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Psychological masochism? - 10/20/2006 8:33:42 AM

PiercedDaz

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I am an inexperienced Trainee Dom how is trying to learn about the skills required to responsibly use the gifts offered to me by a sub. I have a friend who is a natural sub and tells Me many of her feelings on the subject. There is an aspect that I don't understand though...

I fully understand some peoples propensity towards pain and others aversion to it. she tells Me that although she accepts pain as a suitable punishment, it does not arouse her. she tells Me though that she is very, very masochistic on a pyschological level.

she is a friend of Mine and we do not share a D/s dynamic. I can sense that this is a sensative subject for her and therefore I do not want to explore this deeper until she is ready to disclose to Me.

So...can anyone enlighten Me on the concept of a pychological masochist and how this can be nurtured/protected/explored?

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RE: Psychological masochism? - 10/20/2006 8:37:37 AM

subdreamerboy

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That's probably one of the most intelligent questions I've read on here... too bad I can't help you at all, I'm sorry. Hopefully someone can.

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RE: Psychological masochism? - 10/20/2006 8:45:55 AM

LuckyAlbatross

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RE: Psychological masochism? - 10/20/2006 8:46:04 AM

Kalira

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quote:

ORIGINAL: PiercedDaz

I am an inexperienced Trainee Dom how is trying to learn about the skills required to responsibly use the gifts offered to me by a sub. I have a friend who is a natural sub and tells Me many of her feelings on the subject. There is an aspect that I don't understand though...

I fully understand some peoples propensity towards pain and others aversion to it. she tells Me that although she accepts pain as a suitable punishment, it does not arouse her. she tells Me though that she is very, very masochistic on a pyschological level.

she is a friend of Mine and we do not share a D/s dynamic. I can sense that this is a sensative subject for her and therefore I do not want to explore this deeper until she is ready to disclose to Me.

So...can anyone enlighten Me on the concept of a pychological masochist and how this can be nurtured/protected/explored?

Hmmm. I am in no way masochistic, I absolutly cringe whenever I think of him taking a belt, clamps, crop, whip to me. Pain itself does not in no way arouse me. What does arouse me though is the look on his face and in his eyes, when I am accepting whatever he feels the need for at that moment.
An example: he is very fond of using a flogger on me to the point that I am literally incoherent from the pain. And yet, the minute I look at his face, and see the intensity, the pride, and the extreme pleasure that HE is getting from it, the pain becomes exciting.
If I am told to keep my eyes down during the whole thing, it is nothing but pain. But when allowed to see his face...it is the most intense feeling of pleasure that I ever get.

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RE: Psychological masochism? - 10/20/2006 8:51:27 AM

juliaoceania

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We had an interesting discussion on this from the emotional instead of psychological point of view... perhaps this could be illuminating for you, it was for me.

http://www.collarchat.com/m_495884/mpage_1/key_emotional%252Cmasochism/tm.htm#495884

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RE: Psychological masochism? - 10/20/2006 9:01:40 AM

subjected2006

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I dont know if there is any way to protect someone.
There's always "deeper".
How sadistic are you?

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RE: Psychological masochism? - 10/20/2006 9:41:48 AM

Mavis

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julia.. thanks for the link to the emotional maso thread. in light of my admission in the ask a Master / discipline thread... i think i hate you now. lol.

actually.. no. The points made by justHeather and chewsie are hitting too close to home right now, i'm taking some time to think on that!

::: off to stew in her pot of consentual emotional masochism / wayward slaves soup :::

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RE: Psychological masochism? - 10/20/2006 9:57:16 AM

PiercedDaz

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How sadistic am I? I could have just quickly replied to this but decided to spend some time thinking about it.

Sadistic (adjective) from the noun Sadism: love of cruelty, esp. to the point of sexual gratification.

With this in mind, I ask if I am a sadist at all? It is not the love of cruelty that I get gratification from - it is the knowledge that my actions are helping a submissive nature to grow and find freedom.

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RE: Psychological masochism? - 10/20/2006 10:04:04 AM

LuckyAlbatross

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quote:

ORIGINAL: PiercedDaz
With this in mind, I ask if I am a sadist at all? It is not the love of cruelty that I get gratification from - it is the knowledge that my actions are helping a submissive nature to grow and find freedom.

That's what I call a "fluffy sadist" or what many people call a "sensationalist top"

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RE: Psychological masochism? - 10/20/2006 3:59:34 PM

Slipstreme

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I know in my experience, I seem emotionally masochistic, in that I am extremely hard on myself when I screw up in my own high set goals. However, I think that is simply what an overacheiver tends to do. My slave has very often told me it seems I stress out a lot easier than she does etc. Maybe this is what your submissive refered to when she said emotional masochistic?

I know a few people get gratification of some sort out of the emotions largely considered negative: fear being perhaps the most popular, anger, frustration, sadness etc. In my experience, agony. , even when they don't at the time like what they are experiencing. These people tend to have a deeper view about how such emotions cause growth and change, because you can't have happiness without its opposite.

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RE: Psychological masochism? - 10/20/2006 4:35:19 PM

subjected2006

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without death there is no life,
if all you've ever known is happiness
then you have never really known happiness
because you have never known pain
pain shapes us
happiness is in the details

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RE: Psychological masochism? - 10/20/2006 4:43:44 PM

PiercedDaz

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subjected2006...You have perfectly verbalised the true meaning to it all.

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RE: Psychological masochism? - 10/20/2006 10:35:37 PM

CrappyDom

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I would buy copies of the following three books written by very very talented people with more experience than all of us here on CM combined.

The Topping Book
The Bottoming Book
Consensual Sadomasochism

All three are available through Amazon or www.greenerypress.com

If they were required reading prior to joining this site, we would see a drastic shift in the oft repeated questions that pile up here and would see far more interesting responses to the ones that do appear.

Do not let the label of topping and bottoming fool you, those two are the best D/s books out there. Consensual Sadomasochism is the best read on the psychological aspects of WIIWD.

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RE: Psychological masochism? - 10/21/2006 1:13:43 AM

Mavis

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Jay Wiseman is in town this weekend, i saw that bottoming book on his table, since i already own S&M 101, think i'll pick it up B.B. tomorrow, thanks Crappy Dom.

(always takes crappy advice. review to come.)

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