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Overcoming fear - 10/16/2006 4:31:39 PM

amaidiamond

Posts: 1793
Joined: 2/6/2006
From: Watford / London
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I guess this post is about if it is possible to overcome fear for a bigger incentive.... I have a needle phobia, have had it for many years, needles and dentists two things I have real issues, it used to be at the point where even the sight of a needle would make me want to be physically ill, then I started having shots, looking at pictures, trying to get used to them and I got so that I could look at them as long as i didn't think about them too much, I have one piercing, my hood, I had that done to try and prove to myself that i could, was very ill beforehand and a bundle of nerves afterwards.
Now I have always wanted inner labia piercings, 3 rings, I think it looks beautiful and i like the idea from the chastity perspective even the illusion and sensation off. The only reason I have never had it done is fear, I think about it and want it but don't know if i am brave enough to do it. Now i am with the most wonderful Dom and he loves the idea, he likes the idea of me having it done although not exactly for him as it was a prior desire, it would be for me despite me being with him if that makes any sense, but he loves the idea and would really like it if I could have it done.
He loves the idea, I love the idea and I want it badly I'm just not sure how i can ever be brave enough, i don't want to be afraid, i want it to be easy as one two three, in all honestly though I would be getting it for me it would have never moved from the area of my thoughts titled "someday" if there wasnt that extra incentive.
So I guess the question is, how do I not be afraid...

Post #: 1

RE: Overcoming fear - 10/16/2006 5:19:20 PM

Rover

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Conquering fear does not mean the cessation of fear... it means acting in spite of your fear. Ask men and women who have served the armed forces in warfare... what makes their heroism all the more amazing is that they did so in the face of fear.

Fortunately, most of us don't have to face warfare, and our fears tend to be of a less significant variety. And often times I liken them to your first jump from the high dive at the pool. The fear associated with anticipation is significantly greater than the reality of the dive.

John

_____________________________

"Man's mind stretched to a new idea never goes back to its original dimensions."

Sri da Avabhas

(in reply to amaidiamond)

Post #: 2

RE: Overcoming fear - 10/16/2006 5:23:06 PM

SirMichaelRH

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Joined: 11/16/2005
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Exceptionally well said, Rover!! The anticipation is often based on what are sometimes "unrealistic" fears of the unknown.

AD

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Y/yours in Kink

(in reply to Rover)

Post #: 3

RE: Overcoming fear - 10/16/2006 5:28:48 PM

SlaveAkasha

Posts: 726
Joined: 9/30/2006
From: Indiana
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I HATE NEEDLES, trust me, but I have had more than my share of piercings done. The pain is never as bad as what you think it will be, there is really no way to gauge it unless you have had it in the exact place sometime before.

I was scared to get my nipples done, but I had always wanted it. One day, I just drove up to the piercing place, and walked in. I shook (literally) the whole time I was filling out the paperwork, and while I was taken back in the room. It hurt, I won't lie, but I will say it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be, and I have even really forgotten the pain part by now (this was May).

The way I overcome fear about needles is, that I keep thinking how proud I will be of myself when it's over and I have something to show for it, be it tatts, or piercings. It has never failed either, I always feel great pride in what I have done, and Master loves them.

This is just one of those cases when if you want the prize, you have to grin and go with the pain. You won't regret it, and you will be so proud of yourself that you did.

Akasha

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Look, if you want to torture me, spank me, lick me, do it. But if this poetry shit continues just shoot me now please.
~ Tank Girl

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(in reply to SirMichaelRH)

Post #: 4

RE: Overcoming fear - 10/16/2006 5:55:45 PM

Kalira

Posts: 954
Joined: 10/9/2006
From: Fort Wayne Indiana
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Hmm, I have a terrible fear of pain. Period. Anything associated with pain. And yet, I lean towards those who are extreme in their sadism to the point of cruelty, both physically and mentally.

Yet, there are some forms of pain that I can overcome on my own. Tattoos are one. I actually don't even think that they hurt. They tickle more than anything.

Show me a needle and tell me that you are going to put it through my nipple, and I freak. Totally. You will have to tie me down to get that needle in. And unless you want me cussing you for the dog you are, you will have to gag me also. And yet, the one that I am with now has made it clear that I WILL BE PIERCED. No matter what I say, or how I feel about it. This was something that I knew from the very beginning with him. I am fortunate that he is giving me time to get past the initial fear and come to terms with it.

There are other areas that I have found that once I actually got past the mental block that was in place, the fear disappeared. It's just a question of getting to that state, and being patient in doing so.

Fear can be a useful tool. It can also be a hinderance though, if you let it rule you and what you MAY be capable of.

_____________________________

Facilius Per Partes In Cognitionem Totius Adducimur
We are more easily led part by part to an understanding of the whole.
Seneca

Damnant Quod Non Intellegunt

(in reply to amaidiamond)

Post #: 5

RE: Overcoming fear - 10/16/2006 6:18:08 PM

amaidiamond

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From: Watford / London
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There are a lot of very valid points and thank you all, I think that although it is something I desire (I would not have a body modification done solely for this Dom yet, though I am crazy about him the relationship has not been going on long enough for me to consider a change like that if I did not want it already) I think I need to talk to him and allow myself to lean, maybe it would be better for me if I was told it was being done and is non optional, that way is almost an absolution of fear in that, It is no longer my choice on if I face it or not, but I also wonder if asking to not be given a choice constitutes topping from the bottom as I have no wish to do that...

(in reply to Kalira)

Post #: 6

RE: Overcoming fear - 10/16/2006 6:21:41 PM

Kalira

Posts: 954
Joined: 10/9/2006
From: Fort Wayne Indiana
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quote:

ORIGINAL: amaidiamond

There are a lot of very valid points and thank you all, I think that although it is something I desire (I would not have a body modification done solely for this Dom yet, though I am crazy about him the relationship has not been going on long enough for me to consider a change like that if I did not want it already) I think I need to talk to him and allow myself to lean, maybe it would be better for me if I was told it was being done and is non optional, that way is almost an absolution of fear in that, It is no longer my choice on if I face it or not, but I also wonder if asking to not be given a choice constitutes topping from the bottom as I have no wish to do that...

Well, depending on the actual dynamics of your relationship, just leaving the choice up to him might NOT be the best advice there is

What works for me in that area, would NEVER work for many others. You have to take into account your feelings AFTER he does something that might be considered a limit. Are you willing to accept responsibility for his actions in this area?

I think you should take your time, think about how much you really want it, discuss it with your Dominant, including the fears involved, and then come to an informed decision between the two of you.

_____________________________

Facilius Per Partes In Cognitionem Totius Adducimur
We are more easily led part by part to an understanding of the whole.
Seneca

Damnant Quod Non Intellegunt

(in reply to amaidiamond)

Post #: 7

RE: Overcoming fear - 10/16/2006 6:41:16 PM

amaidiamond

Posts: 1793
Joined: 2/6/2006
From: Watford / London
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We have discussed this and also discussed the difference between the actual piercings and needleplay, the limits that risk crossing are needleplay and permenant markings, I would not really constitute it as needleplay as such, thats more the decorative work and the like in my head and by permenant markings I mean something like a tattoo or piercing that I had no desire for that they were placing on me off their own back. He has said that if i wish him to make the decision for me he will and also that it will not effect my other limits in regards to needles at all, he would not expect to be able to play with them and for me to be fine etc...

(in reply to Kalira)

Post #: 8

RE: Overcoming fear - 10/16/2006 6:57:54 PM

Kalira

Posts: 954
Joined: 10/9/2006
From: Fort Wayne Indiana
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quote:

ORIGINAL: amaidiamond

We have discussed this and also discussed the difference between the actual piercings and needleplay, the limits that risk crossing are needleplay and permenant markings, I would not really constitute it as needleplay as such, thats more the decorative work and the like in my head and by permenant markings I mean something like a tattoo or piercing that I had no desire for that they were placing on me off their own back. He has said that if i wish him to make the decision for me he will and also that it will not effect my other limits in regards to needles at all, he would not expect to be able to play with them and for me to be fine etc...

From the sounds of it, the two of you have covered everything then. The only question left to really ask is this:
Do YOU want to overcome your own fear by instigating this on your own? Or would you rather have another take that choice out of your hands?"

_____________________________

Facilius Per Partes In Cognitionem Totius Adducimur
We are more easily led part by part to an understanding of the whole.
Seneca

Damnant Quod Non Intellegunt

(in reply to amaidiamond)

Post #: 9

RE: Overcoming fear - 10/16/2006 7:05:16 PM

amaidiamond

Posts: 1793
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From: Watford / London
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I'm really not sure, it would depend how it was done, I am kind of looking at it that, I know if i ask him to make the decision he will decide it is being done, after I ask him to take that decision it becomes non negotiable, it moves from thought to fact, it will happen, I like the security of that in ways, the lack of a get out clause, and as I know that will be the result in ways asking him to make that decision is instigation in itself as it were because I know the outcome.

(in reply to Kalira)

Post #: 10

RE: Overcoming fear - 10/16/2006 7:26:27 PM

beltainefaerie

Posts: 610
Joined: 4/15/2006
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I have always been incredibly afraid of needles and the desire to overcome that in part inspired my labia piercings (I have 5, offset so I could run a lock through them.) Anyway, it didn't actually hurt any more than an ear piercing. I think it might help if you were given no choice about it, though. I don't think it is topping from the bottom, since he wants it anyway. You could say something to the effect that if it would please him to decide when it occurs, you will abide by his decision. That way it really is about surrendering to his will, you aren't saying that he must take away your decision, but offering that control to him if he wants it. Does that makes sense? Anyway, good luck.

(in reply to amaidiamond)

Post #: 11

RE: Overcoming fear - 10/16/2006 7:27:40 PM

TemptingNviceSub

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Joined: 10/1/2005
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I am thinking however he would be so much more proud of you if you decided and did it on your own, faced your fears and came out stronger..Tempting

(in reply to amaidiamond)

Post #: 12

RE: Overcoming fear - 10/16/2006 7:35:09 PM

Daddysredhead

Posts: 23574
Joined: 11/6/2005
From: Northern (yet still part of the South) Virginia
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I was dead scared of being branded. When I was collared in April, my Master strike branded me. I did not know that He was planning this for me, but I knew that He had been trained in it for a long time and had done it several times over for other people.

When He brought out the things He needed to apply my brand, I just watched as I wasn't really sure what it was all for. I asked Him what He was going to use the stuff for, and He simply said, "your brand." I was nervous as I sat on the edge of my bed while He arranged what He needed. I kept thinking, "I can just refuse, say no, run..." But I didn't. I sat there and waited for my soon-to-be-Master to get things ready. I looked at His eyes, and He looked back at mine, and smiled with such kindness, that I knew He would never do anything to cause me intentional harm, and I was at peace. My heart raced for a little bit, but I was completely surprised that the "kiss of fire" was not anything like I had anticipated. I was okay. When He was finished, He placed a gentle kiss next to the brand site, and said, "you are mine, and I would never hurt you." I loved that I had the resolve not to let my fear rule me that day... it would have robbed me of one of the most tender moments He and I have shared.

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Do not challenge me to a battle of wits & come to fight unarmed.

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13th doughnut

(in reply to amaidiamond)

Post #: 13

RE: Overcoming fear - 10/16/2006 7:45:29 PM

Kalira

Posts: 954
Joined: 10/9/2006
From: Fort Wayne Indiana
Status: offline

quote:

and as I know that will be the result in ways asking him to make that decision is instigation in itself

Actually no lol. You are instead placing all the responsibility and if it comes to that point, blame on him if something goes wrong. That is why I asked are you ready to take on the responsibliity for him taking that decision out of your hands?

Giving up the choice, and having the choice made are two different things. In my case, I have no choice in the outcome. It will happen. Period. ANd yet, I still have to take responsibility for this, because I GAVE him this right within the dynamic that we have. I can cuss him all I want, I can hate him all I want after its done, but the fact still remains that I am responsible for my feelings after,and I am responsible for the piercings actually being done.. Simply because I gave him that power over me.

If you tell him that you want the choice to become his, you have to be able to face the fact that in the end, it MAY NOT be what you wanted, or that it may turn out badly. In that case, you have to be able to step up and say 'hey, this is my fault, I gave you the right to do this, I take responsibility' without laying any blame on him.

That is why I think that doing it on your own, from what you have written here, would be the best option for you. Just my opinion though.

_____________________________

Facilius Per Partes In Cognitionem Totius Adducimur
We are more easily led part by part to an understanding of the whole.
Seneca

Damnant Quod Non Intellegunt

(in reply to amaidiamond)

Post #: 14

RE: Overcoming fear - 10/17/2006 12:14:01 AM

Sinergy

Posts: 9383
Joined: 4/26/2004
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Excellent post, Rover.

I wanted to add something from what I do professionally.

There is no difference, physiologically, between the emotions of fear and excitement. You are adrenalized about an experience or potential experience, and your body pumps a bunch of chemicals into your brain.

The only difference is your cognitive experience of the stimuli.

You will find a place where everything happens the way you think it should happen. If needleplay does not appear as a part of this, I am fine with that.

Enjoy your evening,

Sinergy

_____________________________

"There is a fine line between clever and stupid"
David St. Hubbins "This Is Spinal Tap"

"Every so often you let a word or phrase out and you want to catch it and bring it back. You cant do that, it is gone, gone forever." J. Danforth Quayle

(in reply to Rover)

Post #: 15

RE: Overcoming fear - 10/17/2006 1:13:42 AM

Iskander

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Joined: 9/26/2006
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Very true... I still get butterflies when standing on the highboard... And it's not even the height, it's the fear of a bellyflop...

I think the greatest cause of fear is the lack of confidence in ones own abilities...

Iskander...

(in reply to Rover)

Post #: 16

RE: Overcoming fear - 10/17/2006 1:15:17 AM

gypsylee

Posts: 293
Joined: 9/18/2006
From: Melbournia, Australia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: amaidiamond

...I have one piercing, my hood, I had that done to try and prove to myself that i could, was very ill beforehand and a bundle of nerves afterwards.
Now I have always wanted inner labia piercings, 3 rings, I think it looks beautiful and i like the idea from the chastity perspective even the illusion and sensation off. The only reason I have never had it done is fear, I think about it and want it but don't know if i am brave enough to do it. Now i am with the most wonderful Dom and he loves the idea, he likes the idea of me having it done although not exactly for him as it was a prior desire, it would be for me despite me being with him if that makes any sense, but he loves the idea and would really like it if I could have it done.
He loves the idea, I love the idea and I want it badly I'm just not sure how i can ever be brave enough, i don't want to be afraid, i want it to be easy as one two three, in all honestly though I would be getting it for me it would have never moved from the area of my thoughts titled "someday" if there wasnt that extra incentive.
So I guess the question is, how do I not be afraid...

gawd. can people stop posting about piercings? i'm one to go and get 'em done on the spur of the moment but i can't afford it atm!

the next piercing on my list is actually the clit hood, so i'm wondering why you're fearful of labia piercings if you've already had that done? from what i've read it's one of the trickiest piercings ie. the piercer needs to be very precise... but i don't know how it rates in terms of pain. personally i don't really care but i would appreciate your feedback on the experience.

i used to be a total needle-phobe. i fainted at school after having the german measles vaccine.

then i had a baby. the amount of injections involved during pregnancy and labour totally desensitised me to needles. the grand finale was an epidural. i reckon if you can take a huge needle in the spine during contractions you can handle anything.

i still get a huge adrenaline rush from piercings... i'm what they call a 'fainter'. after speaking to various piercers, it's not a case of being a scaredy cat or whatever, it's just a physical pre-disposition. several piercers have told me that fainters are often big, tough, bikie types.

the point being that you shouldn't let fear put you off getting your piercings. anyone trained in piercing or tattooing knows allll about the range of reactions people have and they tend to be more understanding than medical professionals in my experience.

just do it :)

_____________________________

You're one twisted fuck... Nup, I'm just an ordinary girl with nothin' to lose.

(in reply to amaidiamond)

Post #: 17

RE: Overcoming fear - 10/17/2006 1:50:15 AM

agirl

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I expressed an interest and desire to have my labia pierced and nipples too, though I also was *sorely afraid*.

My Master made the decision, when they were done, without mentioning it to me, so I had little time to think myself into a state.

With my labia, he told me to lay back and keep still........before I knew it, he'd done it.

With my nipples, he just said......*Right, get dressed, we're off to the piercers*.

Left to my own devices, I'd never have done it. I'm jolly glad he did it the way he did. Maybe not the best way for other people but it was for me.

agirl

(in reply to amaidiamond)

Post #: 18

RE: Overcoming fear - 10/17/2006 2:05:35 AM

gypsylee

Posts: 293
Joined: 9/18/2006
From: Melbournia, Australia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: agirl

My Master made the decision, when they were done, without mentioning it to me, so I had little time to think myself into a state.

With my labia, he told me to lay back and keep still........before I knew it, he'd done it.

With my nipples, he just said......*Right, get dressed, we're off to the piercers*.

oh man. i wish mine'd do that *pout*

_____________________________

You're one twisted fuck... Nup, I'm just an ordinary girl with nothin' to lose.

(in reply to agirl)

Post #: 19

RE: Overcoming fear - 10/17/2006 2:23:19 AM

agirl

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Joined: 6/14/2004
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It was actually quite an unforgettable time........The first nipple was *frozen*, as normal.......When it came to the second one he told the piercer not to freeze it. The chap was a bit apprehensive and asked me if that was *ok*and looked at me questioningly......and my Master kept answering him saying * Yes, she is FINE*. He held my hand and just got me to look at him and it was done that way. I remember saying * Master, will I be able to do it?* and him just saying *Yes, Shhh*

Afterwards, I asked him why he hadn't let me have the painkiller for the second one and he said * You will really remember today and how it was done and appreciate it more*.... and he was completely right.

Unbeknown to me, the piercer was a friend of my eldest sprogs.....and he met them out a day later at a club and told them about this *weird, freaky experience* he'd had , piercing a woman's nipples. ..........And the sprogs said ........*Yup, that would be our Mum* ....LOL

agirl

(in reply to gypsylee)

Post #: 20

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