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Jackass - 10/12/2006 8:20:01 PM   
ladychatterley


Posts: 132
Joined: 3/10/2006
Status: offline 		Last night I saw Jackass with the man to whom I am surrendering, and to say that it bothered me is an understatement.  It invoked a full-scale panic attack--it was all I could do not to run away.

The casualness of their pain and vulnerability for ridicule, and him laughing at it the entire time, I was mortified.  If I'd seen it with someone else, it wouldn't have been a big deal (although the entire premise would have been quite difficult for me to take and I probably would have walked out of the movie theatre with anyone else), but I couldn't help but seeing it as where we would once I finally really submitted (the whole slave/submissive issue is alive in our relationship as well).  He has never been that way with me, ever.  He has always been kind; even when he is cruel there is tenderness as well.

But I am relatively new to all this, and it is the beginning, so I still have some ways of setting limits and it just turned my blood cold.  The cruelty for a laugh just stunned me.

We talked a little and while he couldn't understand why I felt that way (because he rightly pointed out it is just a movie), he did listen and try to reassure me but I still feel all cold and defensive.

And part of me, the intellectual part, says 'this is SUCH an over-reaction!'  I can't believe, that of everything we've done, some stupid movie is freaking me out this much.  I don't want to belabor the point with him because I know it is stupid and I’m not going to let some stupid movie wreck one of the best things that has ever happened to me.

But it is hard to talk oneself out of a panic attack.  Any advice?  Did anyone here see it an find it funny?  Why it is funny?  I really don't understand.  I still feel sick about the entire thing and I just find myself totally lost.
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RE: Jackass - 10/12/2006 8:29:44 PM   
Wildfleurs


Posts: 1650
Joined: 9/24/2004
From: Connecticut
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ladychatterley

Last night I saw Jackass with the man to whom I am surrendering, and to say that it bothered me is an understatement.  It invoked a full-scale panic attack--it was all I could do not to run away.

The casualness of their pain and vulnerability for ridicule, and him laughing at it the entire time, I was mortified.  If I'd seen it with someone else, it wouldn't have been a big deal (although the entire premise would have been quite difficult for me to take and I probably would have walked out of the movie theatre with anyone else), but I couldn't help but seeing it as where we would once I finally really submitted (the whole slave/submissive issue is alive in our relationship as well).  He has never been that way with me, ever.  He has always been kind; even when he is cruel there is tenderness as well.

But I am relatively new to all this, and it is the beginning, so I still have some ways of setting limits and it just turned my blood cold.  The cruelty for a laugh just stunned me.

We talked a little and while he couldn't understand why I felt that way (because he rightly pointed out it is just a movie), he did listen and try to reassure me but I still feel all cold and defensive.

And part of me, the intellectual part, says 'this is SUCH an over-reaction!'  I can't believe, that of everything we've done, some stupid movie is freaking me out this much.  I don't want to belabor the point with him because I know it is stupid and I’m not going to let some stupid movie wreck one of the best things that has ever happened to me.

But it is hard to talk oneself out of a panic attack.  Any advice?  Did anyone here see it an find it funny?  Why it is funny?  I really don't understand.  I still feel sick about the entire thing and I just find myself totally lost.


I have to say I went to see Jackass with my owner and we both along with most of the theater laughed our asses off.  I'm seriously pretty confused what exactly would cause a panic attack.  Not to mention their advertising is pretty much Whatcha see is whatcha get  (i.e. its very obvious what the movie is about).  So, yes to me it seems like an overreaction.

C~


_____________________________

"Just because you've always done it that way doesn't mean it's not incredibly stupid." -despair.com

~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
The heart of it all - http://www.wildfleurs.com
~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

(in reply to ladychatterley)
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RE: Jackass - 10/12/2006 8:30:21 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		I don't find what they do funny- but I don't get freaked out about it either.

You need to talk more with "the dude you're seeing."  No, he doesn't need to understand your feelings.  No, you don't need to stop feeling like you do.  But you do need to be able to articulate your feelings and he needs to listen and at least be able to say "I have no idea where it's coming from, but I do take you seriously and we'll work through it."

What exactly about it freaked you out? He can lay out for you exactly what he plans to do and NOT plans to do with you.

And give it some time- stop using the stupid word, and start just talking to eachother.  Conclusions do not HAVE to be made, just make observations to eachother.  Find ways in which YOU have laughed at other peoples pain and stupidity.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to ladychatterley)
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RE: Jackass - 10/12/2006 8:38:22 PM   
PrimitiveLogic


Posts: 145
Joined: 4/25/2006
From: Md.
Status: offline 		Such is the paradox of suffering in a presumed humor format. You must remember how exquisitely well this movie is doing financially...they should be well compensated for their mmm suffering. What will your compensation be? As to your feelings...does this put you in the uncomfortable zone of surrender to capricious whim? Surrendering to one's Master implies that you are there for His whim/pleasure/use, regardless of format , intent, or purpose. For the Jackass group, the lesson is: you will be tricked and hurt repeatedly. For a submissive who finds herself living in the pain lane...the lessons may not be so clear.  Giving carte blanc to another is always a leap of faith. 

(in reply to ladychatterley)
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RE: Jackass - 10/12/2006 8:38:49 PM   
ladychatterley


Posts: 132
Joined: 3/10/2006
Status: offline 		(I don't have a TV, so while the advertisements may have been straight forward, I had no idea what it was beforehand.)

What freaked me out was the branding, that went badly, and had to be redone 4 times and him laughing at it.  The dildo shoved in the guys ass and him screaming, and this man I love laughing.  The guy terrified of snakes, locked in with snakes and crying and the other guys on the screen and this man I love, laughing.  I felt like the man who told his friends that they terrified him took a risk and they threw it in his face. That anyone's pain and vulnerablity would be reduced to ridicule and mocking. 

We've only been together a few months.  I still have limits, but I know that he wants me to let those go.  He said that there was nothing in the movie that was erotic to him, but maybe I've spent far too many years reading on-line instead of doing things, those "modicums of initial consent---I have the right to cut off her ear if she doesn't specify exactly otherwise in the beginning" --I know those people are not the majority.  But the Story of O scared me, and this movie scared me.  It is hard to accept pain.  For me, it is even harder to be emotionally vulnerable, to admit I'm weak.  Being mocked or ridiculed for such a thing just terrifies!

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
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RE: Jackass - 10/12/2006 8:41:13 PM   
ladychatterley


Posts: 132
Joined: 3/10/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: PrimitiveLogic

Such is the paradox of suffering in a presumed humor format. You must remember how exquisitely well this movie is doing financially...they should be well compensated for their mmm suffering. What will your compensation be? As to your feelings...does this put you in the uncomfortable zone of surrender to capricious whim? Surrendering to one's Master implies that you are there for His whim/pleasure/use, regardless of format , intent, or purpose. For the Jackass group, the lesson is: you will be tricked and hurt repeatedly. For a submissive who finds herself living in the pain lane...the lessons may not be so clear.  Giving carte blanc to another is always a leap of faith. 

Thank you--I think you articulated what I was unable to understand.   Thank you.

(in reply to PrimitiveLogic)
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RE: Jackass - 10/12/2006 8:41:41 PM   
michaelGA2


Posts: 1533
Joined: 4/26/2006
Status: offline 		i always thought that that show (among other similar shows) were overly moronic at best and should be cancelled...likewise with The Man Show.

_____________________________

Are we having fun, yet?

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RE: Jackass - 10/12/2006 8:43:52 PM   
PrimitiveLogic


Posts: 145
Joined: 4/25/2006
From: Md.
Status: offline 		I believe there is a greater arena besides pain and /or humiliation as the predominat language. theme  and expectation to be explored here.

(in reply to ladychatterley)
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RE: Jackass - 10/12/2006 8:50:56 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		LC

I think you need to give yourself time and decide if you're going to be able to trust what he says and does or trust your irrational emotional freak outs. 

We all have emotional freak outs, he seems to even be handling it pretty well.  But we don't allow our emotional freak outs to control who we are and our happiness if we hope to be stable mature adults.

Give it time, let your feelings work themselves out, and let his actions and words show you in time what reality will hold- not letting your fears take over.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to PrimitiveLogic)
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RE: Jackass - 10/12/2006 9:29:39 PM   
Mavis


Posts: 828
Joined: 2/8/2004
Status: offline 		i can understand in a way,   you're with this guy, and you have assumed levels of compassion and mercy..  yet to see Him laughing at something so disturbing (to you)  made a conflict in you, about his basic nature.

There was a guy in youth group i felt that way about, he seemed so decent, fair, just,  merciful..  until a sci fi movie and he rooted for the creature, and really got off on the gore..  it ruined it for me.  Now,  i have to say,  we were about 19 at the time, and my expectations of the guy might have been pedestal-level for no reason, but now i can look back and realise it was a movie, and he might have been appreciating with bravado things that he wouldn't have appreciated in real life.  (or maybe he was actually a sadist and i never knew?)  

i had much the same reaction to the movie Taxi, when i kept saying to Hubby, He's going to kill that girl..right?  I don't want to see it, and He assured me no!  Well, he sure did kill that girl, and i was soooo pissed, i actually felt betrayed that Hubby didn't warn me off and in fact, mislead me to get me to keep watching the movie.   Damn.  i chaulk it all up to me holding incredibly high standards for my men, and hell, i need to get a grip.   They're just... men.  not demi-Gods.   and maybe, the nicer they are in real life, the easier it is for them to nurse that beast via entertainment and stay separated from it? 

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
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RE: Jackass - 10/12/2006 10:53:58 PM   
LASub4Real


Posts: 169
Joined: 1/10/2005
Status: offline 		I dunno. OK this might have been an overreaction, and it also might have been your instinct kicking in. I mean, some people would giggle through Schindler's List if it had a laugh track. Maybe it's nothing, but if I were you, I wouldn't just sooth that initial reaction to sleep just because the rest of the county is paying to see the movie. Don't do anything dramatic just stay observant. The very root of human "instinct" is in discerning larger possibilities from mundane and limited information---what some might even call overreaction.

It's probably nothing, but you can never assume that your reaction was stupid until you're truly understand what provoked it.

LAsub

(in reply to ladychatterley)
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RE: Jackass - 10/12/2006 11:20:03 PM   
srllile7


Posts: 75
Joined: 3/30/2006
Status: offline 		I'm pretty darn new and had this same kind of reaction as well even in a relationship in which there was no love involved yet.  My thing was that if this man is laughing at these things he thinks the pain and the cruelty is so funny but yet wants to do the same thing to me. 

My thoughts were: 

Is this the only reason he wants me is for a good laugh...does he not respect me for submitting to doing this for him. . . Is he receiving the same pleasure from watching this idiot on tv taking pain for some other idiot as he would receive from me enduring it from him...Am i just as valued as this $7.50 Jackass movie ....Amongst a gauntlet of other questions right along the same lines.   

I know this isn't a coherent thought but hopefully its helpful in knowing others over react as well hehehe.

_____________________________

I am young and idealistic if you do not agree with what I have to say; wait till tomorrow I may just have changed my stance on things by then.

(in reply to LASub4Real)
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RE: Jackass - 10/12/2006 11:23:00 PM   
TheShadows


Posts: 403
Joined: 9/16/2004
From: Southern Illinois
Status: offline 		He laughed at a movie in which a bunch of retards put themselves in harms way, knowing that it's going to go badly, strictly for shits and girns, and get paid an assload of money for doing so.  I see absolutely nothing wrong with that.  I found it hilarious myself. 

Your post says to me, "I'm feeling insecure about my relationship with this person because they got a laugh at someone else's expense, and I'm afraid he's going to do that to me."  If that's how you feel about it, tell him simply and plainly, "Seeing you get off on someone's else's pain and misfortune has really made me second-guess my trust in you."  Work through it together from there. 

In my view, if this is a dealbreaker for you, better to know now than later on when you've already agreed to defer to his wishes for what types of entertainment to partake in.

As always, YMMV...

MrsShadows

_____________________________

"The reason the mainstream is thought of as a stream is because of it's shallowness." - George Carlin

"Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most..." - Ozzy Osbourne

(in reply to ladychatterley)
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RE: Jackass - 10/12/2006 11:53:46 PM   
MasterNdorei


Posts: 658
Joined: 10/8/2005
Status: offline 		i can not say i would find it easy to surrender to a Dominant that was entertained by that kind of movie... without judging those who like Jackass, i am certain i would have a similar reaction to what you are feeling.

You have received good advice here, being encouraged to talk about it.... maybe learn something about yourself in the process...

Be Well~*

(in reply to TheShadows)
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RE: Jackass - 10/13/2006 12:49:29 AM   
Rumtiger


Posts: 2634
Joined: 3/4/2006
From: Vegas
Status: offline 		You have to be kidding me.

How insecure do you have to be to suddenly lose trust and security with your dom just because he laughed at a movie?

If you know you are overreacting then why are you treating this event as if its something that should be regarded seriously? Why are you giving in to what you know is not sensible?

Ask yourself those questions.

_____________________________

Fuck the Pandas!
-Moi

Mmm, I love me some kickboxers, you know why? Cause ya'll cant take a punch!
- Quentin Tarantino.

If they cant take a joke, fuck em.
-Tucker Max

(in reply to MasterNdorei)
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RE: Jackass - 10/13/2006 5:42:11 AM   
nikkicd10


Posts: 91
Joined: 8/23/2006
Status: offline 		Well, its a movie, nothing more nothing less.  The people in the movie are in it willingly, just like the people in girls gone wild and we all know every "girl" is just like the ones in those videos.

Talk to him about it, express your fears and what you thought, being a sub does not make you a doormat.  If he listens and you both exchange ideas and feelings great, if he does not, well the movie is the least of your problems.

Just my 2 cents worth, which is this Bush economic state does not buy much. 

(in reply to Rumtiger)
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RE: Jackass - 10/13/2006 5:54:28 AM   
happypervert


Posts: 2203
Joined: 5/11/2004
From: Scranton, PA
Status: offline 		Just as you wonder how he can be amused by such stuff, he may be similarly bewildered to see you get all gushy over a Hugh Grant movie or whatever chick flicks you like that probably make him want to puke. Just hope he doesn't have an irrational reaction equal to yours and starts thinking there's something wrong with you just because of different tastes in popular culture.




_____________________________

"Get a bicycle. You will not regret it if you live." . . . Mark Twain

(in reply to ladychatterley)
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RE: Jackass - 10/13/2006 6:15:37 AM   
MsKatHouston


Posts: 1909
Joined: 6/7/2006
From: Houston, TX
Status: offline 		(quick reply)

It's a movie.  The actors/stunt guys know what is going on, they consent to it and are paid handsomely for it.  This is the second movie they have done and there is a TV show also.  They enjoy it.  What you are projecting as cruel and scary is, for them, entertainment. 

Think of the branding scene...If you were branded in a D/s sense do you really think it would go off like it did in the movie?  Doubtful.  This is silly fun for the sake of a laugh.  They are trying to make the audience laugh.  That's the point.  This isn't a power dynamic or D/s play.  It's silly fun where grown men are being paid well to consenually look like...hmm...JACKASSES.

Equating Jackass to what responsible people do with caring partners is not reasonable.  It's not even in the same ballpark.  There is room for laughter in D/s.  There is room for pain.  But to put an entertaining movie on par with a D/s relationship I think is very much an overreaction.  I hope you do know that and try to figure out where it is coming from.  I can not tell you why you reacted to that but if I were you I would try to figure it out with your Dom. 

Has he ever done anything that resembles what triggered your issue?  Do you have any red flags?  Talk about it

quote:

"Seeing you get off on someone's else's pain and misfortune has really made me second-guess my trust in you."  Work through it together from there. 


The thing, though, that you need to be aware of is there was no misfortune or pain.  They enjoy this, they make a ton of money from it...they are all laughing at each other and themselves.  Whether or not it is your brand of humor is simply a matter of personal taste.  But don't mistake something that is designed to be humorous as something that can be compared to a serious, caring D/s relationship.  Good luck.

_____________________________

-Kat

~If you can't be a good example, you'll just have to serve as a horrible warning~

(in reply to happypervert)
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RE: Jackass - 10/13/2006 7:19:46 AM   
Wildfleurs


Posts: 1650
Joined: 9/24/2004
From: Connecticut
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MsKatHouston

The thing, though, that you need to be aware of is there was no misfortune or pain.  They enjoy this, they make a ton of money from it...they are all laughing at each other and themselves.  Whether or not it is your brand of humor is simply a matter of personal taste.  But don't mistake something that is designed to be humorous as something that can be compared to a serious, caring D/s relationship.  Good luck.


Exactly!  I've been branded and I turned to my owner when they did the branding thing and said "what a pussy."  To me they are obviously in some ways overreacting to what is clearly a staged stunt to get laughs.  My branding was nothing like that.

I wouldn't remotely assume that doing any of those things would be the same in real life (versus a movie set).  I remember in the first Jackass they used a TENS on each other and did the same screaming thing, yet TENS units are used in physical therapy (on top of in BDSM).

At the end of the day it may seem real, but its just a movie.

C~


_____________________________

"Just because you've always done it that way doesn't mean it's not incredibly stupid." -despair.com

~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
The heart of it all - http://www.wildfleurs.com
~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

(in reply to MsKatHouston)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Jackass - 10/13/2006 7:30:35 AM   
Rumtiger


Posts: 2634
Joined: 3/4/2006
From: Vegas
Status: offline 		I liked the puppet show.

_____________________________

Fuck the Pandas!
-Moi

Mmm, I love me some kickboxers, you know why? Cause ya'll cant take a punch!
- Quentin Tarantino.

If they cant take a joke, fuck em.
-Tucker Max

(in reply to Wildfleurs)
Profile   Post #: 20
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