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Becoming Pro..? - 10/17/2006 7:43:36 AM   
Lorelei115


Posts: 1933
Joined: 8/16/2006
From: Sin City
Status: offline 		So I've been reading a lot of the Pro-Dom threads that have been floating around the boards lately, and unfortunately, I think we all know that a lot of them are negative... I won't go into particulars, simply suffice to say that I think every story has two sides and its impossible to categorize people by profession. That's like saying "All accountants are boring." Some of them might be, indeed, but that's CERTAINLY not true for all.

Anyway, I wanted to ask the Professionals out there a couple questions. First, what made you think that a career in Pro-Domming was right for you? Second, what steps did you take in order to become a Pro-Dom? Are there legal precedents and such you have to work around? Did you mentor with another Pro? And third, since becoming a Pro-Dom, has BDSM stopped being fun and become more like "work"?

I ask these questions out of curiousity... I've been told many a time that I would make a great Pro-Dom, but I'm afraid that if I did it as a "career" it would become work to me, rather than something I love and enjoy.

_____________________________

A sucessful life is not measured by what we do
But by the realization
Of who we are.
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Becoming Pro..? - 10/17/2006 8:33:02 AM   
Jasmyn


Posts: 1234
Joined: 2/6/2004
From: New Zealand
Status: offline
quote:

First, what made you think that a career in Pro-Domming was right for you?

 
Had been intrigued by professional domination since my early teens however it was not until my late 20's I got an opportunity to explore bondage & discipline, sadism & masochism.  Which are my primary interests in the alt sex scene.   D/s doesn't define me.  Being dominant in a b&d/s&m relationship does.  Whether that relationship last a life time or an hour. 
 
When I began pro domming I was heavily involved in the running of one of the first public BDSM support groups in New Zealand.  I had no interest in a longterm relationship and was reluctant to get involved with someone, even for casual play, who might want this, and at the same time I was getting approached by men asking if I did paid sessions after seeing me play at play parties.  I guess I just thought, why not?  I knew my limitations at the time and they seemed happy enough with that.  
 
quote:

Second, what steps did you take in order to become a Pro-Dom?

 
Through the BDSM group and a few personal relationship I knew I had the goods to create a memorable scene and the rest I just played by ear.  As for steps I took?  Hmm, well first I went to BDSM school and studied BDSM 101 for three semesters ... lol .. in reality, put some feelers out, had a few sessions, placed an add in the paper, and hired another pro dom's dungeon space until I had my own sorted. 
 
Guess it really is a case of saying "hey I'm a pro dom" ... and seeing what happens.  Reputations go a long way and building one takes time. 
 
quote:

Are there legal precedents and such you have to work around?
 
I did ask of the local constabulary what was the deal if I had a client turn up on their doorstep claiming unconsensual abuse.  They said they were not concerned with the pro domination services as they were not illegal and as for the client an investigation would have to happen and be judged or prosecuted accordingly but that they would take into account the client did seek out the services of a dominatrix... unless I intended on grabbing randoms from the street he had no problems with my setting up a commercial dungeon in my home.  Oh and to abide by council by laws re parking, noise, etc.
 
quote:

Did you mentor with another Pro?
 
I had quite a few lifestyle friends at the time who were my mentors.
 
quote:

Since becoming a Pro-Dom, has BDSM stopped being fun and become more like "work"?
 
No B&D/S&M haven't stopped being fun.  If anything what I have experienced in the playroom enhances what I bring to my private play.

_____________________________

quote:

"To learn the art of submission a slave must first give up the desires that drew him to submission in the first place." Mistress Jasmyn Jan 2005.


Visit My Website


(in reply to Lorelei115)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Becoming Pro..? - 10/17/2006 8:40:37 AM   
SexyFemDom


Posts: 25
Joined: 7/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Lorelei115

First, what made you think that a career in Pro-Domming was right for you? 

Way to make money in something that I enjoy. 

Second, what steps did you take in order to become a Pro-Dom?

Was a sub first to a Mistress and Master. Learned a lot.  Was mentored by a lifestyle-pro Mistress for a year.  Advertised.  Joined websites.  Bought clothes and toys.
 
Are there legal precedents and such you have to work around? 

Its illegal to meet in person when theres a fee exchanged.  So I request they send me a gift card BEFORE we meet.  Many domina do it this way to. The gift card is given to me for my having to train them on web or phone prior to meeting in real time and playing together.  Since it is not illegal to be paid for web or phone training, I make them pay under those pretenses.   Once we train session on the phone or webcam, we then meet in person to play or so called 'test his training'.  No money or gifts are exchanged at that time so no law is broken.

And third, since becoming a Pro-Dom, has BDSM stopped being fun and become more like "work"?  No way - never.

I ask these questions out of curiousity... I've been told many a time that I would make a great Pro-Dom, but I'm afraid that if I did it as a "career" it would become work to me, rather than something I love and enjoy.

If you did it everyday then yes.  I do it twice a week and never feel burned out.

(in reply to Lorelei115)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Becoming Pro..? - 10/17/2006 9:46:54 AM   
DiannaVesta


Posts: 1087
Joined: 2/6/2006
From: Mid-Atlantic area
Status: offline 		I was a professional for many years. I discovered female domination many moons ago and when I decided to go pro I went to a group of gay leather men I knew and they taught me a lot about certain scene, safety, etc. Things on a man would know. I then went on to meet with other pros, however I admit that most of my experience came from the men and over time.
 
What I loved about pro-domination is that it gave me the ability to experience so many types of people and scenes. I loved being able to do some many types of scenes. I didn’t take more sessions then I could handle and I only took sessions that interested me and always after an interview. I use to have a lot of extended day sessions where a client would check-in on Friday night and leave on Sunday. He became part of my day to day and we played too. I also saw a lot of couples which was a lot of fun as well.
 
Almost anyone with experience can teach you how to sling a whip, tie some rope, etc., however remember that these men are coming to “experience” the woman you are. Cultivating and nurturing your dominance energy is the real key. Feeling comfortable with yourself and what you’re doing will always shine through and the more seasoned clients will appreciate this.
 
 
 
 

_____________________________



(in reply to SexyFemDom)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Becoming Pro..? - 10/17/2006 10:24:04 AM   
LotusSong


Posts: 6334
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Domme Emeritus
Status: offline 		I loved the Gay leather men.. I learned the most from them and if I had an idea for a toy, they could make it :)

_____________________________

Life Lesson #1

I'm not your type.
I'm not inflatable.


(in reply to DiannaVesta)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Becoming Pro..? - 10/17/2006 12:47:19 PM   
Mistrix


Posts: 186
Joined: 2/14/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Lorelei115

So I've been reading a lot of the Pro-Dom threads that have been floating around the boards lately, and unfortunately, I think we all know that a lot of them are negative... I won't go into particulars, simply suffice to say that I think every story has two sides and its impossible to categorize people by profession. That's like saying "All accountants are boring." Some of them might be, indeed, but that's CERTAINLY not true for all.

Anyway, I wanted to ask the Professionals out there a couple questions. First, what made you think that a career in Pro-Domming was right for you? Second, what steps did you take in order to become a Pro-Dom? Are there legal precedents and such you have to work around? Did you mentor with another Pro? And third, since becoming a Pro-Dom, has BDSM stopped being fun and become more like "work"?

I ask these questions out of curiousity... I've been told many a time that I would make a great Pro-Dom, but I'm afraid that if I did it as a "career" it would become work to me, rather than something I love and enjoy.

What an excellent post.  I wanted to do something similiar but you beat Me to it.  A career in Pro Domming was right for Me because personally I have always had this yearning to be a Dominatrix.  Leather clad and high heels being worshipped and paid for it appealed to Me.  I have been in the lifestyle for a while and seeked other Mistress's on their take of being Pro Domme before I ventured into it (I love it immensely). I did mentor with another Pro and mentored newbies as well.  It's NEVER work to Me.  It's always interesting and like I said I love it.  I have learned SO much from playing with subs and learned the good side and bad side of the lifestyle.  The best part of being connected is the community.  I love being able to go to gatherings and I know I could do that without being Pro Domme but it seems that since I'm out there and by word of mouth it gets easier to get invited and have a sweet subbie boy roll the red carpet out for Me.  I will admit I love the attention and as far as the negatives go, they can stay right out of my mind and sight.  I always get a chuckle at negativity.  Life is too short to be whining around and putting others down.  I have met so many great people and some not so great.  And have played without charging as well, in other ways.
Take what you get and leave the rest.  Stay positive and do what your heart tells you.


_____________________________

I am a Woman, above everything else.

One is too many and a thousand is never enough.

(in reply to Lorelei115)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Becoming Pro..? - 10/17/2006 1:36:36 PM   
MistressTheaZ


Posts: 155
Joined: 7/17/2005
Status: offline 		(fast reply)

Similar to the other replies here, I was always drawn to kink and began exploring through the local BDSM organizations shortly after becoming legal. I met a lot of new people, attended workshops, became more active in the local scene and began to volunteer with events and parties, and then met one of two ProDommes who would later mentor Me as I began considering becoming Pro Myself...

I started with a commercial house and stayed for three years. Most of what I learned toward the beginning was through sub and switch sessions with house Mistresses until I could 'earn' My way to have My own sessions. While such a path doesn't suit everyone, I did learn an immense amount about the mental conditioning and psychology of scening and submission, beyond just learning how techniques are leveraged and applied.  

Once I earned My wings, so to speak, I played a few nights each week through the house. Other than that, everything else was much the same - I still had a vanilla career, hobbies, friends both in and out of the lifestyle, and still participated in the local scene. I very much enjoyed those years, having hundreds upon hundreds of interesting submissives from all over the world to play with, having made great Mistress friends and having enjoyed so many nights of utter debauchery I wouldn't have otherwise.

I left the commercial scene for almost four years, as I had a primary relationship I prioritized above staying Pro. I can't say that play ever really began to resemble 'work', but I will say that when one is used to lifestyle engagements and attachments, the aspect of commerciality does seem unfulfilling at times. I often ran over time and maintained friendships with 'clients', meeting them at one of the two local BDSM clubs on off nights to have a few drinks and mingle. Session time did seem superficial at times, though at others, it was a tremendous adrenaline rush and fit the bill exactly.

After breaking off My primary relationship and playing with one favorite playmate for a time, I have returned to Professional Domination. At the current time, I do not have a primary relationship interfering with playing with a large assortment of people, and no one particular playmate holding My attention. I want to play but do not want to gather a stable of submissives to fulfill a variety of ideas and interests...in this way, being a ProDomme suits My situation perfectly.



Brightest Blessings,

Thea

(in reply to Mistrix)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Becoming Pro..? - 10/17/2006 3:20:07 PM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline 		What a breath of fresh air this thread is!!

I love hearing life stories and just want to thank all the ladies that are contributing theirs.


_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to MistressTheaZ)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Becoming Pro..? - 10/17/2006 4:13:00 PM   
Lorelei115


Posts: 1933
Joined: 8/16/2006
From: Sin City
Status: offline 		Yes, me too! I was hoping to get some good responses, but you've all far exceeded my expectations! Thank you so much!

_____________________________

A sucessful life is not measured by what we do
But by the realization
Of who we are.

(in reply to LaTigresse)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Becoming Pro..? - 11/26/2006 10:48:04 AM   
missivy2u


Posts: 11
Joined: 11/20/2006
Status: offline 		becoming a Pro Domme was the best thing I ever did for me and more inportant, my kid.I like the masses was introduced to the lifestyle shortly after becoming legal , in , of all places , a massage parlor, that was years ago.... now I'm older ,wiser,and of course more beautiful..and I never think of work as work..i get paid to play when I WANT TO. we have the best of all worlds ladies..and for this I'm truly grateful......Blessings in all you do !

(in reply to Lorelei115)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Becoming Pro..? - 12/3/2006 6:36:39 PM   
timeoutgurlie


Posts: 588
Joined: 3/21/2006
Status: offline 		This was a great read, thought of aspects I hadn't really thought to ask though I've been plastering them as they come to mind and getting fantastic responses there as well.

These "femdoms" aren't nearly as much the scary monsters that everyone else's threads had me believing *giggles*  Thanks ladies

(in reply to missivy2u)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Becoming Pro..? - 12/4/2006 8:39:43 PM   
missjada


Posts: 30
Joined: 2/11/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Lorelei115

So I've been reading a lot of the Pro-Dom threads that have been floating around the boards lately, and unfortunately, I think we all know that a lot of them are negative... I won't go into particulars, simply suffice to say that I think every story has two sides and its impossible to categorize people by profession. That's like saying "All accountants are boring." Some of them might be, indeed, but that's CERTAINLY not true for all.

Anyway, I wanted to ask the Professionals out there a couple questions. First, what made you think that a career in Pro-Domming was right for you? Second, what steps did you take in order to become a Pro-Dom? Are there legal precedents and such you have to work around? Did you mentor with another Pro? And third, since becoming a Pro-Dom, has BDSM stopped being fun and become more like "work"?

I ask these questions out of curiousity... I've been told many a time that I would make a great Pro-Dom, but I'm afraid that if I did it as a "career" it would become work to me, rather than something I love and enjoy.



I have to say this thread is refreshing!

I have always had an interest in the lifestyle and was often seen as “odd” because of it. I enjoyed a kinkier side of sex and was always very controlling in my relationships. My current D/S Relationship made me feel more at home and comfortable in my own skin.

I yearned to seek out more people who were into the lifestyle as I am, people who I can learn from. So I found a local dungeon owned by a reputable and well respected Lifestyle and Pro-Domme in the field and started working. It wasn’t about money for me it was about finding myself and something I enjoyed.

I was fortunate to be mentored by quite a few well known lifestyle and pro dommes from around the world. I was even put into contact with fetish producers and film stars. I learned quite a few things from all of them.

Being a pro domme has never made me feel like it is another “Job” I see it as a hobby. Something I enjoy doing and am consistently learning.

(in reply to Lorelei115)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Becoming Pro..? - 12/11/2006 8:37:17 AM   
TXssbbwGODDESS


Posts: 10
Joined: 10/4/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Lorelei115

Anyway, I wanted to ask the Professionals out there a couple questions. First, what made you think that a career in Pro-Domming was right for you? Second, what steps did you take in order to become a Pro-Dom? Are there legal precedents and such you have to work around? Did you mentor with another Pro? And third, since becoming a Pro-Dom, has BDSM stopped being fun and become more like "work"?



- I had an acquaintence while I was in college who worked as a prodomme.  One time, she was seeing a client who expressed a desire to also be dominated by a woman who was on the opposite end of the physical spectrum from her (she was very petite and slim).  I was the only very tall, very large woman she knew who might possibly be game to play along.  I figured why not?  I found that not only was it an absolute world of fun, the money was certainly a bonus, I was actually good at it, and it was a "structured" outlet for me to express my dominant and kinky side in my otherwise vanilla life. 

- Aside from that first experience helping out with the session, I started off by being put into contact with some experienced submissives who were looking for a dominant with my physical attributes and with my preferences and skills.  And they have passed the word to others.  I pretty much work via word of mouth.  So, not much work in getting started out. 

- Yes, there are certainly legal precedents.  I spoke with both a couple of attorneys and a couple of law enforcement officials about professional domination.  It is a kind of a grey area as far as they are concerned, so I have very firmly enforced boundaries and rules regarding what I will and will not do during a session.  Obviously there is no sexual contact involved in a session, I also stay away from edge play to be on the safe side. 

- I mentored briefly with the professional who initially brought me in on her session.  I have had experience with BDSM from former relationships going back over twenty years.  So I already had a pretty good knowledge of what it was all about.  I read a lot.  I made contacts with some other professional dominants (of all specializations) and we chat and network and share information, pass along clients, etc...

- It has not stopped being fun and become "work" as I am not a full time professional dominant doing this and this alone to pay all of my bills.  I do this part-time and have the luxury of choosing how often and with whom/how I will play.  I live a primarily "vanilla" life.  Working as a prodomme not only gives me an outlet to express that side of my personality, but the professional angle serves to provide structure and ensure at least some distance between me and my clients.  I am very contentedly committed to the two loves of my life, and do not wish to have any kind of sexual contact or emotional entanglements with other people.  By doing this professionally, there is always that barrier between myself and my clients. While I am certainly friends with some of my clients and have a strong friendship with a few of them, there are no expectations nor obligations as far as an ongoing ownership bond and all the responsibilities it entails. 

Hope this explains a bit. 
TXssbbwGODDESS Ann

(in reply to Lorelei115)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Becoming Pro..? - 12/23/2006 11:06:59 AM   
GoddesssJane


Posts: 7
Joined: 6/6/2006
Status: offline 		I'm just starting out going pro, but have been in the alt lifestyle for over ten years. In this time, I've watched alot, asked millions of questions,  (and still do) read everything I can get my hands on and spend counteless hours researching and speaking with both subs and dommes online about all aspects of it.

I will be having a young girl mentoring me, and will be starting out with other newbies lol

(in reply to TXssbbwGODDESS)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Becoming Pro..? - 12/23/2006 11:30:51 AM   
Grlwithboy


Posts: 655
Joined: 2/8/2005
Status: offline 		In scene 10 years, pro for 3, on hiatus for the moment.

One of the problems, not the only one, but one of them, which has put me on a session hiatus, is the fact that because I had 7 years in the scene before going professional and because it was my love of the scene that moved me along, I found that I am very bad at thinking about my professional domination with the good business head on. (Anyone else have trouble with that issue?) Until I can be a better businesswoman first, Domme second, it doesn't seem productive. As yourself if you are a good businesswoman, in the hard numbers sense.

While people complain about rates all the time, I simply don't have it in me to scene with any number of people in a week whatever the compatibility may or may not be, the way THEY want to (I can't do this with a burger mentality) and so I simply wasn't getting ahead, beyond some really nice clothes and toys, all profession related. I was like the young assistant who had to have prada shoes because everyone has to have prada shoes, but has to eat ramen when she gets home.  Bleh.

I'm at a point where I want to have the most quality and most specific-to-me scenes I can, and I can leave it to someone else to die with the best gear, it's not gonna be me.  I find that phone sessions are cost effective for me and I am particularly talented in that regard it seems, so for now, that is what I choose to do.  I play face to face for myself and my loved ones.




(in reply to GoddesssJane)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Becoming Pro..? - 12/23/2006 11:51:11 AM   
crouchingtigress


Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline 		BDSM did stop being fun and more like work.....but then again so did glass blowing which i truly love....i think it happens in all professions.
 
some ideas you might enjoy:
 
Get a business manager, and dont have him/her be a client, in fact trading services is a great way to make things blurry....i would steer clear.
 
Have a menu that they can choose from...this allows you to still feel a little in control and you can get very clear of what you do for how much...soem will hate this but others will love it.
 
Reward regular clients with special treats and favors, these guys are your bread and butter and just a hand full of well chosen clients are much better then a large number of random for not getting burned out.
 
Decide on a financial figure yo want to make, create a goal, and create a work week schedule, you need to have parameters that are different from you everyday life.
 
Save most of your money, very easy to spend it on stupid shit.
 
Have a separate place other then you home.
 
 
 
 

_____________________________


Service slut, durable plaything, and ponypenquincatdogpig, to Lee Harrington

This is him

"Its none of my buisness what other people think of me."




(in reply to Grlwithboy)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Becoming Pro..? - 12/24/2006 11:49:50 PM   
GoddessNani


Posts: 5
Joined: 12/13/2006
Status: offline 		Such an awesome thread!! I too am just starting out, having been interested in BDSM for many years, but not a lot of involvement until lately.  I would like to ask the Pro Dommes, what kind of business license is needed to be a legitimate business?? 

(in reply to Lorelei115)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Becoming Pro..? - 12/25/2006 5:17:40 AM   
DiannaVesta


Posts: 1087
Joined: 2/6/2006
From: Mid-Atlantic area
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: GoddessNani

Such an awesome thread!! I too am just starting out, having been interested in BDSM for many years, but not a lot of involvement until lately.  I would like to ask the Pro Dommes, what kind of business license is needed to be a legitimate business?? 


I'm not telling you to do anything illegal but why would you want to call attention to yourself? There are ways you can do it while being safe and profitable.


_____________________________



(in reply to GoddessNani)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Becoming Pro..? - 12/25/2006 2:38:07 PM   
GoddessNani


Posts: 5
Joined: 12/13/2006
Status: offline 		So does one only accept cash as payment? 

(in reply to DiannaVesta)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Becoming Pro..? - 12/26/2006 11:18:22 AM   
nytesub


Posts: 5
Joined: 12/19/2006
Status: offline 		hello, i found this thread to be very informative. i have scened with pros, and i also understand the Domming industry. i am all for Pros making money as a business, but i would like to expand on the legitimacy factor. i own a business, and for me to be legitimate i need to claim all my income (revenues/expenses/profits/losses) every year as a business that society requires this of me. for myself, i only give my business to Pros who do the same.

i am curious. do You Pros claim Your income that You take in as a business?

(in reply to GoddessNani)
Profile   Post #: 20
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