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It's A Shame You Aren't.... - 1/25/2005 3:49:31 AM   
MadameDahlia


Posts: 2021
Joined: 8/11/2004
From: SoCal aka Hell
Status: offline 		Has anyone ever heard "It's a shame you're not so-and-such (gay, straight, sub, poly, monogamous)" from someone before?

Or variation on a theme... has anyone ever said (after you feel you've made it pretty clear), "Are you sure you don't want to ____ (fill in the blank) for me?"

And if this has happened to you do you take it as the "compliment it was intended to be!" or the none too sly manipulative behavior it feels like (at least to me).

< Message edited by MadameDahlia -- 1/25/2005 3:50:10 AM >

_____________________________

Insanity -- a perfectly rational adjustment to an insane world.
--R. D. Laing

"Oh, but if I went 'round sayin' I was Emperor, just because some moistened bint lobbed a scimitar at me, they'd put me away."
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: It's A Shame You Aren't.... - 1/25/2005 3:59:07 AM   
Suleiman


Posts: 1127
Joined: 9/9/2004
Status: offline 		I have been on both the giving and recieving end of that particular tagline. Darned near every guy I've ever seriously been attracted to was straight. While I have no investment in the idea of bedding them, I will still be honest about having the thought cross my mind. Similarly, I have had persons who were not compatable with me lament whatever facet of my life made an arrangement unsuitable - typically (at least in recent years) "It's a shame you're married."

I have encountered the use of this phrase or it's many variations as a form of manipulation. It has never been intended as such by me, but I can understand that it might have been percieved that way on one or more occasions. That being said, I have never really thought of it as being a compliment per se, but rather a statement of my own personal desires, which must continue to go unfulfilled for another day - rather like saying, "it's a shame I have to stay inside and work on such a nice day like today".

_____________________________

Think of my verbosity as a sort of litmus test for our relationship. I write in a manner identical to how I speak and how I think. If you can not cope with what I have written here, it is probably for the best if we go our separate ways.

(in reply to MadameDahlia)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: It's A Shame You Aren't.... - 1/25/2005 4:09:56 AM   
MadameDahlia


Posts: 2021
Joined: 8/11/2004
From: SoCal aka Hell
Status: offline 		Heh... I've got a reason for asking. I'm curious as to whether or not what side of the fence people tend to sit on. I was approached by someone in that sort of fashion though I left out details which may have altered the question and the sort of replies I received.

A Dom asked if I was interested in Topping his slave girl since he wanted to expand her limits to include bisexual play. I told him that since I hadn't met the woman I'd need to know plenty about her and become comfortable with the idea. However he wants her on the edge of her seat so he didn't want her to meet her Top prior to entering the scene. So we decided on meeting at a vanilla diner to converse and see whether or not the idea would be of interest and whether or not we'd be able to make it work well enough for all involved.

We asked each other questions and toward the end of the meal he wanted to know why I knew I was Dominant. I went into the psychological aspect of things and explained my reasoning. It all boiled down to feeling good, feeling right. He seemed completely content with my reply and said that he looked forward to working with me on planning a scene.

I then later get an email from him. Rather then using my name he greets me by saying "Hi Angel". Close friends can get away with calling me things that others cannot. He is not and was not a close friend. However I looked past that and kept reading. I'd informed him earlier that working out a schedule would be tough.

He then typed "Just let me know, i know schedules are tough to work around. Are you sure you could not be a sub to me? Ahhh...the thought intrigues."

The thought may have intrigued him but it intrigued me only as much as an extreme, ball busting CBT session would have intrigued him.

_____________________________

Insanity -- a perfectly rational adjustment to an insane world.
--R. D. Laing

"Oh, but if I went 'round sayin' I was Emperor, just because some moistened bint lobbed a scimitar at me, they'd put me away."

(in reply to Suleiman)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: It's A Shame You Aren't.... - 1/25/2005 4:22:46 AM   
Suleiman


Posts: 1127
Joined: 9/9/2004
Status: offline 		AAAAHHHHH yes! Saran-wrap people...

Clingy

Transparent

and likely to suffocate you once they get a firm grip.

I know them well. Personally, from what you're describing, I would be offended - but that's just me, and I have been known to offend easily.

_____________________________

Think of my verbosity as a sort of litmus test for our relationship. I write in a manner identical to how I speak and how I think. If you can not cope with what I have written here, it is probably for the best if we go our separate ways.

(in reply to MadameDahlia)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: It's A Shame You Aren't.... - 1/25/2005 4:33:44 AM   
MadameDahlia


Posts: 2021
Joined: 8/11/2004
From: SoCal aka Hell
Status: offline 		I was offended as a matter of fact. And I made it known to him in my emailed reply. I haven't heard a peep out of him since. Either he hasn't opened the message and doesn't wish to pursue this. Or he opened it, realized I was disgusted and tactfully withdrew back into the creepy shadows where that sort lurk while plotting their next flow of insulting words.

_____________________________

Insanity -- a perfectly rational adjustment to an insane world.
--R. D. Laing

"Oh, but if I went 'round sayin' I was Emperor, just because some moistened bint lobbed a scimitar at me, they'd put me away."

(in reply to Suleiman)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: It's A Shame You Aren't.... - 1/25/2005 5:37:56 AM   
topcat


Posts: 1675
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Tidewater, VA
Status: offline 		M. Dahlia-

I have gotten that from time to time- and at times said it myself. I haven't taken offense at it- and hope it was taken as a complement when I offered it.

I might take offense if I felt someone was trying to flip me, and it does annoy me to have someone insist that I must be really deep down submissive, and they can bring it out in me. I have bottomed to the best, and it really isn't there, and I notice that these comments only seem to come from one who isn't as experianced as they would like you to think.

There are a few ladies who I'd offer to flip a coin for the whip hand, though.

Stay warm,

Lawrence

_____________________________

-there is no remission without blood-

(in reply to MadameDahlia)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: It's A Shame You Aren't.... - 1/25/2005 10:19:44 AM   
Suleiman


Posts: 1127
Joined: 9/9/2004
Status: offline 		What's the line from Victor Victoria? "You know, I think the right girl might convert you..." "Madame, I was just thinking the same about you." "Me? Give up men? Never!" "My sentiments, exactly!"

_____________________________

Think of my verbosity as a sort of litmus test for our relationship. I write in a manner identical to how I speak and how I think. If you can not cope with what I have written here, it is probably for the best if we go our separate ways.

(in reply to topcat)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: It's A Shame You Aren't.... - 1/25/2005 10:29:23 AM   
LdyAuburn


Posts: 179
Joined: 5/9/2004
Status: offline 		Do you happen to know if the girl actually exists? Or whether the discussion was always about trying to get you to sub to him?

(in reply to Suleiman)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: It's A Shame You Aren't.... - 1/25/2005 12:19:48 PM   
MadameDahlia


Posts: 2021
Joined: 8/11/2004
From: SoCal aka Hell
Status: offline 		Many thanks for the er... warm wishes topcat!

Suleiman, I loved that movie. And I appreciate the attention you've paid to this topic. You've been quite informative and a lovely conversationalist - ahem typist? As for the right man or woman I prefer being greedy. Having both doors open keeps me surrounded by such a wide world of opportunity.

Lady Auburn I cannot know for certain if the girl was real or if she was a product of his imagination. He did receive a call during the meal. When he answered it the call seemed to have come from his girl, but I've heard about people setting up something with a friend prior to meeting another in order to create realism. The world may never know...

_____________________________

Insanity -- a perfectly rational adjustment to an insane world.
--R. D. Laing

"Oh, but if I went 'round sayin' I was Emperor, just because some moistened bint lobbed a scimitar at me, they'd put me away."

(in reply to LdyAuburn)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: It's A Shame You Aren't.... - 1/25/2005 12:36:31 PM   
Suleiman


Posts: 1127
Joined: 9/9/2004
Status: offline 		(laughs) actually, a fellow correspondant just accused me of being like a bad rash all over these discussion boards. I've been a little busy this week, but wait until I have a slow day. I can post a hundred replies in a single day if I'm bored and lonely (and assuming there are a few dozen topics worth following closely).

For the most part, I would tend to suspect that Lady Auburn is right in suggesting that the submissive girlfriend per se is nonexistant, although I would not be surprised if the person had several female friends whom he was courting. The call might well have been a random one, in which he steered his half of the conversation toward certain topics of subject matter for you to overhear. Or it may be that his original offer was a genuine one, from the submissive's perspective, and he has had his own selfish fantasies about two women, one wholly submissive, the other submissive only to him and not to any one else.

That last one seems almost as popular as the mundane "two chicks in a hot tub" fantasy forever persued by the lowbrow set. Why some people set their appetites to microwave burrito when, for a little more effort, steak could be on the menu, is beyond me.

_____________________________

Think of my verbosity as a sort of litmus test for our relationship. I write in a manner identical to how I speak and how I think. If you can not cope with what I have written here, it is probably for the best if we go our separate ways.

(in reply to MadameDahlia)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: It's A Shame You Aren't.... - 1/25/2005 2:27:59 PM   
RosaB


Posts: 852
Joined: 1/10/2005
Status: offline 		Unfortunately, I get it often enough. The men have been nice about it, asking politely if I would consider bottoming to them maybe just once. I used to get alot of emails from men or it might have been the same man reappearing at times, trying to discuss about his submissive, mostly it seemed he just wanted to be titilated, which I wouldn't play into. On the other hand, I've gotten just as many request from Dominant males wanting me to top them on occassion.

Most of the females that want to play hoping I am lesbian or bi, have been polite about approaching me and then being understanding when I inform them that I prefer men exclusively. That is except for this one woman on this site. She sort of freaked me out with her sudden change from wanting to chat about business proposition, not involving her in I in a intimate way, to her sending me explicit emails about what she'd like to do to me, sexually speaking, and how bad she wants me. She's one scary chick. If I hear from her again, the moderators will be notified.

So far after asking her if she was out of her mind, she only sent one more email, but the day is young. Keeping fingers crossed that the situation has been nipped in the bud. : )

(in reply to Suleiman)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: It's A Shame You Aren't.... - 1/25/2005 4:14:08 PM   
GoddessDustyGold


Posts: 2822
Joined: 4/11/2004
From: Arizona
Status: offline 		Yes, I have gotten that at times, too. I also get it from subs/slaves who ask Me if I am sure I wouldn't want to use them in certain ways, as they really, really want "it".When subs, slaves ask for certain things I make clear I am not interested in, then I re-state My position. I will not get upset until they get insistent and start saying that I "should" do certain things. Obviously I am not the right Dominant for these boys.
As to Doms asking Me to 'switch" or experiment with them, if the request is polite, I take it with a grain of salt, and say "NO"...of they are rude (and they can be) I just ignore and block.

_____________________________

Dusty
They that give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety
B Franklin
Don't blame Me ~ I didn't vote for either of them
The Hidden Kingdom


(in reply to MadameDahlia)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: It's A Shame You Aren't.... - 1/25/2005 6:35:49 PM   
Suleiman


Posts: 1127
Joined: 9/9/2004
Status: offline 		Jeez - I've learned the hard way (er... so to speak) that wanting "it" when the missus isn't in the mood is pretty much an invitation to a serious CBT session and then getting locked into the prickly gloves.

_____________________________

Think of my verbosity as a sort of litmus test for our relationship. I write in a manner identical to how I speak and how I think. If you can not cope with what I have written here, it is probably for the best if we go our separate ways.

(in reply to GoddessDustyGold)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: It's A Shame You Aren't.... - 1/25/2005 6:43:49 PM   
ProtagonistLily


Posts: 1222
Joined: 12/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

Jeez - I've learned the hard way (er... so to speak) that wanting "it" when the missus isn't in the mood is pretty much an invitation to a serious CBT session and then getting locked into the prickly gloves.


The prickly gloves? Do you mean Vampire Gloves? ~yums just thinking about Vampire Gloves~

Lily

_____________________________

"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"
~Dr. Seuss~

(in reply to Suleiman)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: It's A Shame You Aren't.... - 1/25/2005 7:14:12 PM   
RealityFix


Posts: 156
Joined: 8/12/2004
Status: offline 		Yup.....

I have had many many women bemoan "It's too bad you don't like children."

(in reply to ProtagonistLily)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: It's A Shame You Aren't.... - 1/25/2005 9:24:27 PM   
GoddessDustyGold


Posts: 2822
Joined: 4/11/2004
From: Arizona
Status: offline 		Suleiman!! You do make Me laugh!
Of course I am referring to the boys who are trying, via email and/or a possible phone call to get into My good graces as they wish to serve Me. Only problem is they want to tell Me how I should want them to serve Me. For some strange reason, that just doesn't work for Me!


_____________________________

Dusty
They that give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety
B Franklin
Don't blame Me ~ I didn't vote for either of them
The Hidden Kingdom


(in reply to Suleiman)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: It's A Shame You Aren't.... - 1/25/2005 9:33:23 PM   
MadameDahlia


Posts: 2021
Joined: 8/11/2004
From: SoCal aka Hell
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RosaB

I've gotten just as many request from Dominant males wanting me to top them on occassion.


I've had five or six of those at this site thus far. But in that case they aren't asking me to be what I am not so I have no problem with forming friendships or possibly even relationships with this sort of a person. It's the ones who try to angle you into a category you just aren't meant to be that irk me in all the wrong ways.


< Message edited by MadameDahlia -- 1/25/2005 9:34:03 PM >

_____________________________

Insanity -- a perfectly rational adjustment to an insane world.
--R. D. Laing

"Oh, but if I went 'round sayin' I was Emperor, just because some moistened bint lobbed a scimitar at me, they'd put me away."

(in reply to RosaB)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: It's A Shame You Aren't.... - 1/26/2005 12:14:54 AM   
Suleiman


Posts: 1127
Joined: 9/9/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ProtagonistLily

The prickly gloves? Do you mean Vampire Gloves? ~yums just thinking about Vampire Gloves~

Lily


Maybe that's what they're called in your neck of the woods, I only know them as prickly gloves. Usually mitts with tacks or pins of some sort set in the palms, may have sharp or dull points, and there's some variation in design on how close together the points are to have the gloves go from scratchy to pointy. Ours are actually light work gloves so I can attempt some semblance of housework, with locking cuffs at the wrist hem, the idea of course being to discourage certian forms of self abuse while inflicting other forms of self abuse.

Does anyone ever call masturbation "self abuse" any more? Or am I once again showing the twelve extra virtual years added on to me by actually listening to my parents?

_____________________________

Think of my verbosity as a sort of litmus test for our relationship. I write in a manner identical to how I speak and how I think. If you can not cope with what I have written here, it is probably for the best if we go our separate ways.

(in reply to ProtagonistLily)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: It's A Shame You Aren't.... - 1/26/2005 7:23:23 AM   
westside


Posts: 121
Joined: 1/28/2004
Status: offline 		If done well, its flattering.

w

(in reply to Suleiman)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: It's A Shame You Aren't.... - 1/26/2005 8:06:29 AM   
ProtagonistLily


Posts: 1222
Joined: 12/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

Maybe that's what they're called in your neck of the woods


Well, that's what they are called on Stockroom.com.

L

_____________________________

"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"
~Dr. Seuss~

(in reply to Suleiman)
Profile   Post #: 20
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