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yaqeta -> RE: Your definition of edge play (10/11/2006 5:29:12 PM)
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Edgeplay, for me, is defined not by what you are doing but by how it feels. There are times when I am "playing" (I too think play is not the right word, but I use it for want of another) with Master and he does something that is out of the ordinary range of things we do, pushing me further than usual outside the comfort zone. Sometimes I'll go with this fully and float around in the joy that is my experience of subspace, and this is not edgeplay for me when this happens... but other times, my mind tries harder to resist it.
These times I feel very deeply afraid and want to say "no" (but no such word exists in my language to my Master). He sees my distress and I am aware he has noted it. But often, rather than back off, he will remind me of my place and continue. I'm still afraid, but no longer resist. I feel the fear. I don't try to stop it. I feel my trust in him - and I am aware I have no other choice. I give up my sense of self, not into peace, but into terror, agony, or sometimes even shame. I may feel my life is truly in the balance. I may cry. I may feel that something terrible - perhaps death - is going to happen..... and I know I will willingly let it happen. He praises me and it helps me through it. Eventually he brings me back to my feet (mentally speaking).
That, to me, is edgeplay - whatever gives me that feeling. It could be extreme pain, more than I believe I can take, it could be high-risk physical play like breath play or blood, or it could be something as simple as him describing a very psychologically threatening scene to me. It is hard work to endure, but after it, I always feel changed by the experience - more his, and more adoring of him.
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