Safe Calls (Full Version)

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MasterNdorei -> Safe Calls (10/12/2006 11:58:16 PM)

Most people who use safe calls are content to agree that the final call is when the sub says she is home safe after a meeting.

My sister was never satisfied with this. She always had to call my land line at home and make sure i answered before she could relax. i just wanted to share this concept with others who use safe calls.

Be Well~*
Master's dorei



RedSavageSlave -> RE: Safe Calls (10/13/2006 7:51:44 AM)

While I understand the concept of safecalls.. Personally I do not care for the way it is laid out in general information. 

Anytime I have set up safecalls it was not me who was calling out (although certainly it is a good idea to do it once you arrive and then when you get home) but instead my safe call had to call me at whatever periods of times they wished in order to make sure I was safe. One of the intervals could be 10 minutes, 30 minutes 1 hour, 15 minutes... whatever.. just that it was not set up where the person I was meeting could decide he had XXX amount of time he could safely do something. If I did not answer the phone on any one of those calls.. there was another call within 3 minutes that better be answered...otherwise it meant trouble.



mistoferin -> RE: Safe Calls (10/13/2006 8:01:50 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: RedSavageSlave

While I understand the concept of safecalls.. Personally I do not care for the way it is laid out in general information. 

Anytime I have set up safecalls it was not me who was calling out (although certainly it is a good idea to do it once you arrive and then when you get home) but instead my safe call had to call me at whatever periods of times they wished in order to make sure I was safe. One of the intervals could be 10 minutes, 30 minutes 1 hour, 15 minutes... whatever.. just that it was not set up where the person I was meeting could decide he had XXX amount of time he could safely do something. If I did not answer the phone on any one of those calls.. there was another call within 3 minutes that better be answered...otherwise it meant trouble.


So then, let's say your "safe caller" decided to call and you answered and said that everything was going wonderfully. Let's go even farther. Your "safe caller" calls three times over the course of the evening. After the last call you hang up the phone and that is the moment your "date" chooses to show the other side of himself. Five minutes later you're dead. The phone rings again...no answer. Again...no answer. How safe did your "safe calls" keep you? Granted, it may make it easier to find your body.

I think that most safe calls come out successfully but not because they have any power to keep you any safer. I believe they work because most people simply do not find themselves on a date with a homicidal maniac. If indeed though, you have the misfortune or poor judgement of accepting a date from someone who is....I don't believe that having a safe call ....or a hundred of them....set up will keep you one bit safer.



SlaveAkasha -> RE: Safe Calls (10/13/2006 8:39:20 AM)

I have never really done the safe call thing, right or wrong.. I don't know.  I decided even though I wasn't concerned, I would do the "right thing" this past time and set up to call home a every few hours.  I gave the room number, the car description, full name, all of that to my roommate.  I made my call the first night, things were fine.  I called 4 or 5 different times the next, and no one was home.  The instructions had been, if you don't hear from me within x amount of time, call the hotel room, if no one answers, one more call to the cell number, after that 911.  Of course all of these did me no good since this person wasn't even concerned enough to find out if I was okay.
 
I think the best thing to do, is if you don't know someone well enough to feel safe with them, all of the safe calls in the world won't help you.
 
Masters Akasha



michaelGA2 -> RE: Safe Calls (10/13/2006 8:42:11 AM)

safe calls are great..."IF" meetings ever take place...



daddysprop247 -> RE: Safe Calls (10/13/2006 8:43:58 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SlaveAkasha

if you don't know someone well enough to feel safe with them, all of the safe calls in the world won't help you.
 
Masters Akasha


that's absolutely true, and the reason why i never understood the whole safecall thing. if someone intends to seriously hurt/kill you, they're going to do it, whether you manage to call your safecall or not.



mistoferin -> RE: Safe Calls (10/13/2006 8:54:40 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SlaveAkasha

I have never really done the safe call thing, right or wrong.. I don't know.  I decided even though I wasn't concerned, I would do the "right thing" this past time and set up to call home a every few hours.  I gave the room number, the car description, full name, all of that to my roommate.  I made my call the first night, things were fine.  I called 4 or 5 different times the next, and no one was home.  The instructions had been, if you don't hear from me within x amount of time, call the hotel room, if no one answers, one more call to the cell number, after that 911.  Of course all of these did me no good since this person wasn't even concerned enough to find out if I was okay.
 
I think the best thing to do, is if you don't know someone well enough to feel safe with them, all of the safe calls in the world won't help you.
 
Masters Akasha


Wow....if this was my experience I would seriously be looking at my decision making skills. If I didn't possess good enough judgement to choose someone who was trustworthy and reliable enough to follow through on something as simple as a safecall ....I certainly wouldn't trust my judgement enough to make a decision on whether or not I should meet and make myself vulnerable to a complete stranger.



juliaoceania -> RE: Safe Calls (10/13/2006 9:12:14 AM)

quote:

So then, let's say your "safe caller" decided to call and you answered and said that everything was going wonderfully. Let's go even farther. Your "safe caller" calls three times over the course of the evening. After the last call you hang up the phone and that is the moment your "date" chooses to show the other side of himself. Five minutes later you're dead. The phone rings again...no answer. Again...no answer. How safe did your "safe calls" keep you? Granted, it may make it easier to find your body.



I used my safecall to give information about the individual I was seeing, not only to make sure I was safe in that moment. For example their information went to my mother and my best friend who lives in another state. This information included pictures, a name, and their phone number (landline) which I had checked to make sure was in their name. My Daddy showed me his car registration and his license... I gave both numbers to my mother and my best friend. If he had been a murderer they would know how to find him[:D]. Same goes for others I have dated from internet personals site whether vanilla or not... It does not make sure you are 100% safe, there is no such thing as 100% safe anyways... most women are raped by an acquaintances that they know in the real world, and there are no safecalls to protect them.

The idea is to give police the information if something happens, and to give the heads up to predators that you have enough information about them to make this a rather easy job. 




mistoferin -> RE: Safe Calls (10/13/2006 9:22:11 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania
I used my safecall to give information about the individual I was seeing, not only to make sure I was safe in that moment. For example their information went to my mother and my best friend who lives in another state. This information included pictures, a name, and their phone number (landline) which I had checked to make sure was in their name. My Daddy showed me his car registration and his license... I gave both numbers to my mother and my best friend. If he had been a murderer they would know how to find him[:D]. Same goes for others I have dated from internet personals site whether vanilla or not... It does not make sure you are 100% safe, there is no such thing as 100% safe anyways... most women are raped by an acquaintances that they know in the real world, and there are no safecalls to protect them.

The idea is to give police the information if something happens, and to give the heads up to predators that you have enough information about them to make this a rather easy job. 


I understand what you are saying julia. What I am trying to point out though is that many feel that safe calls are tools that will keep them safe. That is a false sense of security. Even with everything you did the outcome, if your Daddy had been a psychopath, would not have changed. Granted, as I said, it would have made it easier to find your body....and it may make prosecution easier, provided of course that any of the information you have about someone is actually accurate....but the end result would still be you're dead.

I don't want to knock anyone who uses them...by all means if it makes sense to someone they should. I point out though, that these methods are not failsafe. I only want to stress that all of these kinds of "tools" are not a replacement for keeping good common sense and making well informed decisions regarding people they choose to meet.



LeatherBentOne -> RE: Safe Calls (10/13/2006 10:03:51 AM)

Safe calls don't guarantee safety.  Nothing does.  It's the risk we all take since dangerous people don't come with signs on their backs that say, "Dangerous Person."  But, my advise is to let the person you are meeting know that safe calls are being made and devise a code word that designates trouble in case that person is within hearing distance.  Like I said, there are no guarantees but gathering information and distributing it wisely could mean the difference between someone getting away with harm and doing harm to someone else.  There is never a substitute for good judgement and sound decision-making when meeting a stranger, regardless of your gender, orientation and whether or not you're a sub or a Dom/me.  I'd rather err on the side of caution than become a statistic, so that's why I have a plan that I carry out when meeting anyone I've never met before in real life.  Without fail.

Stay safe,
LBO



RedSavageSlave -> RE: Safe Calls (10/13/2006 10:10:39 AM)

Mist, you have no idea how much I agree with you regarding this. To me it is the same as a safeword.  They have some use in keeping us safe, but will never take the place of simply using common sense in who you are seeking. Too many use these tools as the be all and end all of safety. You make a very good point.



SlaveAkasha -> RE: Safe Calls (10/13/2006 10:39:07 AM)

Good grief!!!
 
You have to depend on yourself and the choices YOU make.  I never had anyone looking out for me as long as I can remember, but I guess it must be nice.
 
If you don't trust who you are going to be with, it seems pretty damn stupid to go with them in the first place.  If you read my post..actually READ it.. you would notice that is what I was saying.  Don't put yourself into any situation you aren't prepared to handle yourself.  People are just that, people, you can't rely on someone to get you out of something you get yourself into.
 
I guess I should have added, everyone had this mans info.  I gave the phone number, name, car model, hotel we would be at..all of it to many friends.  It's just this person I was going to call, more to satisfy what others said I needed to do, not because I felt I needed it. 
 
What my point was.. a safe call doesn't do shit, if someone is going to hurt you, they will.  You have to grow up and take care of yourself, no one else will.

 
Masters Akasha



Kalira -> RE: Safe Calls (10/13/2006 10:43:55 AM)

My sister is the same way, though for myself its a bit different. I have always been one who goes to their house, or they come to mine. In these cases, my sister always calls at a specificied time, or if I am at his house, I call at a specified time. It has always worked well for me in the past and see no reason to change it now.



juliaoceania -> RE: Safe Calls (10/13/2006 10:45:03 AM)

Im not trying to be argumentative, but no tool is 100%, and no safeword or safecall is 100%, your judgment is not 100% and life is inherently risky. We take steps to lessen risks every day. For example having an airbag and a seat belt help protect you in a crash, but people die that use these measures all the time, it does not mean it is not a good idea to use these tools, of course it is a good idea to use these tools, it just means that shit happens no matter what we do to keep it from happening.

I suppose it is a valid point that a call will not protect you for certain, nor will having personal information about the person, nor will having a gun, nor a bodyguard, or being a ninja turtle in a halfshell. But we take steps to be safer and my concern is that people will think these are useless tools when they are not useless tools.

They are as much preventative as a cure, in other words people who victimize others want easy targets that are not protecting themselves. If you show someone that you will protect yourself in many ways they are less likely to show up to victimize you than they would with someone that did not want their landline or their photo or their full legal name and had a safecall to whom they described make and model of the car driven and so forth. Of course the only way to be perfectly safe is to keep your ass at home, but then again many people die slipping in their bath tub.



undergroundsea -> RE: Safe Calls (10/13/2006 10:52:34 AM)

My way of meeting people has not required too much for safe calls. Still, I think they are important.

Regarding the other party doing something after the last safe call, I think the OP suggests a way to mitigate that risk--a call received by land line at home.

There are two things that will keep someone from taking malign action: ethics and consequences. Safe calls help with the consequences part. Someone is less likely to pursue a criminal act if they know they will be caught.

Also, if something unfortunate does happen, time can be critical. With a safe call set up, intervention for help can begin sooner rather than until someone discovers that a person is missing.

So while they may not be a guaranteed means of protection, I they do help the odds significantly.

Cheers,

Sea



SlaveAkasha -> RE: Safe Calls (10/13/2006 10:54:34 AM)

I must disagree with you Julia.. I mean, don't you know there are some people that are perfect and everything with them is 100% perfect, every judgement, every word, every breath?
 
Just thought I would let ya know, hun.. in case you weren't aware.[;)]
 
Akasha



mistoferin -> RE: Safe Calls (10/13/2006 11:01:17 AM)

Akasha, I understood your post perfectly well....but maybe you should go back and read...I mean really READ mine. And for the record....I don't do the safecall thing...or the safeword thing. I don't have anyone looking out for me. I do take responsibility for my own safekeeping....



juliaoceania -> RE: Safe Calls (10/13/2006 11:13:34 AM)

My mother will always feel responsible for my welfare and safety, I have been the safecall for my best friend as well. Anytime we are in a car with someone else driving we are giving them responsibility for our welfare and safety.... people need people. We need people like firemen, air traffic controllers and police to help keep us safe.

I am a very independent minded person, and I am just learning it is ok for me not to be tough and rely on others to help with my safekeeping... I would feel irresponsible if I met strangers without any precaution whatsoever because I am a single mother and my son only has me. But that is just my reality, and other people have a different view of the world which I understand only too well as having lived "Its me against the world" for most of my life.



CrappyDom -> RE: Safe Calls (10/13/2006 11:16:10 AM)

Its always good to have a safe call, that way you can find the body before it really starts to stink.



SlaveAkasha -> RE: Safe Calls (10/13/2006 11:17:43 AM)

Yes, I did read it.  You say I have no judgement because someone didn't do something they said they would.  I then said, I would not have met with someone I didn't trust anyway.. so therefore,  the safe call was null and void in my opinion. 
 
What I was trying to get across, is you can have a million safe calls set up, it won't matter.  If someone is going to hurt you, they will figure out a way.  You have to rely on yourself, and make sure you have your own back.  I think it's dangerous for anyone to expect a safety net to catch them, they have to be careful and take every precaution on their own. 
 
I always hear safe words, and safe calls.  What good does either do if the person you are with doesn't give a crap about them.   Do people really think that someone will stop hurting them if they say "red"?  Do they think that someone won't find a way to chop them into pieces if they have a safe call?  It's common sense, that's all.  None of those things do a damn thing for you, it's only you that can protect yourself.
 
That was my only point, nothing more, nothing less.
 
Akasha



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