RE: Should profile be changed? (Full Version)

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ruffnecksbabygir -> RE: Should profile be changed? (2/24/2005 5:56:25 PM)

smiles,
thank you sweetheart, i wish you all the best too.[:)]



BeachMystress -> RE: Should profile be changed? (2/24/2005 8:53:47 PM)




quote:

ORIGINAL: ruffnecksbabygir

yes, i did have some trust issues, but that stage of the relationship is over...we are both past that, it isn't about me trusting him or not..... and i am not asking the same question in a different manner....like i said, everything in the relationship is just fine.... you know what, never mind my question, i realize now i definately shouldn't pay attention to that since i know where i stand with him and i am very sure of our relationship...so, thanks for your replies, i appreciate it, but i don't need any more advice on this issue...it's silly of me to worry about something so small. [;)]

I wish I agreed with you. It does sound to me, like to some others, that you don't like what you're hearing and are trying to minimize the fall out. This isn't going to just go away until you fix it. If the man is trustworthy or not is no longer the issue. I suspect you already know the answer to that in your own heart. The issue I see is that you are not willing to trust your own instincts as to if there is a problem or not. It doesn't matter if this is a baggage or a self esteem issue. The fact is that it seems to be there and needs to be fixed. Figure out how to do that for yourself!

quote:

ORIGINAL: ruffnecksbabygir

UPDATE


Hello again! Master and i are getting married and He has deleted His profile from Collarme....His search is over and He has proven that to me in many ways not just by removing His profile...thank you all for your replies to my original question!

Congratulations, but you still have to keep the relationship working. I hate to say it, but I think the problem is on your side. He may or may not be a wonderful man. From the stuff in here, I can't judge it. I'll have to take your assurance that he is. In that case, you need to figure out why you can't be totally secure in that and not worry about little things.

I didn't change my profiles right away when my sub and I made our relationship monogamous. I knew I wasn't seeking. He knew I wasn't seeking. I had links on my collarme profile from waaay back when they were allowed on profiles. I didn't want to update and lose them. :-( Because people ignored my journal entries about not looking, I finally had to change the profile itself. We'd never discussed why I had not changed my profile. He didn't ask. But he did notice within days that I had done it. Sometimes, something means more to one person than the other. If he'd have mentioned it, I'd have changed it right away. After I realized it mattered to him, I made a concerted effort to change all of my profiles on all sites. It was a bit of a pain in the butt, but since it mattered to my boy, it mattered to me. I have to agree with happypervert when he mentions that the response you got about topping from below should raise a few red flags. It doesn't necessarily mean he is looking, but it does mean that he isn't valuing your feelings enough. You seem like a very sensitive person who needs a lot of reassurance. With him knowing that, and blowing you off it sounds like Darthbetta's statement
"Chances are he wants to appear as "AVAILABLE" so he can look for a better deal." might have some merit. Just because the profile you know is gone doesn't mean he hasn't created a new profile. All he'd need to do is alter a few of the stats and he'd look different enough to not show up on your radar.. add or subtract a few pounds and a few inches of height, fudge the age by several years, leave out his favorite fetish. I really can't tell from your posts if the man is worth trusting or not. Normally, I'd say head for the hills. As dally, you brought up enough things that this may be just your own insecurities. I wish we could help you sort things out more, but I think until you fix you, you'll never know if he is trustworthy or not.



ruffnecksbabygir -> RE: Should profile be changed? (2/25/2005 8:04:04 AM)

Dearest Beach Mystress,

You are right about my insecurities...although through the years, specially these last three since my divorce, i have learned to accept myself and embrace even my faults rather than dwell on them. i have come a long way believe it or not, i plan on continuing to grow and develop a much better self esteem and hopefully one day i won't have any of these issues which arise from my own self doubts and insecurities.

When i posted my replies it was in no way brushing things off.... i know it seems that way but if you knew me and my situation you'd see that was definately not the case. i don't brush things off, i discuss them, i confront them, i have no problems with facing my issues, with venting my frustrations....on the contrary, if i don't i can't move on, i can't just pretend all is well when it is not.

i over analyze things way too much, always been this way, my relationships are no different...i worry about this or that, it's a part of who i am, and i acknowledge it and i am making a conscious (conscience?) effort to over come this, with my Masters help i am making small but significant changes in my life....Master has given me more love and support in the short time we have been together than any man ever has.

He is the man i had always searched for but had given up on ever finding...He is not perfect, neither am i....but i choose to not dwell on the small things, such as the profile changed, or not, rather i am trying to keep my mind focused on the bigger picture....i know i had concerns about the profile when i started this thread, and i did express it to Him, and He did take my feelings into consideration, He didn't change it right away, but you know what, it was ultimately His choice, His decision to make....i could have become very upset about it, whinned and dwelled on it for ever, or i could have just moved on and focus on something else of more importance, i chose the latter, He eventually deleted it, as the lovely "smiles" pointed out He does have another profile at another site, it's fine by me.

i know that i am the one who is always with Him, i know that i am the one who serves Him, and upto this point i have pleased Him in every way, and He has given me His devotion and love, we compliment eachother, we complete eachother, that's just much more important to me than whether or not His profile is still active or if He will search for others on this site....when it comes down to it, if He did find another slave to "replace" me, then i would have no other choice but to move on and continue my journey....but i can't worry about that now, i'd worry about it if it were to happen...this is why i took back what i said concerning my doubts of Him reference the profile, and it's not so much that i took it back but i simply decided to stop worrying about it and just focus on other things.

i do appreciate however all of your comments, everyone has given me great input and i am always open to advice and love reading other peoples opinions on matters which i discuss here, i take the good and the bad and learn from it all.

thank you
Ruffneck's babygirl



smiles -> RE: Should profile be changed? (2/25/2005 10:19:57 AM)


Dearest sis,

I had a lengthy conversation with Master about this thread. He is aware of all the details. You see my owner now is my first ever Master. It was I that left him in the beginning, thinking there was a better match for me out there someplace.

I then had experienced other Masters and soon realized I had a most healthy relationship with my first Master.

I never have to walk on eggshells with him. I feel comfortable telling him all my concerns as he always respectfully addresses my issues fairly, guiding me with much concern and patience. He controls his temper and never makes me feel guilty for my feelings or concerns. He cherishes me for who I am in that he is not out to revamp me into something I am not... Above all he has always been honest with me. Always...

In speaking with him about your thread, etc., he feels the hurt that I had endured and now Master tends to my reopened wound from this past situation.

Master has absolutely no respect for the one who was less than honorable with his beautiful loving, caring, & very obedient slave.

Master is a wise and kind man. He understands I am a compassionate person and I have valid concerns for another persons welfare. Nonetheless it is not my place to offer insight. Especially not at the expense of my reliving the hurt that was forced upon me by one who obviously had no genuine concern for my welfare.

Master reminds me many a time, actions do speak louder than words..

You seem to have much more insight now. Ultimately you & your son's future happiness lie in the choices you will make. You have been given much guidance through this thread. You can choose to ignore and justify things or not. Your so called insecurities have little to do with the issue at hand. Honesty is valued for a reason.



Master and I wish you well.

Respectfully,
smiles...

To Thine Own Self Be True
-Hamlet

Rather than love, than money, than fame, give me truth.
-Henry David Thoreau

Truth is like the sun. You can shut it out for a time, but it ain't goin' away.
-Elvis Presley

To have a right to do a thing is not at all the same as to be right in doing it.-G.K. Chesterton





TallDarkAndWitty -> RE: Should profile be changed? (2/25/2005 10:30:42 AM)

Ok, this is way off topic, and I think I might be channelling songbird26's english major spirit, but this quote is being used all wrong:


quote:

ORIGINAL: smiles

To Thine Own Self Be True
-Hamlet


First, the line is acredited to Shakespeare, not some guy named Hamlet. It is from the play Hamlet, but was not said by Hamlet, it was said by Polonius, a blow hard and spouter of cliches. Shakespeare found the line trite and cliche...though it has been elevated to the heights of great advice by the masses.

Now, will someone call me an exorcist???

The power of Chirst compels you, songbird26...the power of Christ compels you!!!

Taggard



urminenow -> RE: Should profile be changed? (2/25/2005 10:58:23 AM)

The power of Chirst compels you, songbird26..



Chirst??? Go with the Chirst, songbird! lol



smiles -> RE: Should profile be changed? (2/25/2005 11:09:29 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: TallDarkAndWitty

Ok, this is way off topic, and I think I might be channelling songbird26's english major spirit, but this quote is being used all wrong:


quote:

ORIGINAL: smiles

To Thine Own Self Be True
-Hamlet


First, the line is acredited to Shakespeare, not some guy named Hamlet. It is from the play Hamlet, but was not said by Hamlet, it was said by Polonius, a blow hard and spouter of cliches. Shakespeare found the line trite and cliche...though it has been elevated to the heights of great advice by the masses.

Now, will someone call me an exorcist???

The power of Chirst compels you, songbird26...the power of Christ compels you!!!

Taggard


Thank you for establishing the correct author of this historic quote TallDarkAndWitty. Hamlet will always be known as the writing that gave this quote notoriety. No offense meant towards Shakespeare by any means..

However I did not intend to imply the generic meaning here as there is a message in this quote that applies to those in the know....[;)]




TallDarkAndWitty -> RE: Should profile be changed? (2/25/2005 11:25:11 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: urminenow
Chirst??? Go with the Chirst, songbird! lol


Hey, I really could use an editor and spell checker...are you busy???

Taggard



BeachMystress -> RE: Should profile be changed? (2/25/2005 12:04:36 PM)


I am glad you feel you're learning. You worry me. You sound like a very sweet person who would end up staying in a situation where you're not really valued rather than trust your own judgement. However, I do know the problem of over analysing, and it is a real danger. You can analyse your way out of the perfect situation (as smile did when she went to look for a "better" Dom, then realized she'd already had him.) Only you can determine which you're doing. I really think having someone with professional training to help you figure out which you're doing is a good idea.



ruffnecksbabygir -> RE: Should profile be changed? (2/25/2005 12:42:25 PM)

call me crazy but i AM very much inlove with my Master...if there is some underlying problem which i am not aware of then obviously, i am not aware of it.... i am not a teenage girl that has a crush on a guy and is blinded by his love and will put up with tons of crap in order to keep her guy.... i am a mature adult, i have found the man that i want to spend the rest of my life with... if "smiles" had a bad experience with him i truly do feel sorry for that, and i am very glad she has found herself a man that is what she is looking for.... my experience has not been the same...i have never been happier in my life, how could that possibly be wrong?
my marriage to my ex was everything BUT good, yet he is now remarried and his wife is quite content with him, she sees in him things i didn't and their chemistry just works well for them....every relationship is different.



urminenow -> RE: Should profile be changed? (2/25/2005 10:20:52 PM)

quote:

quote:

ORIGINAL: TallDarkAndWitty

quote:

ORIGINAL: urminenow
Chirst??? Go with the Chirst, songbird! lol


Hey, I really could use an editor and spell checker...are you busy???

Taggard


I am never too busy to be a smart ass..can't help myself.....It's a curse



TallDarkAndWitty -> RE: Should profile be changed? (2/25/2005 11:14:32 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: urminenow
I am never too busy to be a smart ass..can't help myself.....It's a curse


But are you too busy to be my editor??? The pay sucks, but I promise you will be under-appreciated!

Taggard



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