in my men.--Mae West

(in reply to garylee)

Post #: 31

RE: taking care of? - 1/21/2005 6:56:53 AM

NATI

Posts: 177
Joined: 1/5/2005
Status: offline

quote:

and yes........i just wanted to know what is supposed to be the main things any domme is liable for........
i see and hear so much trash no one has the real gospel......

The Domina is responsible for meeting the needs of the sub within the perameters of the relationship the two have agreed upon. Some relationships require tremendous degrees of responsibility. Others require far less.

There is no gospel. There is no one 'answer' that works for everybody. I think people have done their best here to try and figure out just what it was you were trying to ask, but you've gotten your boxers in a bunch because people have asked repeatedly for you to clarify what it is exactly that you are asking.

(in reply to garylee)

Post #: 32

RE: taking care of? - 1/21/2005 5:55:36 PM

realophelia

Posts: 168
Status: offline

quote:

i just wanted to know what is supposed to be the main things any domme is liable for........

I think it varies from relationship to relationship. But I think most Dom/mes, Masters, or Mistresses do take some responsibility for their sub/slave's well being. In my situation, I maintain my own home, have my own job, pay my own bills, etc. My Master has made himself responsible for my well being in a number of other ways, however. He takes care of me emotionally, helps me solve problems, gives me inner focus, outward direction and a general sense of safety and security.

~Ophelia

< Message edited by realophelia -- 1/22/2005 5:47:04 AM >

_____________________________

"And every one of them words rang true And glowed like burning coal Pouring off of every page Like it was written in my soul..."

(in reply to garylee)

Post #: 33

RE: taking care of? - 1/21/2005 6:10:16 PM

ProtagonistLily

Posts: 1222
Joined: 12/27/2004
Status: offline

quote:

i dont want sympathy dudes dudettes.....

Excuse me, but that's Ma'am to you...

Lily

_____________________________

"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"
~Dr. Seuss~

(in reply to garylee)

Post #: 34

RE: taking care of? - 1/21/2005 8:19:57 PM

topcat

Posts: 1675
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Tidewater, VA
Status: offline

Midar Gary-

Authority devolves from responsibility.

Regardless of your particular dynamic, if she in in charge, she is responsible[period][/period].

If she is absolutly in charge, she is abosolutly responsible.

If you give your all in her service- she must give her all in meeting your needs.

Stay warm,
Lawrence

_____________________________

-there is no remission without blood-

(in reply to garylee)

Post #: 35

RE: taking care of? - 1/21/2005 8:45:04 PM

ProtagonistLily

Posts: 1222
Joined: 12/27/2004
Status: offline

quote:

Stay warm,
Lawrence

It's negative 8 here.....but I'm tryin Lawrence ~wink~

Lily

_____________________________

"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"
~Dr. Seuss~

(in reply to topcat)

Post #: 36

RE: taking care of? - 1/22/2005 5:32:16 AM

pandoravampire

Posts: 374
Joined: 12/6/2004
Status: offline

garylee,
im not sure what your asking, it would seem whatever you needed from us, you have not felt has been given.

if you know which answers specifically you need, ask specifically, dont act out to get what you want. you too have responsibilities to yourself, and being petulant, wont help surely?

Your behaviour is very striking in its resemblance to my 16 yr old daughters? are you aware of how your coming across?

I hate written communication sometimes, its so limited and frustrated, when your misconstrued, and what you seek alludes you. You have my sympathy at your frustration.

But many of us, really do want to offer support, just not sure what it is you seek?

Be well

(in reply to ProtagonistLily)

Post #: 37

Page: << < prev 1 [2]

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: taking care of?

Page: << < prev 1 [2]

Jump to:

New Messages	No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages	Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages	Locked w/o New Messages

Post New Thread

Reply to Message

Post New Poll

Submit Vote

Delete My Own Post

Delete My Own Thread

Rate Posts

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.094