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RE: Lost and need advice!!! - 10/10/2006 3:17:43 PM   
marieToo


Posts: 3595
Joined: 5/21/2006
From: Jersey
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Archer


Personally I would be cutting you loose, since you obviously have no problem decieving your husband based on this post.
Deception of someone you made a commitment to years ago, certainly tells me that it is quite possible I would also be decieved in the future.



Ah yes....assumptions, accusations and moral condemnation is always so helpful for people in this spot.  Very productive post.

_____________________________

marie.


I give good agita.









(in reply to Archer)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Lost and need advice!!! - 10/10/2006 3:18:02 PM   
Squeakers


Posts: 489
Joined: 10/3/2006
Status: offline
quote:

The Dom is very successful in what he does.  He is not hurting for money, and he is working on his Master's degree in music.
 
quote:

I have been with the Dom for a couple of months,just talking


Okay so how do you know he is successful in what he does and he is not hurting for money and is working on his Master's degree when you have only been speaking for a couple of months?   Anyone can be anything they want to be on the internet.   Have you bothered to check any of this out?   Hmmm sounds a little strange that one would consider to leave her husband for someone she has just been speaking to on the net.   My advice get your personal life in order before jumping into something else.  

(in reply to Jollygreenelf)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Lost and need advice!!! - 10/10/2006 3:41:10 PM   
Archer


Posts: 3207
Joined: 3/11/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: marieToo

quote:

ORIGINAL: Archer


Personally I would be cutting you loose, since you obviously have no problem decieving your husband based on this post.
Deception of someone you made a commitment to years ago, certainly tells me that it is quite possible I would also be decieved in the future.



Ah yes....assumptions, accusations and moral condemnation is always so helpful for people in this spot.  Very productive post.


Well the post leaves the assumption wide open and up to this point she has not denied that she is sneaking around., only rationalized her behaviour as acceptable because "He did it first".

People in my experence come asking for this type of advice to aswage their own guilt, they know already that they are doing wrong but want support so they throw out ll sorts of rationalizations for it. That problem is certainly one that will carry over to any future relationship.

Coddling a woman who is doing wrong ceratinly helps everything now doesn't it.

(in reply to marieToo)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Lost and need advice!!! - 10/10/2006 4:03:56 PM   
RedSavageSlave


Posts: 733
Joined: 9/12/2006
Status: offline 		If you decide to leave your husband then leave him and live on your own for a period of time. Do not jump from one bad relationship to a potentially bad substitute relationship. Whatever he makes you feel now is in the context of how you feel in your marriage. You are looking at him as a comparison and not as a stand alone relationship. Take some time to really focus on you..what you are truly looking for, what is best for you and your midgets as a family unit. Continue seeing him if he makes you happy.. but do it on a realistic basis..not as an escape from an unhappy marriage.

_____________________________

My give a damn's busted.

So many thoughts, so few of them rational

(in reply to Archer)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Lost and need advice!!! - 10/10/2006 4:18:03 PM   
sweetnurseBBW


Posts: 2464
Joined: 1/26/2006
From: North Carolina
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterFireMaam

If this new man wasn't in your life, would you still want to leave your husband? Master Fire




Excellent question by MasterFireMaam. I would say this would be something for the OP to think about seriously.  And has been stated before, the grass does look greener on the other side. Sure your husband hurt you by cheating on him. If you are not up front and out about this relationship than you are being deceitful. Are you trying to get back at him? Or are you ready to end your marriage?. Only you knows that.

_____________________________

Sir Pain's pain slut

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Lost and need advice!!! - 10/10/2006 4:33:37 PM   
marieToo


Posts: 3595
Joined: 5/21/2006
From: Jersey
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Archer

quote:

ORIGINAL: marieToo

quote:

ORIGINAL: Archer


Personally I would be cutting you loose, since you obviously have no problem decieving your husband based on this post.
Deception of someone you made a commitment to years ago, certainly tells me that it is quite possible I would also be decieved in the future.



Ah yes....assumptions, accusations and moral condemnation is always so helpful for people in this spot.  Very productive post.


Well the post leaves the assumption wide open and up to this point she has not denied that she is sneaking around., only rationalized her behaviour as acceptable because "He did it first".

People in my experence come asking for this type of advice to aswage their own guilt, they know already that they are doing wrong but want support so they throw out ll sorts of rationalizations for it. That problem is certainly one that will carry over to any future relationship.

Coddling a woman who is doing wrong ceratinly helps everything now doesn't it.


No, coddling someone or advocating dishonesty in some form, is not something to support.  But maybe supporting the person who is going through it and offering some suggestions that may help,  could actually be productive.  Im not going to assume that because others may come here to ease their guilt that everyone who brings up a topic like this is doing the same.

People 'do wrong' because they are human.  Your post to her pretty much read like  "welll...you deceived someone, therefore you are doomed for the entire remainder of your life to be doubted by the entire world and cast aside".  

People make mistakes when they're in fucked up places.  Doesn't make it ok.  But there is hope in learning from the mistake, handling it differently the next time and moving on to a more fulfilling (and hopefully honest)  relationship.   Dont you think?  Or should she wear a scarlet letter? 

_____________________________

marie.


I give good agita.









(in reply to Archer)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Lost and need advice!!! - 10/10/2006 5:31:13 PM   
Tikkiee


Posts: 1099
Joined: 4/6/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Jollygreenelf

I just found out I have been leading a dom live with my now husband in a submissive body.  It took over 9 years to figure that out.  I meet a very mature Dom, agressive, and gentle, and he has rocked my world per say.  Now I am in the fight for my life,  should I leave my husband for my Dom?.  He knows what makes me tick,click,and whatever word to use.  It seems like a match made in heaven.  He seems like he is everything I need and more. All I have to do is say yes to my Dom.  I am just afraid to take the next step, wondering what others would think.  Like my husband per say, whom by the way doesn't make me happy anymore.  I guess I would need advice on where to begin....I am brand new to this, and in the training period with my Dom, as of what he says.  Can anyone lift my spirits up, and give me some advice on this situation.... Lost out here thanks 

I tried really really hard to stay away from this one but ............geeze lady, you have GOT TO BE KIDDING.
 
You want US to tell you it's more than ok to leave your husband of 9 years for a man that you HAVE NOT MET IN REAL LIFE and have only been talking to a couple months?
 
Have I got it right?
 
All I can say is your husband is better off without you.

_____________________________

~~@ cass @~~

(in reply to Jollygreenelf)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Lost and need advice!!! - 10/10/2006 5:46:57 PM   
thisishis


Posts: 278
Joined: 5/11/2006
From: Southeastern MA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sweetnurseBBW

I know ,Freudian slip. I fixed it. I laughed myself.
That has got to be one of the best typos i have witnessed... ever.  i mean that in an 'i am laughing because it is too funny/too cute ....' way, and because i can see how the word infested would fit a few relationships i had in my life.

< Message edited by thisishis -- 10/10/2006 5:47:30 PM >

_____________________________

Sincerely, his

How I'm kept busy these days: http://modelmayhem.com/member.php?id=368120




(in reply to sweetnurseBBW)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Lost and need advice!!! - 10/10/2006 6:13:10 PM   
petcerina


Posts: 143
Joined: 4/4/2005
Status: offline 		Here's some advice that others have not said yet or not said in this way.  The Dom you are talking to is not just a friend.  He is someone who is trying to obtain you and although he genuinely wants to help (most good Doms do), his motives are tainted.  Archer knew what he was talking about.  i know i am making an assumption here, but i think this needs to be said.  The level of trust that is required for a BDSM relationship is probably more trust than you have ever had to give or ever been given in your whole life.  i have considered leaving Master before for someone else.  Obviously i decided against it (and happy i did).  But, the thing is, i told Him that i was thinking about it.  i felt He had a right to know.  It also helped U/us to talk and figure out what was going on in O/our relationship.  Infeidelity is always a sign that something is wrong with the relationship you are in currently.  It is best to figure out what that something is before moving on.

In addition, i know you may not believe me now, but there are probably many Doms who could rock your world.  BDSM is very psychological and once you understand the submissive mind, it is easy to give the submissive those feelings.  (Before anyone jumps down my back, i know there are some who are only submissive to One their whole lives and no one else.  i'm saying this from my own personal experience).  Find other reasons to go with this Dom besides him giving you these feelings.  Make it as much of a vanilla (non-BDSM) decision as a BDSM one.

i don't envy you in your choice.  Make the one that suits you and your situation.

(in reply to thisishis)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Lost and need advice!!! - 10/10/2006 6:18:53 PM   
Archer


Posts: 3207
Joined: 3/11/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: marieToo



No, coddling someone or advocating dishonesty in some form, is not something to support.  But maybe supporting the person who is going through it and offering some suggestions that may help,  could actually be productive.  Im not going to assume that because others may come here to ease their guilt that everyone who brings up a topic like this is doing the same.

People 'do wrong' because they are human.  Your post to her pretty much read like  "welll...you deceived someone, therefore you are doomed for the entire remainder of your life to be doubted by the entire world and cast aside".  

People make mistakes when they're in fucked up places.  Doesn't make it ok.  But there is hope in learning from the mistake, handling it differently the next time and moving on to a more fulfilling (and hopefully honest)  relationship.   Dont you think?  Or should she wear a scarlet letter? 


Now who's reading things into someone elses words? I specified that she should get her stuff together before moving to anything else, seems to me that would indicate hope for the future. (assuming she actually takes the advice given by most here which run paralell to what I've said just with various levels of sugar coating) That qualifies as a suggestion.

Bottom line is what in her postings indicates any acceptance that the sneaking around is wrong? Not a single thing. and thus I stick with my assessment of this post.
If she really wants he life to start being better she'll get her shit together come clean to her husband who she made a commitment to. Begin her seperation and then start to look for another relationship. Anything less will almost invariably end with baggadge that will taint her future. It's never too late to begin being honest with yourself and those in your life.



(in reply to marieToo)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Lost and need advice!!! - 10/10/2006 6:19:24 PM   
simple2000


Posts: 3
Joined: 10/2/2006
Status: offline 		Careful there, I yes once had a master, and now he is gone, and I have talked to a few on this site, but am very cautious when they start asking such things as meeting after just a few days, the red flags come up quickly.  I feel most of the advice on here is very good.  Remember there are players out here who feed on subs, thinking they are dumb because they get to their feelings. I had this happen and when I realized he was a player it tore me up for a very long time.   Careful

(in reply to petcerina)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Lost and need advice!!! - 10/10/2006 6:26:50 PM   
felineone


Posts: 92
Joined: 6/24/2004
Status: offline 		you ask for advice, but no one can make these decisions but you.
is this the first Dom you have met?  (remember your first boyfriend? )
new is always more fun than old.. at first.  think about holidays divorced.. forever.. grandkids and all that. think about every little detail. do this thinking without comparing the Dom to the husband.

(in reply to Jollygreenelf)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Lost and need advice!!! - 10/10/2006 6:41:01 PM   
BalletBob


Posts: 1645
Joined: 7/14/2005
Status: offline 		Hi Ron, I have been away for a little, but back since I don't have a Mistress to occupy my time.

I am doing just dandy, and trying to figure what to get into.....like that would be a problem with me...LMCLAO

It is always calming to the heart, that your still around, and letting everything loose...or what ever you can get away with, anyway.

Happy Trails to you, Bob

_____________________________

"I get my kicks above the Waistline, Sunshine"

(in reply to mnottertail)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Lost and need advice!!! - 10/10/2006 6:51:07 PM   
spanklette


Posts: 882
Joined: 2/22/2005
Status: offline 		The biggest favor you can do for yourself, your family, and your Dom is to give yourself time. If you leave your family for this person, I can only imagine the amout of resentment and distrust that this relationship will be founded on.
 
If the relationship is real, it will keep. If the relationship is merely a glimmer of infatuation fire works, then you'll be better off. If you're not mature enough to wait, then I can't imagine that any advice anyone gives you is going to sink in anyway.
 
While you're waiting, take a look at your motives and your marriage. If getting out of your marriage is the thing to do, then use this time to get your ducks in a row. But, give yourself time.

_____________________________

~spanklette~

"The important thing is this: to be able at any moment to sacrifice what we are for what we could become. " Charles du Bois

"Please don't shout, can't you see I'm not listening." Billie Myers

(in reply to Jollygreenelf)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Lost and need advice!!! - 10/10/2006 7:22:15 PM   
SirDaniel


Posts: 93
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: Las Vegas
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Jollygreenelf

I just found out I have been leading a Dom life with my now husband in a submissive body.  It took over 9 years to figure that out.  I meet a very mature Dom, aggressive, and gentle, and he has rocked my world per say.  Now I am in the fight for my life,  should I leave my husband for my Dom?.  He knows what makes me tick,click,and whatever word to use.  It seems like a match made in heaven.  He seems like he is everything I need and more. All I have to do is say yes to my Dom.  I am just afraid to take the next step, wondering what others would think.  Like my husband per say, whom by the way doesn't make me happy anymore.  I guess I would need advice on where to begin....I am brand new to this, and in the training period with my Dom, as of what he says.  Can anyone lift my spirits up, and give me some advice on this situation.... Lost out here thanks 


Sure, be a man about it and think with your dick (uuuhhhh if you had one that is). Go for the Dom and fuck the untalkables and the ball-n chains lives up. Run off and enjoy life.

Edited to add (uuuhhhh if you had one that is)

< Message edited by SirDaniel -- 10/10/2006 7:38:21 PM >

_____________________________

Sir Daniel
Las Vegas (Sin City), NV

http://members.cox.net/sirdaniel

quote:

Be true, honest, caring and loving,
and you will be found.
It is true, be you Master or slave.

(in reply to Jollygreenelf)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Lost and need advice!!! - 10/10/2006 7:23:39 PM   
MagiksSlave


Posts: 2768
Joined: 9/11/2006
Status: offline 		I hate to be the one to bring this up but you are treding on dangerouse ground, weather he has cheated or not you agreed to stay with him and now you are cheating on him not only that but cheating in a BDSM relationship which G-d forbid your husband found out about he could use against you in the devorse seeing as you have kids he can use this as grounds to not have you see them, it has happend befor!! In my Opinion you really didnt handle this in a smart or meture manner you actually handled it in a very selfish manner. All we are hearing here is about YOU what YOU want how he rocks YOUR world when the truth is you are married and have kids and you owe it to those kids to not have introdused more possable drama into their lives. In the end it doesnt matter what we say here, and you are gunna be hard pressed to find the validation that you are looking for for your cheating no one here is going to say what you are doing is ok and give you advise on how to do it no less. What you NEED to do is take care of your family. That means you get a devorse BEFOR you start with other men and honestly I dont think very much of your so called "Dom" in my opinion any Dom worth their waight in piss would get involved with a sub that was cheating on their spouce to be with them.

Magik's inraged slave

_____________________________

If you’re going through hell keep on moving
don't slow down
if you’re scared dont show it
you might get out
before the devil even knows your there.


-Rodney Atkins-



(in reply to Archer)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Lost and need advice!!! - 10/10/2006 7:33:36 PM   
SirDaniel


Posts: 93
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: Las Vegas
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: simple2000

Careful there, I yes once had a master, and now he is gone, and I have talked to a few on this site, but am very cautious when they start asking such things as meeting after just a few days, the red flags come up quickly.  I feel most of the advice on here is very good.  Remember there are players out here who feed on subs, thinking they are dumb because they get to their feelings. I had this happen and when I realized he was a player it tore me up for a very long time.   Careful


Careful there? Why because some one wants to meet right away? That is bogus information or at the very least to little and that is just as dangerous. I have met slaves 2 days after talking to them. It is the REASON they want to meet right away that makes it dangerous.

Do they want to meet for coffee at the local Denny's?(or any public place of your choosing and bring all of the friends you want) OR Do they want you to come to their hotel room because they are only in town for 2 days, this month.? ( Oh and don't tell any one where you are going, we don't want to be interrupted)

When you give advice, give more than just the advice, give the reasoning for it too. If given in a laughing manner it is retained longer (Fact)



_____________________________

Sir Daniel
Las Vegas (Sin City), NV

http://members.cox.net/sirdaniel

quote:

Be true, honest, caring and loving,
and you will be found.
It is true, be you Master or slave.

(in reply to simple2000)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Lost and need advice!!! - 10/10/2006 9:10:09 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyEllen

Whatever you do. The children come first, second and third. After them, comes you.

E


Seconded!

(in reply to LadyEllen)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Lost and need advice!!! - 10/11/2006 2:05:09 PM   
Jollygreenelf


Posts: 4
Joined: 10/10/2006
Status: offline 		Okay guys!  First is first, first of all, my husband knows this Dom is a friend of mind, and we do talk, and talk is the only thing that we do.  I have known this Dom for about 3 months now if not longer and we have meet in person.  Meeting in person is how we meet in the first place.  I didn't meet him on this internet site at all.  Second of all, my husband knows there is something going on, and he trusts me in everything that I do.  He supports me in my decision making, cause he can't stop me from any decisions I have to make anyway.  Secondly, I have been taking my time, and trying to put my ducks in a row before I make my final decision.  I have been doing this for about a year.  This is before the Dom was even a figment of my imagination, or an apple in my eye per say.!  The Dom is there to offer me support as a friend, and nothing else for now.  I am taking it slow!!!        

(in reply to AquaticSub)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Lost and need advice!!! - 10/11/2006 2:36:49 PM   
Squeakers


Posts: 489
Joined: 10/3/2006
Status: offline 		If you have it altogether why are you asking for advice?

(in reply to Jollygreenelf)
Profile   Post #: 40
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