How do You call Him out on cheating?

How do You call Him out on cheating? (Full Version)

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naughtygeisha -> How do You call Him out on cheating? (10/20/2006 8:01:14 AM)
i had the unfortunate experience of playing with someone who stated that He did not have others and requested the same from me as We/we were looking at a 24/7 relationship, so to show my committment to the possibility i agreed, Needless to say i found out it was all lies., So herein lies the question , do i call Him out on it or do i just walk away and take it as a lesson in trust and honesty and most importantly to i let others know?Any advice would be appreciated, Thank You .

Kalira -> RE: How do You call Him out on cheating? (10/20/2006 8:04:01 AM)
Actually , it's pretty simple. You say 'I found out that you are seeing others. How come when we agreed that we would not?" Simple, to the point, and without drama.

sassiefire -> RE: How do You call Him out on cheating? (10/20/2006 8:06:41 AM)
Yes, call him on it. Be respectful. If you just walk away you may never know what could have been.

naughtygeisha -> RE: How do You call Him out on cheating? (10/20/2006 8:09:12 AM)
i realize that walking away without confronting Him on it would be the chicken way out it's just going to be a bit hard to trust Him and We/we all know just how important that is in this lifestyle and in life in general.

MistressCopia -> RE: How do You call Him out on cheating? (10/20/2006 8:44:22 AM)
Good morning, dear. First of all, please accept My condolences. Any time you have your hopes dashed in such a fashion, you're going to be quite hurt by the knowledge you have acquired. Walking away may remove the thing that is causing you the most grief- but it's not going to help you to heal any faster. Let Me preface these remarks to follow by saying that having a promise broken is a betrayal of trust. If you were promised exclusivity by a Dom and he did not keep up his end of that promise, he has betrayed your trust and you have every reason in the world to feel angry, hurt and devastated. Feel your emotions....be royally pissed off....cry if you want to! But then DO something for yourself. Ask the question that you really want the answer to....politely but firmly. Although I don't agree with the position, some Doms/Dommes believe that playing with another sub before a full collar is offered is "ok". If they didn't promise absolute exclusivity to you - not just sexual exclusivity - they may believe that there isn't a problem in engaging in D/s or BDSM activity with another person. The problem is if the expectation they set up in their sub is that she or he is the only one in their Dominants life, the subs heart is broken if they don't have the courage to examine the "fine print" of the agreement.... Ask your Dom if this was the case here. The answer will certainly tell you if there was some "non-disclosure" in your agreement....(ie: If the Dom with whom you were negotiating honestly did not understand what your perception of things was or if he knew what your expectations were and chose to knowingly break your agreement ) Either answer will give you a basis to move on with. If he broke your agreement and knowingly caused you heartache, you know what to look for the next time you are setting expectations during an agreement. If this was the result of mis-matched understandings of an agreement, you then have the option of clarifying things and moving forward. Either way, it brings you the closure you need and validates the fact that you need to understand what happened before you can mourn what you've already lost - that first blush of absolute trust. Blessings as you move closer to understanding the truth. Trust your own instincts and use the knowledge you gain to build the realtionship you crave with a loving, trustworthy Dominant partner. Copia

toservez -> RE: How do You call Him out on cheating? (10/20/2006 8:47:38 AM)
Sounds like to me you get to do what you want. If you want to just walk away do so. If you want to scream and yell do so. Personally for me, I would want to give a reason to a person I stop seeing even if it was a simple direct and unemotional response. Obviously someone lying in this nature is a huge blow to trust which is so important in any relationship let alone a D/s one. I am sure he will have some excuse and it may just not be because he has a penis one, but no matter what the excuse trust and honesty was clearly broken and it is what you can live with if you do consider still seeing him.

stockingluvr54 -> RE: How do You call Him out on cheating? (10/20/2006 8:51:04 AM)
tell him he's a lying fuctard and move on....fuckin cheaters (grrrrr)

naughtygeisha -> RE: How do You call Him out on cheating? (10/20/2006 8:51:25 AM)
again Your words of wisdom are astounding. i am going to end it with Him and advise Him that i know about the others, i deserve more than that, thank You all and hopefully this forum will help others in similar situations. i cannot submit completely to someone who i cannot trust.

ToGiveDivine -> RE: How do You call Him out on cheating? (10/20/2006 8:52:18 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: stockingluvr54 tell him he's a lying fuctard and move on....fuckin cheaters (grrrrr) ROFL - if you read between the lines of what toservez said, this is what you see [:D]

naughtygeisha -> RE: How do You call Him out on cheating? (10/20/2006 8:56:00 AM)
lmao, it was what i thought but She put it so eloquently.

juliaoceania -> RE: How do You call Him out on cheating? (10/20/2006 8:56:02 AM)
quote: Although I don't agree with the position, some Doms/Dommes believe that playing with another sub before a full collar is offered is "ok". If they didn't promise absolute exclusivity to you - not just sexual exclusivity - they may believe that there isn't a problem in engaging in D/s or BDSM activity with another person. The problem is if the expectation they set up in their sub is that she or he is the only one in their Dominants life, the subs heart is broken if they don't have the courage to examine the "fine print" of the agreement.... Having fine print on some agreement with someone on this level to make the agreement seem different than it originally was is even more disgusting than outright lying. It is like asking what "is" means, and it is a dirty rotten trick...

CrappyDom -> RE: How do You call Him out on cheating? (10/20/2006 9:10:46 AM)
Why do you choose men who cheat on you?

ToGiveDivine -> RE: How do You call Him out on cheating? (10/20/2006 9:16:17 AM)
Did you miss the part where she said "he lied"?

MistressCopia -> RE: How do You call Him out on cheating? (10/20/2006 9:27:30 AM)
Which is why I said I don't agree with it ! LOL I'm a rather firm believer in getting ALL of the expectations out on the table in an agreement such as this. Understanding that people have a tendency to hear what they want to hear in emotional discussions can be used by unscrupulous people on both sides of the power-exchange aisle to make an agreement that can later be used to manipulate. Be clear in what you expect of your partner ( be they Dom or dub), stick to the letter of your agreement as well as it's spirit, and act like an honorable person worthy of someone's trust and respect. Oh....and keep your pants zipped if you've promised to do so ! It's so much less work than cleaning up your messes after the fact....

naughtygeisha -> RE: How do You call Him out on cheating? (10/20/2006 9:27:49 AM)
lol thanks i did not realize He was going to be a cheat and liar but i'm glad i found out so quickly, i just pity the poor girls He is playing with now, So should i tell them?

ToGiveDivine -> RE: How do You call Him out on cheating? (10/20/2006 9:31:10 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: naughtygeisha lol thanks i did not realize He was going to be a cheat and liar but i'm glad i found out so quickly, i just pity the poor girls He is playing with now, So should i tell them? That's a whole other topic - there are pros and cons in doing what you suggest. One thing that I've seen stressed in these forums over and over is to be sane and safe - look before you leap - work the muscles between your ears first. If you do decide to say something to the other ladies, make sure your safety is ensured before doing so.

stockingluvr54 -> RE: How do You call Him out on cheating? (10/20/2006 9:52:54 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ToGiveDivine quote: ORIGINAL: stockingluvr54 tell him he's a lying fuctard and move on....fuckin cheaters (grrrrr) ROFL - if you read between the lines of what toservez said, this is what you see [:D] YES....toservs always has well thought out posts!....mine are just abit more to the point...lol

eroticangel -> RE: How do You call Him out on cheating? (10/20/2006 9:56:50 AM)
CrappyDom Sir...are you kidding???? do you think she picked a liar and cheater on purpose???? He lied, did you miss that part??? Sometimes we search and we do everything by the book...we meet, talk, get to "know" people and they turn out to be skunks.....i just spent 8 weeks learning about someone...meeting, talking, having a good tome...finally we played and had sex and spent the night...and pooooof! He was gone...not another word...... i think i picked Him because i wanted something to post about. truthfully sometimes Crappy Dom...you make me want to scream....All the "learning" in the world doesn't always protect you from a liar!!!!!

Kinkypupper -> RE: How do You call Him out on cheating? (10/20/2006 9:58:46 AM)
Most definately call him out and be blunt.. Then dump him. any relationship is based on trust. a M/s one especially so. no matter what he says the trust you have in him is damaged and in my opinion will never fully recover... time to move on

toservez -> RE: How do You call Him out on cheating? (10/20/2006 10:02:23 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: eroticangel CrappyDom Sir...are you kidding???? do you think she picked a liar and cheater on purpose???? He lied, did you miss that part??? Sometimes we search and we do everything by the book...we meet, talk, get to "know" people and they turn out to be skunks.....i just spent 8 weeks learning about someone...meeting, talking, having a good tome...finally we played and had sex and spent the night...and pooooof! He was gone...not another word...... i think i picked Him because i wanted something to post about. truthfully sometimes Crappy Dom...you make me want to scream....All the "learning" in the world doesn't always protect you from a liar!!!!! It is only a probably very small percentage of women who have had more then a couple of boyfriends that have not had that wonderful experience of being cheated on. Trust us if there was a way to figure out who will and who will not, we would post it on billboards all over the world.

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