Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

Why The Judgement?


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> Why The Judgement? Page: [1] 2   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
Why The Judgement? - 10/21/2006 3:02:34 AM   
allspicey


Posts: 44
Joined: 4/30/2006
Status: offline 		I've been perusing posts again and the same thing has come up and bit me on the behind like it does every time I read posts and profiles.

In an area of life that is supposed to encompass a great many people's odd quirks and desires for something different, there seems to be an ongoing and constant need for some people to look down their nose and be derogatory about the way some people choose to express themselves or their life.

Things I've read:

I don't want someone into that stupid shit like calling me Sir or Master.
Who are those people who call themselves lifestylers anyway?  No one who was mentally and emotionally healthy would need this all the time.
Slaves are fucking doormats and need to get a life.
People who want 24/7 BDSM need to get real. You can't live that way and shouldn't want to.
You can't really serve coffee on a silver tray, not in the real world.
Gorean stuff is really stupid.  No one lives that way in the real world.
If it can't ebb and flow and take life itself into account, there's something a little amiss. It seems so bloody unnecessarily dramatic at times.
If it isn't fun, you shouldn't be doing it.

It goes on and on and on.  Why?  Different people are looking for different dynamics, have different needs.  I'm one of those fairly rare people that "needs" BDSM in my life to be emotionally happy and healthy.  I have friends that are the same as we tend to gravitate to each other.  We don't have many close nilla friends, not because we can't talk about or enjoy nilla topics but because we can't talk about the BDSM that is woven into so many aspects of our lives with them.  It isn't because our topical repetoire is less full but because it's more full! 

Yes, many people incorporate things into their life that someone else might not.  What IS the problem with this?  Just because you don't want it in yours doesn't mean it's bad, stupid or less worthy of respect than your own life choices.

I call my Master, Sir or Master.  I don't use his name to him or any endearments like honey, or sweety, or lover.  This is a rule and has been since we first came together two years ago and I don't have a problem with it (we live together full time and are friends, lovers, companions and Master/slave).  Even in public settings I tend to call him my partner and not address him by name.  There is a lady at my work that has taken exception to this for some reason and endeavors to force me to call him by his name.  I find it highly amusing and I admit I enjoy thwarting her ambition.  After all, what business is it of hers what I call him?  I have made a concession to her own life framework by calling him my partner instead of my Sir or my Master but that's as far as I'm going to bend.  We have good reasons for having the rule in place and it's effective for what we wish to acheive.  It's a shame there are people that don't understand the undercurrents and foundations behind such a rule but that's okay.  I respect their right not to use it.  I don't believe they have the right to call me stupid or unreal or emotionally unstable because I accept and enjoy it.

So, that is my rant for the night.  All you people that seem offended by those others that find BDSM to be one of the foundations of their life and style of living, get over it.  It works for us, we're a happy and mostly well adjusted lot and most of us aren't offended by you and don't care if you have the same orientation on it as we do.  I'm simply happier in the framework I call the lifestyle than I am outside it.  Thats why I live the way I do.  Period.  End of story.  I hope you are happy in your own framework and life choices.  But be a mate, and quite shitting on mine, okay?

allspice
slave to Turing

Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Why The Judgement? - 10/21/2006 3:33:43 AM   
givemyall


Posts: 620
Joined: 12/3/2005
Status: offline 		You seem really happy with your life, thats so nice to hear.

What a happy story to wake up to..... Thank you

I wish I was perfect too.

(in reply to allspicey)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Why The Judgement? - 10/21/2006 3:35:12 AM   
eyesopened


Posts: 2798
Joined: 6/12/2006
From: Tampa, FL
Status: offline 		Thank you very much for this rant :)  Someone once compared BDSM to Baskin Robbins... 31 flavors and with all the available sprinkles, and toppings (no pun intended but it works nicely) the combinations are endless.  i can't stand the concept of bubble gum in my ice cream but who am i to demand that Basking Robbins stop offering it?  They offer it because someone buys the stuff and maybe they add butterscotch syrup to it to make it even more disgusting to me but oh so yummy to them.

i recently had a Dom tell me He wasn't going to waste His time on a wannbe like me when i admitted it had been 4 years since i've had an OTK spanking.  He didn't ask me when was the last time i'd had my labia clamped LOL! 

i sometimes think people look for reasons to be negative because it's easier than finding the positive.  If someone can use OTK spanking as a reason NOT to meet, then life is less complicated for them.  Relationships can be scarey...you may have to expose your soul a little and (gawd forbid!) your heart.  What i find strange, is i'm going to be a submissive whether i meet anyone or not, whether i like this or that or whether i spend the remainder of my life solo.  i certainly am not going to let text boxes define me.

Best regards


_____________________________

Proudly owned by InkedMaster. He is the one i obey, serve, honor and love.

No one is honored for what they've received. Honor is the reward for what has been given.

(in reply to allspicey)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Why The Judgement? - 10/21/2006 4:33:02 AM   
Kalira


Posts: 954
Joined: 10/9/2006
From: Fort Wayne Indiana
Status: offline 		/yawn

Darn, and here I thought this was going to be something exciting



_____________________________

Facilius Per Partes In Cognitionem Totius Adducimur
We are more easily led part by part to an understanding of the whole.
Seneca

Damnant Quod Non Intellegunt

(in reply to allspicey)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Why The Judgement? - 10/21/2006 4:34:07 AM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline
quote:

You seem really happy with your life, thats so nice to hear.

What a happy story to wake up to..... Thank you

I wish I was perfect too.


I love sarcasm before coffee!   


_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to givemyall)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Why The Judgement? - 10/21/2006 4:38:47 AM   
givemyall


Posts: 620
Joined: 12/3/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

quote:

You seem really happy with your life, thats so nice to hear.

What a happy story to wake up to..... Thank you

I wish I was perfect too.


I love sarcasm before coffee!   



Me.... sarcastic?  Never!

(in reply to KatyLied)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Why The Judgement? - 10/21/2006 4:59:12 AM   
allspicey


Posts: 44
Joined: 4/30/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: givemyall

You seem really happy with your life, thats so nice to hear.

What a happy story to wake up to..... Thank you

I wish I was perfect too.


LOL... I AM perfect.  I'm perfectly human and perfectly happy being human, including having bad days, weeping miserably in front of the fireplace, arguing with my life partner (because we have a problem instead of because we are enjoying it, which is different), commiserating with friends because something didn't go quite the way we expected. 

Someone said recently that some people seem to think the ideal in life is to be happy all the time and this person likened it to having perfect weather all the time.  How boring.  You would never have a good weather day, every day would be the same.  Me, I don't want the boring life.  On the whole, I'm happy to live through the rainy days along with the sunny ones and the earthquakes along with the quiet peaceful times.  So yup, I think my life is pretty much perfect and I'm pretty much perfect at being me :)

(in reply to givemyall)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Why The Judgement? - 10/21/2006 5:09:01 AM   
givemyall


Posts: 620
Joined: 12/3/2005
Status: offline 		My life would be perfect too, if only I worked harder on the Stairmaster ...... the ivory towers round this neck of the woods are soooo damned tall, so for now, I will just have to live in one of the normal houses and look up and just imagine what it must be like.

*wanders off to see how much a stairlift costs

(in reply to allspicey)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Why The Judgement? - 10/21/2006 5:12:33 AM   
Kalira


Posts: 954
Joined: 10/9/2006
From: Fort Wayne Indiana
Status: offline 		/sigh

As much as I want to, it is way too early to start feeding the trolls

_____________________________

Facilius Per Partes In Cognitionem Totius Adducimur
We are more easily led part by part to an understanding of the whole.
Seneca

Damnant Quod Non Intellegunt

(in reply to givemyall)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Why The Judgement? - 10/21/2006 5:55:02 AM   
Iskander


Posts: 264
Joined: 9/26/2006
Status: offline 		Ok, so yer shitty with people at work and stuff.. Tell them, not us... This particular kind of story is getting stale...

Even at Miss world pageants they stopped saying they want world peace...
it just ain't gonna happen, live with it...

Iskander...

(in reply to allspicey)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Why The Judgement? - 10/21/2006 6:35:07 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline 		Iskander, I am damned glad I had not gotten up to refill my coffee cup prior to reading your post!

In reply to the topic at hand. Life is life. It ain't perfect and neither are any of the people you will have to deal with in it. Whining and bitching about it, and them, is only gonna fuck with your head not theirs. Quit giving others the power to have their opinions matter and you will find .........it just doesn't matter.


_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to Iskander)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Why The Judgement? - 10/21/2006 6:41:34 AM   
Iskander


Posts: 264
Joined: 9/26/2006
Status: offline 		Damn, and i just love to see people spitting their drinks over monitors.. :)

Funny about 5 mins after i read this thread I found the following bit of truth...

"All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism."

Iskander...


(in reply to LaTigresse)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Why The Judgement? - 10/21/2006 7:07:25 AM   
jthorne


Posts: 99
Joined: 10/18/2006
Status: offline 		I'm of the opinion that a CM profile should quite definitely contain what the person likes and dislikes, so as to cut down on offers or propositions from people who are into things they don't want.

One woman's assertiveness appears to be another woman's "judgment". C'est la vie...

(in reply to Iskander)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Why The Judgement? - 10/21/2006 7:21:08 AM   
Iskander


Posts: 264
Joined: 9/26/2006
Status: offline 		The problem is 80% don't bother reading profiles, or when they do they seem to loose all understanding of basic english..

Iskander...


(in reply to jthorne)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Why The Judgement? - 10/21/2006 7:25:25 AM   
WhipTheHip


Posts: 1004
Joined: 7/31/2006
Status: offline 		Hi there,
 
You are absolutely right.     If your master's first name was Alan,
I'd be his sub, even though I'm 100% straight.
 
Cheers,
Michael
 
 

quote:

ORIGINAL: allspicey

I've been perusing posts again and the same thing has come up and bit me on the behind like it does every time I read posts and profiles.

In an area of life that is supposed to encompass a great many people's odd quirks and desires for something different, there seems to be an ongoing and constant need for some people to look down their nose and be derogatory about the way some people choose to express themselves or their life.

Things I've read:

I don't want someone into that stupid shit like calling me Sir or Master.
Who are those people who call themselves lifestylers anyway?  No one who was mentally and emotionally healthy would need this all the time.
Slaves are fucking doormats and need to get a life.
People who want 24/7 BDSM need to get real. You can't live that way and shouldn't want to.
You can't really serve coffee on a silver tray, not in the real world.
Gorean stuff is really stupid.  No one lives that way in the real world.
If it can't ebb and flow and take life itself into account, there's something a little amiss. It seems so bloody unnecessarily dramatic at times.
If it isn't fun, you shouldn't be doing it.

It goes on and on and on.  Why?  Different people are looking for different dynamics, have different needs.  I'm one of those fairly rare people that "needs" BDSM in my life to be emotionally happy and healthy.  I have friends that are the same as we tend to gravitate to each other.  We don't have many close nilla friends, not because we can't talk about or enjoy nilla topics but because we can't talk about the BDSM that is woven into so many aspects of our lives with them.  It isn't because our topical repetoire is less full but because it's more full! 

Yes, many people incorporate things into their life that someone else might not.  What IS the problem with this?  Just because you don't want it in yours doesn't mean it's bad, stupid or less worthy of respect than your own life choices.

I call my Master, Sir or Master.  I don't use his name to him or any endearments like honey, or sweety, or lover.  This is a rule and has been since we first came together two years ago and I don't have a problem with it (we live together full time and are friends, lovers, companions and Master/slave).  Even in public settings I tend to call him my partner and not address him by name.  There is a lady at my work that has taken exception to this for some reason and endeavors to force me to call him by his name.  I find it highly amusing and I admit I enjoy thwarting her ambition.  After all, what business is it of hers what I call him?  I have made a concession to her own life framework by calling him my partner instead of my Sir or my Master but that's as far as I'm going to bend.  We have good reasons for having the rule in place and it's effective for what we wish to acheive.  It's a shame there are people that don't understand the undercurrents and foundations behind such a rule but that's okay.  I respect their right not to use it.  I don't believe they have the right to call me stupid or unreal or emotionally unstable because I accept and enjoy it.

So, that is my rant for the night.  All you people that seem offended by those others that find BDSM to be one of the foundations of their life and style of living, get over it.  It works for us, we're a happy and mostly well adjusted lot and most of us aren't offended by you and don't care if you have the same orientation on it as we do.  I'm simply happier in the framework I call the lifestyle than I am outside it.  Thats why I live the way I do.  Period.  End of story.  I hope you are happy in your own framework and life choices.  But be a mate, and quite shitting on mine, okay?

allspice
slave to Turing




_____________________________



(in reply to allspicey)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Why The Judgement? - 10/21/2006 7:26:14 AM   
LotusSong


Posts: 6334
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Domme Emeritus
Status: offline 		It's only a 'judgment' if you do not agree with another person's opinion.  I take you thoughts as just that.. an opinion.

_____________________________

Life Lesson #1

I'm not your type.
I'm not inflatable.


(in reply to allspicey)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Why The Judgement? - 10/21/2006 8:38:40 AM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		Im sorry that you felt judged by someone's profile. I do no recall anyone on these boards being judged for using the word master or sir or being in a 24-7 dynamic.. now Gor, well I have seen plenty of bashig of Gorians...lol

Really, it is the internet, and you cannot change them, so it is best not to let it get to you.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to allspicey)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Why The Judgement? - 10/21/2006 8:58:45 AM   
jthorne


Posts: 99
Joined: 10/18/2006
Status: offline 		Iskander, it's SO TRUE. Before I decided I would take on non-sexual male subs, I had sissy men jumping all over me and ignoring the fact I said "lesbian" plus I had only women and friends under the "looking for" thing. No one reads profiles, they just look at photos and jump to message.

Of course, there's always the lose/loose issue when we're speaking basic English...*wink*

(in reply to Iskander)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Why The Judgement? - 10/21/2006 8:59:51 AM   
jthorne


Posts: 99
Joined: 10/18/2006
Status: offline 		Michael! I think I like you already, although it's because I read Donna Andrews...

(in reply to WhipTheHip)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Why The Judgement? - 10/21/2006 10:22:39 AM   
Squeakers


Posts: 489
Joined: 10/3/2006
Status: offline 		I found this post most interesting.   I used to be a big defender of how I conducted my D/s lifestyle.   Early on, I was right in my convictions and defended everything I believed in my heart was the 'right' way to do things.   As time has passed for me, somethings that I once believed to be the 'right' way have changed for me and other things I hold onto.   For me the journey has been forever changing and what was my downfall was not opening my mind and allowing  myself to ponder different ideas. But I no longer defend my personal beliefs because I see D/s sort of like religion or politics.   My beliefs regarding religion and politics are my own and no matter who I talk to someone is going to judge me and say that the way I think is totally off base with their beliefs.  
In the 'vanilla' world, there are very few of my 'vanilla' friends that I discuss my D/s lifestyle with.   The way I see it is this, I more than likely would not discuss with my 'vanilla' friends nor my D/s friends if I preferred sex doggy style or missionary or enjoyed oral sex more than anal or whatever.   For me, somethings are meant to be a bit private and are meant to be shared with only select people   That's not to say that I can not get into a good debate with someone about D/s in general.   But if it gets to a point where it is 'heated', and emotions are beginning to enter that debate, I immediately back off.   The debates, I am speaking about are ones where both people can be adult about it, looking at the other persons ideas and ponder them intelligently and give their own observations.   Debates such as that are a good way to open myself to other ideas.  
    Whether it be in a D/s lifestyle or 'vanilla' lifestyle there is going to be judgement.   Someone may not think it is right that their neighbors have decided to have 8 children.   Another couple maybe judged because they are an interracial couple or that they are gay.   A co-worker may think someone else in the office is a 'bad' parent because he or she doesn't sit down and supervise their teenagers homework nightly.   I doubt that tv reality shows such as "Trading Spouses" or "Wife swap" would be successful without judgement.  
    If you are content in your life and are comfortable in the way you live it, I would just take those comments and pity the person that exposed their narrow minds and verbalized them.   I know a woman who makes some nasty remarks about my interracial relationship in a "joking manner."   Deep down I know she is being one hundred percent serious in her comments, however I also know that her personal life sucks and she has some pretty serious issues going on.   She's miserable and since misery loves company, she wants to toss a bit of negativity into my life.   Maybe it makes her feel better and I don't get all bent about it, she has so little in her life, if those nasty digs and comments to me make her feel better, I can allow her that pleasure.       
I guess what I am trying to say, negativity breeds negativity.   Those comments about D/s can hurt but only if we let them.   If others don't understand it, don't want to understand it, and want to hurl stones then they are just turning a blind eye to a lifestyle that I consider remarkably rewarding let them.   I wouldn't want to encounter them at a play party anyways.   

(in reply to allspicey)
Profile   Post #: 20
Page:   [1] 2   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> Why The Judgement? Page: [1] 2   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.078