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Time out - 10/10/2006 1:54:00 PM   
missturbation


Posts: 8290
Joined: 2/12/2006
From: another planet
Status: offline 		I've just finished reading 'Safe word' by Molly Weatherfield and it has really set me thinking. For those of you who have not read it it is about a Master who sold his slave 12 months previously meeting up with her again at a cafe in Avignon as prearranged by letter on the day of her sale.
When they meet neither of them can quite decide what the new dynamics are for them although jonathon (the master) does have a plan.
 
"And i do have something pretty, uh, structured in mind. But it'll take some explaining and arranging. If you agree to it, of course."
She nodded. Almost submissively.
"But" (Oh don't go away yet!) "I've been thinking that we need this unscripted time together, before all that comes down, kind of a vacation. Time out, you know? I think we need to talk, catch up."
"Vacation.." she repeated. "You mean, seriously with no rules, no punishments, no, uh, hardware for a while.."
"If you think you can handle it a little longer."
He smiled at the look she threw at him.
"Yeah" she said "I can handle it."
 
My question is could you handle it?
If offered to you or asked of you would you like to take a 'time out' for a period of time?
Do you think it would be possible to maintain a 'time out'?
Do you think it would be easy to go back into dom/me sub / slave relationship after?
I'm really curious about this so please feel free to add any comments about stuff i've missed.
Thanks.

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Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Time out - 10/10/2006 2:02:59 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		I don't want time outs from the relationship dynamics I've worked hard to build up between myself and someone else.

However, relationships can go through dramatic shifts, sometimes necessarily so in order to progress.  Especially since so many people rush into these sorts of relationships without considering the full scope of what they entail, sometimes breaks may be necessary to re-connect.

Interestingly enough, I think the strongest relationships are the ones in which the focus isn't on "what is this relationship" but more simply "we have a relationship together" and it is those relationships which really don't need to redefine or do a major relationship structure overhaul.

Or to put another way- when the focus isn't so much on constantly "He's master/I'm slave" but on "We're together as who we are" then you aren't so thrown when life bashes you on the head with something unexpected.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to missturbation)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Time out - 10/10/2006 2:09:26 PM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline 		I don't think I could take a time out from being who I am. Throw in a created dynamic with someone, relationship built over time, I cannot imagine going backwards.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to missturbation)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Time out - 10/10/2006 2:12:37 PM   
sweetnurseBBW


Posts: 2464
Joined: 1/26/2006
From: North Carolina
Status: offline 		Several years ago I tried to take a time out. It didn't last very long. I became very moody and depressed because I could'nt be who I was. I felt like I was trying to be vanilla all the time and it made me sick.  I need that dynamic in my life.

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(in reply to missturbation)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Time out - 10/10/2006 2:19:42 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:

My question is could you handle it?

 
Yes, but would I want to handle it?



quote:

If offered to you or asked of you would you like to take a 'time out' for a period of time?

Time out from being myself? No I do not want that.


quote:

Do you think it would be possible to maintain a 'time out'?

If he demanded it, yes, but technically I would be doing it for him, so because of this would it be a time out?


quote:

Do you think it would be easy to go back into dom/me sub / slave relationship after?

I cannot answer that.

I cannot take a break from being female, from being blue eyed, from being 5 foot 10, and I cannot take a break from being a submissive, and I cannot change my submissiveness to my Daddy as long as we are together. I do not "act" submissive to him, I am submissive to him. If he did not use the cues we have been developing to remind me of my place, well I may not be exhibiting submission, but I always am what I am. All it takes is a cue and I am all submissive goo in his hands.



_____________________________

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Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to missturbation)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Time out - 10/10/2006 2:50:47 PM   
gypsygrl


Posts: 1471
Joined: 10/8/2005
From: new york state
Status: offline 		I take breaks, mostly from myself and my self-absorbed preoccupations.

In another life I worked as a bread baker, and still love to bake though I don't do it nearly as much as I should.  Anyway, when making bread, after you knead it, you give it a 10 minute or so rest to let it relax because kneading it makes it all tight and hard to work with.  Letting it rest eases the tension.

That's how I think of these kinds of time outs.  I get very intense and wrapped up in myself, like a knot, and it seems good to take a breather.  Could I do it at the request of a dominant?  Its hypothetical, but I'm pretty sure I could, if it pleased him.  I would have to know going in to such a break the reasoning behind it and what it meant to him, but with that qualification, I think I would consider it just another way of pleasing him.

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Time out - 10/10/2006 3:38:02 PM   
Tikkiee


Posts: 1099
Joined: 4/6/2006
Status: offline
quote:

If offered to you or asked of you would you like to take a 'time out' for a period of time?

Absolutly. Chris and I did it on a regular basis.
quote:

  Do you think it would be possible to maintain a 'time out'?



Yep. It's called having outside interests.
quote:

  Do you think it would be easy to go back into dom/me sub / slave relationship after?


Now that I really can not answer becasue ours was just a normal vanilla relationship with very heavy doses of S&M  on a daily basis lol.

_____________________________

~~@ cass @~~

(in reply to missturbation)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Time out - 10/10/2006 4:17:10 PM   
spanklette


Posts: 882
Joined: 2/22/2005
Status: offline 		Personally, I'm not sure we could maintain our relationship without the D/s dynamic. I love Him, as a man, but I am in love with Him as a Dominant. This is the bread and butter of our relationship. It is how we function on a day to day basis. I don't just put on my submissive hat for the evening and start kneeling.
 
We have taken breaks from playing for any number of reasons. This has not affected our relationship, in the least. We enjoy playing. It is something that we do, and it is something that it's possible to take a "time out" from. We have been just fine when we resumed.

We are who we are. We persue our outside interests within this dynamic. Certainly, there are times when D/s is not at the forefront of our thoughts, but it is always there in one form or another.


_____________________________

~spanklette~

"The important thing is this: to be able at any moment to sacrifice what we are for what we could become. " Charles du Bois

"Please don't shout, can't you see I'm not listening." Billie Myers

(in reply to missturbation)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Time out - 10/10/2006 5:22:41 PM   
Celeste43


Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline 		Sure. Last spring I caught the flu which was followed by two weeks of hell caused by a root canal which became infected. Believe me, there was nothing remotely D/s going on except for him telling me to go to bed, he'd take care of everything.

What I couldn't do is walk away from him for a year and then walk back into the relationship. I can see it ending due to taking a job far away and then trying to start it back up after relocation, but it would start very lightly like in the beginning as we would have to regain trust.

(in reply to spanklette)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Time out - 10/10/2006 5:37:15 PM   
thisishis


Posts: 278
Joined: 5/11/2006
From: Southeastern MA
Status: offline 		i'd waited my entire life to be as happy as i am right now.
i don't want a time out. i don't need a time out.
Plainly put, it would suck.

_____________________________

Sincerely, his

How I'm kept busy these days: http://modelmayhem.com/member.php?id=368120




(in reply to missturbation)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Time out - 10/10/2006 5:45:05 PM   
TemptingNviceSub


Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: missturbation

I've just finished reading 'Safe word' by Molly Weatherfield and it has really set me thinking. For those of you who have not read it it is about a Master who sold his slave 12 months previously meeting up with her again at a cafe in Avignon as prearranged by letter on the day of her sale.
When they meet neither of them can quite decide what the new dynamics are for them although jonathon (the master) does have a plan.
 
"And i do have something pretty, uh, structured in mind. But it'll take some explaining and arranging. If you agree to it, of course."
She nodded. Almost submissively.
"But" (Oh don't go away yet!) "I've been thinking that we need this unscripted time together, before all that comes down, kind of a vacation. Time out, you know? I think we need to talk, catch up."
"Vacation.." she repeated. "You mean, seriously with no rules, no punishments, no, uh, hardware for a while.."
"If you think you can handle it a little longer."
He smiled at the look she threw at him.
"Yeah" she said "I can handle it."
 
My question is could you handle it?
If offered to you or asked of you would you like to take a 'time out' for a period of time?
Do you think it would be possible to maintain a 'time out'?
Do you think it would be easy to go back into dom/me sub / slave relationship after?
I'm really curious about this so please feel free to add any comments about stuff i've missed.
Thanks.
Hummm to me it sounds like just another scene..different than the usual, but scene nonetheless...Tempting

(in reply to missturbation)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Time out - 10/10/2006 6:12:39 PM   
Rayne58


Posts: 746
Joined: 2/22/2005
From: Sydney Australia
Status: offline 		We have had to take breaks from playing lots of times because of Master's health but that doesn't detract from the D/s dynamic - I am submissive by nature anyway. I just turn that part of me into being His carer which satisfies my need to serve. Our relationship comes first and the D/s is the icing on the cake

(in reply to TemptingNviceSub)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Time out - 10/10/2006 6:20:52 PM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline 		I don't get it. They were apart for 12 months? That seems like a pretty long time out already.

I read every post on this thread.. and I still don't get it. Am I having a doh moment? (Or a doh month? lol)

'Splain it to me, Lucy!

Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."


(in reply to Rayne58)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Time out - 10/10/2006 6:26:11 PM   
DiurnalVampire


Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline 		We go between time in and time out alot i our relationship right now.  Sinc Angel is still learing alot about himself, when things get to be too much for him, we back out. We go between a nearly vanilla relationship and a realy intense BDSM one. It works wonderfully for us, for now.  He learns at a comfortable pace, and never forgets his place. There are just certain activities that we dont partake in when we are "off".
So, yes, I could handle it. I am hoping we handle it less and less as time goes on.

DV

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to BitaTruble)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Time out - 10/10/2006 6:32:45 PM   
Devilslilsister


Posts: 1262
Joined: 8/3/2006
Status: offline 		Um.. i bet he doesnt think i could take a time out, but i know i could.  Not to long ago, it was pretty much a "time out" with no words being said about it.  It literally crushed me - but who the hell wants to stay down for long?  i managed the "time out" by simply changing my thinking around, changing my focus, and getting myself involved in other things.  I also put on my old "i couldnt give a flying fuck over a rolling donut" attitude and well that always helps = )

We um sorta just took another time out, forced by me.  i got hurt by something and refused to speak to him.  Effectively it was a time out with no words said (again lol)  Now while i forced it for my own personal reasons - it was difficult.  Takes alot of energy as i also had to put on my "i dont care clothes" . 

If it were to happen for a year?  i would distance myself so far from him and fall so deep into my hole of not giving two wits that i dunno if after the year i could go back to being me.  It'd take a massive toll on me that he would have to take ages to heal.  Of course knowing him, he would dig until he found me and could make it better.

And of course, if he sold me - the first thing i'd do when i saw him was nail hiim as hard in the nuts as i could.  Either that or i'd bid my time until i could catch hiim vulnerable and then nail him some other painful way.  JUST for being an asshole and selling me.    Cos that would seriously piss me off.  Though i doubt if he sold me, that it would take me a year to extract myself from whatever situation and find him where ever he was TOO nail in him the nuts. 



_____________________________

My ability to cope with BS is at an all time low - me

i may look like i'm doing nothing, but i'm very busy at a cellular level

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Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Time out - 10/11/2006 12:00:55 AM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BitaTruble

I don't get it. They were apart for 12 months? That seems like a pretty long time out already.

I read every post on this thread.. and I still don't get it. Am I having a doh moment? (Or a doh month? lol)

'Splain it to me, Lucy!

Celeste

LOL you nut.

Okay he sold her.  A year later he gets her again.  But he thinks they should just talk and be like "vanilla folks" at first before she starts submitting to him again.

Or something like that.

So I understand the question to be about those in D/s or M/s relationships taking a break from their dynamic but still being together, just not as Master/slave, or Dominant/submissive.

For me, that would be taking a break from who I am, and I did that for wayyyy too many years already.

Meanwhile, while in this thread I can't help but hear Ross yell to Rachel, "But we were on a break!!!!"

(in reply to BitaTruble)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Time out - 10/11/2006 12:43:15 AM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline
quote:


LOL you nut.

Okay he sold her. 


Ok, I got this part! (Yay me!)

quote:

 A year later he gets her again. 


This part I'm not quite getting. I mean, did he sell her or just rent her out for a year? How much did she cost? Was it worthwhile? Where the hell is her new owner?

quote:

But he thinks they should just talk and be like "vanilla folks" at first before she starts submitting to him again.


And this part really throws me for a loop. How can she submit to him when she's already owned by someone else! They don't HAVE a dynamic anymore so aren't they, in effect, already vanilla to one another? I mean, kinda sorta in a non-vanilla sorta way? I'm sooooooo confused! lol

quote:

Or something like that.


Eh.. just admit it.. yer as confuzzled as I am! ::laughs::

quote:

So I understand the question to be about those in D/s or M/s relationships taking a break from their dynamic but still being together, just not as Master/slave, or Dominant/submissive.


Ok, so I get this is the meat of the question but I guess I just can't wrap my brain about what, exactly, is being asked here. I mean, is this me walking up to Himself and thinking.. "Ok, yer just some guy that I happen to live with, but no service or authority for you, duuuuuude!" If that's the gist of it, that's never gonna work 'round these parts. My brain doesn't function like a light switch and I can't turn it off and on. Well, obviously it goes off at odd moments (like this post) but normally it resides in a fairly stable place sooooo.. I think my answer to the meat is.. pass the veggies. ::grins::

Celeste



_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."


(in reply to ownedgirlie)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Time out - 10/11/2006 12:43:47 AM   
susie


Posts: 1699
Joined: 11/21/2004
Status: offline 		We are having a forced break at the moment due me being treated for skin cancer. Master has been having to take care of me and change dressings etc so it is a strange twist to the relationship. So yes I know that I can take time out from the physical aspects of the Master / slave relationship. However, that is only part of the relationship. Whatever we are doing, even if it appears to be a normal vanilla setting like visiting my parents he is still my Master and I am aware of that 24/7. So I am not sure that in that way it has been a break at all.

(in reply to missturbation)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Time out - 10/11/2006 1:05:08 AM   
popeye1250


Posts: 18104
Joined: 1/27/2006
From: New Hampshire
Status: offline 		Nope. When I find the right slave it will be for life.
To me a Collar is *permanent*.

(in reply to missturbation)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Time out - 10/11/2006 1:11:42 AM   
Rumtiger


Posts: 2634
Joined: 3/4/2006
From: Vegas
Status: offline 		Wait, theres soemthing I dont get...He sold her off (thats fucked up by the way) and then meets up with her a year later....but they are still together?

...This story sucks.

_____________________________

Fuck the Pandas!
-Moi

Mmm, I love me some kickboxers, you know why? Cause ya'll cant take a punch!
- Quentin Tarantino.

If they cant take a joke, fuck em.
-Tucker Max

(in reply to popeye1250)
Profile   Post #: 20
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