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what do I do... - 10/5/2006 3:37:55 PM   
prettykittie


Posts: 13
Joined: 6/8/2006
Status: offline 		Okay,here it is, I am in a seriouse LTR with my DaddyDom in fact we are due to get married in June of next year...He has showed little interest in anything but vanilla sex.I cant live like this ,i have talked to him about it and told him that I miss our sessions,and he blames it on the stress of everyday life...this excuse only goes so far,it has been a month since we have had a good play session and I am like a fish out of water.I dont want to top from the bottom,whats the point if I have to push him to Dom me...what do I do...?
Respectfully,
Daddies neglected lil brat
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: what do I do... - 10/5/2006 3:40:09 PM   
jeffman1234


Posts: 61
Joined: 6/11/2004
Status: offline 		Welcome to married life.

(in reply to prettykittie)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: what do I do... - 10/5/2006 3:50:11 PM   
leatherorlace


Posts: 215
Joined: 2/21/2005
Status: offline 		I hate to be the one to reiteriate what you've already discovered, but your "daddy/dom" is a vanilla dud that has little interests in WIITWD, and I'd even go as far as saying that his attorney will use your needsagainst you whenever he tries to dissolve the marriage and split the property and traumatized kiddies.
  Sorry, but his story is older than red clay, and it still happens daily. his playing d/d was probably an early zinger that made his lil' pee pee throb, but he's now lost interest and has left you suffering in the, less than adequate, relationship.

(in reply to prettykittie)
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RE: what do I do... - 10/5/2006 3:51:46 PM   
Estring


Posts: 3314
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		I have been married to my slave for a little over a year, and have never been happier. Losing myself in play with my slave is the perfect antidote to daily stress. Stress can come up and affect the relationship of course, but I would think that a month is too long between playing. If you are discovering that there is nothing else there when the bdsm is absent, you have a big problem. If everything else is great except for the play, I would really make clear to him (respectfully of course) your needs. Hopefully he will listen. Good luck. 

_____________________________

Boycott Whales!

(in reply to prettykittie)
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RE: what do I do... - 10/5/2006 3:52:59 PM   
MASTERRocker


Posts: 277
Joined: 9/19/2006
From: Kitchener-Waterloo, ON
Status: offline 		Many times, unfortunately things change over time in relationships. You can accept that this 'might' be the weay things will stay now; or you can still make a decision to answer what you seem to already know in your heart.
The  ;getting to know each other is over;; and the ;I am comfortable now to just be myself; has begun.

(in reply to jeffman1234)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: what do I do... - 10/5/2006 4:04:03 PM   
felineone


Posts: 92
Joined: 6/24/2004
Status: offline 		Sometimes life just gets in the way of fun things. Think about what really makes Him feel "Domly".. do extra sub/slave things.. help him find the "spark", but try not to pressure Him..sometimes that just adds to the stress.
good luck!
~feline~

(in reply to prettykittie)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: what do I do... - 10/5/2006 4:20:22 PM   
Owned1


Posts: 847
Joined: 7/6/2005
From: Toronto, Ontario
Status: offline 		My suggestion is to talk to him, request permission to speak freely and respectfully let him know how you are feeling and what it is you are missing.  Ask him if there is anything you can do to make things better, can you lighten his load of stress, is there anything you can do to help to get him into the mood?

If this does not work then I suggest you need to look seriously at this relationship and decide if it is what you need or if you can live as you are.  Only you know that answer

Owned

_____________________________

~~in His Chains i am free~~

(in reply to felineone)
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RE: what do I do... - 10/5/2006 4:35:59 PM   
topcat


Posts: 1675
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Tidewater, VA
Status: offline 		Dear Kittie-
 
This might be your best hope:
 
http://www.collarchat.com/m_610900/tm.htm
 
Stay warm,
Lawrence

_____________________________

-there is no remission without blood-

(in reply to prettykittie)
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RE: what do I do... - 10/5/2006 4:39:27 PM   
sophia37


Posts: 1433
Joined: 2/7/2006
Status: offline 		Is the man seriously streessed out? I didnt think the post was all that clear. Stress can most defitnely interfere with everything and anything. It seems like there are some other issues happening. Can those be addressed and changed? 

(in reply to Owned1)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: what do I do... - 10/5/2006 4:39:46 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		If this in fact the only cause of dissonance between you two, getting into some good therapy together could be just what you need.  We've all got life stress and yes of course it can effect our sex drives.  The issue is WORKING on it together and making a commitment to eachother in that way. 

You could also work on different WAYS of getting him in the mood to scene- make a date together and keep it, plan for chores to be done by a certain time, cut out one other social activity and spend the entire time in bed together.

It might be awkward for you to take an active approach to your sex life, but it's as unfair and unrealistic to expect him to do all the initiating as it is for you to expect him to always feel in the mood.

I'd also examine if his stress reasoning is serious or an excuse for a deeper problem between you two that you need to uncover.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to topcat)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: what do I do... - 10/5/2006 9:37:09 PM   
Kinkypupper


Posts: 713
Joined: 9/26/2004
From: Portland oregon
Status: offline 		Life is full of those kinds of ups and downs. I can way understand your concerns.
There have been some major employment/income changes in my house as of late.
The last thing I wanted was for my slave to go back to work full time.
Not only has she had to,  but I am now "employed" for the first time in 16 yrs of being self employed.
And I will not be in the home with her during the day as we have been for the last year, As most of my job is on the road. instead of being in the room next to her.
Worse my job requires me to be away from home 4-6 nights a month.
But at least its a job and only the 2nd one I have been offered since January.
Am I happy about this NOOOO.
Does the stress I am in effect "us" YES.
Am I lax in being a "proper" Master to my lil slave I am trying very VERY hard not to be but I know it does effect us both.
My confidence in the strength of our relationship and the basic "Master/slave" bond is a lot stronger then any of my past marrages and as long as I keep treating her with not only respect but as a slave "WE" will get threw this.
If this relationship was only as good as one of my past 4 marrages were in the past 28 years it would break. But this is not a marrage of equals it is a bonding between a Master and a slave.  The only way this relationship could be damaged,  is if I ever felt I had to keep something from her or her from me.
Or I started treating her as an equal.
Phil (Master of lilpony)

.

_____________________________

Phil Moulton
A Sensual Touch
Locopony Racing
Portland Oregon

(in reply to prettykittie)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: what do I do... - 10/6/2006 4:08:46 AM   
Focus50


Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline 		My idea of intimate relaxation is to dominate my girl.  Sure, if I've had a long and/or tiring day, I'm definitely not gonna indulge in a frustrating two hour bondage "masterpiece" on her but, yes, something simple and secure will do the job for both of us....
 
As for vanillas, their idea of intimate relaxation is sex....  June next year is a long way off and you're ....errrr.... bored (?) with him now?  Not many get that much warning....
 
Focus.

(in reply to prettykittie)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: what do I do... - 10/6/2006 4:21:32 AM   
FangsNfeet


Posts: 3758
Joined: 12/3/2004
Status: offline 		Keep acting like his Baby Girl. Sure there will be fewer sessions, but you can still do your best at doing your part. Great him at the door, hand him the collar to put on you, continue to ask for permission to get up when you have to use the bathroom or something, keep the place clean, and offer service, drinks, and back rubs. Your acts of submission will inspire him to stay dominant.  

Everyday work, stress, and weekend plans suck. However, you can both work on having routines to keep your relationship a 24/7 D/s. Back when you were dateing, it was BDSM with each date. Now, you live together and realize that is more difficult to have BDSM every day rather than the occasional date. How often can one be in the mood everyday after work?

24/7 is still possible. It takes more work and effort that I thought it would be when Pet and I moved in together but it are the little things that keep the D/s going with occasional scenes and play.   

_____________________________

I'm Godzilla and you're Japan

(in reply to prettykittie)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: what do I do... - 10/6/2006 9:53:50 AM   
prettykittie


Posts: 13
Joined: 6/8/2006
Status: offline 		Are you offering?lol...

(in reply to topcat)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: what do I do... - 10/6/2006 9:56:35 AM   
prettykittie


Posts: 13
Joined: 6/8/2006
Status: offline 		Thank you,you are right and I will continue to do such,as for handing him my collar,,,would that be to much pressure on him? Or maybe he truly got in over his head with me..Maybe this was all a ploy to get a good girl and he just isnt the dom that he said he was?

(in reply to FangsNfeet)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: what do I do... - 10/6/2006 10:20:37 AM   
prettykittie


Posts: 13
Joined: 6/8/2006
Status: offline 		You know,,,I think I got it...It has always seemed that I am way into this than him and now,well,he has a great fucking excuse!!not to step up.Look for me on the married but looking site...lol...no,not a cheater.Just a sad lil,subby.....

(in reply to prettykittie)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: what do I do... - 10/6/2006 10:35:31 AM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		If this is the case, and it is unresolvable in any soul enhancing fashion; is it not better for your whole life to take the haircut now, and go to the dump than it would be some years down the road with heavier emotional and life entanglements and with children and what not ?

Ron, the not entirely unfeeling. 

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


(in reply to prettykittie)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: what do I do... - 10/6/2006 10:46:08 AM   
fckmeimirish


Posts: 27
Joined: 5/11/2006
Status: offline 		Kittie,

I think that you have been given some decent advice here.  The first place to start in any relationship is with yourself.  Take stock of how, as your lives collided and became one over the course of your relationship, you, yourself have changed.  Look back to who you were, and how you acted that made the man's blood boil and try your very best to go back to what worked for you in the past.  While you may be justified asking if he's just not the Dom he said he was, you would also be wise to ask if you are the subby he thought you were and see where you can mold yourself even better to the man, it is the part of this that you can control so I'd stick with investing your energy in that area since it is not just being wasted on useless negative emotion.

(in reply to prettykittie)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: what do I do... - 10/6/2006 11:09:48 AM   
Mavis


Posts: 828
Joined: 2/8/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Focus50

 Not many get that much warning....

Nearly sprayed the monitor with coffee on that one.  Thanks for the laugh!

(in reply to Focus50)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: what do I do... - 10/6/2006 11:21:19 AM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: prettykittie

Okay,here it is, I am in a seriouse LTR with my DaddyDom in fact we are due to get married in June of next year...He has showed little interest in anything but vanilla sex.I cant live like this ,i have talked to him about it and told him that I miss our sessions,and he blames it on the stress of everyday life...this excuse only goes so far,it has been a month since we have had a good play session and I am like a fish out of water.I dont want to top from the bottom,whats the point if I have to push him to Dom me...what do I do...?
Respectfully,
Daddies neglected lil brat


Since it's the sessions that you're missing, get naked and throw yourself over his lap while he's watching television. One of two things will happen. He'll either grab you by the hair and pull you off (hair pull, yum!) or .. he'll start spanking you during the commercials. Either way, for you it's win-win and for him, it's his 'choice' on what to do to ya. Personally, I do this several times a week and it often, though not always, leads to something more than just spanking during the commercials. (Be warned, do NOT attempt this during a sporting event. I did it during a Yankee play off game once and what ensued was not pretty!)  Timing is everything.

I don't consider it topping from the bottom because the choice does remain his ... it's just presenting the 'bottom' to him in case he's forgotten it's still there.

Good luck to you,

Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."


(in reply to prettykittie)
Profile   Post #: 20
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