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flip flopping Dom - 10/7/2006 6:58:55 PM   
simplyaslavegirl


Posts: 5
Joined: 10/7/2006
Status: offline 		I am in a Master/slave relationship but it appears that my Master is flip flopping on what He wants.  He wants a second slave and while i don't have a problem with that my problem is that He is not very attentive to the slave that He has(me).  He doesn't seem to realize that He is close to losing me because He doesn't spend the time with me(training, or otherwise) and I really need some advice on how to attack this issue with Him.Help!!
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: flip flopping Dom - 10/7/2006 7:01:31 PM   
stef


Posts: 10215
Joined: 1/26/2004
Status: offline 		You need to be telling this to him, not us.

~stef

_____________________________

Welcome to PoliticSpace! If you came here expecting meaningful BDSM discussions, boy are you in the wrong place.

"Hypocrisy has consequences"

(in reply to simplyaslavegirl)
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RE: flip flopping Dom - 10/7/2006 7:02:37 PM   
simplyaslavegirl


Posts: 5
Joined: 10/7/2006
Status: offline 		i have told Him and it hasn't seem to change His way of thinking at all He thinks everything is fine.

(in reply to stef)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: flip flopping Dom - 10/7/2006 7:04:22 PM   
Kashan


Posts: 51
Joined: 6/30/2006
Status: offline 		Show him it isn't fine. Take a break. You get to choose if you stay or go, and if your need for attention isn't being met.....you do deserve to have your needs met

_____________________________

"Life is pain, anyone who tells you different is trying to sell you something." ~the Man in Black

(in reply to simplyaslavegirl)
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RE: flip flopping Dom - 10/7/2006 7:06:38 PM   
zebrastripes


Posts: 33
Joined: 10/3/2006
Status: offline 		Communication is essential.  If you are communicating and he is not listening seriously to your concerns there are choices you need to make.  
 
Is this relationship worth the effort to save?
Can you accept that your thoughts do not matter to him?
 
I am sure there are other things that may come to mind also.   Do some real soul searching, a relationship is only as good as the work put into them.
 
 

(in reply to simplyaslavegirl)
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RE: flip flopping Dom - 10/7/2006 7:07:18 PM   
simplyaslavegirl


Posts: 5
Joined: 10/7/2006
Status: offline 		I guess the biggest problem i have is that i want the confines of my slavery to be taken in His hands and i just want to shake Him sometimes to show Him hey over here ya nut.

(in reply to Kashan)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: flip flopping Dom - 10/7/2006 7:10:29 PM   
stef


Posts: 10215
Joined: 1/26/2004
Status: offline 		Ultimately, you have three options here:

1) Talk with him again and do your best to impress upon him the gravity of the situation
2) Put up with it
3) Leave

No one here is going to be able to tell you which one is the right one, but I wish you luck finding out what works for you.

~stef

_____________________________

Welcome to PoliticSpace! If you came here expecting meaningful BDSM discussions, boy are you in the wrong place.

"Hypocrisy has consequences"

(in reply to simplyaslavegirl)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: flip flopping Dom - 10/7/2006 7:14:38 PM   
PrimitiveLogic


Posts: 145
Joined: 4/25/2006
From: Md.
Status: offline 		You can't make someone be something they have no interest or capacity to be. Behavior is the only true currency with any value...words are merely words. Stay and continue your current reality; or change it.
Asking him why won't change anything. "Expecting" from the bottom is like fishing without a hook...you'll spend a long time going throught the motions without accomplishing anything. Sorry to sound so grim...but inept leaders are simply that...inept. To paraphrase an old adage: say what you mean and mean what you say...say what you'll do  and do what you say. Good luck to all who enter something that isn't quite what it was advertised to be.
PS. read my by line...Reality is what YOU create; not what others leave behind.

(in reply to Kashan)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: flip flopping Dom - 10/7/2006 7:23:01 PM   
LadyHugs


Posts: 2299
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		Dear simplyaslavegirl, Ladies and Gentlemen;
 
I agree with those who have posted thus far.
 
Perhaps giving him an analogy that helps explain the communication issue, more like drawing him a worded picture.
 
If he still doesn't get it--then it is time to find someone who has some sense in feeding the slave heart and spirit.  Not an unpaid maid that is hurting inside as their spirit is being starved.
 
Slave does not equal to being an after thought.
 
Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs

(in reply to simplyaslavegirl)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: flip flopping Dom - 10/7/2006 7:47:30 PM   
simplyaslavegirl


Posts: 5
Joined: 10/7/2006
Status: offline 		maybe i'm just asking too much from Him *shrugs* 

(in reply to LadyHugs)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: flip flopping Dom - 10/7/2006 9:09:40 PM   
krikket


Posts: 1183
Joined: 11/17/2004
From: Washington, DC Metro Area
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: simplyaslavegirl

maybe i'm just asking too much from Him *shrugs* 


The others have given some great advise, so i won't repeat what they said.  Having been in Your situation, however, and wondering the same (am i asking for too much), i found that, for myself, the question became why was willing to settle for so little from the one person i shouldn't have to remind i was around.  One thought i'd like to add to Lady Hugs statement about how a slave should not be an after thought,  being a slave also isn't (at least for me) passive, but active.  i also can't be a slave in a vacuum, which is what my relationship had become when he was so busy taking care of what he called his need for a second. 

Unfortunately no one else can give you an answer, but we can give you support, which from what i've read, you have -- which makes you very blessed.  Answers have to come from within yourself, and at the time when you're ready to make that kind of decision. 

Good luck and hugs,
jimini



_____________________________

"And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to bloom."

by A. Nin



When your heart speaks take good notes.





(in reply to simplyaslavegirl)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: flip flopping Dom - 10/7/2006 10:57:28 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:

Stay and continue your current reality; or change it.


This is absolutely true from my experience. Anyone that has been through talking to someone, begging someone, cajoling someone until they are frustrated and angry knows this doesn't work.

In 12 step programs they have the serenity prayer which is a good thing even if you have no addictions... there is a lot of wisdom in it.. especially the first part

quote:

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.


 
Seriously.. you cannot change any other person to suit your needs, you can only change yourself

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to PrimitiveLogic)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: flip flopping Dom - 10/7/2006 11:41:02 PM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: simplyaslavegirl

I am in a Master/slave relationship but it appears that my Master is flip flopping on what He wants.  He wants a second slave and while i don't have a problem with that my problem is that He is not very attentive to the slave that He has(me).  He doesn't seem to realize that He is close to losing me because He doesn't spend the time with me(training, or otherwise) and I really need some advice on how to attack this issue with Him.Help!!


Well, I'm a bit confused. Your profile states you are not looking for 24/7, but you are looking for a trainer and you are actively seeking Dom/Dom couples, Dom Women and Dom Men.

Is this an r/t relationship? Do you live together? Is your Master aware of your profile here and what you are seeking?

Really, there isn't enough information either about the situation or your motivations for me to offer up any advice. I do wish you well, and hope you can figure out your expectations and who can provide you best with what you desire.

Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."


(in reply to simplyaslavegirl)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: flip flopping Dom - 10/8/2006 1:12:37 AM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline 		Expecting him to change for you is as unfair as him expecting you to change for him. Change is hard and thus unlikely. If you can't be happy with what he has to give, then you need to walk away and look for something that's a better match. Don't try to force yourself to be happy with what he's offering if you are really happy (as it seems you are)...you're then trying to force yourself to change for him and you'll only end up resentful.

Master Fire


_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to simplyaslavegirl)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: flip flopping Dom - 10/8/2006 4:52:20 AM   
agirl


Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline 		Hello simplyaslavegirl,

If your Master is considering a second slave and you already feel a lack of attention, it's natural that you'd feel it would be diluted even further.

You've spoken to him and he thinks it's *fine*.........well, the level of attention may be fine for him but it clearly isn't for you.

With your comment * Wanting the confines of your slavery in his hands*.....Are you saying that you feel that you're *self-mastering*?...It's one thing to be *owned and  quite another to be mastered.

I'd recognise the VERY moment that my Master's eye was not on the ball. If he's offering what he can, then the decisions about what you can accept lay with you.

People can change....but only if they WANT to........If it's beneficial and means something to him to keep you.....then he will make adjustments.....if not, he won't. If he has the information and does nothing, then you have some kind of answer.

Regards, agirl


< Message edited by agirl -- 10/8/2006 4:53:01 AM >

(in reply to simplyaslavegirl)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: flip flopping Dom - 10/8/2006 6:36:45 AM   
gypsylee


Posts: 293
Joined: 9/18/2006
From: Melbournia, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BitaTruble

...Well, I'm a bit confused. Your profile states you are not looking for 24/7, but you are looking for a trainer and you are actively seeking Dom/Dom couples, Dom Women and Dom Men.

Is this an r/t relationship? Do you live together? Is your Master aware of your profile here and what you are seeking?

Really, there isn't enough information either about the situation or your motivations for me to offer up any advice....


mmmhmmm.

but...

quote:

ORIGINAL: simplyaslavegirl

...I really need some advice on how to attack this issue with Him.


if He's close to losing you, go head-to-head. you got nothing to lose. life's too short to hang round playing second-fiddle to someone. you go slavegirlfriend!

_____________________________

You're one twisted fuck... Nup, I'm just an ordinary girl with nothin' to lose.


(in reply to BitaTruble)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: flip flopping Dom - 10/8/2006 10:03:34 AM   
Tikkiee


Posts: 1099
Joined: 4/6/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: simplyaslavegirl

I am in a Master/slave relationship but it appears that my Master is flip flopping on what He wants.  He wants a second slave and while i don't have a problem with that my problem is that He is not very attentive to the slave that He has(me).  He doesn't seem to realize that He is close to losing me because He doesn't spend the time with me(training, or otherwise) and I really need some advice on how to attack this issue with Him.Help!!

This is just a thought, but...have you considered the possibility that telling him this might be in your best interest?
quote:

  i have told Him and it hasn't seem to change His way of thinking at all He thinks everything is fine.

Then perhaps it is time to say goodbye?
quote:

  I guess the biggest problem i have is that i want the confines of my slavery to be taken in His hands and i just want to shake Him sometimes to show Him hey over here ya nut.

Ahhh ok. So, in other words....you want what you want. Period. Sorry to break this to you but if you go into a M/s relationship with him, it does not matter what you want. This is something that you both should have discussed BEFORE cementing your relationship.
quote:

  maybe i'm just asking too much from Him *shrugs* 

Maybe a Master/slave relationship is not right for you two? Perhaps you should start with something easier? Dominant/submissive; that way there is a bit more leverage area for you to communicate and compromise your needs and wants.
 
Just my two cents on it
/shrug

_____________________________

~~@ cass @~~

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Profile   Post #: 17
RE: flip flopping Dom - 10/8/2006 4:29:47 PM   
Focus50


Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline 		I've had a quick squiz at your profile and it says that you're not seeking 24/7....  I'm guessing that means you don't live together?  In which case, that poses several possibilities.
 
It's possible that what he really seeks is a slave with a bit more committment that you're able to provide....
 
It's possible that he's doing what too many humans do; forever focused on what he doesn't have rather than what he does.  I'd see this is a sign of low self worth and immaturity and that such people will never be satisfied.
 
Conversely, it's also possible that he's merely living the fantasy of being a Master.  IE, personal cynicism often leads me to think that those "needing" more than one sub/slave do so to address their own subconscious, low self-esteem issues and to hell with the monumental responsibilities such multiple ownership would entail.  This would explain why he doesn't "see" you beyond your making up the numbers....  Imagine his ego boost to strut about with two or more slaves at his beck and call....  Naturally, such "masters" still expect 100% committment from each slave in return for the obviously divided attention on his part....
 
Frankly, if ignoring your needs (which IS a Master's responsibility) is an example of his attitude and execution of his own duties, adding a second will double the disaster as I doubt he'll ever be satisfied with what he has!
 
By all means try communicating your doubts, esp because you have nothing to lose if you're prepared to leave anyway. 
 
Forgive me but I've gotta ask....  While I'm assuming (from your profile) that this isn't a live-in arrangement, it is at least a r/l relationship beyond the Net, phone calls and web cams etc, yes?
 
Focus.

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RE: flip flopping Dom - 10/8/2006 7:09:03 PM   
Devilslilsister


Posts: 1262
Joined: 8/3/2006
Status: offline 		uh


_____________________________

My ability to cope with BS is at an all time low - me

i may look like i'm doing nothing, but i'm very busy at a cellular level

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RE: flip flopping Dom - 10/8/2006 7:11:09 PM   
RiotGirl


Posts: 3149
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: simplyaslavegirl

I guess the biggest problem i have is that i want the confines of my slavery to be taken in His hands and i just want to shake Him sometimes to show Him hey over here ya nut.


You know i used to have this EXCAT same problem with my Master and well it drove me through the roof. 

Talking doesnt do much - so ya know what i do.  i say fuck it.  And i find something to entertain myself in the meantime while he's out being whatever.  Get over it.  Hell i have a variety of things set up now so i really dont care anymore.  And if by chance i DO start to care, i call some one up and let them make me smile and wala.. happy times again.

LOL

Some guys are like that. 

(in reply to simplyaslavegirl)
Profile   Post #: 20
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