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Supervising your Dominant - 10/12/2006 1:21:11 AM

BitaTruble

Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline

There was a comment made in another post about a Dominant who contracts, on occasion, with the company where his slave is employed. That comment prompted this question.

I'm very curious how such a dynamic would work where the slave in the relationship has a direct supervisory position over the Master/Mistress in the relationship. I realize one is work and the relationship is the relationship, but the poster from that thread said something along the lines of .. 'imagine how hard it is not to run with the power.' (I'm paraphasing here, so I don't think that's exactly right, but it's the gist.)

I have held supervisory or managerial titles for most of my working life but I have never had a dominant (or even a play partner) who was under my direct supervison so I'm curious to hear from those who have been or are in this situation.

How hard it is to keep work and relationship separate in that situation?

I used to work with Himself, but he was my boss, so for us it was more a status quo type of thing. He bossed me around at work and he bossed me around at home. ::chuckles::

Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."

Post #: 1

RE: Supervising your Dominant - 10/12/2006 7:18:47 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: BitaTruble
How hard it is to keep work and relationship separate in that situation?

I used to work with Himself, but he was my boss, so for us it was more a status quo type of thing. He bossed me around at work and he bossed me around at home. ::chuckles::

Celeste

For me since I keep things very nicely compartmentalized, it wouldn't be much of a problem.

Hey, most doms on here crow about how strong and capable their slaves are and how they'd never want a slave who couldn't do good work- I guess this is a perfect chance for them to prove their words by being proud of their slave being able to do a great job even in a possibly difficult context.

My guess is most masters actually don't want to be in that position and most slaves don't want to be either- but for me, I'd just consider it another part of service. If he wants me to have a job, and wants me to be the best at it, then this is simply what it entails.

But, for me, Ms isn't about the ACTIONS- it's simply about the ultimate authority. If I'm working a job and happen to have authority over him at work- it's because HE has chosen for me to work and wants me to do it.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to BitaTruble)

Post #: 2

RE: Supervising your Dominant - 10/12/2006 7:26:00 AM

RazorJAK

Posts: 821
Joined: 8/5/2006
From: Manistee
Status: offline

I've never been in that type of situation for an extended period of time. When I was in a D/s relationship with an officer while I was still active duty; she wasn't in my chain of command. Though I DID find it amusing when I saluted her when our paths crossed in the "working hours".

Call me twisted, but if I ever did get involved with a direct supervisor, I'd most likely make it a rule that she'd best treat me just like any other of her subordinants at work. What can I say? It's the inner sadist in me.(*)

(*) and I'm now wondering if I'll have to explain that statement.

(in reply to BitaTruble)

Post #: 3

RE: Supervising your Dominant - 10/12/2006 7:58:36 AM

Master96

Posts: 593
Joined: 2/13/2006
Status: offline

Work is work. That is separate from anything else. Even when I’m her boss, I keep our relationship pure professional. Being her boss at work isn’t part of me being her Master.

_____________________________

Master96,

quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

Understand that actions will always speak louder than words.

Before you speak, ask yourself..
Is it kind? Is it true? Is it necessary?
Does it improve upon the silence? - Sai Baba

(in reply to RazorJAK)

Post #: 4

RE: Supervising your Dominant - 10/12/2006 8:05:05 AM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

That would be interesting. I have never been in that position but I think, given my nature both in a relationship and at work, it would not be a problem for me. I can see how it could be for them, but in all honesty given the type of employee I am and how generally easy I am to get along with it, would work okay.

Doesn't mean I would not enjoy messing with their head on occasion......

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to Master96)

Post #: 5

RE: Supervising your Dominant - 10/12/2006 8:12:25 AM

susie

Posts: 1699
Joined: 11/21/2004
Status: offline

Not quite the same thing but Master and I run a business together. I look after all the finance and admin side of things and he does the technical side of things. He recognises that I am far better at the organisation and admin than he is so he defers to my judgement on some of those matters. However, everything is discussed and even though I am responsible for those areas I would never make a decision without checking with him first. Because he knows that his organisation skills are not the best he allows me to "remind" him when things need to be done by. It may seem sometimes that I nag to get things done but you will note that I said "he allows me to remind him". Whatever the situation I do what I do because he has decided that is the way he wants it to be. Therefore, he is still in control of the situation.

(in reply to BitaTruble)

Post #: 6

RE: Supervising your Dominant - 10/12/2006 8:38:03 AM

RedSavageSlave

Posts: 733
Joined: 9/12/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: BitaTruble
How hard it is to keep work and relationship separate in that situation?

The family I am living with had that dynamic going but what made it worse was that they never left work at work. Lets just say it was very stressful and I am happy to say that Sir took a position with another company so as to end the problems. Things have greatly settled down since then. (THANK GAWD)

_____________________________

My give a damn's busted.

So many thoughts, so few of them rational

(in reply to BitaTruble)

Post #: 7

RE: Supervising your Dominant - 10/12/2006 8:54:05 AM

ownedgirlie

Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline

Leave it to you to twist our minds like this...lol.

Actually, depending on the position at work, most "bosses" really should be viewed as leadership positions, where if they have good employees, the employees manage themselves with little direct supervision. When I have managed people, they know what is expected in their jobs, we met once a week (more if necessary) to catch up and be sure we were on the same page, or to talk about critical issues, or problem resolution, or ways of streamlining processes, etc. The people who have worked for me were adults, and trusted to do their jobs.

Similary with my boss and I, we have a pretty "even level" relationship. When we talk, it's as two adults, talking about what needs to be done. She is overall accountable, and I'm the one doing the work, but ultimately, we're both responsible for it.

I guess there might be some awkwardness come review and raise time, but I'm sure we'd get through it. Ha, I can just see it - "Give me a bigger raise.." "Um, no, I'm afraid I can't do that, Mr. XXXX."

(in reply to BitaTruble)

Post #: 8

RE: Supervising your Dominant - 10/12/2006 9:27:29 AM

Amaros

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Joined: 7/25/2005
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Partialy due to military training, and partially to nature, I tend to try and act professionally under any circumstances - probobly why I usually get blindsided by the politics. As you may guess, I prefer self employment.

This get me into more trouble, when I have to supervise anybody I have a close relationship with: I know what I'm doing, and construction work is typically on a very tight schedule: the custormer is the boss, and so I tend to act rather autocratically, which rubs people the wrong way.

I'm doing it for a reason; there are certain things that need to get done, and certain order for doing them: the foundations need to be leveled before you can frame, the framing needs to be plumb and square before you can can sheath, the sheathing needs to be done before the electrical, plumbing, and insulation, which all needs to be done before you can drywall, drywall needs to be done before you can tape, the taping needs to be done before you can texure, and there are drying times involved, same with tile, painting, etc., etc., etc. One stupid little thing can set you back a day more, or if drying times are involved, maybe even a week, and I value my time. Scheduling is a huge part of construction, and can get very complicated,

But people who claim to want to help me out, often tend to focus only on their little task, and fail to grasp the larger picture and often take three times as long to stand there and argue about it than it would have taken them to do whatever it is that needed doing. To avoid the frustration of watching the clock tick away, I may be forced to say please and thank you, draw pictures, etc., which is actually pretty funny in context of the construction industry - it's hard to keep from getting sarcastic sometimes - you can hug after it's done. Most of the time, it actually faster to do it myself.

Construction is not for dummies - many a contractor has lost his ass on one house - some becasue they didn't take the time to make sure they were building it on the right lot...

< Message edited by Amaros -- 10/12/2006 9:35:06 AM >

(in reply to ownedgirlie)

Post #: 9

RE: Supervising your Dominant - 10/12/2006 9:32:27 AM

Mavis

Posts: 828
Joined: 2/8/2004
Status: offline

:: waves :::   Guess who?

i'm having a rough time with bleed-over now, because i am re-doing His resume. i've had to say erm... no, this is NOt Your best skill here, that is in fact Your greatest weakness... That's what i meant by running with that power.

OMg. when W/we were working on contracted stuff, it was easy to keep it in that realm.    i know that i have the knowledge to improve His results by tweaking the resume, but He's resistant to my input on it. (Pissed, actually) So my choices are to back down, and serve His immediate need of not being irritated by uppity slave, or serve His long term interest of landing better contracts more suited to His best abilities, where He can succeed and do what He really loves to do!

These are the kinds of conflicts that come to mind when i read subs or slaves saying "Obedience is black or white, you bring the glass of water or you don't"   If only everything were as simple as just fetching. Real life usually involves choosing which need takes priority. a Master who is on a heart healthy diet, but wants to eat cinnamon rolls daily is presenting a slave with choices, although we love to say slaves have no choices.   Pffft.

(in reply to RedSavageSlave)

Post #: 10

RE: Supervising your Dominant - 10/12/2006 10:06:15 AM

BitaTruble

Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline

In speaking with Himself, he has made it quite clear that the scenario I've described will never take place, so I appreciate the replies from everyone. :)

So, taking the next step..

You are in a supervisory position, you have to downsize ... all things being equal, does the relationship play into your decision at all when deciding who gets the axe? What if it will have a direct impact on your own financial situation? If there is nothing else to tip the scale one way or another when choosing between two people, one of whom you have to let go .. can you make the tough choice and let go of your Master/Mistress or do you allow the relationship to be the thing that tips the scale and let go of the other person? (Remember, all things are equal - same amount of time on the job, same skill sets, no disciplinary actions etc)

Celeste - ::waves at Mavis and thanks her for the comment which prompted this thread:: :D

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."

(in reply to Mavis)

Post #: 11

RE: Supervising your Dominant - 10/12/2006 10:13:12 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: BitaTruble
You are in a supervisory position, you have to downsize ... all things being equal, does the relationship play into your decision at all when deciding who gets the axe? What if it will have a direct impact on your own financial situation? If there is nothing else to tip the scale one way or another when choosing between two people, one of whom you have to let go .. can you make the tough choice and let go of your Master/Mistress or do you allow the relationship to be the thing that tips the scale and let go of the other person? (Remember, all things are equal - same amount of time on the job, same skill sets, no disciplinary actions etc)

I could. If I wasn't sure I could, I wouldn't have taken that position to begin with.

The long term problems of having a personal relationship affect my work choices far outweight any immediate discomfort at firing an employee.

According to a lot of people, slaves and subs HAVE to be strong- so making a tough choice is just part of the package.

According to a lot of people, masters WANT slaves who can make difficult choices and be trustworthy- so this is just part of the package as well.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to BitaTruble)

Post #: 12

RE: Supervising your Dominant - 10/12/2006 10:19:23 AM

Dnomyar

Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline

If you have to end up doing the job yourself then your not a boss. It dosent matter who my boss is. I do the job to the best of my ability. I dont take my home to work and dont take my work home. You can only hope that your boss is competent and has enough confidence in themself to get the job done right.

(in reply to BitaTruble)

Post #: 13

RE: Supervising your Dominant - 10/12/2006 10:42:39 AM

Mavis

Posts: 828
Joined: 2/8/2004
Status: offline

wow. if all things were truly equal, i might just keep the Master! but, in reality, i would let go the one with the best opportunities elsewhere going forward. So if turning loose Master would provide Him better opportunities, "byeee!" Since i am no industry powerhouse, ANY other opportunity would pay better anyway.

There is that other thing, a CEO who hires son in law to ensure daughter is well taken care of... No matter how skilled son in law is, he will forever be seen as marrying into the job rather than earning it. It's not easy to prove someone is hired, fired, or contracted based on merit if there is an offsides relationship as well.

(in reply to BitaTruble)

Post #: 14

RE: Supervising your Dominant - 10/12/2006 10:10:27 PM

ownedgirlie

Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: BitaTruble

In speaking with Himself, he has made it quite clear that the scenario I've described will never take place, so I appreciate the replies from everyone. :)

So, taking the next step..

You are in a supervisory position, you have to downsize ... all things being equal, does the relationship play into your decision at all when deciding who gets the axe? What if it will have a direct impact on your own financial situation? If there is nothing else to tip the scale one way or another when choosing between two people, one of whom you have to let go .. can you make the tough choice and let go of your Master/Mistress or do you allow the relationship to be the thing that tips the scale and let go of the other person? (Remember, all things are equal - same amount of time on the job, same skill sets, no disciplinary actions etc)

Celeste - ::waves at Mavis and thanks her for the comment which prompted this thread:: :D

Had to laugh. The scenario you described will actually never take place with me, either. Unless I somehow plot to buy out his firm...heh.

I have done downsizing planning before. It is not an easy task, by any means, as you are deciding on people's livelihoods. However, anyone in a romantic-type relationship in a work place typically does not have supervisory authority over their partner...for reasons just like this one. But hypothetically? Sure, let him go, give him a GREAT severance, then take some time off and go on vacation together.

(in reply to BitaTruble)

Post #: 15

RE: Supervising your Dominant - 10/12/2006 11:52:57 PM

becca333

Posts: 1050
Joined: 4/11/2006
Status: offline

I find all of you very professional and I totally respect your stance on this.

I have a horrible suspicion that if I were ever in this position I'd - well, ok, I'd do MOST of it professionally - but I think I'd probably slip in a few little niggles here and there, just to wind him up a bit, to see what'd happen.

Of course, I'd probably only do that ONCE.

And before you all leap at me with flamethrowers, I assure you I'm totally respectful to him, I value our relationship, I am very happy and comfortable being a sub and I am not into bratting or rudeness in any way.

But.... sometimes.... it's nice to put just one teeny toenail close to the line... just to see what'd happen (and, probably, to get some reassurance. I need reassurance now and then.)

(in reply to ownedgirlie)

Post #: 16

RE: Supervising your Dominant - 10/13/2006 5:03:02 AM

Mavis

Posts: 828
Joined: 2/8/2004
Status: offline

:: grabs beccas toe :::

ok, that was bad, non-consent! i'm sorry.

::: puts toe back :::

(in reply to becca333)

Post #: 17

RE: Supervising your Dominant - 10/13/2006 5:39:50 AM

Dnomyar

Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline

It may be ok to put your toe across the line in a home situation. In a job situation it would be very dangerous. Your talking about a persons livelyhood. Keep your play at home.

(in reply to Mavis)

Post #: 18

RE: Supervising your Dominant - 10/13/2006 5:42:41 AM

Mavis

Posts: 828
Joined: 2/8/2004
Status: offline

Dynomar, we're just playing, don't worry. :: eyes His toe too :::

(in reply to Dnomyar)

Post #: 19

RE: Supervising your Dominant - 10/13/2006 6:36:16 AM

Sinergy

Posts: 9383
Joined: 4/26/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: BitaTruble

How hard it is to keep work and relationship separate in that situation?

I have refused to enter into relationships with co-workers since I was 18, so I am not sure I can speak authoritatively.

One of my jobs requires me to be extremely deferential to the lead female instructor.

But like you, I keep it all nicely compartmentalized and dont tie my ego up in how I relate to coworkers.

Just me, could be wrong, but there you go.

Sinergy

_____________________________

"There is a fine line between clever and stupid"
David St. Hubbins "This Is Spinal Tap"

"Every so often you let a word or phrase out and you want to catch it and bring it back. You cant do that, it is gone, gone forever." J. Danforth Quayle

(in reply to BitaTruble)

Post #: 20

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