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RE: How long did it take you to find your Dom/me? - 10/16/2006 5:38:28 PM

masochistboy

Posts: 24
Joined: 6/2/2005
From: Melbourne
Status: offline

i think my chances of finder Her online are slim, but i guess it would be more meaningful to find Her in real life.
ok now i understand the waiting period. It will seem worth the wait if i find the One though =)

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RE: How long did it take you to find your Dom/me? - 10/16/2006 5:46:07 PM

subinsouth

Posts: 55
Joined: 6/20/2006
Status: offline

i have not found my true Dominant yet - - - not giving up though. just being safe.

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RE: How long did it take you to find your Dom/me? - 10/16/2006 6:23:03 PM

angelspassion4u

Posts: 632
Joined: 7/17/2006
From: Angels
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: subinsouth

i have not found my true Dominant yet - - - not giving up though. just being safe.

Same here

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RE: How long did it take you to find your Dom/me? - 10/16/2006 8:23:01 PM

slavelinda

Posts: 9
Joined: 10/27/2005
Status: offline

i didn't find my first Master. He found me and made me His slave when i was 21. Until that, i didn't know i was a slave and wasn't searching for a Master. That relationship lasted for 7 years.

After that, i did seach for another Master and found them through personal ads in newspapers and telephone ads (5 in all over the course of 11 years that were occasional, not 24/7). Then i had a long dry spell of almost 9 years without a Master and without searching.

Then found Collarme and joined on October 27, 2005. On November 15, 2005, 19 days after beginning my search, i was claimed by Master David (NControlofU) and He put His collar on me on December 5, 2005 and moved me to His home on December 30, 2005. i have been happily owned by Him 24/7, ever since. i consider myself very fortunate.

slave joy
owned property of Master David

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RE: How long did it take you to find your Dom/me? - 10/16/2006 8:23:57 PM

heartfeltman

Posts: 3
Joined: 10/2/2006
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I am still searching..but in the meantime, there is much you can do to prepare. Consider the time well spent if you can make yourself more desirable as a submissive. What talents do you bring to the table and what can you learn? To cook? To clean? To do one's nails? To improve your own health and well-being. These things may sound hokey...but trust me...it shows when the time comes.

I would suggest to everyone seeking a Dominant in their lives, to take the time to draw up a list. It's a list that no one need see. Starting from 1), begin to describe her (him). That ideal person for whom you would crawl through glass. Intelligence, location, sense of humor, physical characteristics, proclivities, children/no children....ect, ect. Get as specific as you possibly can...as if putting together a recipe upon which you will then be provided everything that you want. This list will bring you clarity. It help you realize that even as a submissive, you're entitled to be picky and find someone who YOU want...and not the other way around. It's a mind set that will provide for you....if you can only get the right attitude.

   I've seen this work. I've seen how it's empowered me to be honest about who I want to serve and how much I'm willing to compromise. Too often we fall in love with the first person who hints at providing us what we want. We fail to be true to our list...and our needs.

    I have waited a long time to get where I am now. It's not that I've waited a long time to meet the Domme of my dreams...it's that I have waited a long time to be be ready to accept someone special into my life. Now I'm ready....and empowered by more clarity than ever before.

    I wish all of you the happiness that I hope to have too...

     heartfeltman

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RE: How long did it take you to find your Dom/me? - 10/17/2006 12:20:35 AM

CrazyC

Posts: 949
Joined: 9/28/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: behindmirrors

I met my Dom in a vanilla relationship when I had given up on relationships altogether and was finally comforable being alone. I was 21 and he was 29 at the time.
I think you'll have more luck with people you meet in real life than over the internet, but that's me. I'm always amazed what I don't know about people.
Patience is a virtue, in this case. Be selective, and don't settle for something wrong just to have someone. It isn't worth it.

behindmirrors.

That being said....how do you meet people in this lifestyle in real life? i have met alot of great people on this site, but none ever close enough. This only makes things frustrating, because i really would at least meet some.

c

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RE: How long did it take you to find your Dom/me? - 10/17/2006 12:28:36 AM

DiurnalVampire

Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

Close? hmm, what a concept. None of the ones I have met recently, with the exception of one Dominant who is a very close friend, have been anything near local.
If relocation is a possibility, location shouldnt keep you from meeting the person you are looking for. If I were restricted by area, I never would have met Angel. Not everyone has the mobility to just up and relocate, but the wider your available area, the better you tend to do. Meeting in real life is difficult since so many people put so much work into keeping themselves low profile in a lot of places. Finding munches or clubs helps, but it can still be difficult. Dont sell the net short, it can be a hell of a tool for finding people if you are safe and careful.

DV

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RE: How long did it take you to find your Dom/me? - 10/17/2006 12:34:37 AM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
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I found my present dom the first night I logged on to another BDSM singles site. His was the first email, and the only email that showed he actually read what I wrote that first night...

I communicated with him for over a month. Before we had the chance to meet I did have a couple of other dates, but he was always the front runner. We met in May, we are still seeing each other.... I am seriously crazy about him!

Edited to add that this is my second Ds relationship, and all in all from the time I discovered my submissiveness until I found my Daddy it was 3 yrs, so I thought I should edit it to clarify. It was the first night I decided to go back to trying to find a Ds relationship after my first one broke off that I found him, and the first Ds relationship just happened, I was not looking for it.

< Message edited by juliaoceania -- 10/17/2006 12:42:09 AM >

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RE: How long did it take you to find your Dom/me? - 10/17/2006 2:33:46 AM

littlespike

Posts: 80
Joined: 5/21/2005
From: Austin
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quote:

ORIGINAL: masochistboy

i guess this also applies to Dominants, but how long did it take you to find your Master/Mistress?
What did you have to go through and how did you meet? How old were you too?

i'm asking so that i could get an idea of how long i will have to wait or what i have to go through...
thanx =)

i was kind of lucky. i was ready to retire from the military a couple of years ago, when i met this gorgeous pro-Domme on the Internet. i was in the Vanilla up until then. Actually it was because of her that i decided to join the BSDM ommunity.

Well instead of moving to New Orleans (lucky me) i followed her to Hollywood. Well in the real time we really did not work-out at all, although we had a great ong distance relationsip for about 4 months. But my second week in Hollywood ( at the local Hollywood fetish play night ) i met my friend Ms Lynn who a couple of months later introduced me to my Mistress. Who i have been with (on and off) ever since.

Although i did spend nine months in Denver. Serving beautiful Dommes 24/7 for a live FemDomme action Web site. But the business folded so i moved back to LA. In a couple of weeks i will be moving to Austin, Tx be with my Mistress and best friend.

Although i did have an ex-pro-Domme (Princess) roommate in Hollywood. We had an apartment a couple of blocks off Hollywood Blvd near Hollywood and Vine. It was great showing her my firat marks and stuff. But we were in in a non-BDSM relationship, so she really does not count. Actually she was the first person i met in Hollywood.. Although she was really cool and lots of fun.

So i have been really lucky.
little spike

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RE: How long did it take you to find your Dom/me? - 10/17/2006 2:40:33 AM

masochistboy

Posts: 24
Joined: 6/2/2005
From: Melbourne
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: heartfeltman

I am still searching..but in the meantime, there is much you can do to prepare. Consider the time well spent if you can make yourself more desirable as a submissive. What talents do you bring to the table and what can you learn? To cook? To clean? To do one's nails? To improve your own health and well-being. These things may sound hokey...but trust me...it shows when the time comes.

i didn't know these sort of qualities would make a submissive stand out. Thanks for the pointers =)

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RE: How long did it take you to find your Dom/me? - 10/17/2006 5:09:26 AM

slavegirl1969

Posts: 69
Joined: 9/26/2006
Status: offline

I was very lucky and it only took me about 6 months to find my wonderful Master. I joined another site and was amazed at the number of responses I got. Some genuine, some not. I am 37 and honestly thought I was too old. It was my first step into the lifestyle and my naivety and innocence was very obvious to some and those people, thankfully, made me re-evaluate the signals I was sending out. I met with a couple of Doms just for coffee and to test the chemistry between us.

My advice, for what its worth because I'm not that experienced in the finding phase is pay special attention to your instincts. I desparately wanted physical experience of what I was thinking, feeling and as in all relationships - there are those out there that can smell the desparation and will use it to their advantage.

For the most part I found the Doms who contacted me were good people, I was respectful at all times but honest with them. If I wasn't interested I said so and explained why and 99% of them gracefully accepted that and wished me well with my search.

But I have to say I did have a lot of fun chatting to people. I learnt alot and found most of them willing to answer questions, no matter how silly I thought they sounded.

The only other thing I would suggest is that when you meet a Dom for the first time, treat it as you would a vanilla blind date. Ask for his/her mobile number and pass it on to someone you trust. If they have a car get the registration and pass that on and meet in a public place the first time.

Be safe. (and enjoy every step of the waiting period - it really can be a lot of fun)

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RE: How long did it take you to find your Dom/me? - 10/17/2006 6:49:17 AM

Celeste43

Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
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Just a couple of months. However, I didn't start looking until I had figured out what I wanted, what I had to have, and what I wouldn't accept. So that made it easier to say "next, please". He on the other hand had been looking for over three years. It's harder for men then women, in general.

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RE: How long did it take you to find your Dom/me? - 10/17/2006 8:09:55 PM

Evanesce

Posts: 2325
Joined: 9/14/2005
Status: offline

quote:

i guess this also applies to Dominants, but how long did it take you to find your Master/Mistress?
What did you have to go through and how did you meet? How old were you too?

Having been a closet kinkster for nearly 20 years, I finally stepped out into the public scene and began actively seeking a dominant partner in 1997. After weeding through dozens of nevergonnabes, and a couple failed attempts at creating relationships with doms who weren't quite right for me, the man I call Sir found my personal ad at alt in late April, 2000. We met in person on May 13, 2000, and saw each other every weekend for a year (we lived 150 miles apart). I moved in with Him on April 30, 2001, and was collared on November 20 of that same year (yes, a year and a half from meeting to collar).

Five years and a lot of tears, headaches, love, laughter, stress and changes later, we're still together and still figuring out what the heck we're doing.

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Denise

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RE: How long did it take you to find your Dom/me? - 10/17/2006 9:27:51 PM

afeathr

Posts: 248
Joined: 6/1/2006
From: Southern California
Status: offline

I don't think, as with any relationship, there is a time frame by which you can set your watch.

As others have said... patience is a virtue.

Where one might find their Dom/me in a day... others may take years.

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afeathr

-Going where the wind blows me...

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RE: How long did it take you to find your Dom/me? - 10/17/2006 9:29:46 PM

michaelGA2

Posts: 1533
Joined: 4/26/2006
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patience can also lead to insanity...if waiting tooooooo long

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RE: How long did it take you to find your Dom/me? - 10/21/2006 7:36:51 AM

deepthroatexpert

Posts: 8
Joined: 5/13/2006
From: Netherlands
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About half a year. And I now only have a relationship where i see him every 2 weeks. But I dont click with 90% of the reactions, thats ometimes difficult.

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RE: How long did it take you to find your Dom/me? - 10/21/2006 4:12:23 PM

FLsubmalecd

Posts: 143
Status: offline

It took me a lifetime! I have never known a Woman like the one I love and cherish now. In my wildest dreams and hopes, I never thought I'd find the ONE and only I want to serve for the rest of my life.
My 10 years of experience in this lifestyle was wasted on play and part time Dommes. One that turned out to be anything but a Lady. She lied, cheated and wasted 3 +years of my life.
now I am happy to say that it took me just about 3 months from the time I started looking. I honestly felt I'd never find what I wanted. But I found Her right here. I thank the Great Goddess above each and every day for bringing us together.
Maybe, if you are as lucky as I was, you to will find the ONE you are looking for. I wish you luck.

BJ

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RE: How long did it take you to find your Dom/me? - 10/23/2006 5:35:00 PM

SweetEscravo

Posts: 193
Joined: 12/17/2005
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Took me fifteen years to find my first, and only a few months to find the next. Its just like finding any other relationship- it takes a looong time for the right ones to come along.

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RE: How long did it take you to find your Dom/me? - 10/23/2006 5:38:40 PM

Wildfleurs

Posts: 1650
Joined: 9/24/2004
From: Connecticut
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: masochistboy

i guess this also applies to Dominants, but how long did it take you to find your Master/Mistress?
What did you have to go through and how did you meet? How old were you too?

i'm asking so that i could get an idea of how long i will have to wait or what i have to go through...
thanx =)

I wouldn't suggest using other people's timelines for an idea of how long it'll take you because everyone moves at different paths.

Even for me to answer your question depends on when I start counting. The first date we had was about two years after I had initially discovered BDSM at 18. The actual ownership began about three and a half years after we had begun dating. And all in all we've been together for almost nine years.

C~

< Message edited by Wildfleurs -- 10/23/2006 5:39:42 PM >

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RE: How long did it take you to find your Dom/me? - 10/23/2006 6:07:22 PM

behindmirrors

Posts: 340
Joined: 8/5/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CrazyC

quote:

ORIGINAL: behindmirrors

I met my Dom in a vanilla relationship when I had given up on relationships altogether and was finally comforable being alone. I was 21 and he was 29 at the time.
I think you'll have more luck with people you meet in real life than over the internet, but that's me. I'm always amazed what I don't know about people.
Patience is a virtue, in this case. Be selective, and don't settle for something wrong just to have someone. It isn't worth it.

behindmirrors.

That being said....how do you meet people in this lifestyle in real life? i have met alot of great people on this site, but none ever close enough. This only makes things frustrating, because i really would at least meet some.

c

Sorry it's taken me a while to respond to your question, c- I would say to look for munches or groups in your area or close to it to attend. Otherwise, you could see if you get lucky like I did in a vanilla relationship...finding a Dom without really knowing for sure. It took a few months for me to even bring up the BDSM thing with him, but it worked out splendidly. I needed to know that I really trusted him first, and that there was more to our relationship than whips and paddles, so to speak. Other than that, the local groups is the best way to start a relationship based in BDSM. I'd search online to find a group that meets nearby, and then go! Maybe talk to one of the facilitators or leaders first, so you have someone you can meet when you get there who can show you the ropes (egads, I don't know why that bad pun came out, sorry).
I wish you the best-
behindmirrors.

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