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Time issues - 10/21/2006 9:17:32 PM   
SeveredNeuron


Posts: 57
Joined: 8/6/2005
Status: offline 		Hello everyone :)

I am hoping for some opinions/comments on a certain issue i have had of late.
Being a rather young sub i tend to get a bit of attention, but when it gets down to actual interaction... well right now its zero and has been like that for a while.
The problem is (after all that waffling.. sorry, i have a massive headache atm), that i have very little time for D/s and well for relationships in general, i don't even have time in the week to see my friends.
The reason for my busy-ness is that i work 3 jobs, study full time (science degree, usually 24 contact hours per week, but ofcourse spending longer then that because of breaks etc) and my top priority is my study because i want a career in research and academics, and in my opinion, you have to be the best of the best.
My problem is that i have had a fair few Doms verbally abuse me because of my lack of time... usually after them making comments such as 'If you really wanted to make time, you would...' when its really not possible, because i get up every day at 6am, leave the house at 7am, and sometimes dont get home till later then 8-9pm and those can be days where i have had only one hour break and just want to die (anyone who has done a lab/practical intensive course will know why you want to die after a 3 hr practical). I hardly spend any time at home, and when i am at home, i am studying or vegging out because i am so exhausted.. I have induced all sorts of health issues because of my intensive scheduling, but i like being busy... (although i will love the holidays, even if i am going back to uni again to do research).

So my question is: am i being selfish? or should i, as i have already, dismiss the Doms would do not seem to understand even after continual explanation of my scheduling because they dont seem to have my best interests at heart?

I realise that my course of action means i probably wont have a partner anytime soon, but as my mum always says; theres plenty of time for that later... especially after i have my honours and doctorate done and the possibility of moving overseas for post-doc work, because australia kinda sucks in that area.. not enough money being pumped in..

Anyway, i realise i have rambled a bit more then i should but, opinions...? Do you think i am doing the right thing?
Have i made the right decision to stick by my goals, and why would Doms still be infuriated if, i have already warned them i do not have much time, and it turns out to be true?

Thankyou all for your time.

Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Time issues - 10/21/2006 9:24:03 PM   
Arpig


Posts: 9930
Joined: 1/3/2006
From: Increasingly further from reality
Status: offline 		i have the solution...check your email

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(in reply to SeveredNeuron)
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RE: Time issues - 10/21/2006 9:37:01 PM   
SeveredNeuron


Posts: 57
Joined: 8/6/2005
Status: offline 		Thanks :)

I just wish it was as easy as realising it :P

(in reply to Arpig)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Time issues - 10/21/2006 9:40:50 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		If I were at a point in my life I had little time to devote to a relationship I would be upfront about that, possibly not try to, and keep it light and casual. If someone became more demanding after I drew a boundary i would not include them in my life journey...

It sounds as though you just do not have time to devote to building a relationship... which there shouldn't be a rush, right?

_____________________________

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(in reply to SeveredNeuron)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Time issues - 10/21/2006 11:05:33 PM   
jesskitty


Posts: 185
Joined: 9/4/2006
Status: offline 		i don't think it's selfish to do the things you need to do in order to be where you want to be in life, in order to have the career you want, in order to progress in life. i belive the right guy will come to you and realize that you can make things work even with a busy schedule. if a person is really dedicated to someone you two can make the time work. i find that a good portion of 'fake/online' doms etc. want you to pack up your bags and move in with them if everything goes well and does not understand we live in reality and not a fantasy where we can do things like that. good luck in your studies and lovelife! :)

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Time issues - 10/21/2006 11:11:26 PM   
LadyEllen


Posts: 10931
Joined: 6/30/2006
From: Stourport-England
Status: offline 		I think you should listen to your mom, and stick to your goals. Why take anything less than the best you can do in life? - and that means your education, and the dom you one day are able to choose because of that education.

IMO, these guys who are abusing you, one of the best and brightest, right now - well, doms or not, they aint fit to carry your books let alone anything else.

You only get one shot at education IME - once youre settled its gone.

E

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RE: Time issues - 10/21/2006 11:15:24 PM   
DiurnalVampire


Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SeveredNeuron
So my question is: am i being selfish? or should i, as i have already, dismiss the Doms would do not seem to understand even after continual explanation of my scheduling because they dont seem to have my best interests at heart?
Anyway, i realise i have rambled a bit more then i should but, opinions...? Do you think i am doing the right thing?
Have i made the right decision to stick by my goals, and why would Doms still be infuriated if, i have already warned them i do not have much time, and it turns out to be true?

This strikes a personal note.  My boy and I have very little time together, becasue he is in school and works as well.  Looking at long term plans, I have told him that the only thing in his life I am willing to come second to is his education. He needs to finish his degree first and foremost, and I know that just becasue I dont get to tak to him every day, or even necessarily every other day, doesnt mean I am not on his mind. I am his owner, and I know what his commitment is to me, even if he cant make time every day to reconfirm that for me.  I dont need the confirmation on a daily basis.

When you find a Dom who understands your situation, and is willing to work slowly and when you are available, you will be much happier.  D/s might be your chosen lifestyle, but it does have to come second to certain tings.  One of those things is your education.  If a Dom bitches and moans, remind him that without your education, you wont be making money.  So, unless he plans on supporting you in the style to which you would like to become acustomed, your better served studying.  Most of the ones that get so angry becasue you dont drop everything to serve are not th etype you want to be with anyway.  A good owner and Master puts his pets well being at th eforefront of their interactions.  Someone who cannot understand that on initial meetings, you arent wiling to throw everything aside and serve on a whim just doesnt see that.

It is not an easy arrangement, dealing with a M/s relationship and student life.  Trust me, it is a constant struggle not to feel like you are neglecting your social life in favor of school.  Angel and I have a standing weekend conversation, but that is the only time he can gaurantee he has for me. Not my optimal choice but still it will work out.  Once I am moved out that direction, it might be easier, but it is still a year and a ahalf of coming second to school. Many Doms dont want to come second to anything.

Hope this helps. Its not an impossible thing to find, just a touch trickier and takes a bit more planning and care.
DV

And if you care to chat about HOW to fanagle the situation, feel free to message me privately.

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to SeveredNeuron)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Time issues - 10/21/2006 11:22:03 PM   
SeveredNeuron


Posts: 57
Joined: 8/6/2005
Status: offline 		Thank you all for your wise words, i promise i will take all your advice on board!! (or at least try to).

I dont think its right for me to ask for someone to have a relationship with me if i cant offer them much anyway...


Thankyou all once again ^.^
Ironically, i have to go to work again :P


(in reply to DiurnalVampire)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Time issues - 10/21/2006 11:45:03 PM   
darkslife


Posts: 43
Joined: 3/21/2004
Status: offline 		Usually I do not comment on these boards, and when I do its usually on an age issue but as I know this young lady extremely well, I feel the need to interject my opinion.  To qualify my comments, please be aware we have been friends online for a long time, and have met face to face as well.

I think she is understating her lack of time to be honest, and the stress that accompanies such long days.  She has numerous headaches, is exhausted and rarely gets to take any breaks - between university semesters she works fulltime, so no relief there either.

I also have to say I don't think she could effectively serve anyone at this moment in time.  She can barely serve her own needs, and I am of the opinion that ones own life must be in order before pursing a D/s based relationship.  I have strongly suggested offlist that she make it clear she is not looking at this time, until she has completed university and settled down in a job and is capable of devoting time and energy to her dom.

I get extremely annoyed when a supposed dominant berates a submissive just because they don't match their needs exactly. 

Severed, as I have said before, I will say it again - ignore the morons, focus on uni, and Ill see you next year in Brissie!



(in reply to SeveredNeuron)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Time issues - 10/22/2006 12:12:55 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SeveredNeuron
Anyway, i realise i have rambled a bit more then i should but, opinions...? Do you think i am doing the right thing?
Have i made the right decision to stick by my goals, and why would Doms still be infuriated if, i have already warned them i do not have much time, and it turns out to be true?

Thankyou all for your time.


As long as you are not making commitments you can hold up to or leading people to think you will make commitments that you cannot uphold, then there's nothing going on except doms trying to make you feel bad so they keep you under their control.

I would say if you think you aren't at a place in your life to not create a relationship, don't even let the conversation go towards an intimate tone.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to SeveredNeuron)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Time issues - 10/22/2006 1:18:41 AM   
WickedlyDevine


Posts: 63
Joined: 10/17/2006
Status: offline 		A D/s relationship takes time, a lot of time, perhaps it is best for you to place it on the back burner and focus on you while you can.

(in reply to SeveredNeuron)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Time issues - 10/22/2006 3:31:26 AM   
DivaExMachina


Posts: 15
Joined: 10/16/2006
Status: offline 		Hi there Severed.  I did a BSc in Australia and can relate to how time consuming it is.  You're right that only the very best and most dedicated people have a hope of making it in research/academia afterwards.

I think those who tell you to igore those doms are correct. Furthermore, I'd tell you that maybe you should look at dropping some of your existing extra curricular activities.  There's no point getting your degree if you burn out and end up hating the field so much you want to change careers.  That's what happened to me. 

Good luck with it all.

(in reply to SeveredNeuron)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Time issues - 10/22/2006 5:41:19 AM   
Mistrix


Posts: 186
Joined: 2/14/2006
Status: offline 		Use the 3 eight rule.
8 hours of work
8 hours of play
8 hours of sleep
Find some balance for yourself.  your gonna crack.

_____________________________

I am a Woman, above everything else.

One is too many and a thousand is never enough.

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Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Time issues - 10/22/2006 6:01:59 AM   
Morrigel


Posts: 492
Joined: 10/13/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SeveredNeuron

The problem is (after all that waffling.. sorry, i have a massive headache atm), that i have very little time for D/s and well for relationships in general, i don't even have time in the week to see my friends.


I am sure I will be in the minority here, but since I share your difficulty--many class hours a week pursuing a science degree, plus a great deal of work, etc.--I am less sympathetic to the "poor me--doms are so mean" line of argument.

Your problem is not just that you have limited time for relationships and that dominants refuse to accept reality.  Your problem is actually that you have already set your priorities in life--very firmly.  And yet you still feel entitled to a D/S relationship after you have already decided that it is at the bottom of your list of priorities--that study, work, and friends are all much more important and entitled to your time.

Very, very few dominants are interested in a submissive who puts their wants, needs and time at the bottom of the list, to the point that they represent less than 5% of  weekly energy.  A D/S relationship is a big commitment and dominants put as much time and energy into it as submissives do--if not more, in some cases. Why should we put in the time if you won't? 

You wouldn't expect someone to give you a college degree or a weekly paycheck for 5 minutes a day of work and time invested--why do you expect such an intense emotional/sexual relationship to manifest with such a limited investment from you?

If you have no time for a relationship right now--do yourself and all the dominants of the world a favor and stop pretending that you do.  Put it aside, get your schoolwork done, get yourself into a stable position in life, and start looking seriously for love and nookie when you can actually do the groundwork to create those connections.

There's a reason that most people in this lifestyle are older than 21.

--M


(in reply to SeveredNeuron)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Time issues - 10/22/2006 6:03:40 AM   
MsSonnetMarwood


Posts: 1898
Joined: 2/10/2005
From: Eastern Shore, Maryland
Status: offline 		Does this sound familiar....I'm a full time college student, very involved at school, carrying a 3.9 GPA, and work about 25 hours a week in a physically demanding job. 

I'll be perfectly honest with you - it's far more important than any relationship right now to get your schooling done and done well  Really, there is nothing that can take a priority to that right now.

My best advice to you is to think hard about what free time you really have right now.   Even if it's every other Wednesday for 4 hours in the evening or every Saturday until you go to work at 3, be very aware of when your "regular" free time is.   If it's too tight, you may have to put relationships on the back burner for a little while.  And that's ok - you won't have this hectic schedule for that much longer.   If you do have regular blocks of free time (if you're like me, a "day off" is unheard of), then you can look for someone to see during those times.   I will tell you from personal experience though - it is VERY hard finding someone who is ok with a relationship like that.  Maybe it's just my animal magnatism but thus far, even if you can find someone who's schedule meshes, I've always had them start demanding more time with me - time that I just am not willing to shuffle for them, because a relationship is not a priority to me right now. 



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~Ms. Sonnet Marwood~

Deja Moo: The feeling you've heard this bull somewhere before.

(in reply to SeveredNeuron)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Time issues - 10/22/2006 1:14:22 PM   
agirl


Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline 		Only you can know if you have time or not.......it's not up to any other single person to decide that.

If you don't have time for any relationships, then simply don't enter into them.

It doesn't matter a jot whether anyone ELSE thinks you can make time.


agirl

(in reply to SeveredNeuron)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Time issues - 10/22/2006 2:16:35 PM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline 		Sometimes life comes down to priorities and what you find important. It sounds like, right now, working your way through school is top priority. If you need physical interaction but on YOUR schedule, this might be one of those valid times to seek out a Pro. Being able to control when and how much time you spend with a Dominant is one of the advantages of a Pro.

Master Fire


_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
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Ms Relationship Books
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(in reply to SeveredNeuron)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Time issues - 10/29/2006 8:02:47 AM   
GirlyDevil


Posts: 104
Joined: 6/11/2006
Status: offline 		I definitly agree with juliaoceania

(in reply to SeveredNeuron)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Time issues - 10/29/2006 8:16:39 AM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Mistrix

Use the 3 eight rule.
8 hours of work
8 hours of play
8 hours of sleep
Find some balance for yourself.  your gonna crack.

Sorry, this made me chuckle. 
Add to that:
2 hours commute to work & back each day
2 hours overtime when budgets are due
1-2 hours of homework each night (I'm in school)
1 hour to shower, shampoo and shine :)
2 hours spent on meals (approximate - cooking, eating, cleaning)
1 hour on household chores - cleaning, laundry, bills, etc.
2-3 hours on Master's assignments
1 hour here, unwinding

You get the idea

But somehow, ya manage, and it's all good. 

(in reply to Mistrix)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Time issues - 10/29/2006 8:27:34 AM   
Fitznicely


Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/18/2006
Status: offline 		You won't always be a student, but you'll always be into the stuff you're into.

You want to prioritise your school and work? Go ahead. If a Dom doesn't understand that, get rid.

Sure, it's tough, and there's sacrifices you don't like, but that's the life you've chosen for now.

Things will change for the better soon, I'm sure.


_____________________________

I tell you this: No eternal reward will forgive us now for wasting the dawn
Proud Owner of Darkmoonkat. Such a good girl!

(in reply to ownedgirlie)
Profile   Post #: 20
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