NINASHARP
Posts: 295
Joined: 4/23/2006 From: NJ/NYC Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: StrapOnFreak Hi everyone, I'm not going to name names except to say that the Domme involved has many years of experience and a high profile. Anyway before I knew anything about the whole lifestyle BDSM scene I went to see a ProDomme to do a scene involving bondage, CP and anal play. Afterwards we were talking and I explained to her that BDSM was too much a part of me for me to just play for an hour at a time and where could I go to at least meet more people that were like me. She told me that sometimes people organized play parties, but generally there wasn't much of a non-professional scene. Later on I did a google search and found out about the whole lifestyle thing, went to a club, met some people and started going to munches and play parties and the like. I'm still single, but I've met a great bunch of people and I'm confident that I'll be able to meet the Domme of my dreams, no thanks to my ProDomme friend. Is it just me or was this behaviour totally wrong and unethical? This woman would have been in the scene long enough to know all about nonpro BDSM, so what she told me was a blatant lie. She also would have known that I was a serious Sub and not just some loser looking for kinky sex because before I 'd been told what BDSM was by an escort she knew who I hired for strap-on and turned down the sex even though I didn't come. For the sake of a chance at a few extra dollars (which she wouldn't have got anyway she was totally lame) she was prepared to see me stay at the level of paying for BDSM by the hour and possibly getting into a vanilla marriage, ruining some other woman's love life in the process. The escort that I saw had far more morals than her, giving up what would have been a regular client who wouldn't even have wanted sex to make sure I went in the direction that was right for me. BTW I have nothing against the idea of ProDommes in general, it would give a lot of Subs who are married to vanilla partners their only chance to explore their real sexuality. I just think they should have a code of ethics the same as doctors. I look at what happened as on a par with a doctor keeping a patient, who he can cure, who doesn't even have that much money (I'm a 20yo college kid) sick to keep the money coming in. Now that I've got the bitching out of the way, how common is this sort of behaviour among the "serious" ProDommes? ProDommes, clients or anyone else please feel free to comment. Frank, First I admit I haven't read any of the replies to your post. Before doing so, I will ask you this one question. You went to a Prodomme for a paid session, and asked her about the lifestyle... I am just wondering, how did you come across this Pro, without first discovering that there was indeed a very active BDSM community in NYC? I would think if you could find her, then you would also find that there was much more than just Prodommes in the NYC scene. There is such a vast difference in how Professionals handle their clients. Considering her a friend might have been the biggest mistake you have made. When I was a Pro (several years ago, btw) my negotiating process before actually doing a session, was always to encourage someone to become more involved in TES and other groups if they could. If they were in a committed but vanilla relationship, then I would make suggestions to how they could use a subtle approach in involving their partner in their desires. I've known about many so called Dominants, that were really clueless about the community around them. Perhaps she was one of them. And if that wasn't the case in your situation, one really never knows these things about others who they only met, or played with for an hour.. I am not sure this person had any obligation to direct you to where you could find an outlet for your submissive desires. You clearly was able to find the stuff on your own after your google, so I don't know why the bitching about it at all. IMO, she owed you nothing more than the session you paid for. No, it wouldn't be how I would handle your questions if I was still a Prodomme, (although I have a under 21 rule), but everyone is different. Now that you know, I wish you luck in your search, Nina
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