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dreamscape -> rambling (10/15/2006 11:34:17 AM)
A question for subs and slaves primarily, but responses from everyone would be appreciated. In general, how many of you have wavered in the belief that you are truly a sub or slave? I've been having a difficult time lately, wondering if I am truly ment for submission. I know I have the desire to submit, but then I read posts that describe what others feel and do, and I freeze up. I know everyone has a different definition of submission, but can I be one when most things that Master's want, I simply do not want to do? I do wish to submit, but not 24/7. I was reading forum posts earlier, and someone described having to ask permission for things like getting a glass of water, or going to the restroom. I simply can not imagine myself doing that. Any words of wisdom?

mstrjx -> RE: rambling (10/15/2006 11:38:09 AM)
You need to be as upfront with a prospective Dom as possible. Tell him what interests you and what doesn't. If he's smart, he will understand to go slow enough and easy enough that what you consider uninteresting today will seem more interesting tomorrow. In other words, you will change your ideas of your own accord. With some help. Jeff

siamsa24 -> RE: rambling (10/15/2006 11:39:49 AM)
Do what makes you happy, not what other people do. I defy definition in this lovely little world and I intend to keep it that way. I have been called a fake, a player, a disgrace to the lifestyle and many other things that I don't really want to repeat. But, my man loves me and I love him. Our relationship works for us and that's all that matters.

Level -> RE: rambling (10/15/2006 11:40:12 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: dreamscape A question for subs and slaves primarily, but responses from everyone would be appreciated. In general, how many of you have wavered in the belief that you are truly a sub or slave? I've been having a difficult time lately, wondering if I am truly ment for submission. I know I have the desire to submit, but then I read posts that describe what others feel and do, and I freeze up. I know everyone has a different definition of submission, but can I be one when most things that Master's want, I simply do not want to do? I do wish to submit, but not 24/7. I was reading forum posts earlier, and someone described having to ask permission for things like getting a glass of water, or going to the restroom. I simply can not imagine myself doing that. Any words of wisdom? Find a partner that fits with how you are and want to be, and don't worry about titles. *Personally, I would not call you a submissive, based on what you wrote, but then I don't see that as a negative, or a problem. It's okay to not be fill in the blank.*

Quivver -> RE: rambling (10/15/2006 11:41:34 AM)
I think part of the problem is the ~everyone~ part. Your submission is yours and unique to you, and a whole lot different then mine I'm sure. I've come to believe there is no set way to submit other then what is agreed to. Finding others to agree with it the tough part. Q

SlaveAkasha -> RE: rambling (10/15/2006 11:43:59 AM)
Everyone has a different degree of submission in their relationship. Not one person is right, and another wrong. If that type of control is not for you, that's fine, you will find a Dom that isn't into either. There are so many different people and tastes in the bdsm realm, you will find someone that matches your own. Sometimes, I don't want to do something either, but I do it. It's not about my wants, it's about making sure my Master is comfortable and happy. That may not be for you, it's perfectly fine if it isn't. I know I am submissive, but sometimes, it takes the right person to bring it out in me. Maybe you don't feel that way now, but maybe down the road you will. It can just take time, or you may never get to the point you want to give over that much. Just be yourself and don't worry so much about what the Jones's are doing. Akasha

adaddysgirl -> RE: rambling (10/15/2006 11:45:31 AM)
Hello. Because i have more limits than perhaps many others do, i have just tried to find a dom who basically shared those same limits. It just made life a lot easier. It may not be easy to find but it's not really easy to find a suitable partner regardless. When a dom contacts me, i read his profile to see if we are basically looking for the same things. If so, then i start asking more questions about his expectations, long term goals, etc. That has worked for me in the past and i was able to find doms willing to work within my parameters. Hope that helps. Daddysgirl

Kalira -> RE: rambling (10/15/2006 11:46:58 AM)
quote: A question for subs and slaves primarily, but responses from everyone would be appreciated. In general, how many of you have wavered in the belief that you are truly a sub or slave? I have at times, mainly because I tend to speak before I think [8D] Get's me in trouble quite a bit. It took a long time for me to realize though that the person I was with enjoyed that litte quirk in my personality. quote: I've been having a difficult time lately, wondering if I am truly ment for submission. I know I have the desire to submit, but then I read posts that describe what others feel and do, and I freeze up. I know everyone has a different definition of submission, but can I be one when most things that Master's want, I simply do not want to do? I do wish to submit, but not 24/7. I was reading forum posts earlier, and someone described having to ask permission for things like getting a glass of water, or going to the restroom. I simply can not imagine myself doing that. Key words there are that you READ POSTS OF WHAT OTHERS FEEL AND DO, not what you feel and do. You can not define your own submission by the values and actions of others. It has to be something that you feel inside, that's what makes it YOURS. I am a slave, and yet I have no desire to be with someone 24/7. Physical presence, to me, means very little if my partner does not have the capacity to mentally capture me. If he has control of the mind, then I do not need to be within reach of him 24/7. As for asking permission to get a glass of water, or leave the room, or go to the bathroom...I usually don't ask permission unless I have been told explicitly NOT to move from my position. If I am talking to him online, and I need to go do one of those things, then common courtesy demands that I let him know; in those cases it usually comes out like 'please excuse me for a minute, I need to do _____", then I wait for their response to make sure that they saw mine.

MissyRane -> RE: rambling (10/15/2006 12:04:01 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: dreamscape A question for subs and slaves primarily, but responses from everyone would be appreciated. In general, how many of you have wavered in the belief that you are truly a sub or slave? I've been having a difficult time lately, wondering if I am truly ment for submission. I know I have the desire to submit, but then I read posts that describe what others feel and do, and I freeze up. I know everyone has a different definition of submission, but can I be one when most things that Master's want, I simply do not want to do? I do wish to submit, but not 24/7. I was reading forum posts earlier, and someone described having to ask permission for things like getting a glass of water, or going to the restroom. I simply can not imagine myself doing that. Any words of wisdom? if I'm thirsty..I help myself and I don't expect to actually ask if I can get something to drink or if i can go n shit, pee, eat or whatever in my own house. I just can't really see myself actually asking these things. On the other hand if I'm visiting I think it's a common courtesy to ask...well actually I do nearly invariably ask if I can have something to eat even though I'm at home n I live with my parents it's just something I've done since I first learned how to speak, even though they keep telling me that I don't need to ask it's just a part of my person I've even called my mom at the work or waited for her to come home if I couldn't reach her on the phone to ask if I could have somethin to eat... it's just something I have no idea why I do but then that's the only case I actually ask..even though I don't have to..stupid I know. And do I waver if I'm submissive or not? Honey I do it every day!

Morrigel -> RE: rambling (10/15/2006 12:09:10 PM)
Maybe...you're just the "not a doormat" kind of sub. [:)] --M

diamonddreamlove -> RE: rambling (10/15/2006 12:13:38 PM)
I have been referred to as a sassy sub at times. Doesn't matter because my Dom loves that part of me (or as He has said most of the time lol). He specifically told me in the beginning of our relationship He was not interested in a girl that did not speak her mind. Keep in mind that is always done with respect or punishment would happen. Some of our best times together is when we have FUN playing. It is not just a session. Some of my most satisfying moments is when He allows me to do something for Him. Doesn't matter if He asks me to do it or if i request that i be allowed to do it. Now if you had asked me several months ago if i would ever submit to this degree i would have said not no but hell no. Submission within myself is constantly changing, more acceptance of who i am and what i need to receive but more importantly what i need to give. I am not collared and although we have discussed that option for the Spring it may be longer than that even. It does not matter because in my heart i belong to Him. When we met He was not exactly what i had in mind for a Dom. LOL but as it turns out He is more than i dreamed could be possible. Don't get me wrong He is a man first a dominant man no doubt but a man first. That said i may have Him on a pedestal as i kneel at His feet but we are both aware that He makes mistakes too and is not perfect. To expect that from Him or me would be insane! Communication is the most important tool available to Doms/Master, subs/slaves. Without it all there would be for me would be a beating and no passion no zest for life nothing to look forward to. But that is just me. Sounds to me OP that you have some soul searching to do first. Then identify what it is you need then begin to seek and locate someone that fits that bill and that you are right for as well. Also read, there are numerous books available that help with understanding who we are and how we fit into this world. And don't forget web sites as well but in all things it is important that you accept the things and ideas that work for you and perhaps put on the back burner the ones that don't fit now and may never fit. And by the way what am i a sub or slave? I say sub because i don't live 24/7 and can not if ever do so. But some slave concepts creep into the relationship and i accept those so does that make me a slave. I don't think there is a defining line that anyone can say positively what another is. For now i identify as a sub, tomorrow who knows. Good luck!

LASub4Real -> RE: rambling (10/15/2006 12:14:24 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: dreamscape I know everyone has a different definition of submission I'd probably say that there are one or two definitions of submission but many personal interpretations. Then again people's interpretations, applications, and even, to some degree, definitions may change over time. A relationship might go from a very controlled setting to a more "you know what your role is" realtionship over time. One might also move from a more casual relationship into one where greater and greater submission becomes more of a turn-on to both parties. I think it really has to do with the realtionship and the people in it. You might hear of someone begging to go the the bathroom, and think, "Are you freakin' kidding me?" but that's only because you're seeing it in the abstract. If you could get inside of the peoples heads, you might see that this is more of a ritual, a game, a dance that both participants enjoy. Perhaps they have built up enough trust, intimacy, and understanding, that to them, the context of the act is completely different than it would be to say, the Women's Advocacy Council. These dances go on all the time even in vanilla relationships, the—reaffirming and emphasis of roles: "Honey, will you drop by the store and get me some ice cream?" "Baby, why don't you make that macaroni thing that you know I like tonight?" "Hon, don't forget to put out the trash." "Hang on a minute sweetheart and I'll walk you out to the car." It's really not so much different. It just reminds and reinforces what we are to each other in the realtionship. Human's need that. These probably aren't "words of wisdom" but they're the best I can do on short notice :-) LAsub

shadevarr -> RE: rambling (10/15/2006 12:15:19 PM)
Don't try to comform to anything but yourself. There are plenty of Doms in the world who don't want 24/7 nor controlling every action their slave takes. Always be true to yourself and those who wish to treasure you will come and find you. If 24/7 is something that you really object to, add "lifestyle BDSM" it to your preferences as a dislike/hate and reinforce it with mentioning what you are looking for in your profile. If someone is compatible with you, they will enjoy reading what amount to a description of themselves in that and if they think that they will just have to talk you out of it, move on. There are more fishies in the sea, never give up hope that you will find them. I almost did when she showed up.

dreamscape -> RE: rambling (10/15/2006 12:21:59 PM)
I want to thank everyone that has replied....I definitely appreciate it:)

dreamscape -> RE: rambling (10/15/2006 12:23:18 PM)
They are most definitely words of wisdom...grins Thank you

Kalira -> RE: rambling (10/15/2006 12:41:10 PM)
quote: Keep in mind that is always done with respect or punishment would happen LMAO this reminds me of a time with my late husband. He had told me to do something, and I got mouthy and would not shut up about it. He solved the problem by using some duct tape to tape my mouth shut lol. Huge lesson learned there [:)] That shit hurts when it's ripped off .

agirl -> RE: rambling (10/15/2006 1:07:20 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: dreamscape A question for subs and slaves primarily, but responses from everyone would be appreciated. In general, how many of you have wavered in the belief that you are truly a sub or slave? I've been having a difficult time lately, wondering if I am truly ment for submission. I know I have the desire to submit, but then I read posts that describe what others feel and do, and I freeze up. I know everyone has a different definition of submission, but can I be one when most things that Master's want, I simply do not want to do? I do wish to submit, but not 24/7. I was reading forum posts earlier, and someone described having to ask permission for things like getting a glass of water, or going to the restroom. I simply can not imagine myself doing that. Any words of wisdom? When you speak of most things that Masters want are you speaking of Masters that you've had relationships with?.. . agirl

sweetnurseBBW -> RE: rambling (10/15/2006 1:35:13 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Morrigel Maybe...you're just the "not a doormat" kind of sub. [:)] --M How does being one that asks permission make her a doormat?

Level -> RE: rambling (10/15/2006 1:47:20 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: sweetnurseBBW quote: ORIGINAL: Morrigel Maybe...you're just the "not a doormat" kind of sub. [:)] --M How does being one that asks permission make her a doormat? Good question, sweetnurse. Sounds obedient, to me.

Chatt22nooga -> RE: rambling (10/15/2006 1:53:15 PM)
who are you trying to impress others or yourself...? I would say yourself.... KEN

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