RE: rambling

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adaddysgirl -> RE: rambling (10/15/2006 10:09:11 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SlaveAkasha I get tired of people referring to slaves as doormats, just because most live in a more strict type of home than submissives do (not all, but most). Masters Akasha Just because most slaves live in a more strict type of home than submissives do? Am i reading that correctly? Daddysgirl

nikaa -> RE: rambling (10/16/2006 5:11:13 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: adaddysgirl quote: ORIGINAL: SlaveAkasha I get tired of people referring to slaves as doormats, just because most live in a more strict type of home than submissives do (not all, but most). Masters Akasha Just because most slaves live in a more strict type of home than submissives do? Am i reading that correctly? Daddysgirl In my opinion it is general statements such as this that cause so many issues. Not all, perhaps not even most M/s relationships require that the slave beg to use the rest room, eat, ect. while some D/s homes do. Perhaps most slaves that you know require such things,however; I know some very strict Masters that do not require such things of their slaves. Every relationship has different dynamics and there is no set rule or standard for relationships(regardless of the roles that those within them choose to take). My definition of a doormate is ANYONE submissive, slave, vanilla, or Dom/me that allows another person to walk all over them physically, emotionally or mentally. A doormate in my eyes forget self perservation in the line of pleasing others it is not a trait only one group holds I have seen it in far more people than I would hope in my life. Like any other term we come across the definition often varies from person to person, in the end I think as individuals we must define these terms for ourselves.

becca333 -> RE: rambling (10/16/2006 5:32:12 AM)
There's so many different definitions of 'sub', and all of them are correct for someone. Find a Dom who matches your needs and limits - there's plenty of Doms who don't want to micro-manage. And every relationship is different, every relationship changes you. There were some things that were total hard limits for me, and always had been, but when I started with my current Dom I set aside those limits because they were things my Dom wanted to do. He didn't push it, if I'd said no he'd have totally accepted it. But suddenly I wanted to do them. And now I enjoy them - they don't actually give me physical pleasure, but I love knowing I please him. Keep exploring your own needs and desires, and find a Dom who matches them - and always be ready for surprises.

Mavis -> RE: rambling (10/16/2006 5:59:04 AM)
i chuckle when i remember oh... about the 3rd grade, when my girlfriends and i got "the real skimmy" on sex. i think all 7 of us swore an oath that NO WAY was anything approaching a penis was ever going into ANY of my holes anywhere.. HOW gross! Why, I'd just simply DIE first! Funny what a few years, a few hormones, and a guy i really liked did for that vow.

becca333 -> RE: rambling (10/16/2006 6:07:26 AM)
Men and chocolate - wonderful temptations. sigh

Celeste43 -> RE: rambling (10/16/2006 6:10:05 AM)
I would never fit with someone who had nothing better to do than micromanage me. I looked for someone laid back with the same moral values as I have. In many ways our relationship is like that with a superior at work, they assign the task but they don't stand there demanding to know why you picked one pencil over another. He tells me what he needs me to do and I do it the best I can. If I have questions, his door is always open, so to speak. Find someone you're compatible with who isn't interested in controlling those areas of your life you don't want controlled. And you don't have to go from first date to 24/7 either. I think starting out as a bedroom sub makes a lot of sense. As the relationship grows, so does the control level in response to what you both need and want.

sweetnurseBBW -> RE: rambling (10/16/2006 6:11:59 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: adaddysgirl Just because most slaves live in a more strict type of home than submissives do? Am i reading that correctly? Daddysgirl I dont think slaves live a more strict way. D/s, M/s dynamics differ. Slaves like me often get tired of people that don't know slaves or have never been one assuming we are doormats. It gets very old.

sweetnurseBBW -> RE: rambling (10/16/2006 6:20:14 AM)
My definition of a doormate is ANYONE submissive, slave, vanilla, or Dom/me that allows another person to walk all over them physically, emotionally or mentally. [/quote] This a doormat. Which as she said can apply to anyone.

Mercnbeth -> RE: rambling (10/16/2006 6:25:20 AM)
You don't seek a Master or a Dom, you seek a service top; a person who will generate the sensation you desire. It's not a qualitative good/bad thing. It's actually a positive point of self-realization. Just as there are many sensation seekers who seek the bottoming side of the dynamic there are just as many, if not more, who seek it from the top side, inflicting the sensation. Be happy and content with your own identity. Enjoy the physical activities you desire and don't compromise in your search to fit into someone else's definitions. Don't label yourself or allow anyone else to do so.

Morrigel -> RE: rambling (10/16/2006 2:22:42 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: nikaa My definition of a doormate is ANYONE submissive, slave, vanilla, or Dom/me that allows another person to walk all over them physically, emotionally or mentally. A doormate in my eyes forget self perservation in the line of pleasing others it is not a trait only one group holds I have seen it in far more people than I would hope in my life. Like any other term we come across the definition often varies from person to person, in the end I think as individuals we must define these terms for ourselves. You're right. I've seen "doormats" way more often in the vanilla world, especially in the workplace, than I ever have in BDSM. Reading your post, I came to the realization that I cannot personally define a person who is happy as a doormat--regardless of who/what makes them happy, or whether I would be happy if I was in their shoes. --M

SlaveAkasha -> RE: rambling (10/16/2006 2:55:18 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: nikaa quote: ORIGINAL: adaddysgirl quote: ORIGINAL: SlaveAkasha I get tired of people referring to slaves as doormats, just because most live in a more strict type of home than submissives do (not all, but most). Masters Akasha Just because most slaves live in a more strict type of home than submissives do? Am i reading that correctly? Daddysgirl In my opinion it is general statements such as this that cause so many issues. Not all, perhaps not even most M/s relationships require that the slave beg to use the rest room, eat, ect. while some D/s homes do. Perhaps most slaves that you know require such things,however; I know some very strict Masters that do not require such things of their slaves. Every relationship has different dynamics and there is no set rule or standard for relationships(regardless of the roles that those within them choose to take). My definition of a doormate is ANYONE submissive, slave, vanilla, or Dom/me that allows another person to walk all over them physically, emotionally or mentally. A doormate in my eyes forget self perservation in the line of pleasing others it is not a trait only one group holds I have seen it in far more people than I would hope in my life. Like any other term we come across the definition often varies from person to person, in the end I think as individuals we must define these terms for ourselves. I don't have to ask permission to use the restroom either, or a million other things in my life. What my point was, is that so many think that slaves are doormats, and that is not the case. They generalize a lot, so, therefore I did the same back at them. To me, a doormat is someone..sub/slave/vanilla/Dom/Domina..ANYONE that lets others walk all over them. The statement about doormats was just out of place, and goes along with the thinking that anyone that is submissive, be they sub or slave, is a doormat if they follow rules and are obedient. Akasha

Master2akasha -> RE: rambling (10/16/2006 5:22:54 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SlaveAkasha quote: ORIGINAL: nikaa quote: ORIGINAL: adaddysgirl quote: ORIGINAL: SlaveAkasha I get tired of people referring to slaves as doormats, just because most live in a more strict type of home than submissives do (not all, but most). Masters Akasha Just because most slaves live in a more strict type of home than submissives do? Am i reading that correctly? Daddysgirl In my opinion it is general statements such as this that cause so many issues. Not all, perhaps not even most M/s relationships require that the slave beg to use the rest room, eat, ect. while some D/s homes do. Perhaps most slaves that you know require such things,however; I know some very strict Masters that do not require such things of their slaves. Every relationship has different dynamics and there is no set rule or standard for relationships(regardless of the roles that those within them choose to take). My definition of a doormate is ANYONE submissive, slave, vanilla, or Dom/me that allows another person to walk all over them physically, emotionally or mentally. A doormate in my eyes forget self perservation in the line of pleasing others it is not a trait only one group holds I have seen it in far more people than I would hope in my life. Like any other term we come across the definition often varies from person to person, in the end I think as individuals we must define these terms for ourselves. I don't have to ask permission to use the restroom either, or a million other things in my life. What my point was, is that so many think that slaves are doormats, and that is not the case. They generalize a lot, so, therefore I did the same back at them. To me, a doormat is someone..sub/slave/vanilla/Dom/Domina..ANYONE that lets others walk all over them. The statement about doormats was just out of place, and goes along with the thinking that anyone that is submissive, be they sub or slave, is a doormat if they follow rules and are obedient. Akasha Ok I have followed this piece for a while now and I have to add my own opinion here. EVERY and yes I used the word every there.... just to make that clear.. every relationship is different, what one couple find "normal" another may find "sick" or perverted. what my slave is trying to say here if you would read what she said and not between the lines is this.. the rules and conduct I have set for my slave to follow was in on way forced on her . WE .. both of us..... sat down for hours and went through in as much detail as we could what we wanted, what we didnt want , and what we expected from the other person. once that was done, the rules were set down and my slave knows those rules must be followed. but she also understands why those rules are in place and she knows those rules may or may not change in the future. but any changes that I make to my relationship with my slave I will sit down and talk them over with her. and ONLY during that time does she have any say as to what may or may not be allow... notice I said have a say.. I make the final decision and then she must either accept it or reject it.. that is up to her.. So as you can see, My slave is far from a door mat.. and on the other hand, there will be people out there that say the type of relationship I have with my slave is not a "true" Master/slave relationship.. and to those I say.. it is for me and mine and it works for us.... [:)]

adaddysgirl -> RE: rambling (10/16/2006 5:48:56 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Master2akasha I get tired of people referring to slaves as doormats, just because most live in a more strict type of home than submissives do (not all, but most). Masters Akasha Just because most slaves live in a more strict type of home than submissives do? Am i reading that correctly? Daddysgirl Ok I have followed this piece for a while now and I have to add my own opinion here. EVERY and yes I used the word every there.... just to make that clear.. every relationship is different, what one couple find "normal" another may find "sick" or perverted. what my slave is trying to say here if you would read what she said and not between the lines is this.. the rules and conduct I have set for my slave to follow was in on way forced on her . WE .. both of us..... sat down for hours and went through in as much detail as we could what we wanted, what we didnt want , and what we expected from the other person. once that was done, the rules were set down and my slave knows those rules must be followed. but she also understands why those rules are in place and she knows those rules may or may not change in the future. but any changes that I make to my relationship with my slave I will sit down and talk them over with her. and ONLY during that time does she have any say as to what may or may not be allow... notice I said have a say.. I make the final decision and then she must either except it or reject it.. that is up to her.. So as you can see, My slave is far from a door mat.. and on the other hand, there will be people out there that say the type of relationship I have with my slave is not a "true" Master/slave relationship.. and to those I say.. it is for me and mine and it works for us.... [:)] Master2akasha, This thread started out with a female wondering if she was submissive or not although there were things she didn't want to do in a D/s relatiohsip (in short). You will probably notice that most of the responses indicated that when (if) she were to find a partner compatible with her needs, she may look at things differently. Most indicated that a lot of this will depend on the dynamics of the relationship between the parties involved. When i quoted Akasha, i was trying to point something out. Please note the italicized portion. Does this not seem to imply that slaves live in a more strict home setting than submissives (without using verbatum)? And is that really true, even in most cases? i would think that submissives who also live in very strict settings might take offense to the comparison, just as Akasha takes offense to being compared to a doormat. It seems most on here are in agreement that a doormat does not mean one who has to ask permission to whatever degree (and i don't see it that way either). But i'm just saying that if you don't like a generalization like that being made, perhaps it is not wise to make those same generalizations to other groups of people. i was not trying to be offensive....but i was seeking clarity on what she meant by that so i did not misinterpret it. Daddysgirl

adaddysgirl -> RE: rambling (10/16/2006 5:57:38 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: nikaa quote: ORIGINAL: SlaveAkasha I get tired of people referring to slaves as doormats, just because most live in a more strict type of home than submissives do (not all, but most). Masters Akasha Just because most slaves live in a more strict type of home than submissives do? Am i reading that correctly? Daddysgirl In my opinion it is general statements such as this that cause so many issues. Not all, perhaps not even most M/s relationships require that the slave beg to use the rest room, eat, ect. while some D/s homes do. Perhaps most slaves that you know require such things,however; I know some very strict Masters that do not require such things of their slaves. Every relationship has different dynamics and there is no set rule or standard for relationships(regardless of the roles that those within them choose to take). My definition of a doormate is ANYONE submissive, slave, vanilla, or Dom/me that allows another person to walk all over them physically, emotionally or mentally. A doormate in my eyes forget self perservation in the line of pleasing others it is not a trait only one group holds I have seen it in far more people than I would hope in my life. Like any other term we come across the definition often varies from person to person, in the end I think as individuals we must define these terms for ourselves. Yes, i think this is what i was also referring to. i am beginning to see that 'generalizations' in reference to any particular group (or label) tend to stir up a lot of commotion on these boards. As you say here, and most others have said, the relationship is defined by the parties involved....and there is really no rigid set of rules of what determines who is what in those relationships. Who/What they are is what falls within their expectations, and what ultimately works for them. DG

SlaveAkasha -> RE: rambling (10/16/2006 6:02:45 PM)
I guess by putting "most" in my comment and not making it "all", I wasn't generalizing anything, at least in my eyes. I am always careful not to do that because I don't appreciate it being done to me. I am sorry that some read it as being how it was intended. I know subs that live in more strict homes than I do, and slaves also. It's just finding someone with your own taste in things. It seems like the OP thought that she had to be a certain way in order to be a "true" sub, and I didn't want her to have that impression. It's the same one that a lot of (meaning some), people have about slaves being doormats. I suppose that is why when I read the post about doormats, I felt the need to respond. Thank you for clarifying what you meant, I hope I have also. Akasha

adaddysgirl -> RE: rambling (10/16/2006 6:13:24 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SlaveAkasha I guess by putting "most" in my comment and not making it "all", I wasn't generalizing anything, at least in my eyes. I am always careful not to do that because I don't appreciate it being done to me. I am sorry that some read it as being how it was intended. I know subs that live in more strict homes than I do, and slaves also. It's just finding someone with your own taste in things. It seems like the OP thought that she had to be a certain way in order to be a "true" sub, and I didn't want her to have that impression. It's the same one that a lot of (meaning some), people have about slaves being doormats. I suppose that is why when I read the post about doormats, I felt the need to respond. Thank you for clarifying what you meant, I hope I have also. Akasha Yes, Akasha, you have. Thank you. i am still relatively new to these boards but am learning fast not to presume (without further clarification if needed) what others are intending to say. i honestly think that most of us are really saying the same thing....a refreshing change from some other threads on this type of subject :) i really think those comparing slaves with doormats are becoming less frequent though, don't you? i really haven't heard that in a long time. Now it seems the focus is on the differences between a sub and a slave which although is a whole other story, the gist is the same when it comes to generalizations and comparisons. Who knows....maybe some day we'll just all agree to call ourselves what makes us and ours happy...and others will just be accepting of that. But i won't hold my breath! :) DG

nikaa -> RE: rambling (10/16/2006 6:16:24 PM)
We are all very unique people regardless of the roles we take in our relationships. So in my eyes it seems safe to assume that each of our relationships would be unique. Far to many people beleive/think that their way is the right way or the ONLY way. I personally think it is shame. edited to add: DG, Labels are both helpful and harmful. The reality is people are uncomfortable with things that are different even within alternative lifestyles (go figure).laughs

adaddysgirl -> RE: rambling (10/16/2006 6:31:08 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: nikaa We are all very unique people regardless of the roles we take in our relationships. So in my eyes it seems safe to assume that each of our relationships would be unique. Far to many people beleive/think that their way is the right way or the ONLY way. I personally think it is shame. edited to add: DG, Labels are both helpful and harmful. The reality is people are uncomfortable with things that are different even within alternative lifestyles (go figure).laughs Yes, it is a shame....and yes, i see what you mean in your last statement. It is ironic, isn't it? When i first 'came out' (for lack of a better phrase) as a daddysgirl, you WOULD NOT BELIEVE how many in the lifestyle told me i must be sick....lol. i believe they felt that way due to ignorance of the dynamic, just as a vanilla may say about those into D/s, or M/s or BDSM...whatever. You should have seen my (very vanilla) brother's face when i told him i thought he should spank his wife....help her get rid of some of that attitude. He turned white as a ghost...lol. It was all quite horrid to him. In any event, you would think that those in the lifestyle, despite which path they have chosen, would be more willing to bond together in spite of their differences. Just doesn't seem that way though, does it? BTW....i looked at your profile. You are in Aberdeen? my son is in the Marines and currently teaches school there. Small world, isn't it? :) DG

akisha -> RE: rambling (10/16/2006 9:29:33 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: dreamscape A question for subs and slaves primarily, but responses from everyone would be appreciated. In general, how many of you have wavered in the belief that you are truly a sub or slave? I've been having a difficult time lately, wondering if I am truly ment for submission. I know I have the desire to submit, but then I read posts that describe what others feel and do, and I freeze up. I know everyone has a different definition of submission, but can I be one when most things that Master's want, I simply do not want to do? I do wish to submit, but not 24/7. I was reading forum posts earlier, and someone described having to ask permission for things like getting a glass of water, or going to the restroom. I simply can not imagine myself doing that. Any words of wisdom? First off i haven't read all the replies yet so i apologize if i repeat what someone else said. I fought for years against my submissive nature. Mostly because i thought wanting or needing to hand over control to another especailly a man meant that there was something wrong with me. That i was weak, blah blah blah. The fact that it took me a few years after my introduction to BDSM to figure out how to actually find others also hindered me because then i thought i was a serious freak as well. [:D] In actuality it was the fact that i lived in a small town and had the public view of hte "good girl" and no one discussed things like bondage and swining etc infront of me cause it might shock or appal the poor girl sighs It was only after my marriage failed that i came to realize that i had to be who i was and damn the consequences. As for your loss of desire to do anything. That happens to alot of people. a good friend of mine lives as a 24/7 slave but she got burnt out and just didn't give a damn anymore. Her Master gave her time to herself to think and refind the fire with in. Maybe you shouldn't be in a relationship where you are micro-managed. Having to ask to pee every time or get a drink everytime would drive me insane as well. There are periods of time where I do have to do this but it's not a 24/7/365 thing. For one, i do not live with Him and for another He is out of contact because of his job for sometimes days at a time. would be a lil unpracticle. You just need to find someone that fits your needs and you fit his. ideals and wants and desires do flex and change with in each relationship, and even with in a single relationship as time goes on. In every avenue in life there are times when we say " Why the hell am i doing this?" we usually realize with in a small amount of time it's because it is who we are and what fullfils us in the end. Be it BDSM, teaching, running 3 miles a day, whatever.

adaddysgirl -> RE: rambling (10/16/2006 9:48:33 PM)
dreamscape, Hope this thread has been as interesting to you as it has to been to me. Wonderful! [sm=banana.gif] DG

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