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Dom by Night, Noble by Day - 10/17/2006 7:12:33 PM   
TakeChargeType


Posts: 1
Joined: 3/20/2006
Status: offline 		Looking for answers...

Dumb question, but what is a Sub/Slave girl looking for?

Seriously, I've dated plenty of vanilla women. Most of them seem to like it when I get to taking charge at night because when I'm with a girl I want to take her experiences to every height. Hey, yes, I admit if she liked it enough and wanted to be "caught" in a french maid's outfit cleaning when I got home I'd be major-turned-on too--you could say that its the big "take it to the next level" that I'm looking for.

But I'm a genuine nice guy. I'm that fit, socally acceptable fun, gregarious type who you picture behind a big supervisor's desk and who you'd take home to mother. The BDSM clubs are too non-socially acceptable for me (especially when I might risk my work reputation)--then there's another twist.

To me, most of the guys I see on this site (I"m sorry if I don't make friends with this) are the waste-your-life types who weigh twice what I do and look like they cawled out of 3000 years in a cave. I couldn't do BDSM clubs 'cause I'd laugh--I wouldn't trust these guys with my coat at the door--and I'd spend the whole time in awe wondering how or why women would fall over themselves to be spanked by that kind of <expletive>.

So what does a nice guy do...keep trying to find someone kinky enough in vanilla world (not likely)? Write something a little different for a profile? Grow my hair down to my mid-back, grow a beer gut and facial hair, then take a picture of my naked body in front of a run-down mobile home mirror?

I could use a little advise--it's like I"m caught between two worlds!!!
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Dom by Night, Noble by Day - 10/17/2006 7:22:25 PM   
synny


Posts: 1
Joined: 2/11/2006
Status: offline 		oh Take-Charge - You are the best of both worlds - and realize that being Dominant is not a secondary meaning of "I am MASTER"

I can only speak for myself - but can honestly say - I seek a counterpart - that not only can understand my needs - but can emotionally and mentally understand my profession - that desires someone to live and grow with - not merely have as a doormat and cumdrop.


(in reply to TakeChargeType)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Dom by Night, Noble by Day - 10/17/2006 8:03:40 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		You express a common quandry.

http://www.collarchat.com/m_505491/mpage_1/key_gentleman/tm.htm#505668
Seeking consensus: dominant as gentleman?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_433779/mpage_1/key_gentleman/tm.htm#433966
Master...in slaves' eyes!

http://www.collarchat.com/m_380311/mpage_2/key_gentleman%252Cdom/tm.htm#384513
dom vs gentleman

http://www.collarchat.com/m_266268/mpage_1/key_gentleman%252Cdom/tm.htm#266288
the gentleman dom with feelings

Is the term gentleman dom an oxymoron?

Gentlemen vs nice guy

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to TakeChargeType)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Dom by Night, Noble by Day - 10/17/2006 8:45:40 PM   
pixiecat67


Posts: 6
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		There is absolutely no reason a man should give up his manners when he decides to become a "Dominant."  Of course everyone has his or her preference, but I would not feel inclined to submit to anyone who did not treat me well.  Being treated like a lady makes me feel super-feminine and sexy. Being treated like a second-class citizen only makes me feel unvalued and worthless. A secure woman is a woman who feels free to express herself sexually and be uninhibited.  Of course everyone is different, but being a gentleman should not hurt your chances of finding a submissive or slave.  In fact, it will probably help a great deal. Very few people appreciate bad manners.

pixiecat

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Dom by Night, Noble by Day - 10/17/2006 9:25:11 PM   
afeathr


Posts: 248
Joined: 6/1/2006
From: Southern California
Status: offline 		I don't care for the judgmental type - which is all the I am reading in your post. And how are we to know that you are not one of the "waste-your-life types" that you claim are so common on this site?

As with most things... beauty is in the eye of the beholder.  I have always said that if someone has a hard time getting into, or maintaining, a relationship - there must certianly be a reason for that.

No offense, but... my 2 cents.

_____________________________

afeathr

-Going where the wind blows me...

(in reply to TakeChargeType)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Dom by Night, Noble by Day - 10/17/2006 9:28:47 PM   
letcandb


Posts: 3
Joined: 2/23/2005
Status: offline 		Wow...I think we may be soulDs...i am a sub by night and independent by day......please check out my profile....letcandb

(in reply to TakeChargeType)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Dom by Night, Noble by Day - 10/17/2006 9:42:04 PM   
withthesewings


Posts: 29
Joined: 8/9/2006
Status: offline 		"Grow my hair down to my mid-back, grow a beer gut and facial hair, then take a picture of my naked body in front of a run-down mobile home mirror?"

*LMAO*

(in reply to letcandb)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Dom by Night, Noble by Day - 10/17/2006 9:56:11 PM   
Mikal


Posts: 3673
Status: offline
quote:

Grow my hair down to my mid-back, grow a beer gut and facial hair, then take a picture of my naked body in front of a run-down mobile home mirror?
*snickers* I haven't seen anyone post a pic like that yet... care to share???

Besides, hasn't anyone ever told you that looks aren't everything? Beauty WILL fade over time, and just because someone looks nice, doesn't mean they are... I'd rather be with someone who values me for me, not for my passing appearance, and who is stable & not the hollywood dream boat wanderer. Just my opinion.
 
As to what is a sub/slave looking for... why don't you try messaging them and asking? Those who are already spoken for are upfront about it... if they state "NO DOMS", you could ask to speak to their Dom/Master and explain your quandary. However, there are many unattached subs/slaves... just look!

_____________________________

You know that I am a sexy penguin.

(in reply to withthesewings)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Dom by Night, Noble by Day - 10/17/2006 10:32:56 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:

Dumb question, but what is a Sub/Slave girl looking for?


I imagine different women want different things


quote:

But I'm a genuine nice guy. I'm that fit, socally acceptable fun, gregarious type who you picture behind a big supervisor's desk and who you'd take home to mother. The BDSM clubs are too non-socially acceptable for me (especially when I might risk my work reputation)--then there's another twist.


Good for you! hopefully you might translate this into a real long lasting relationship with a wonderful "s" type female who has similar qualities and values.


quote:

To me, most of the guys I see on this site (I"m sorry if I don't make friends with this) are the waste-your-life types who weigh twice what I do and look like they cawled out of 3000 years in a cave. I couldn't do BDSM clubs 'cause I'd laugh--I wouldn't trust these guys with my coat at the door--and I'd spend the whole time in awe wondering how or why women would fall over themselves to be spanked by that kind of <expletive>.


Why do you care what other people want and spend more time investing in who you are. It seems that you are comparing yourself favorably with others and building yourself up at other people's expense is very unappealing. Why invest your energy in such a negative and nasty way? I wonder if you truly feel superior to these people, or inferior? I can tell you what I found personally, someone that is the total package and is completely unaffected by his so-called competition.

quote:

So what does a nice guy do...keep trying to find someone kinky enough in vanilla world (not likely)? Write something a little different for a profile? Grow my hair down to my mid-back, grow a beer gut and facial hair, then take a picture of my naked body in front of a run-down mobile home mirror?



Work on your personality and not worry about what other people do.... seriously, I can tell you from my own perspective the biggest turn off in the world for me is a shallow pool.

< Message edited by juliaoceania -- 10/17/2006 10:34:33 PM >

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to TakeChargeType)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Dom by Night, Noble by Day - 10/17/2006 10:52:57 PM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline
quote:

To me, most of the guys I see on this site (I"m sorry if I don't make friends with this) are the waste-your-life types who weigh twice what I do and look like they cawled out of 3000 years in a cave. I couldn't do BDSM clubs 'cause I'd laugh--I wouldn't trust these guys with my coat at the door--and I'd spend the whole time in awe wondering how or why women would fall over themselves to be spanked by that kind of <expletive>.

So what does a nice guy do...keep trying to find someone kinky enough in vanilla world (not likely)? Write something a little different for a profile? Grow my hair down to my mid-back, grow a beer gut and facial hair, then take a picture of my naked body in front of a run-down mobile home mirror?


You really don't seem all that nice.

quote:

I could use a little advise--it's like I"m caught between two worlds!!!


My advice: Before you go out searching for a partner, you might want to do a little self-reflection and work on some of your flaws. Get your own house in order, then you can set about filling it a partner or partners.

You don't have to build yourself up by trying to belittle other people. It's quite crass and makes you appear to be of substandard quality. It is, of course, your choice how you present yourself. Right now, you are rather unimpressive, but you can change that if you have the desire to do so.

Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."


(in reply to TakeChargeType)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Dom by Night, Noble by Day - 10/17/2006 10:56:05 PM   
diamonddreamlove


Posts: 770
Joined: 5/19/2006
Status: offline 		Yes You are right it is hard to find acceptable subs here after all we are very picky ladies who know exactly what we want.  Fat long haired losers.   Sorry had to get that one out.  Actually like Doms/Masters not all sub/slaves are created equal.  Some are beautiful on the inside some on the outside.  We all have different kinks and most are seeking the One they wish to be with for atleast part of their life.  As for being afraid of being seen at a BDSM club Sir and i both own our businesses and are well educated.  We just happen to enjoy playing together and the commaradarie of being with like minded folks is an attraction to and for us both.  My thought is if someone sees you at the function that means they were there too.  Is quite difficult to blackmail someone when you are also guilty of the same crime.  And yes it has happened that i have run into people that made me step back a second and remember that if they are here then they must have the same type of overall interest and are not likely to out me.  So stop making excuses and find a nice sub/slave and leave the vanillas alone.  Marrying or being in a relationship with a  vanilla when you are really a twist or chocolate is unbearable at times and unless they are just kinked enough to give this world a try then you will be destined to be unfullfilled for life.  LOL yep i talk from experience on that subject and now i am where i belong.

_____________________________

"Many attempts to communicate are nullified by saying too much." Robert Greenleaf

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Dom by Night, Noble by Day - 10/17/2006 11:29:02 PM   
behindmirrors


Posts: 340
Joined: 8/5/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TakeChargeType

Looking for answers...

Dumb question, but what is a Sub/Slave girl looking for?

Well, since I'm not looking, this is a tough one. But I was at one point looking for someone that I could trust and feel safe with. Those things were paramount to me in being submissive to another.

quote:


Seriously, I've dated plenty of vanilla women. Most of them seem to like it when I get to taking charge at night because when I'm with a girl I want to take her experiences to every height. Hey, yes, I admit if she liked it enough and wanted to be "caught" in a french maid's outfit cleaning when I got home I'd be major-turned-on too--you could say that its the big "take it to the next level" that I'm looking for.

These people do exist. All it took was for my boyfriend at the time to give me a task to do when he was at work, and he came home to me kneeling nude by the bed sorting papers.

quote:


But I'm a genuine nice guy. I'm that fit, socally acceptable fun, gregarious type who you picture behind a big supervisor's desk and who you'd take home to mother. The BDSM clubs are too non-socially acceptable for me (especially when I might risk my work reputation)--then there's another twist.

Being a nice guy shouldn't hurt your chances at being a good Dom. It should be a good thing that you're nice- it will make it easier to warm up to you. As for going to the clubs, I worried about this at first too- until I realized that no one there would want me to mention it more than I would want it to be mentioned. I never went while "looking" for anything- just to have something to do.

quote:


To me, most of the guys I see on this site (I"m sorry if I don't make friends with this) are the waste-your-life types who weigh twice what I do and look like they cawled out of 3000 years in a cave. I couldn't do BDSM clubs 'cause I'd laugh--I wouldn't trust these guys with my coat at the door--and I'd spend the whole time in awe wondering how or why women would fall over themselves to be spanked by that kind of <expletive>.

Hehe...you never know what types you may find anywhere you go. Sort of like how there are people who are attractive and not-so-attractive here, depending on who's looking at them and what their preferences are. And who says you have to check your coat?

quote:


So what does a nice guy do...keep trying to find someone kinky enough in vanilla world (not likely)? Write something a little different for a profile? Grow my hair down to my mid-back, grow a beer gut and facial hair, then take a picture of my naked body in front of a run-down mobile home mirror?

The walls are really thin in mobile homes, from what I've noticed. The neighbors may not appreciate your kinks, haha.
More seriously, you can find people in the vanilla world that are kinky (that would be how I was found- in a vanilla relationship until I was able to see I could trust the boyfriend enough to admit my kinky nature...and know he wouldn't run far far away...), but it is tough. We just got lucky, I think. At any rate, be yourself. I think many people here will agree that being "fake" really hurts your chances.


quote:


I could use a little advise--it's like I"m caught between two worlds!!!

I hope this helped. Good luck on your search.
behindmirrors.

(in reply to TakeChargeType)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Dom by Night, Noble by Day - 10/18/2006 2:31:44 AM   
Quivver


Posts: 1953
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline 		My suggestion is to become comfortable in your own skin, it's obvious your fond of it, so why not find the confidence to be you reguardless of what others are. 

_____________________________

The problem with communication ... is the illusion that it has been accomplished. ~George Bernard Shaw

(in reply to behindmirrors)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Dom by Night, Noble by Day - 10/18/2006 3:13:59 AM   
gypsylee


Posts: 293
Joined: 9/18/2006
From: Melbournia, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TakeChargeType

Dumb question, but what is a Sub/Slave girl looking for?


sub girls only want Doms with great skills. you know, like nunchuck skills... bowhunting skills... computer hacking skills...

_____________________________

You're one twisted fuck... Nup, I'm just an ordinary girl with nothin' to lose.


(in reply to TakeChargeType)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Dom by Night, Noble by Day - 10/18/2006 6:10:07 AM   
Celeste43


Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline 		I read your profile. The red flag I see is that you announce you're looking for subs because vanilla women want to be loved. Guess what, just because we're submissive doesn't mean we don't want to be loved and cared for.

Neither he nor I are as young, or thin, as we used to be. But so what? He loves me, takes care of me, gives me a safe place where I can drop my defenses. And that makes him worth ten times a man who thinks his looks entitle him to something his actions do not.

(in reply to gypsylee)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Dom by Night, Noble by Day - 10/18/2006 6:21:52 AM   
MsKatHouston


Posts: 1909
Joined: 6/7/2006
From: Houston, TX
Status: offline 		Wow, I completely disagree with your assessment of the scene in general.  Certainly there are some neanderthals out there (on both sides of the fence) but the majority of interactions I have in my local scene and here on collarme are with ladies and gentlemen, whether they identify as dominant or submissive. 

IMO, people who act like a lady or a gentleman are more desirable.  When they are not rude or feel a need to yell, then they exude power and control because they have shown they can first master self control, something that is essential before you can master someone else.

Regarding non socially acceptable munches and the like, mine meets in a restaurant and unless you were listening to the conversation you'd see a bumnch of people who look like they are on a business lunch.  I am not sure where you got your idea of those in the scene but I think you have a slightly skewed perception. 

So to get back to the OP, the way to do that is to show who you are and what you genuinely want.  Search for those who fit within your parameters.  Be pleasant and polite when contacting potential submissives.  Try to keep the judgment of people you don't even know out of it.  Most submissives I know and also as evidenced by the numerous threads on approaching a submissive one can find here, appreciate a more gentlemanly approach. 

_____________________________

-Kat

~If you can't be a good example, you'll just have to serve as a horrible warning~

(in reply to Celeste43)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Dom by Night, Noble by Day - 10/18/2006 6:25:06 AM   
MsKatHouston


Posts: 1909
Joined: 6/7/2006
From: Houston, TX
Status: offline 		I just read your profile.  Are you actually saying you will not give someone a picture or your name but want to cyber with them for awhile?  Then, if they get hooked, you may meet?  I am not sure how that will go over with many submissives and to me it seems a bit...suspicious.  I wouldn't start playing with a submissive before I knew what he looked like.  It may end up a giant waste of my time, something I am not interested in.  Maybe the submissives can shed some light on that too.

_____________________________

-Kat

~If you can't be a good example, you'll just have to serve as a horrible warning~

(in reply to MsKatHouston)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Dom by Night, Noble by Day - 10/18/2006 6:45:27 AM   
MzTlaz


Posts: 140
Joined: 8/8/2006
Status: offline 		Hmm....after reading this post and his profile this one has 'loser' and 'horny net geek' written all over it.    Damn whiney on top of it all too.

I do wish the 'I can't get what I want in regular life so I'll call myself Dom' people would just find something else to do rather than use our Lifestyle to get their jollies. 

(in reply to TakeChargeType)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Dom by Night, Noble by Day - 10/18/2006 6:51:24 AM   
darkinshadows


Posts: 4145
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: UK
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TakeChargeType

Looking for answers...

Dumb question, but what is a Sub/Slave girl looking for?


Depends on the person.

quote:

Seriously, I've dated plenty of vanilla women. Most of them seem to like it when I get to taking charge at night because when I'm with a girl I want to take her experiences to every height. Hey, yes, I admit if she liked it enough and wanted to be "caught" in a french maid's outfit cleaning when I got home I'd be major-turned-on too--you could say that its the big "take it to the next level" that I'm looking for.


That would be fetish.  I would suggest that you may wish to learn and discover a little more.

quote:

But I'm a genuine nice guy. I'm that fit, socally acceptable fun, gregarious type who you picture behind a big supervisor's desk and who you'd take home to mother. The BDSM clubs are too non-socially acceptable for me (especially when I might risk my work reputation)--then there's another twist.


Oh, there is that word again - 'nice'.  How totally dull and boring.  And often misused, as in this context.  I would question how many munches and groups you have attended?  You seem to have a set idea which is the usual misconception of people who are just beginning to investigate or have followed media coverage of BDSM only.

quote:

To me, most of the guys I see on this site (I"m sorry if I don't make friends with this) are the waste-your-life types who weigh twice what I do and look like they cawled out of 3000 years in a cave. I couldn't do BDSM clubs 'cause I'd laugh--I wouldn't trust these guys with my coat at the door--and I'd spend the whole time in awe wondering how or why women would fall over themselves to be spanked by that kind of <expletive>.


Ahem with the 'nice guy' attitude?  I agree with Bita.
 
I wouldnt worry what other people think, or what friends you do or do not make... you seem to wrapped up in what other people think so you may wish to step back and evaluate why.  Your attitude is very immature and schoolchild playground behaviour.  (Of course this is subjective opinion).  You have a set idea of what people look like or will be without any actual experience of these places or people.  The internet is entirely different to 'cyberlife' and you cannot link the two.

quote:

So what does a nice guy do...keep trying to find someone kinky enough in vanilla world (not likely)? Write something a little different for a profile? Grow my hair down to my mid-back, grow a beer gut and facial hair, then take a picture of my naked body in front of a run-down mobile home mirror?


Again with the nice guy - are you trying to make a point, because you are failing miserably.  You are not in the least bit nice.  You are covering your embaressment of what you are beginning to desire with false humour.  'Nice' people do not ridicule others who they do not know.  'nice' people do not make snap assumptions and base all their ideas on one form.

quote:

I could use a little advise--it's like I"m caught between two worlds!!!


First you need to grow up.  Maturity does not come with age, but with experience.  Being noble is alot more than opening a door and being the accountant - and being 'nice'.  Dominant is more than a simple command. Belittling people to make yourself feel 'even nicer' isn't 'nice'... its rude and distastful.
 
And then, just what Bita said because I agree with her 100%.
 
Change if you want to - and ifnot - happy cybering... but remember it takes little effort to push the right buttons whilst one hand is under the desk.
Peace and Rapture

_____________________________
.dark.



...i surrender to gravity and the unknown...

(in reply to TakeChargeType)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Dom by Night, Noble by Day - 10/18/2006 7:41:18 AM   
MrRodgers


Posts: 10542
Joined: 7/30/2005
Status: offline 		 
Young man, give this time. Do your (more) research of these places (the kinkosphere) which are in their own way...Rome, and when in Rome, do as the Romans do. It is projection and how you project yourself. (note: my profile is still under contract negotiations...with a well known smut publisher)...can't 'release' it yet.

Also, Iam with juliaoceania here and you are in no way to concern yourself with your competition. I have online subs and have told them to see and meet with whomever they want with precaution...and they continually tell me all about them from the first email and chat. (a total of 5 in a year or more, to be honest) Now how do you think it is that they tell me so much...and in such a way as to have me believe that they are telling me everything...and truthfully ? Why is it that they do not JUST go to these doms and be done with me ?

Do you have a sense of humor...everybody likes to laugh ? I try to be humorous about their profile and about myself. I use myself as a tool for humor and every line, can be a straight line. I offer advice without prejudice and it is most often welcomed. The local community will become another tool...another bit of research and only consider what other have to say about it in the mean time.

You see, once they understood why...why...I was living in mom's rec room and drove her car more than mine (it's a Mercedes, ok!) and actually had no job, well then we were off and running. Be yourself (some say, you have no choice, but you do) and some may actually come to you.

Come to these sites to have fun and post in the forum on a variety of subjects. That will create a bit of a log on you here and make it positive and informative. Yes, some young subs like the bad boys and they will go through that phase, but in the end...you will have to make the difference.

(in reply to MzTlaz)
Profile   Post #: 20
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