Morrigel
Posts: 492
Joined: 10/13/2006
Status: offline
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After seeing so many threads of male subs complaining about why they never seem to find Mistress Right, here on Collarme, I thought I might try to post some of the...uh...dubious behavior I have seen, in only a few days here. Hopefully, any male sub who genuinely wants to relate well to me and other dominant gals (at least the ones who share my tastes and views) will read this. Who knows...maybe it would help?
I have read a lot of posts here which tell people to beef up their profiles, post an attractive picture, make sure they list their interests and fetishes, etc etc etc...but to be perfectly honest, the one thing most likely to cause any contact I have with a potential sub to crash and burn is simple: his attitude.
Male or female, it is amazing how many submissives adopt a peevishly domineering attitude, in relating to a potential domme on-line. In the past few days, I have had male subs in the initial phases of contact try to do a number of goofy things, including the following:
--Offer to display themselves on cam for me, and then insist I reciprocate with a cam of my own to "prove" that I am not only who I say I am, but female at all.
A clue for you gentlemen: if you do not believe I am EXACTLY who I say I am, much less that I am even female!--please do not bother me at all. Much less offer to show me your charms on cam. Good Lord. I can understand having doubts about my intentions, our compatibility, or the hurdles that may have to be overcome in order for us to meet and play together--much less become a committed D/S couple. Many a slip between that cup and lip, there is no doubt! But if you are too cagey to assume a basic level of honesty from me--even to the degree that I really am a dominant woman in my mid-to-late 30's--I'm sorry, but I am not the domme for you.
Perhaps some other dominants use cams for potential submissives--especially those who are seeking clients for their professional services. I do not cam, myself. I had fun with it during earlier eras of sexual experimentation, but I have found that camming, like most exhibitionistic acts, is an essentially submissive passtime. Or at best a form of advertising. 
--I have also had more than one man approach me claiming a long history of service of dominant women, going back to his teens or 20's, or even to previous generations of his family. Such a man will often claim to be a "natural and true born slave" and make an overwhelming offer of the most abject financial, personal, and sexual slavery imaginable.
I find such offers to be Hawt (tm), of course, but any attempt to communicate with such men generally devolves almost instantly into their attempts to bully me regarding how and when email messages are to be read, threatening me with severing contact if I do not agree to his definitions of the words "real", "slave", or even "man", etc., and all sorts of other high-handed disrespectful nonsense. It quickly becomes apparent, in other words, that the person I am talking to is actually living in sort of weird pathological fantasy land, and defending a cherished idea of absolute submission from the intrusion of a real person and her opinions--much less her real dominance in real life!
So another word to the wise: please don't construct elaborate fantasy scenarios about being a "natural born slave" all your life if you still have the social skills and mannerisms of a bored business man who uses his internet submission as an escape from reality.  Those of us who really do have long-term life experience with D/S relationships are not impressed by people who claim to be one thing, and act like another. I am more than able and more than willing to tailor my dominance to an individual and his ability and desire to submit--but before I can do that, I need the man to be communicating honestly with ME and with HIMSELF on a variety of levels.
Long term D/S experience and the ability to offer enormous gifts of time, energy, and even financial support, are of course appreciated. And I am not disputing that "natural born slaves" exist at all--of course they do, and men like this have often been happily serving women all their lives. But the people of this persuasion that I have met personally (I have never owned one) have never been peevish, angry little goblins whose natural impulse was to tell a woman what to do, and to throw tantrums if she did not agree with their views or conform to their fantasies.
Anyway...to sum it up, basically: I do not care what a man's level of experience is in D/S, so long as his attitude is good. I know my tastes in this regard are different from others, but I am not a Brat Tamer, and I am not attracted to people who have a hard time distinguishing fantasy from reality. In fact, I find such people more than a little spooky, when they enter the D/S scene. And just speaking solely for myself, I do not enjoy hostility or passive aggression of any kind, but especially when meeting someone for the first time. If defiance is part of a scene, wonderful, but keep it in the scene; I don't like people who are rude jerks via email or chat any more than I like them over drinks and dinner.
In general, the number of male submissives I have seen who are simply rude or unstable has surprised me. I know this is a standard in all Internet contact situations, and to a greater/lesser degree to all human contact in general...but I also have accounts on a few other sites, so I have some basis for comparison. This site has a much higher volume of messages-per-day between people--but also a much higher volume of weirdness and flakiness. Perhaps because it is free? It's hard to say, since I tend to use my accounts on other sites mostly to meet friends and models for my photography, rather than to find lovers and toys...
Anyway, I thought I would post this, just in case there might be a few submissive men out there who really do want to find a lifestyle domme (a woman who does not charge money for professional services), and are looking for an exclusive d/s relationship...but who do not realize that a bad attitude is keeping them from sweeping Mistress Right off her feet and into a lifetime of service and decadent pleasure.
It's not all about looks, about income, about having the biggest penis or all the right interests and fetishes. Sometimes the difference between meeting for coffee and being ignored is simply about charm. And what charms me, as a domme, is a lot of what charms all women about a man--subtracting the usual dominance attributes that submisive and vanilla women find most attractive with respect, politeness, warmth and decency, of course.
Dommes are not stupid--we can usually tell the difference between a good man and a bad one within a few sentences, regardless of whether the proposed relationship is vanilla or spicy. And a jerk is a jerk, dom or sub.
Just my two cents.
--M
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