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Fetishes - Attractive or off-putting? - 10/21/2006 9:04:41 PM

CuteIrishM4F

Posts: 104
Joined: 7/19/2004
Status: offline

Respectfully...

Are fetishes or kinks listed on profiles attractive or off-putting or is it simply down to the tastes and desires of whoever comes across it? my own interests don't appear to attract many and i am considering striking them off my profile altogether!

Regards,

althalus.

Post #: 1

RE: Fetishes - Attractive or off-putting? - 10/21/2006 9:28:20 PM

SweetSarijane

Posts: 3788
Joined: 10/7/2005
From: KC area Missouri
Status: offline

I think it's subjective to the tastes of whoever comes across it personally. I checked my interests and limits or dislikes. That's me, take it or leave it. If someone has a problem with it then to my way of thinking we're not compatible so no worries.

_____________________________

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Deviant Mind
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(in reply to CuteIrishM4F)

Post #: 2

RE: Fetishes - Attractive or off-putting? - 10/21/2006 9:37:45 PM

CuteIrishM4F

Posts: 104
Joined: 7/19/2004
Status: offline

Thanks Sarijane

(in reply to SweetSarijane)

Post #: 3

RE: Fetishes - Attractive or off-putting? - 10/21/2006 9:41:11 PM

shadevarr

Posts: 360
Joined: 7/2/2006
Status: offline

I check the preferences before I even read the profile, if they haven't listed any I tend to skip that person. I like what I like and I hate coming off as a jerk asking that kind of stuff off the bat just to see if they are worth pursuing.

(in reply to CuteIrishM4F)

Post #: 4

RE: Fetishes - Attractive or off-putting? - 10/21/2006 9:43:10 PM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

If someone listed only their fetishes I would find that offputting

Less is more.

I think some of the bigger fetishes should be listed perhaps, but less is more.

_____________________________

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Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

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(in reply to CuteIrishM4F)

Post #: 5

RE: Fetishes - Attractive or off-putting? - 10/21/2006 9:44:04 PM

SweetSarijane

Posts: 3788
Joined: 10/7/2005
From: KC area Missouri
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quote:

ORIGINAL: CuteIrishM4F

Thanks Sarijane

<smile> you're welcome

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Deviant Mind
Wild Side Readers KCSass

(in reply to CuteIrishM4F)

Post #: 6

RE: Fetishes - Attractive or off-putting? - 10/21/2006 9:51:57 PM

Bluebird

Posts: 384
Joined: 2/17/2006
From: Las Vegas
Status: offline

I agree with Julia in that "less is more". You don't need to check one of the options on EVERY listed possibility - just check off what you really like and really don't like. I like to read both the vanilla and the fetish items - if someone likes all the fetish things I do, but "loves" conservative politics and hunting, I know I am not going to get along well with that person. In the same way, if their fetish desires don't exactly line up with mine, but they like some of the oddball other things I also like, then we would probably at least have things to talk about.

However, what someone says in the written portion of the profile is even more important to me, since that shows thought and effort.

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Love is patient, love is kind. I am neither. Get over it.

(in reply to SweetSarijane)

Post #: 7

RE: Fetishes - Attractive or off-putting? - 10/21/2006 10:28:22 PM

demistress

Posts: 391
Joined: 4/24/2006
From: Dela-where?
Status: offline

I don't believe less is more, but I'm sure that's evident to everyone who reads my profile *wink* I like to see completed lists, with as much variety as possible in vanilla/kink. I like to check my limits against a prospects LOL the only true incompatibility I found with yours was that coffee shops are a hard limit for me. *grin* Well, other than the IRELAND part, not that I have any problems with Ireland, but I already used my one free INS pass on "true love" that turned out not to last. I like the way you've listed your interests, and I'd also like to say that like an earlier poster, I also skip over profiles that seem "sparse"

Mistress Heather

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Post #: 8

RE: Fetishes - Attractive or off-putting? - 10/21/2006 11:02:45 PM

LadyEllen

Posts: 10931
Joined: 6/30/2006
From: Stourport-England
Status: offline

I think I see the problem in your profile Cute - you have ultimate frisbee and rollerblading down as likes. Dommes do not find these kind of fetishes very amenable to them.

What you have to understand, is that no self respecting domme is ever going to get up to either of those with you. I mean, have you ever played frisbee in 5 inch heels? Let alone tried to get a rollerblade on over thigh length boots?

More seriously, I think youre a nice young man and am maybe thinking that its more to do with where you are, and than anything you might have in your profile.

E

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RE: Fetishes - Attractive or off-putting? - 10/21/2006 11:07:37 PM

Iskander

Posts: 264
Joined: 9/26/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyEllen

I think I see the problem in your profile Cute - you have ultimate frisbee and rollerblading down as likes. Dommes do not find these kind of fetishes very amenable to them.

Glad I didn't list my pogosticking while hulahooping fetish...

Iskander...

(in reply to LadyEllen)

Post #: 10

RE: Fetishes - Attractive or off-putting? - 10/22/2006 12:03:52 AM

stef

Posts: 10215
Joined: 1/26/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CuteIrishM4F

Respectfully...

Are fetishes or kinks listed on profiles attractive or off-putting or is it simply down to the tastes and desires of whoever comes across it?

I don't think so. What makes if off-putting to me is when a person defines themselves by their fetishes.

~stef

_____________________________

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Post #: 11

RE: Fetishes - Attractive or off-putting? - 10/22/2006 1:41:38 AM

nakedbeaver

Posts: 22
Joined: 10/22/2006
Status: offline

i don't think so either. i have looked through a few profiles here and i am more likely to read the profile than check on the interests. If i find the profile interesting, then i sometimes glance toward the interests, but they don't define what i think of a person.

~Brooklyn

(in reply to stef)

Post #: 12

RE: Fetishes - Attractive or off-putting? - 10/22/2006 9:06:02 AM

CuteIrishM4F

Posts: 104
Joined: 7/19/2004
Status: offline

Lady Ellen: [you have ultimate frisbee and rollerblading down as likes. Dommes do not find these kind of fetishes very amenable to them.]
These are interests and not 'fetishes'! I use these activities to keep fit, not in roleplay wit a Domme!

I think i understand what you mean though.Thanks to everyone for responding. It is very informative.

a.

(in reply to nakedbeaver)

Post #: 13

RE: Fetishes - Attractive or off-putting? - 10/22/2006 9:15:00 AM

Morrigel

Posts: 492
Joined: 10/13/2006
Status: offline

I think you're quite attractive, personally. I would not ever find myself responding to your profile, however, because long distance or internet-only relationships do not appeal to me.

--M

(in reply to CuteIrishM4F)

Post #: 14

RE: Fetishes - Attractive or off-putting? - 10/22/2006 9:23:50 AM

gypsygrl

Posts: 1471
Joined: 10/8/2005
From: new york state
Status: offline

I don't pay much attention to that part of the profile, but focus on the narrative. My "interests" are so fluid that they can't be considered fetishes at all, and, for the most part, if I were interested in someone, I'd probably become interested in their fetishes, also and would be willing to at least try to meet those needs.

I also found that clicking those boxes encourages people to try to start a conversation about whatever box I click which isn't all that productive without a connection. As a sub/bottom, I don't really care about the details of floggers, clamps, knots and all that stuff. In fact, the less I know, the better, I think. My best s/m scenes have taken place in total ignorance and usually blindfolded.

Thinking about it, when I'm skimming profiles, if I notice someone is an expert in a whole bunch of areas, I might well assume that he's out of my league. This isn't exactly rational but I'm newbie enough to be a bit intimated by all that expertise.

(in reply to CuteIrishM4F)

Post #: 15

RE: Fetishes - Attractive or off-putting? - 10/22/2006 9:35:42 AM

sapphirepleasure

Posts: 411
Joined: 4/27/2006
From: Land of Enchantment
Status: offline

I totally agree with you, gypsygrrl. When I was brand new, I was so intimidated by those lists and on more than one occasion, decided not to meet someone when there was something 'scary' about his list. When I finally decided to meet someone, it was after reading an amazing narrative, and questioning him in depth about his 'list' and being assured that I was not required to do or be comfortable with everything he listed from the outset.

One interesting thing he did was ask me if there was anything on his list that I had never done but that intrigued me. My answer led to a very intense experience, and a great introduction to something that I deeply wanted but was rather afraid to bring up.

sp

(in reply to gypsygrl)

Post #: 16

RE: Fetishes - Attractive or off-putting? - 10/22/2006 9:51:16 AM

MsIncognito

Posts: 742
Joined: 5/24/2005
Status: offline

I find it off putting because in my experience people with fetishes tend to focus on the fetish and not the person and that's not what I'm looking for. Perhaps because I don't have any true fetishes of my own I'm not able to comprehend this, but it's definitely a turn off for me. I tend to avoid people who express strong interest in fetishes of any sort.

(in reply to CuteIrishM4F)

Post #: 17

RE: Fetishes - Attractive or off-putting? - 10/22/2006 10:00:30 AM

Aine

Posts: 820
Joined: 4/12/2005
Status: offline

I like the point that Irish made with Lady Ellen.

Those lists are too lumped together.

Interests and fetishes being lumped together like that I guess would make some people come to the conclusion that she did, but in my eyes and Irish's....those are outside interests. I see them automatically as such. I sure as heck don't consider Ren Faires as part of my BDSM life.

Those things that are inately "vanilla" activities when you look at them at face value, are just that. Stuff people in general like to do. Like going to a movie.

As to whether a person puts a sexual twist on those activities, that's for deeper "get-to-know-you" conversation. Like people that go to adult movie theatres rather than strictly every-day movie theatres. I think most to all of us know those implications. ;)

_____________________________

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Post #: 18

RE: Fetishes - Attractive or off-putting? - 10/22/2006 10:42:35 AM

MsKatHouston

Posts: 1909
Joined: 6/7/2006
From: Houston, TX
Status: offline

For me, I like the check listy things because it gives a good indication of various vanilla and kink interests. It is a tool that is provided and if it is used, I don't mind at all. In the free form profile text, though, if it is a all a concentration on the fetishes, it is off putting. I would prefer a few favorites and some limits but more about the person, what he or she is seeking and a little to find out who the person is.

For me the profile text is most important. If the checklist is all filled out and nothing is in the profile, I move on. If te checklist is not filled out, it does not matter to me, I will ask.

_____________________________

-Kat

~If you can't be a good example, you'll just have to serve as a horrible warning~

(in reply to Aine)

Post #: 19

RE: Fetishes - Attractive or off-putting? - 10/22/2006 1:16:07 PM

Fantazmaster

Posts: 19
Joined: 1/12/2006
Status: offline

Thing is, there are so many on here that completely forget what fetishes and interests they listed on their profile!

(in reply to MsKatHouston)

Post #: 20

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