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Reflection of your One - 10/22/2006 7:10:42 AM   
Squeakers


Posts: 489
Joined: 10/3/2006
Status: offline 		     Reading through threads this morning, something I find enjoyment in; like reading a new book, I began to wonder about something.   I've always consider a submissive a reflection of her Dom.   So occasionally when reading through threads, a posting will stand out and normally, I will glance at the profile.
    At times I will read a post and look at a profile and think, what a great reflection she is, her Dom must be proud or she is going to make a good reflection on a future Dom.   Sometimes, I will read what I consider an outlandish post;  and I really don't want to point fingers but one perhaps that contradicts her profile or one that makes me think, "she REALLY didn't post that?".   I realize that everyone has a bad day and no one is going to be in the right frame of mind all the time so at times one of those post will just happen to pop out, but what I am wondering is this:   
    As a Dominant and this can be Male or Female, if someone were to post something that you felt was totally inappropriate or one that was completely opposite of what he or she stated in a profile (such as I feel there should be tolerance in D/s yet the post completely slams someone else), would you take that post into consideration prior to making contact.  
     Submissives what are your thoughts, do you edit your posts to be a reflection of a current Dom or future Dom or doesn't it matter.
     

< Message edited by Squeakers -- 10/22/2006 7:11:37 AM >
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RE: Reflection of your One - 10/22/2006 8:26:19 AM   
mstrjx


Posts: 2045
Joined: 11/27/2005
Status: offline 		I've been on CM for a while now, since the beginning of the year, but didn't really start posting until April or so.  In that time, I've really only sent out a handful of 'approaching' emails.  I don't think what people post necessarily affect how I would view someone.  There's all kinds of different posts, even if 'outlandish', to use your phrase.

As for my own postings, I'm fairly oblivious as to how I might be seen as a potential partner.  I'm honest in what I say, and I can't worry how others will react.  Having said that, I'm very aware that I am viewed in a positive light.  But that would be a reflection of who I genuinely am, not what I'm trying to represent.

Not that it matters.

Jeff

_____________________________

Know thyself. It's the best gift you can ever give yourself.

(in reply to Squeakers)
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RE: Reflection of your One - 10/22/2006 8:41:10 AM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		I am a submissive, and yes I have edited my post because I immediately regretted what I sent. I sometimes forget this is a BDSM board when in off topic and I tend not to think in a submissive mindset when posting there.

I think that some people would find my posts somehow a bad reflection of my Daddy, but those same people tend not to share my values anyways, so it really does not matter what they think of my posts, it only matters what he thinks of them... if he had a problem with a post, he would tell me.

I am not allowed to name call on people, I am not allowed to question someone's orientation to try to determine their "realness" or "trueness". I  do not do these things.

It had crossed my mind that others have shamed their dominant person.. things that make me think this are blatant racism, homophobic people, and people who name call or question other people's orientation. Doms do this as well as subs, so I guess these types belong together... when it is all said and done, it really does not matter what I think, it matters what the couple involved think of each other....

Edited to add:

People on the other side can check out a prospects posts on this forum by pressing a little button. I often wonder if the single and looking subs/doms realize this little factoid

< Message edited by juliaoceania -- 10/22/2006 8:43:47 AM >

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

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RE: Reflection of your One - 10/22/2006 8:50:23 AM   
Kalira


Posts: 954
Joined: 10/9/2006
From: Fort Wayne Indiana
Status: offline 		My posts are just that. MINE. They reflect one thing and one thing only. MY VIEW and MY OPINION on the topic being discussed.

Sometimes, I am nice about my answer. Other times, I feel so strongly about the discussion that I really let go and slam the other person. I don't do either to impress someone else; nor do I do it with a thought in my head as to how others will perceive my actions or words.

What I write is a reflection of the many facets that make up my own personality. Those facets are in no way hindered, or encouraged by another.

_____________________________

Facilius Per Partes In Cognitionem Totius Adducimur
We are more easily led part by part to an understanding of the whole.
Seneca

Damnant Quod Non Intellegunt

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RE: Reflection of your One - 10/22/2006 8:53:53 AM   
subjected2006


Posts: 248
Joined: 1/20/2006
Status: offline 		no..I am what I am..Master knows this
I edit typos if I think they are important enough.
(tirtles/turtles..who cares? Master is an editer..maybe I should go take care of that)


_____________________________

a rose is a rose..

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RE: Reflection of your One - 10/22/2006 9:25:55 AM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Squeakers
...   I've always consider a submissive a reflection of her Dom.   ....


This is a nice romantic thought... but it is hardly realistic or even complete.

yes I do agree that a submissive is a reflection of their Dom. 

but, I also state that a Dominant is also a reflection of their submissive

.... I would also add that in general... who we are with.. who we establish relationships do reflect something about ourselves.  This reflection may be good or bad.  I would also state that the reflection might not be a direct correlation ... but maybe an inverse relationship as well.

This is not to say that the reflection is complete.  I find that if I want to know somebody... it's best to look at the person and not their reflection.  I find the reflection only an indicator... it could indicate that I should learn more of this person... or it could be just the opposite.  However... reflections are rather tricky... and not entirely accurate.. they are distorted and it is always best to look to the person directly that you are looking to learn/understand about.

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

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RE: Reflection of your One - 10/22/2006 9:40:53 AM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		What a sub writes is a reflection on the owners, and sometimes it's a sad, funny reflection, but it is also a good view into their relationship dynamic (or lack there of), you can learn a lot by watching interactions on a message board.  And I agree with KOM, it's a 2 way street, the Dom also reflects on the sub.

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

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RE: Reflection of your One - 10/22/2006 10:48:54 AM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Squeakers
    Submissives what are your thoughts, do you edit your posts to be a reflection of a current Dom or future Dom or doesn't it matter.
    

I do not edit my posts to reflect my Master.  I write what is on my mind, in my heart, or a given perspective.  In doing so, my Master's teachings are naturally reflected, though not through any particular effort on my part. 

(in reply to Squeakers)
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RE: Reflection of your One - 10/22/2006 11:18:06 AM   
HollyS


Posts: 230
Joined: 1/5/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists

quote:

ORIGINAL: Squeakers
...   I've always consider a submissive a reflection of her Dom.   ....


yes I do agree that a submissive is a reflection of their Dom. 

but, I also state that a Dominant is also a reflection of their submissive

.... I would also add that in general... who we are with.. who we establish relationships do reflect something about ourselves.  This reflection may be good or bad.  I would also state that the reflection might not be a direct correlation ... but maybe an inverse relationship as well.


Well-stated, and I think absolutely relevant to how people see us in general -- not just bdsm relationships.  People reflect on each other for good or ill -- think of the person being seen with a date who harasses waitstaff or gets drunk and loud in public. Though I'm always free to post with my own words and opinions, I'm acutely aware that what I say reflects both on myself and Sir.  I wouldn't want anyone to read my words and think "Why would he be with such a rude/ill-informed/boorish person?"  We are not responsible for each other, but it reflects well on us both when we carry ourselves well in public -- that includes what we say in a public forum. 

Fair or not, I do look at how people post here as a reflection of not just themselves, but also their Dominant/submissive and their house if they claim one. People are certainly accountable for themselves, but for my part if someone proudly declares themselves to be "Owned," then as property I see them as an extension of their Owner. 

~Holly

< Message edited by HollyS -- 10/22/2006 11:20:27 AM >

_____________________________

I wish my lawn were emo, so it would cut itself.

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RE: Reflection of your One - 10/22/2006 11:19:55 AM   
Aileen68


Posts: 6091
Joined: 8/2/2005
Status: offline 		I think it's more important to be true to yourself first.
I post and edit based on my personality and my writing style.
I'm not with anyone, but even if I was I would continue to post and edit
based on my morals and how I choose to come across. 
I would hope that anyone that I was with would have already been attracted to
and accepted those aspects of my personality, read previous posts,
realized my style and not expect me to change.

edited to add that ironically, I'm not usually this rambling and wordy.  *laughing*

< Message edited by Aileen68 -- 10/22/2006 11:20:52 AM >

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RE: Reflection of your One - 10/22/2006 11:36:00 AM   
bandit25


Posts: 3029
Joined: 6/18/2005
Status: offline 		OK...I gotta know..why can't I have monkeys in the house?

(in reply to Aileen68)
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RE: Reflection of your One - 10/22/2006 11:36:29 AM   
krista


Posts: 109
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		Greetings...

While being an unowned girl...i am always aware that i am a reflection upon the one who trained me...i was taught that all feelings and emotions were permitted...what was NOT permitted was to express those feelings and emotions in an  inappropriate manner...i have never forgotten that lesson...and it has helped me in many many situations in the intervening years...i was most fortunate to have the chance to study with a most learned and honorable man..and for his time and attention alone...i repay him by never being a girl he would be ashamed to claim as one he taught.....

i have my own way of speaking...writing...and thinking..but all i do as a submissive is grounded in the foundation of what i was taught years ago...as a human..i evolve and add new things to my store of knowledge and experience..but i still hear many times in my mind..What would Trainer Sir think...it tends to keep me on the course of good manners..

regards
krista
joy through service 

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RE: Reflection of your One - 10/22/2006 11:41:06 AM   
Aileen68


Posts: 6091
Joined: 8/2/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: bandit25

OK...I gotta know..why can't I have monkeys in the house?


They fling poop.

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RE: Reflection of your One - 10/22/2006 12:19:28 PM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		Reflections of my life----oh how it fills my eyes;

from Reflections by the BeeGees




_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


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RE: Reflection of your One - 10/22/2006 1:00:59 PM   
Areflectionofyou


Posts: 258
Joined: 4/4/2006
Status: offline 		Well i strongly believe that i should be kind in any message i give or opinion i have , in not hurting others ..although sometimes its hard i must say to not say something snide. It usually pops out when i feel the need to defend someone.

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RE: Reflection of your One - 10/22/2006 1:01:09 PM   
Emperor1956


Posts: 2370
Joined: 11/7/2005
Status: offline
quote:

Aileen68:  I think it's more important to be true to yourself first.


But one can be true to him/herself and still be mindful that what they say and how they behave is a reflection on the person they are with.  Deference to one's Owner/Dominant does not mean that a person subsumes their personality.  You seem to see this in terms of black or white -- in fact it needn't be viewed that way at all.

E.

_____________________________

"When you wake up, Pooh," said Piglet, "what's the first thing you say?"
"What's for breakfast? What do you say, Piglet?"
"I say, I wonder what's going to happen exciting today?"
Pooh nodded thoughtfully.
"It's the same thing," he said.

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RE: Reflection of your One - 10/22/2006 1:12:38 PM   
Aileen68


Posts: 6091
Joined: 8/2/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Emperor1956

quote:

Aileen68:  I think it's more important to be true to yourself first.


But one can be true to him/herself and still be mindful that what they say and how they behave is a reflection on the person they are with.  Deference to one's Owner/Dominant does not mean that a person subsumes their personality.  You seem to see this in terms of black or white -- in fact it needn't be viewed that way at all.

E.


I do tend to see things in black and white at times.  I think certain aspects of ones personality shouldn't be changed to suit someone.  I tend to be a bit sarcastic and find myself gravitating to others that appreciate and enjoy that.  To be with one that didn't would be a daily struggle for me.  For him to expect me to change something that is such a strong part of me would just never work.  We would never work. 

(in reply to Emperor1956)
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RE: Reflection of your One - 10/22/2006 1:19:04 PM   
Emperor1956


Posts: 2370
Joined: 11/7/2005
Status: offline 		 

quote:

Squeakers:   At times I will read a post and look at a profile and think, what a great reflection she is, her Dom must be proud or she is going to make a good reflection on a future Dom.   Sometimes, I will read what I consider an outlandish post;  and I really don't want to point fingers but one perhaps that contradicts her profile or one that makes me think, "she REALLY didn't post that?".   I realize that everyone has a bad day and no one is going to be in the right frame of mind all the time so at times one of those post will just happen to pop out, but what I am wondering is this:   
  As a Dominant and this can be Male or Female, if someone were to post something that you felt was totally inappropriate or one that was completely opposite of what he or she stated in a profile (such as I feel there should be tolerance in D/s yet the post completely slams someone else), would you take that post into consideration prior to making contact.  


Squeaker:  Indeed, I have often read something on these boards and said to holly "he/she didn't REALLY say that?", marvelling at the lack of intelligence or lack of sensitivity of some of the people on here.  What I really notice is when it is someone I otherwise think well of (in contrast to the horses' asses, who are pretty easy to spot right away, and rarely do they disappoint) seems to "lose" it.  That incongruity, reading a dumb post from a smart person, or a rude post from someone who is usually thoughtful, makes Me wonder what's going on in his/her "real life".

I'm not immune from those bad days, either.  I've made the error of judging someone harshly from one errant post.  Usually if the person "matters" to Me things can be worked out (and yes, online friendships can form and a person can feel like a friend, even if there's no contact other than thru the boards and messages.  I think the "its just pixels on a screen" defense is false.)  Sometimes they can't be worked out, just like in "real life," and friendships break.

Another trap that I try to avoid (but have fallen in on occasion) is slavishly (no pun meant) ascribing the beliefs/statements/writings of a Dom to his/her sub, or vice versa.  But here, there is some rational process, as I think that what a person writes does reflect on their "others".  What you have to remember is that it is a reflection, not a firm adoption of the other's beliefs.  I do not think generally, when you are viewing a committed couple, Dominants and submissives operate independent of their partners.  We are judged by the company we keep in all walks of life; in something as intimate and powerful as a D/s relationship, why would this be any different?  I would hope my girl always makes Me proud (and I'm lucky, she does) but at the same time I would hope that what I say or do always reflects well on her...and if not, that people would remember that she is her own person, bound to Me, but still with her own thoughts, and that not all I say is attributed to her.

E.

< Message edited by Emperor1956 -- 10/22/2006 1:23:13 PM >

_____________________________

"When you wake up, Pooh," said Piglet, "what's the first thing you say?"
"What's for breakfast? What do you say, Piglet?"
"I say, I wonder what's going to happen exciting today?"
Pooh nodded thoughtfully.
"It's the same thing," he said.

(in reply to Squeakers)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Reflection of your One - 10/22/2006 1:19:46 PM   
Lordandmaster


Posts: 10943
Joined: 6/22/2004
Status: offline 		The thread has gotten very interesting, because we're talking about a problem that people face all the time: whether they or their partners can, should, or do change.

People can and do change, sometimes quite profoundly, but it's only when the change comes from within.  Sometimes you decide you don't like something about yourself and make a conscious decision to change it.  Sometimes you witness or experience something that shatters your preconceptions and your perception of the world changes as a result.  But you can't change SOMEONE ELSE.  People often walk into bad relationships thinking that they can change the things about the other person that they don't like.  It just doesn't happen, and you're liable to ruin an otherwise joyful relationship if you try.  Accept the other person for who he or she is, or else move on to someone else.

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RE: Reflection of your One - 10/22/2006 1:22:50 PM   
SlaveAkasha


Posts: 726
Joined: 9/30/2006
From: Indiana
Status: offline 		I know that in some cases they do reflect on one another.  All I can say, is that my posts are mine, not anyone elses, just like Masters are his, not mine.  We don't talk about what we will post, I know mine are read everyday and sometimes he will say, I posted about something or other.
 
Just because two people are in a relationship together doesn't make them joined with one thought pattern.  I know a few on here that are couples, but I don't judge one or the other by what they post.  Each post is taken on it's own merit, and that's how I prefer to do it.
 
I still have my own ideas about things, and I won't lose that part of me.  I would hope Master prefers that about me.  I always try to be respectful, though if I do feel a personal attack I have a tendency to attack back, or defend myself.  This is something I am working on as of today, not to do that anymore.  I will still defend my ideas, but I will keep in mind this is just a message board, I don't really know anyone other than what they post, and the same goes for their view of me. 
 
When we look too much into posts, we lose sight of the fact there is a real person behind them, that feels, and hurts just like we do.  In some ways the internet is a remarkable thing, in others, we lose a little bit of the "human touch".
 
Akasha

_____________________________

Look, if you want to torture me, spank me, lick me, do it. But if this poetry shit continues just shoot me now please.
~ Tank Girl

www.peta.org
www.goveg.com

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