Drawing Out Submissiveness (Full Version)

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SweetSarijane -> Drawing Out Submissiveness (10/5/2006 5:14:18 PM)

I've done a lot of thinking on what it is that draws me to be submissive to some Doms and not to others. I find with a very few I feel a degree of submissiveness though not fully submissive and so far in my journey there are only 2 I've ever felt strongly submissive to. There are several that I respect and think of as friends but do not really feel submissive around. So I ask myself, what is the difference? What is it that draws out my submissive feelings to certain dominants and not others?

I know that one of the biggest draws to my submission is quiet dominance. Someone who just is dominant naturally and not pushy, in your face with it. It's hard for me to really define a truly common thread in all I've been drawn to besides the quiet, natural dominance. Each one is very much an idividual and unique, so maybe it is just the type of dominance I see/sense in them that draws it.

What draws out your submissiveness to certain dominants? Is it a common thread or unique to each who has drawn it? Do you feel weaker and stronger submissive draws to different dominants? I know not every dominant will draw submissiveness from a sub. I'm just curious as to what the triggers or draws are to different subs for them to feel in any way submissive to specific Doms.



Darthtellectual -> RE: Drawing Out Submissiveness (10/5/2006 5:38:35 PM)

I suspect that it has more to do with the same drives that allow us to choose a dating partner or a marriage perspective. What are your specific likes and dislikes? For the two that you felt strongly about: examine what sets them apart from the others, what do they have in common, and specifically what is it that they do that makes you hot.
Answer these and you will find your solution.

I would think that it is as much personal criteria than professional capability. I could not play well with someone I had little social interest (or negative opinion thereof) no matter how long they were in the life. But, if I establish a good rapport with a newbee, MANY things are possible.    



juliaoceania -> RE: Drawing Out Submissiveness (10/5/2006 6:44:06 PM)

Great question!

First of all someone who is demanding more than I have given them the indication that I would like will make me run the other way. This means I do not want to be pressured into anything.

Like you my submissive nature is attracted to someone who does not have to assert his control every second, but lets me feel it in little ways. I think this is what attracted me to my Daddy. He said in the beginning every thing would be negotiated, every little bit of power I gave would be surrendered consensually on my part. He would not take my submission on anything, no matter how small seeming, forgranted. I felt safe with him because of this

Nowadays he just makes decisions and somehow along the way I just follow them. The little surrenders have added up to bigger ones as he knows me and my limits.  To me this is what attracts my submissiveness... knowing me well enough to know when it is ok just to take what I have already surrendered...

He said once I have negotiated something out of my control and into his, it belonged to him completely and would never be negotiated again... I sit here with a big grin because that is my pull to him, knowing that I will only be asked once, and that is all I will be asked.. if I say "no", he will not ask again and I must then ask him to take control over that thing I said "No" to... Every day I feel he has more control over my life than the day that preceded it..pretty heavy stuff



sweetnurseBBW -> RE: Drawing Out Submissiveness (10/5/2006 6:59:48 PM)

I seem to be attracted to the same types in dominants. Ones that think being aggressive and rude is the same as being assertive make me head for the hills. I seem to be attracted to the patient, assertive but caring type. Almost a daddy type or mommy. Seems these types I am more comfortable with and they tend to bring out my submissiveness alot easier.



diamonddreamlove -> RE: Drawing Out Submissiveness (10/5/2006 8:00:09 PM)

I like the Doms that are strength based that you know before they say a word  that they are Dom and i am sub.  They don't demand much but get much because they do not demand it.  They are respectful and caring but also strict and intense. 

diamond



KnifeCandy -> RE: Drawing Out Submissiveness (10/6/2006 12:51:11 AM)

For me, chemistry plays some role, but in reality, I have learned that I need have very little of the literal, pheromone-based chemistry in order to feel that the D/s chemistry is there. That is to say, I have found a certain level of happiness in submission to a dom to whom I would not ordinarily have been attracted sexually or as a long-term partner. Ideally, however, I prefer to find one to whom I can commit myself completely, both at the love level as well as at the submissive level. For this reason, intelligence and perceptiveness are probably the two greatest attraction factors for me. I must find someone who can match or better my intelligence, and it certainly doesn't hurt to think that this intellect will be brought to bear in the bedroom. ;) One thing I have only just recently put at the forefront of my requirements (but should have concentrated on much sooner!) is perceptiveness. I am finding that it plays a much larger role in determining to whom I am excited to be submitting than I had previously thought possible. To have the experience of knowing one who can quietly observe, slowly and reasonably explore & question, and who can osmose cues from even the most vanilla conversations is unutterably sublime. Self-discipline is also indescribably attractive; for example, the ability of a dom to deny himself pleasures in order to keep his word, affirm his dominance, or administer discipline is frighteningly hot. Other essential traits: confidence (you'd think this would be a given in a dominant, but...not so. Often bravado is present, but they lack true self-assurance), patience, life experience (non-lifestyle-related), respect, common sense and all-around capability.

I may be able to submit on different levels to those who posess fewer than all of these traits, but this is the combo that best draws out my submission, and that, given my increasing inability to settle for less than the best, will undoubtedly guide me in establishing a long-term pairing. I realize my standards are high, but I do not fear them remaining unmet.

Thanks for the great question!
KC



FelinePersuasion -> RE: Drawing Out Submissiveness (10/6/2006 1:11:03 AM)

I like someone like diamond said they don't demand butthe will get because they didn't demand, I had a lot of things that were absolitely not ok in the beginning and dadda planted the seed and left it alone and eventually I asked about things that would be no if he demanded.

My curiosity will eventually lead me down that road if someone can be patient enough to let the seedling mature with out pressure.



gypsylee -> RE: Drawing Out Submissiveness (10/6/2006 2:30:54 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SweetSarijane

...I'm just curious as to what the triggers or draws are to different subs for them to feel in any way submissive to specific Doms.


the sad fact with me is that i have tended to 'submit' to almost anyone. this inevitably has landed me in abusive relationships.

however, please do not jump to the conclusion that if this is the case then my current relationship must be abusive and/or my Dom is a fake or whatever. or worse still, that i'm an easy target for trolls.

[sm=paddle.gif]

something in my life changed dramatically around this time last year. i won't go into detail. let's just say my head is a lot clearer now.

anyway, my submissive nature has been drawn out properly by someone who is, as you mentioned, very quietly dominant.

the abusive guys tend to rant and rave and generally just try and control me using all sorts of physical and emotional bullshit. (by 'physical' i don't mean punches in the face. i mean things like blocking my car, banging on my door at all hours of the night, refusing to get out of my room when asked etc.) then there's the worst form of control ~ threats and attempts at suicide.

it shouldn't even get to that stage (my bad) but this behaviour has the reverse effect on me to Domination. i get highly resentful, defensive and defiant. i end up turning into what i call 'The Ice Queen' who is devoid of emotion, is vengeful and completely ruthless.

but my current partner can stop me dead in my tracks with a few words, a tone of voice or even a look. this is because i know that He probably has a good reason for doing so, not because He is jealous or possessive or insecure or what-have-you. and i am usually given that reason. the rare times that i'm not, i am learning to trust that there is one.

respect.



zebrastripes -> RE: Drawing Out Submissiveness (10/6/2006 5:51:39 AM)

I am drawn out by the quietness of their dominance.  The Men who cannot hide it, it is just there.  The one who stands out at a party without needing to utter a single word.  zs



SweetSarijane -> RE: Drawing Out Submissiveness (10/6/2006 8:58:08 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: gypsylee


the abusive guys tend to rant and rave and generally just try and control me using all sorts of physical and emotional bullshit. (by 'physical' i don't mean punches in the face. i mean things like blocking my car, banging on my door at all hours of the night, refusing to get out of my room when asked etc.) then there's the worst form of control ~ threats and attempts at suicide.

it shouldn't even get to that stage (my bad) but this behaviour has the reverse effect on me to Domination. i get highly resentful, defensive and defiant. i end up turning into what i call 'The Ice Queen' who is devoid of emotion, is vengeful and completely ruthless.




I've been in a relationship like that though not a D/s one. Manipulation, control and abuse and nothing consensual about it. He threatened and attempted suicide, nearly ripped a door off my van, constantly put me down, threatened me, and in the last roughly 3 years of it began to be physically abusive as well. It made me cold and uncaring towards him. I avoided him as much as I was able to and had to give in to his demands in some cases to protect myself and the others in the house.

I think my going through that is likely why it's the quiet, natural dominance that attracts me instead of other types and it's such a fine line for me in when I can and want to let go and submit.



SweetSarijane -> RE: Drawing Out Submissiveness (10/6/2006 8:59:33 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: zebrastripes

I am drawn out by the quietness of their dominance.  The Men who cannot hide it, it is just there.  The one who stands out at a party without needing to utter a single word.  zs


Those are the ones who give me shivers <smile>.



Iskander -> RE: Drawing Out Submissiveness (10/6/2006 9:58:42 AM)

What amuses me about these 'abusers' is that the guy (ex flatmate of gl) who was giving her so much grief, has not shown his cowardly face since I've moved here... And thats pretty much what they are cowards that can not deal/cope with their own insecurities...

Iskander...




SweetSarijane -> RE: Drawing Out Submissiveness (10/6/2006 10:27:34 AM)

Yes many of them are cowardly and insecure. They have to tear others down to build themselves up, but some, even though cowardly, are very, very dangerous and I speak from personal experience. Never underestimate someone who abuses you or is abusive in general.



adommeforu -> RE: Drawing Out Submissiveness (10/6/2006 10:51:13 AM)

 
A look or gesture should suffice. No need for words or tools. If this is what it takes then the Dom/me has lost their spark.



Mercnbeth -> RE: Drawing Out Submissiveness (10/6/2006 11:06:17 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SweetSarijane

...What draws out your submissiveness to certain dominants? Is it a common thread or unique to each who has drawn it? Do you feel weaker and stronger submissive draws to different dominants? I know not every dominant will draw submissiveness from a sub. I'm just curious as to what the triggers or draws are to different subs for them to feel in any way submissive to specific Doms...


this slave, and/or her submissiveness, just IS.  it doesn't get "drawn" to certain specific Doms, it does not require any level of dominance by another party at all.
 
this slave has served other submissives.

if this slave had no Master, she would still be serving the relationships and casual happenstance meetings with folk that occur in life, it is what she has always done...and not always to her intellectually reasoned "best interest".  this slave has gravitated towards or actively sought out a submissive role in every relationship; romantic, financial, familial, filial, or any other type of relationship one could come up with.



SweetSarijane -> RE: Drawing Out Submissiveness (10/6/2006 11:07:19 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: FelinePersuasion

I like someone like diamond said they don't demand butthe will get because they didn't demand, I had a lot of things that were absolitely not ok in the beginning and dadda planted the seed and left it alone and eventually I asked about things that would be no if he demanded.

My curiosity will eventually lead me down that road if someone can be patient enough to let the seedling mature with out pressure.


That is what I respond fully to. Someone who doesn't demand submission from me or demand I do this or that, but rather someone who by being themself and making me feel secure and cared for, draws me to be submissive to them, makes me want to please them, care for them, see to their happiness and for those I will give my all. That's my nature.



BitaTruble -> RE: Drawing Out Submissiveness (10/6/2006 11:10:25 AM)

quote:



What draws out your submissiveness to certain dominants? Is it a common thread or unique to each who has drawn it? Do you feel weaker and stronger submissive draws to different dominants?


There's just a certain presence or 'it' factor that some people have which appeals to me. A complete stranger can walk into a room and not a say word, but sinking to my knees would seem the most natural thing in the world. When I feel it, I feel it completely. There's no, 'sort of' or .. I feel a 'little' submissive to someone. Either it's there or it's not.

These days, I have Himself to answer to, so I don't do a lot of sinking to my knees .. but certainly there are those moments with certain people that the desire to do so is there. :)

Celeste



SweetSarijane -> RE: Drawing Out Submissiveness (10/6/2006 11:11:46 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth


this slave, and/or her submissiveness, just IS.  it doesn't get "drawn" to certain specific Doms, it does not require any level of dominance by another party at all.
 
this slave has served other submissives.

if this slave had no Master, she would still be serving the relationships and casual happenstance meetings with folk that occur in life, it is what she has always done...and not always to her intellectually reasoned "best interest".  this slave has gravitated towards or actively sought out a submissive role in every relationship; romantic, financial, familial, filial, or any other type of relationship one could come up with.


I've tended to always take the submissive role too in relationships and be a pleaser. Wanting to make others happy and all too often being taken advantage of for it, used and hurt.

I have grown stronger from the things I've been through and can no longer be submissive in everything and yet still I need to submit. It really is a part of who I am as a whole person.



behindmirrors -> RE: Drawing Out Submissiveness (10/6/2006 11:33:35 AM)

I also have a quietly-dominant type. He doesn't need to do more than that.

I don't have the feelings of submissiveness I have towards him for any other. In fact, I'm actually a pretty dominant personality type in my day-to-day, so I'm more likely to take control of a situation than leave it to another and follow their will. My submissive nature to my Dom is only drawn out because of what he established with me in the vanilla beginning of our relationship- that he was someone I could trust myself to. I don't feel that with everyone, nor with even some people. Just him, and that is why I am his.

behindmirrors.



sublizzie -> RE: Drawing Out Submissiveness (10/6/2006 3:38:48 PM)

I tend to think of it as an energy that resonates within me and my energy. It doesn't matter if the Dominant is male or female, wonderful or awful. If they are naturally Dominant, the draw is there. I have learned to choose to whom I allow myself to be submissive towards because I've run into enough awful (for me!) Dominants that I made the mistake of submitting to due to the energy resonation that I learned.

As I look for the Dominant to give myself completely to, I look for that energy resonance with the addition of other aspects of personality and Dominance style that fit me. But I will automatically be submissive toward many who have the right energy signature.



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