RE: Care and feeding of your inner beast ?

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RE: Care and feeding of your inner beast ? - 10/9/2006 9:42:20 AM

Amaros

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quote:

ORIGINAL: patina

I call my inner beast my void, 21 years of a vanilla marriage did not fill that void, dating after the divorce did nothing to it. Being with that one Dom for a time did apease it somewhat, now I know what the void needs to feel complete. I know that to really totally fill that void it will take more than just a Dom.

To count on someone else to satisfy you inner beast-void-sanction- is to ask for troubles all your life. The only person you should count on to satisfy your self should be yourself. Any others are just extras or more pleasure from life.

Patina

Yes, there is that - there are some voids that one can only leap into - a common male fear in Freudian terms, is the fear of being engulfed by this void.

Many Men, of course, feel compelled to try and fill it anyway, lol.

I see it as part of my role to awaken the beast in a submissive - if only in order to tame it again: rinse, lather and repeat, lol.

The "kinks", besides being desires unto themselves are also the toolkit one uses to accomplish this: bondage eliminates the choice factor involved in the confusion inherent in the conflict between inhibition and desire, while leaving the delicious psychological friction that this conflict creates, objectification reduces inhibition, spanking or flogging increases bloodflow to certain areas of the body, or provide and endomorphin rush, etc.

It beats talking about the weather.

All these rituals can consequently feed both psyches: the problem perhaps being when the ritual becomes merely empty habit.

Kind of why I like romantic love: the juxtaposition of mindless lust and deep affection can create an exquisite cognitive dissonance, a pain beyond mere physical pain, that is both addictive and unbearable; it reawakens that forbidden fruit thing, almost like cheating.

I see it as a cycle, there are ups and downs. If what you're doing isn't working, do something different. Don't let ideology or dogma - from either side - inhibit you.

(in reply to catize)

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RE: Care and feeding of your inner beast ? - 10/9/2006 9:47:22 AM

Amaros

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Another song?

Swimming in the Ocean

just for tonight
I'll watch from above
the too-late rites
for a long dead love
just for tonight
I'll watch from above
the too-late rites
for a long dead love
making like defrocked priests
going through the motions
a double-backed beast
without the holy lotions
generate heat
but move without emotion
and athletic feat
like swimming in the ocean
I really did
swim in it

- Baerwald and Ricketts

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RE: Care and feeding of your inner beast ? - 10/9/2006 9:56:29 AM

Amaros

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One more?

I came by myself to a very crowded place;
I was looking for someone who had lines in her face.
I found her there but she was past all concern;
I asked her to hold me, I said, lady, unfold me,
But she scorned me and she told me
I was dead and I could never return.

Well, I argued all night like so many have before,
Saying, whatever you give me, I seem to need so much more.
Then she pointed at me where I kneeled on her floor,
She said, dont try to use me or slyly refuse me,
Just win me or lose me,
It is this that the darkness is for.

I cried, oh, lady midnight, I fear that you grow old,
The stars eat your body and the wind makes you cold.
If we cry now, she said, it will just be ignored.
So I walked through the morning, sweet early morning,
I could hear my lady calling,
You've won me, you've won me, my lord,
You've won me, you've won me, my lord,
Yes, you've won me, you've won me, my lord,

Ah, you've won me, you've won me, my lord,
Ah, you've won me, you've won me, my lord.

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RE: Care and feeding of your inner beast ? - 10/9/2006 9:58:52 AM

juliaoceania

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Joined: 4/19/2006
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quote:

I've been trying to wrap my brains around the posts of slaves who write that they are not being given the dominance they require from their Masters, so their solution and the advice I see most often given (outside of communicate) tends towards 'leave' and it's just very hard for me to grasp leaving as a solution.

Depends on the length and investment in the relationship. If your investment is small then leaving sometimes is the obvious choice. The more one has invested the harder that decision becomes. Personally I would never tell someone to leave their husband or wife unless they were being abused, and that even becomes harder to determine in a D/s structure. Leaving is not always the logical choice and in certain situations should be the last choice

quote:

So I look at that and know that my own inner beast is fed by 'my' action in service to Himself and that it's nurtured by my own desire to please him regardless of actions he may or may not take. On the other hand, I am also very well aware of who runs the show around here, so I don't question the authority and I don't need to test it or 'activate' it to feel it. I see the struggle of other slaves though, and I just wish I could help them, so that's more what this is about than anything. Trying to figure out a way to do that so they are at peace with who they are .. and yes, I know it boils down to choosing the right dominant in the beginning, but I'm not so sure that if it wasn't Himself who was in my life that I would be having these sorts of issues that I see from others. I mean, who knows, maybe ... but I just don't think so.

I agree with catize here, your situation is more concrete than a new one. You have invested yourself to the point that your relationship is in the maintenance stage. You have built your dynamic and it works.

The real issue is how do you pick someone to start that level of commitment with, who does one invest in? There are some things that transcend D/s.... these are things my mother taught me. If you do not teach someone how to treat you it is very hard later for them to learn. Respect is essential. If someone cannot fill your needs after you have told them over and over what those needs are, you may want to rethink building a relationship with someone.

If I am not fed before the commitment is there, I am not likely to stick it out. There are also levels of commitment along the way, and if a relationship stalls at one of these levels, sooner or later I am going to end it. It is not that I am expecting someone to feed me, I want to be in a situation I can feed myself emotionally. I am not a bottomless well of giving... sooner or later if I am not fed I run out of that good stuff to give. It is just the way I am. It is one thing for someone not to feed your beast, but when you are in a situation where you are stuck it can be extremely painful

It is only after one fully commits they learn the complete truth of what they have gotten themselves into. It does not make someone bad because they cannot stay in a situation which they feel devalued and unappreciated, it is a sign of having healthy self esteem that one can pack up their marbles and go.

< Message edited by juliaoceania -- 10/9/2006 10:00:53 AM >

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

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RE: Care and feeding of your inner beast ? - 10/9/2006 11:24:14 AM

BitaTruble

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Excellent points, Julia (and Catize!) When I look at it from that viewpoint, I can see where people would have expectations and while it's been a very long time, I probably had them in the beginning as well, but then again, in the beginning of my relationship, I did not embrace being a slave, did not call myself a slave, and would have scoffed at anyone who said I was a slave. That came much, much later and it was definetly step-ladder in nature, with the rungs climbed one at a time as I was able to cast off more and more of my notions on how to serve and embrace service as Himself required of me, not as I thought it should be. I have found that by letting go of my own notions, (one of which was that it was the reponsibility of someone else to feed me, damn it!) and embracing His, that actually turned out to be the best food for me!

So, I guess the next question which would come to my mind .. is which would feed you more and what's a proper diet for you? Service on your terms, getting what you think you want or need (whether that's S/m play, micro-management, lots of free time etc) ... or service on the terms of your Master, doing what he (or she) requires of you without an expectation and having your innerself fed because of that service which you provide, whether recognized, rewarded, acknowledged or not?

Celeste

P.S: I apologize for the tangent this is taking and realize now I probably should have posted in the 'ask a submissive' forum, but I truly wanted a dominant perspective as well as I was most curious about how that inner beast gets fed for them.

Of course, Himself, being ever a wise ass, responded "Papa John's" ::chuckles:: (He did say he would have the discussion with me after he gets done with work for the day though and I can't wait!)

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."

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RE: Care and feeding of your inner beast ? - 10/9/2006 11:25:59 AM

LaTigresse

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I could go for a "Papa Johns" right now.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

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RE: Care and feeding of your inner beast ? - 10/9/2006 11:33:33 AM

BitaTruble

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::laughs at La T's post::

I was going to do an edit because after I read my post again, it dawned on me that it seems very black and white and I didn't mean to come across that way because I truly believe there are shades of grey. (You would think self-editing it prior to posting it I would have caught that!) I didn't mean to say it's an 'either or' sort of thing, so with that correction (and any notions someone else has on the subject of their particular brand of service would be most welcome) I'll go back to sitting and pondering.

Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."

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RE: Care and feeding of your inner beast ? - 10/9/2006 11:43:02 AM

mstrjx

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I believe the thing with D/s or probably more specifically M/s relationships is where the 'impetus' comes from.

Should you be 'led', sometimes called management or micromanagement,

-or-

Should there be a 'structure' where everything falls out from there.

In the beginning, until both parties understand exactly where the other stands (at all times), there needs to be some sort of direction, and some give-and-take. Once the expectations are solidified, then I think a slave would be able to be self-driven. Service is the easiest place to consider this, because there isn't as much of a need for attention, relatively speaking. You (the slave) knows that a task needs to be done, you don't require permission to do the task, you do it.

I believe this works out better, because assuming that Dominant party is at least paying attention to what is being accomplished, there is the satisfaction (for both parties) that there didn't require management. Of course some sort of reward mechanism is preferred, starting with 'noticing' that something that was done above and beyond the 'required'.

I also believe that, to an extent, this sort of slave is mastering themselves. They understand their 'base' requirement, but they have standards of their own. They can live beyond their Dominant's expectations, and meet their own goals. This provides greater pleasure from both parties.

I hope this lends some coherence and relevance.

Jeff

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Know thyself. It's the best gift you can ever give yourself.

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RE: Care and feeding of your inner beast ? - 10/9/2006 11:59:18 AM

Mavis

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For others, there are shades of grey, but for me, there wasn't. Once i knew i wanted a Master's influence, i had the choice to step away and get one, or spend some time practicing submitting to the universe..and in so doing, submit to my hubby, who was stomping foot and declaring himself nilla by hook or by crook. He started dating others outside of our open rules. He fell in love. He planned His escape. He took my wedding band to present to her. (that fell thru, but the ring is still lost)

i choose to stay and submit to him as though he were a Master by choice.. if HE were to leave, then i would have my next life-stage. If my behavior awakened something in Him i sensed was there, good. In either case, i was going to live as a slave, or at least as one trying.

Because W/we already had an open marriage, and i was free to seek such, i looked to an outside Dominant to do some attitude training and guidance. Obviously, that relationship has morphed into Him becoming a mentor to Hubby, who was just floored to see things coming out in me that had drawn Him initially, but seemed to have left, and now He wanted to learn how to bring out those same things in me.

Some would say i played doormat to His bully, and in some ways, that's true. But i got out of it what i needed, i needed to know that i could submit and give up control, and not know what was coming next, and go with the flow, and survive and thrive and grow. i would NOT go back to O/our egalitarian marriage. He's turning into a fine Dom, although He still has no ownership needs like Master does. They work that out between Them, and i am happy to be right where i am. Not struggling against the universe. If something happens to Either, i am prepared to just submit to the universe until such time as another human being takes Headship. i can be the slave i want to be with an unwilling Master, a bad master, or no Master at all, because it is what is within me that makes me a slave.

< Message edited by Mavis -- 10/9/2006 12:03:52 PM >

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RE: Care and feeding of your inner beast ? - 10/9/2006 12:00:22 PM

juliaoceania

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quote:

So, I guess the next question which would come to my mind .. is which would feed you more and what's a proper diet for you? Service on your terms, getting what you think you want or need (whether that's S/m play, micro-management, lots of free time etc) ... or service on the terms of your Master, doing what he (or she) requires of you without an expectation and having your innerself fed because of that service which you provide, whether recognized, rewarded, acknowledged or not?

It is very odd that by some standards I am seen as a slave in how "service" oriented I am (looks in mirror to see if I see a slave there...WEG). I do not feel like a slave because while my motivation is not some sort of reward, I do expect not to be taken forgranted, to be appreciated in a vague sort of way, and yes, even loved eventually.

So while I love service, and I do not do any particular form of service to gain attention, love, or favor... I do expect that to be there or I do not feel like being of service anymore. It is like Daddy's name implies... Synergy, without feeding each other it eventually dies.

Recently I gave up some anger about some issues I did not know was even inside of me. It was because of expectations I had that were being unmet, and on reflection that seems a stupid reason to get angry and allow my emotions to determine what I do. So I released that anger. Does this mean those expectations and needs do not exist anymore? Well they still exist, I just have to decide the best course on getting them met, because I do not think anyone owes it to me to meet my needs, it is a gift they offer or they don't... and it is up to me what I decide to do about that.

I am not into micromanagement because I would feel like I was dominating the dom's time, and that just is not what I am into, I am not needing to be supervised like this... others like it.. good for them, but I would feel as though I was monopolizing my dominant's time unnecessarily. I am a capable person.

Like I said, I want to be with someone that appreciate me period. I want to know they esteem me, otherwise, what is the point?

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

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RE: Care and feeding of your inner beast ? - 10/9/2006 12:58:19 PM

Amaros

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

I could go for a "Papa Johns" right now.

I thought we were talking about the hole in your heart, not the hole in you stomach, lol.

That might be one way to reawaken a jaded appetite, come to think of it...

< Message edited by Amaros -- 10/9/2006 12:59:26 PM >

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RE: Care and feeding of your inner beast ? - 10/9/2006 3:23:36 PM

DoctorDubious

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quote:

ORIGINAL: BitaTruble

...snip...

So, I read a thread in which a slave was not getting the inner beast fed (in this case through a perceived lack of attention to herself by her Master) ... and it got me to thinking about whose responsiblity is it to feed that beast.

So, am I responsible for feeding my inner beast? Nurishing it by taking joy in what I do, reveling in the fact that I am in a relationship where power exchange is manifested on a daily basis?

.....snip......

Celeste

Greetings Inner and Outer Beasts...

I personall tend to avoid metaphors
that set up conflict ... expecsially innerconflict with ones' self.

So for me,
innerbeast is kinda like innerchild...
a troublesome concept.

I sorta like to say... "live an authentic life"
or "have what I'm longing for"
which means about the same as "feed the inner beast"
but doesn't set up conflict between me and "the beast"....

******* *******

But, I totally understand that we all have needs
and desires and longings... and that unless you join
a monastery and renounce all your desires,
ya gotta "get some" or ya can't be happy.

>>So, the question. Can the beast be fed without a relationship?
It would be nice to think we could feed all our needs ourself.
But I think thats kind of a modern 20/21st century idea
that really hasn't worked out.

I say ... no way all our desires and longings
can be fulfilled without close, intimate, and deep relationships.

Kinda like the difference in sexual satisfaction
between a quick jerkoff/ruboff and
making wild, twisted, tainted "love" with a long-time lover.

It just ain't never going to be the same.

>>Do you define your beast as a dynamic of authority of one over the other, as a power exchange.

Yes.

>>do you even believe you have a beast which needs must be fed?

Yes.
I have longings and desires,
hungers and thirsts and cravings.

Don't we all?

DD

PS

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RE: Care and feeding of your inner beast ? - 10/10/2006 7:35:34 AM

Amaros

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Just clarify one of my previous posts in this thread concerning the friction between romantic and erotic love, I'm not inclined to cheat, to break trust or split myself, and never have as I described in the "Married Women" thread, but it does occur to one from time to time to be perfectly honest, humans are wired that way unfortunately - it occured a lot in my previous relationship, though in that instance, trust was already broken, in both real and imagined ways, the relationship already on life support, but I did experience the titilation associated with contemplating a secret liason.

I would hesitate to prescribe it for burn out, except in a role playing sense, and there are a number of way that might be approached: my example was to simply go vanilla, get dressed up, go out on the town for a romanic evening, pretend you just met - and see if the beast doesn't come screaming back.

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RE: Care and feeding of your inner beast ? - 10/10/2006 6:31:45 PM

catize

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quote:

So, I guess the next question which would come to my mind .. is which would feed you more and what's a proper diet for you? Service on your terms, getting what you think you want or need (whether that's S/m play, micro-management, lots of free time etc) ... or service on the terms of your Master, doing what he (or she) requires of you without an expectation and having your innerself fed because of that service which you provide, whether recognized, rewarded, acknowledged or not?

I am not at all sure how to answer your question.
I know this is not an admirable quality, but submission is at times problematic for me. Master is often puzzled or surprised with me, because I can breeze through and submit to things he thought would be difficult, and then comes what he considers a rather simple thing and I have a very strong negative reaction. That doesn’t mean I refuse, but my inner struggle to obey is very apparent. However, it is submitting to the tough things that ‘feeds’ me. I thrive on the dichotomy; I have ceded authority to him but it takes self control to abide by our agreement.
He is fully aware of what I want; I fully accept that if I get it, it is on his say-so.
I am most willing to admit that I do need some type of recognition for my contribution to the D/s dynamic. We have discussed and resolved this issue in a way that satisfies us both.

I suppose I view it as a mixed arrangement; service on our terms is the most satisfying.

< Message edited by catize -- 10/10/2006 6:36:04 PM >

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