Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

confused


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> confused Page: [1] 2 3 4   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
confused - 10/6/2006 5:33:10 AM   
unknowndesires


Posts: 4
Joined: 10/6/2006
Status: offline 		hello to A/all...as i am new here i have alot of questions that need to be answered
but will start with just one...
if you knew from the start your sub/slave was straight...would you try to change her
or force her to be with another woman?
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: confused - 10/6/2006 5:43:56 AM   
MrDiscipline44


Posts: 1776
Joined: 1/5/2005
Status: offline 		If it was a desire of mine and I told her before we got involved, yes, I would. Doms don't always take a sub/slave because of who they are, but what they can become.

_____________________________

If you love somebody, you have to be willing to break them.

Those who can, do. Those who can't, teach.

Have you slapped your slave today?

(in reply to unknowndesires)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: confused - 10/6/2006 5:50:41 AM   
Celeste43


Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline 		I always think this is an example of utter rudeness. If he decided to bring another woman in and demanded I act in a sexual manner with her, I might submit but I would not enjoy myself, I would find what I was doing offensive, she would know immediately that I found her distasteful and unpleasant. So how could this theoretical other woman enjoy the encounter when she knew that I found sex with her to be the most disgusting thing possible? I also would not enjoy myself and would make it clear that her touching me made my skin creep. What kind of enjoyment would there be for anyone in a situation where I was obviously unhappy if not actively vomiting?

When a dom/me says he/she is going to do this, despite the feelings of their sub I always wonder if they bother to explain to the third ahead of time how the sub feels about it. Because it is rude to the third to spring this on them. Assuming you haven't been allowed to meet the third and explain this to them yourself that you hate the idea of this and that you find the idea of sex with them to be so unpleasant.

The other thing is that by crossing someone's moral boundaries you risk the relationship. Trust will be broken. Personally I think it's important to have this discussion early and to set your boundaries clearly.

(in reply to unknowndesires)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: confused - 10/6/2006 6:04:14 AM   
unknowndesires


Posts: 4
Joined: 10/6/2006
Status: offline 		thank you celeste43 you have my feelings on this right on the mark..
i thought i was wrong. feeling this way....thank you again

(in reply to Celeste43)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: confused - 10/6/2006 7:07:23 AM   
TxBadMan


Posts: 198
Joined: 4/7/2006
From: Moody, Texas
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: unknowndesires

hello to A/all...as i am new here i have alot of questions that need to be answered
but will start with just one...
if you knew from the start your sub/slave was straight...would you try to change her
or force her to be with another woman?

If I wished her to be with another woman, then I would expect her to comply with my wishes. It has nothing to do with changing her. Just because she does what I request does not mean that she suddenly becomes bisexual

_____________________________

Chris



(in reply to unknowndesires)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: confused - 10/6/2006 8:13:40 AM   
ayasha


Posts: 149
Joined: 12/10/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TxBadMan
If I wished her to be with another woman, then I would expect her to comply with my wishes. It has nothing to do with changing her. Just because she does what I request does not mean that she suddenly becomes bisexual


Exactly. 

(in reply to TxBadMan)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: confused - 10/6/2006 9:01:00 AM   
gypsylee


Posts: 293
Joined: 9/18/2006
From: Melbournia, Australia
Status: offline 		one of my D's general 'rules' is that He would not subject me to something He wouldn't subject Himself to. (no He isn't a switch, it's a 'boundary' thing.)

so, i wonder how many straight Doms would like it if they were told to sleep with another man?

_____________________________

You're one twisted fuck... Nup, I'm just an ordinary girl with nothin' to lose.


(in reply to unknowndesires)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: confused - 10/6/2006 9:06:16 AM   
TxBadMan


Posts: 198
Joined: 4/7/2006
From: Moody, Texas
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: gypsylee

one of my D's general 'rules' is that He would not subject me to something He wouldn't subject Himself to. (no He isn't a switch, it's a 'boundary' thing.)

so, i wonder how many straight Doms would like it if they were told to sleep with another man?

Since I don't adhere to the same rule, it would not matter.
On the other side of the coin though, if I were the submissive/slave, maybe I would have a different view. Since I am not though, if I tell my slave to sleep with another women, she's going to without any questions being asked.

_____________________________

Chris



(in reply to gypsylee)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: confused - 10/6/2006 9:12:40 AM   
gypsylee


Posts: 293
Joined: 9/18/2006
From: Melbournia, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TxBadMan

Since I don't adhere to the same rule, it would not matter.
On the other side of the coin though, if I were the submissive/slave, maybe I would have a different view. Since I am not though, if I tell my slave to sleep with another women, she's going to without any questions being asked.


fair enough.

_____________________________

You're one twisted fuck... Nup, I'm just an ordinary girl with nothin' to lose.


(in reply to TxBadMan)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: confused - 10/6/2006 9:15:19 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline 		I think again it all comes down to communication. Any sub/slave needs to ask questions to know what to expect.

If you tell one that you have boundary (exibit A), I think it is also important to ask them what they think about boundaries in general. Does this particular person consider it a "I will ever tell you to do this" OR "I will push you in your stated boundaries because you will belong to me and it is my right"

Every person is going to have a slightly different vision of the Ds relationship, it's important to know this early on.

Just my opinion........


_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to unknowndesires)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: confused - 10/6/2006 9:22:04 AM   
TxBadMan


Posts: 198
Joined: 4/7/2006
From: Moody, Texas
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

I think again it all comes down to communication. Any sub/slave needs to ask questions to know what to expect.

If you tell one that you have boundary (exibit A), I think it is also important to ask them what they think about boundaries in general. Does this particular person consider it a "I will ever tell you to do this" OR "I will push you in your stated boundaries because you will belong to me and it is my right"

Every person is going to have a slightly different vision of the Ds relationship, it's important to know this early on.

Just my opinion........


It does Ma'am . Communication BEFORE hand is essential in any relationship.

If my girl had told me before our relationship became solid that she was NOT bisexual, chances are that while I would still hold the right to request it of her; I would not force it on her simply because I could.

_____________________________

Chris



(in reply to LaTigresse)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: confused - 10/6/2006 9:29:55 AM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		This is a soft limit for me and I am not bisexual. I am not disgusted by it either, it does not go against my morals. I have a hard limit about sharing my Daddy with other women though. This was agreed upon before we started a dynamic. People should really think about what is outside of their limits before they engage in a dynamic with someone and it would avoid these situations...

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to unknowndesires)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: confused - 10/6/2006 9:39:58 AM   
fckmeimirish


Posts: 27
Joined: 5/11/2006
Status: offline 		Isn't this situation more about the mental aspect of the D/s relationship and less about physical sex and the third person that's involved?  Your Dom should, and probably does know that you are not a bisexual.  Part of what gets a Dom off is seeing his submissive make a willing sacrifice of this nature to selflessly please Him ... we get off on the power as much as you get off on the lack of it.  Along that line of rationale, if you are a good sub/slave, and not a selfish brat who just wants all of their own kinks served, you will be turned on by the mental power exchange that this situation revolves around, you'll do your very best to pleasure the woman and enjoy it yourself ... at the bare minimum do it without apparent disdain because it gets you off to make that sacrifice to please your Dom and show your devotion.  Isn't that what this is all about in the first damned place? 

(in reply to TxBadMan)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: confused - 10/6/2006 9:56:33 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: fckmeimirish
Along that line of rationale, if you are a good sub/slave, and not a selfish brat who just wants all of their own kinks served, you will be turned on by the mental power exchange that this situation revolves around, you'll do your very best to pleasure the woman and enjoy it yourself

Being a slave doesn't mean you will constantly get turned on by obeying or that you are a bad slave because you don't get turned on by doing everyone you're told to do. 
quote:


... at the bare minimum do it without apparent disdain because it gets you off to make that sacrifice to please your Dom and show your devotion.  Isn't that what this is all about in the first damned place? 

No, submission and slavery is not about sacrifice.  That's what martyrs are for. 

I've nothing wrong with an owner telling their slave to fuck anyone and everyone they want in whatever way they want or with the slave obeying.  But suggesting that they get off on it just because they are obeying or that they should sacrifice who they are just to be obedient is unrealistic.

Of course, as stated previously, the slave should know that this obedience will be expected of her in that relationship and accepted it as being a fulfilling part of their relationship.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to fckmeimirish)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: confused - 10/6/2006 11:05:15 AM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline 		Expecting a partner to change for you is almost always a road to disaster. Change is hard and often simply doesn't happen when it's being done for someone else. Change usually only happens for yourself. If your partner is wanting you to change right from the beginning, it's a good time to move on, especially if that change is against your nature.

As for the opinion answer: I wouldn't expect someone coming into my household to change their sexual preference. Thus, if I had a gay man in service, I wouldn't expect sexual service from him...although, it HAS been offered. LOL  I don't expect sexual service from my het girl, either...although she has said that she would do it as a service. Sex is just easy to get, so why should I bother going against someone's preference?

Master Fire


_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to unknowndesires)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: confused - 10/6/2006 11:18:56 AM   
Mavis


Posts: 828
Joined: 2/8/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TxBadMan

if I tell my slave to sleep with another women, she's going to without any questions being asked.


i understand the right reserved to do that, in theory..  but in practice, would You REALLY subject the extra girl to this, assuming she isn't another of Your slaves?    How would You go about convincing a 3rd party to join an unwilling partner?  Your dynamic already has consent figured out, but to that extra girl...  You're asking HER to participate sexually with at least one partner that hasn't consented to HER.

(Ok, i also realise in practice, a hooker could be paid to be the 3rd, "convincing" someone to play against consent isn't the only way this can be worked.)

(in reply to TxBadMan)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: confused - 10/6/2006 11:26:46 AM   
Mavis


Posts: 828
Joined: 2/8/2004
Status: offline 		Here's a good reversal, i'm bi.  naturally, intrinsically, happily so.   but Master is one of the what?  4 Males on earth that is actually squicked by girl on girl.   He doesn't have rules about my doing so, but would rather not get the scoop on any play i do in that direction.  Although He was highly amused when W/we entered a pub and several gals i know were slithery-flirty with me,  i think the amusement came from how hot that looked to the other guys!

The thing that younger girls see me as an experienced older woman and that's sexy in some circles kinda set Him back a bit.  And He was jealous of the attention, to be honest. lol.

(edited to add, sorry for the hijack, but it wasn't worth starting a new thread over, but i find the flipside of the Dom + girl/girl thing interesting)

< Message edited by Mavis -- 10/6/2006 11:28:03 AM >

(in reply to Mavis)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: confused - 10/6/2006 11:39:59 AM   
Nikolette


Posts: 488
Joined: 10/2/2004
Status: offline 		Nope. I absolutely would not, ever, force someone to do something sexual to another person unless they had consented to "forced bi".

I believe that it would negatively affect them and their sexuality in the long term and I just wouldn't want to do that. It doesn't matter or not whether I "could" by our agreement of TPE.

I DO enjoy testing some limits, hard or otherwise just for the sense of control and excitement-but this is simply one I wouldn't push. I know first hand how manipulating someone who is under your influence to do things sexually that they really really don't want to is unhealthy and damaging.

I would also strongly question anyone's ethics who forced me to do something I believe would damage me if I explained it to them fully.

_____________________________

"You must be the change you wish to see in the world." ---Mahatma Gandhi

(in reply to unknowndesires)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: confused - 10/6/2006 11:43:59 AM   
fckmeimirish


Posts: 27
Joined: 5/11/2006
Status: offline 		Albatross,

I see that you're simply pointing out a line that I am walking between enjoying my power and abusing it ... and I agree ... there is certainly a line to be minded, indeed.  A good point you made is that the expectation should be in place before the action is requested ... and another good point made above is that the Dom should not expect you to change in any permanent way ... and I wouldn't imagine that it would be my favorite activity to engage in if I know that you don't like it ... I love to see my slave's faces contorted in pleasure ... however ... sometimes its all about me and she needs to do what is expected of her in that situation.  

I, do, however, disagree a bit about the sacrifice aspect of these relationships.  Because I prefer harmony to dischord in my home, punishment is not something that I look forward to in any particular way.  That said, I know that you certainly understand that almost all slaves and subs, either conciously or subconciously, test thier Dom's/Master's strength of conviction and self-control on a periodic basis by breaking a rule or omitting a duty, simply because they must feel that strength in order to feel their respective submission.  In other words they struggle a bit for power in the relationship, but have no intention of winning, for it is in your thwarting of that struggle that the slave feels the most like a slave.  Now, I already said that I don't particularly care for punishment, but it is a duty that I have sworn myself to carry out because I know why she needs it.  Am I not making a sacrifice of sorts in this regard?  I feel that I am, especially when I must remain externally composed even when my heart is heavy from hearing the sobs of pain, humiliation, or guilt of someone very special to me, and carry out to completion whatever punishment I have expained would be given ... even when my true impulse is to kiss the tears away and call it forgiven.  It is this that is the foundation of her respect for me ... so I do it for her ... not me ... and I don't particularly enjoy it ... just like the person we were talking about previously doesn't particularly enjoy homosexual sex ... but she full well knows that it won't kill her ... as long as her Dom takes care of all safety issues.

I do enjoy the thought provoking discourse though, Albatross.  I like a woman who can make me think carefully (grins and winks).

Shawn 

< Message edited by fckmeimirish -- 10/6/2006 11:47:12 AM >

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: confused - 10/6/2006 11:49:52 AM   
unknowndesires


Posts: 4
Joined: 10/6/2006
Status: offline 		thank you all for the input...
it is greatly appreciated...

(in reply to Nikolette)
Profile   Post #: 20
Page:   [1] 2 3 4   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> confused Page: [1] 2 3 4   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.143