RE: vanilla in public, D/s in private

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

RE: vanilla in public, D/s in private

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: vanilla in public, D/s in private

Page: << < prev 1 2 [3] 4 next > >>

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

RE: vanilla in public, D/s in private - 10/23/2006 12:38:57 AM

texancutie

Posts: 322
Joined: 7/23/2005
Status: offline

I think I have a headache......maybe I need to stop reading certain postings...lol. I remember that bondage partner as trainer thread....the guy that was not really a Trainer. Talk about confuzzled. That wasn't that long ago either.

(in reply to defiantbadgirl)

Profile

Post #: 41

RE: vanilla in public, D/s in private - 10/23/2006 12:43:45 AM

ChaOz

Posts: 98
Joined: 10/11/2006
Status: offline

I agree with combining the two, and I dont need someone to constantly perform in public and call me sir to feel like a Dom. What occurs out of private quarters depends on the dynamics of the relationship and the social circles that the couple frequent. Its just like any other relationship really, only with better toys and more adventure. Its also pretty shitty if you want to ruin your slaves reputation and totally humiliate your slave infront of everyone he/she knows just to feel superior and in control.

(in reply to defiantbadgirl)

Profile

Post #: 42

RE: vanilla in public, D/s in private - 10/23/2006 4:37:29 AM

gypsygrl

Posts: 1471
Joined: 10/8/2005
From: new york state
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: amlonging

Yes, I know I can ask this of individuals, but as YOU all KNOW, getting responses from individuals can be like pulling teeth, so I come here to ask.........

What do YOU think it means when people say.....
I want a 24/7 D/s relationship where it is vanilla in public and D/s in private?

My thoughts....
Isnt a dominant a dominant always and a submissive a submissve always when each others presence? or even out of site if they are in relationship?
So many subs say, "you must get into my head." Then if a dom is in a subs head, then arent they there 24/7/365?

I am NOT equating D/s relationship with BDSM play in public or private...that is NOT the question.
And I am making this general to include all genders, all roles.

Any thoughts on WHY people...male and female say this?

This is a difficult one for me too because sometimes when someone says this, it sounds like they want an equality based relationship in public, and a D/s relationship in private. And, it seems a bit contradictory, like when someone says they want a woman to stand next to them and be at their side, and submit to them. Is both really possible? Maybe some women can, but I don't see myself doing it.

Its hard for me to imagine going back and forth like this, and when I talk to someone like this, I tend to put them in my "play only" box, meaning that I wouldn't consider bonding with them. (and I really wonder if they want a D/s bond) I'm sure it would make me loopy to go back and forth depending on whether we were alone or walking down the street. I mean, seriously, I don't see how I would be able to maintain any even keel or flow under such conditions.

I guess when I think about submission, I think about it in terms of submitting to a person and their general being and its hard for me to see how I could be in their presence and not feel submissive, no matter where we were. If somebody's "in my head" they're in my head. It can't be a part time, on again off again thing. I have no switch I can trigger to get them out of my head because we're in a restraunt or waiting at an intersection to cross the street and then get them back in my head when we close the proverbial door behind us.

I think alot of the reason people say things like this is because in addition to a subissive, they also want a companion and they can't imagine themselves having a submissive as a companion at least when they're submitting. I don't really understand it, to be honest, but this is the best I can do. :)

(in reply to amlonging)

Profile

Post #: 43

RE: vanilla in public, D/s in private - 10/23/2006 7:01:51 AM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster

I agree, I always write off profiles like that.

The fact is my public life appears VERY vanilla, so I certainly know what people mean when they say things like that. They don't want to be expected to wear a collar to work. Or to be tattooed in a visible place with something that says "THIS BITCH IS THE OWNED SLAVE OF PROUDMASTER4U69."

But that doesn't mean I AM vanilla in public; it just means that I don't show strangers everything about myself. I'm as much of a dom in public as I am in private, and I'd expect any slave of mine to obey in public as she would in private. I don't distinguish because I'm not schizophrenic.

I wonder if those folks are still stuck in the fantasy of what 24/7 is so they think it has to be fetish wear and blantant sex in public.

We three (in my house) make a very sweet looking "couple" we've been told. We aren't a vanilla household, we aren't a monogamous household, but we also aren't a fetish household or a household that feels the need to shove what we do onto anyone who is not in our household.

I'm sure Fox and I look very vanilla -- a bit "old fashioned" in some senses since he opens doors and carries packages and yet I doubt anyone would think he was in charge either. But frankly I don't care what others think because we live our lives as feels best to us.

So someone who says "vanilla in public but 24/7 really" is probably a bit too worried about what others might think. Personally I think one of the signs of maturity is to stop worrying so much about others think of you yet still be living your life conscientious of the rights and happiness of those around you.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to Lordandmaster)

Profile

Post #: 44

RE: vanilla in public, D/s in private - 10/23/2006 7:32:51 AM

CreativeDominant

Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: amlonging

Yes, I know I can ask this of individuals, but as YOU all KNOW, getting responses from individuals can be like pulling teeth, so I come here to ask.........

What do YOU think it means when people say.....
I want a 24/7 D/s relationship where it is vanilla in public and D/s in private?

As already noted on here, it can mean different things to different people. When I've seen this or had someone say it to me, I ask them to clarify if they have not done so. Like a lot of other people, I admit that experience has led me to believe that a great number of people who say it want 'bedroom' D/s only. While that is all fine and good, it is not for me.

quote:

My thoughts....
Isnt a dominant a dominant always and a submissive a submissve always when each others presence? or even out of site if they are in relationship?
So many subs say, "you must get into my head." Then if a dom is in a subs head, then arent they there 24/7/365?

I agree. If the submissive wants me 'in their head' and I want to be there (and I do in the case of a submissive that I am in a deeper relationship than merely casual), then it is best to operate out of the 24/7/365 mode. That said, it doesn't mean that I expose what I do to people that are not aware of D/s or my involvement in it. As someone noted on here, saying "slave, get me a highball right now" is a whole hell of a lot different than "dear, get me a drink...please". Just as answering "Yes, my Lord and Master, ye Grand Puba...as fast as my feet can fly" is a whole hell of a lot different than "Yes, honey...right away." And of course, these two examples are wayyyyyyyyy different than the "What? Are your legs and arms broken?"

quote:

I am NOT equating D/s relationship with BDSM play in public or private...that is NOT the question.
And I am making this general to include all genders, all roles.

Any thoughts on WHY people...male and female say this?

As noted, the answer varies from person to person. I personally do not want to deal with the ones who feel that the ONLY way they can keep their D/s behavior in-check in such a manner that it is evident between dom and sub but not others is by "acting like" everyone else they know, even to the point of rudeness..."Get it yourself; don't talk to me that way in public"; etc.

(in reply to amlonging)

Profile

Post #: 45

RE: vanilla in public, D/s in private - 10/23/2006 7:50:14 AM

MisPandora

Posts: 2911
Joined: 4/7/2004
From: Philadelphia, PA
Status: offline

My personal read on a statement like that is that they're a privacy seeker and only intend for their D/s exchanges to be to theirs and their partner's eyes only, behind closed doors. They'd not consider educational groups, munches, events or anything else where you'd cross the paths of likeminded individuals.

They may FEAR being outed for their work or something......perhaps just a lack of education, that they have no idea what that thing is beyond the closed doors of private exchanges.

That doesn't work for me. I've been quick to reeducate, or point them in the moving-along direction. They're not real suited for me when I'm teaching and traveling all over the globe when I want that slave attending me at some point in time!

_____________________________

Pandora
Ms World Leather 2004
Ms Philadelphia Leather 2004

"Simply put, if you want a real femdom to love you, give her reasons to love you." Gloria Brame

(in reply to amlonging)

Profile

Post #: 46

RE: vanilla in public, D/s in private - 10/23/2006 7:56:05 AM

MisPandora

Posts: 2911
Joined: 4/7/2004
From: Philadelphia, PA
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

It has been in my experience that many people who say such don't have a very good understanding of WIITWD and have more of a fetish/fantasy view of it. Some may of course, mean it in a more literal sense in that they simply don't want you kneeling at their feet in a restaurant or accentuating all of your public conversations with "Yes Master".

I would have to disagree on it meaning they don't understand it except as a fetish/fantasy. Nearly everyone has the need for a social life. Some resolve the issue by having one partner as a slave and another partner to date. These are the ones who see the bdsm side as a fantasy. The ability to combine dating and bdsm with the same individual suggests maturity and stability. Those who combine the two have the most satisfying relationships because they meet all of each others needs.

I'll have to side with Erin here.

My experiences have all been with guys who think I'm going to come parading into their office and make them bark like a dog, or piss on them in the train station, or extravagant, over-the-top things that these fellows see in movies and read in the wank magazines. THAT is their reality because they know nothing else. Not everyone has the priviledge of being exposed to loving, balanced BDSM relationships right out of the gate!

_____________________________

Pandora
Ms World Leather 2004
Ms Philadelphia Leather 2004

"Simply put, if you want a real femdom to love you, give her reasons to love you." Gloria Brame

(in reply to defiantbadgirl)

Profile

Post #: 47

RE: vanilla in public, D/s in private - 10/23/2006 8:23:10 AM

amlonging

Posts: 153
Joined: 6/28/2006
Status: offline

Thank you for the answer CD...it puts a very realistic slant on all responses.

I am still frustrated however on ones who will NOT respond to a question of clarification. So I no longer waste energy on such.

_____________________________

BEHIND EVERY GREAT WOMAN...
...is a butt she can learn to love.

(in reply to CreativeDominant)

Profile

Post #: 48

RE: vanilla in public, D/s in private - 10/23/2006 8:28:24 AM

justheather

Posts: 1532
Joined: 10/4/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

It has been in my experience that many people who say such don't have a very good understanding of WIITWD and have more of a fetish/fantasy view of it. Some may of course, mean it in a more literal sense in that they simply don't want you kneeling at their feet in a restaurant or accentuating all of your public conversations with "Yes Master".

Or maybe they have a very clear and well-balanced approach to WIITWD in public and private but find themselves seemingly surrounded by those with a fantasy view of the lifestyle and are trying to weed the fantasy crowd out.

_____________________________

I want the scissors to be sharp
And the table perfectly level
When you cut me out of my life
And paste me in that book you always carry.
-Billy Collins

(in reply to mistoferin)

Profile

Post #: 49

RE: vanilla in public, D/s in private - 10/23/2006 8:39:10 AM

misphantom

Posts: 2
Joined: 10/8/2006
Status: offline

I have to say this is a good one. Being new to the seen i have a hard time trying to find what i turly want. Sub dom thing cam be a verry tricky thing. Your submission is a gift to some one that you trust and in giving that they ball means should repect that. As a sub it is my understanding that you can say no to something and still be ok.
It is my belife that if your dom tells you to suck his dick in public and u say no. He should repect that after all you are human to. I would think even if a M/s thing that he should repect that. if he dosen't i would wonder if that dom is right for me.

(in reply to amlonging)

Profile

Post #: 50

RE: vanilla in public, D/s in private - 10/23/2006 8:46:26 AM

Squeakers

Posts: 489
Joined: 10/3/2006
Status: offline

I think 24/7 depends on who is defining that term.   If I was with him at his mother's home and he asked me to take off his shoes, I would take off his shoes without a second thought; although chances are he would take off his own shoes even in private.   On the other hand, I wouldn't think him less of a Dom if I asked him to scratch my back and he complied or if he washed dishes, made a meal, or catered to me when I was sick.
In regards to children at a parent meeting, sometimes the situation warrants me to respond, for example if the teacher asks a question and looks directly at me when asking or if it is a question where his knowledge of the situation falls short I will respond or vice versa.
For me this is reality.   Sometimes, and I know that I may get stomped on for this---there is a level of equality between partners.   First and foremost, we are humans.   We all get sick, most get up and go to work and have to work outside of our respective roles (the exception to this was the Domme, I encountered real time who stated, "I am a Dominant therefore I refuse to work and have someone else tell me what to do" she was supported in part by her male slave and because he was making just a little over minimum wage, they also collected benefits from the county.)
The reality is this, 24/7 or not, a couple must make it work within their comfort levels.   I would be totally uncomfortable if I said or did something inappropriate in front of a teacher, one of our parents, my children or in the middle of the supermarket and he took off his belt, barred my bottom and strapped me; however, I would expect if something I said or did in public displeased him that I would be corrected for it in a comfortable setting and maybe that setting would be the bedroom.
To expect that that I would never get sick and cater to his every need all the time or call him while I am at work asking permission to go to the bathroom while he is at home with his feet up waiting for me to come home because he is a Dom and refuses to work because he is not going to answer to anyone deviates from my reality of D/s.   My suggestion is communicate with your partner and find a comfort level for both of you.   If you feel uncomfortable about something, for goodness sakes, communicate that to him.   I have never been afraid let him know what I am thinking, it's much easier to do that than doing things I am not comfortable doing and feeling miserable about it.   I am submissve 24/7, just as I am a woman 24/7, just because I am a woman doesn't mean that I can never do a tradition 'male' task like checking the oil in my vehicle or take out the trash sometimes life dictates that I must do those things, just as life sometimes dictates that he will make dinner or he will correct me in private.

(in reply to MisPandora)

Profile

Post #: 51

RE: vanilla in public, D/s in private - 10/23/2006 8:50:27 AM

misphantom

Posts: 2
Joined: 10/8/2006
Status: offline

I would have to agree with there hun my mom and dad would flip out If they said he said the word slave. They would even flip if he told me to take off his shoes for him. My mom and dad are very vinilla and wouldn't tolarte it by no means. so yes he would have to do by him self after all he is a grown boy he should be able to take of his shoes by himself. Hahah sorry. couldn't help that. but thats how i feel about it.
sarah

(in reply to amlonging)

Profile

Post #: 52

RE: vanilla in public, D/s in private - 10/23/2006 9:00:26 AM

Sekhemet

Posts: 127
Joined: 7/10/2004
From: Canada
Status: offline

The day you see a Dom or Domina walking down the street fully decked out and implement laden, carrying a bag of restraints and looking for "victims" ... This discussion will make sense.
THEN this becomes relevant. Until then ... there is no public/private delineation.

The only possible D/s in public, is public play parties (which are usually not actually PUBLIC anyway and are reserved for attendance by MEMBERS of a CLUB.) Otherwise with public D/s you get into humiliation, degredation, and insult ... Which is commonly taken for "A bitch" ...
NO ONE has ever been seen in a restaurant with a slave at their feet, or demanded the slave kiss Their boots in the subway station, or kneel so We might step on their back and into a vehicle, lay themselves across a puddle - or ANY of the other number of possibilities, and We all KNOW IT. And Those of You who play into this delusion do not help the situation or issues found where the leather world meets reality; The very same issues which you speak of, and as you are inexperienced and foolish your discussions show Those of Us with experience, you are fully clued out..
You represent the community, when You speak, Your words hold weight, and You are respected (even if yer a newbie and brain dead you will be representing everyone in the community when you speak OF the community - be aware of this) ... There is no such thing as public D/s - not when the activity is ILLEGAL in many places and only permitted LEGALLY within the confines of a bedroom and between TWO consenting adults. YOU KNOW THIS so ...
So the argument and discussion is moot - because it's neither possible, nor legal, nor realistic.

Three pages worth of people adding drivel to the pile, typing to sound cool ...
Sad that such "experienced people" type before they THINK.

Body worship in public? - Everyone sees people doing this at the bus stops all the time!
Domestic service in public? - You know the guy you see sweeping the sidewalks with a broom he MUST be into D/s!
Server ... in public? After having supervised the cooking, no one shall serve the Lady save *I*! Give me the tray and *I* will ask if the meal is suitable!
Chauffeur - How many of you peope have your slaves drive you around, and how many of you drive the slave around? Interesting huh.
Cook - in public? nope
How about ... Child care slave ... Oh wait see everyone thinks they're the sitter, the nanny ...
Construction slave - building a shed in everyone's yard I guess HOW do you do this in public ...
Gardening - See construction
Personal attendant would be taken for an assistant
Animal care - again is not something done "in town" it's a private slave position anyway ...
Computer slaves - belong at a desk not the mall ...
Marketing slaves - Will be dealing with their own stuff, don't likely need to be shadowed, meetings suck anyway.
Accounting slaves - Oh yeah these ones are always out to lunch ...
Legal slaves - Do not have a public life - everyone knows this, don't ad lib
Medical - See legal
Personal care and grooming - Never done in public ANYWAY, so what's the issue?
Relaxation slave - see personal care
Design and decor slave - See above
Dungeon dwelling slaves never leave the dungeon
The entertainment jester type slave perhaps - how about that one? As the slaves are trained to entertain and amuse the Top alone there would be little sense in such a display ... So it doesn't happen
Bar or wait serf? This was covered already
Security slave ... Will be just as secure in either setting and no one should be any the wiser ... you won't know
Personal trainer? At the gym ... not the coffee shop or mall.
sex slave ... in public ... we see it every day!

Bottom line is ... With the way society is currently geared it's simply not possible to bring D/s out into daily life in anything other than the smallest most normal ways. I don't carry bags when shopping, I always have a slave with Me to do this. If there is no slave, I am browsing. Most often the slaves with Me will also pay for the items in question as well, but this is not something people would pick up on as a slave behaviour, is it?
I will not hesitate to dress down anyone when out in public, I don't even have to know them, they simply need offend My sense of good judgement and fine taste. I will not hesitate to reward a well behaved child, or an adult, or a mystery person, and often the slave is asked to do it. I might ask them to pick up a roll of quarters and go for a walk and find parking meters, or assist an elderly person with their bags - all the way out to the car, and in it, or buy a coupon book for free ice cream (x12) and then as we walk keep an eye out and give those ice creams away! Things such as this are very common for Me to do, or ask people to do. It IS D/s in public but it is not what is considered by most people, even those within the community to BE D/s ... So the real question if there IS a question here is ...
What does D/s in public involve, and how might it be done or seen?
Because We all know the basement/bedroom variety D/s is NOT in the mall.

XxoxX

(in reply to MisPandora)

Profile

Post #: 53

RE: vanilla in public, D/s in private - 10/23/2006 9:09:05 AM

MisPandora

Posts: 2911
Joined: 4/7/2004
From: Philadelphia, PA
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Sekhemet

The day you see a Dom or Domina walking down the street fully decked out and implement laden, carrying a bag of restraints and looking for "victims" ... This discussion will make sense.
THEN this becomes relevant. Until then ... there is no public/private delineation.

The only possible D/s in public, is public play parties (which are usually not actually PUBLIC anyway and are reserved for attendance by MEMBERS of a CLUB.) Otherwise with public D/s you get into humiliation, degredation, and insult ... Which is commonly taken for "A bitch" ...
NO ONE has ever been seen in a restaurant with a slave at their feet, or demanded the slave kiss Their boots in the subway station, or kneel so We might step on their back and into a vehicle, lay themselves across a puddle - or ANY of the other number of possibilities, and We all KNOW IT. And Those of You who play into this delusion do not help the situation or issues found where the leather world meets reality; The very same issues which you speak of, and as you are inexperienced and foolish your discussions show Those of Us with experience, you are fully clued out..
You represent the community, when You speak, Your words hold weight, and You are respected (even if yer a newbie and brain dead you will be representing everyone in the community when you speak OF the community - be aware of this) ... There is no such thing as public D/s - not when the activity is ILLEGAL in many places and only permitted LEGALLY within the confines of a bedroom and between TWO consenting adults. YOU KNOW THIS so ...
So the argument and discussion is moot - because it's neither possible, nor legal, nor realistic.

Huuuuuuuhhhhhh?
There can't be a power exchange in a public space?
Since when?

_____________________________

Pandora
Ms World Leather 2004
Ms Philadelphia Leather 2004

"Simply put, if you want a real femdom to love you, give her reasons to love you." Gloria Brame

(in reply to Sekhemet)

Profile

Post #: 54

RE: vanilla in public, D/s in private - 10/23/2006 9:21:13 AM

justheather

Posts: 1532
Joined: 10/4/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Sekhemet
- not when the activity is ILLEGAL in many places and only permitted LEGALLY within the confines of a bedroom and between TWO consenting adults. YOU KNOW THIS so ...

Actually, much of WIITWD is not even legal "in the bedroom" (or the living room, or the kitchen or the bathroom) and "between two consenting adults".

< Message edited by justheather -- 10/23/2006 9:27:34 AM >

_____________________________

I want the scissors to be sharp
And the table perfectly level
When you cut me out of my life
And paste me in that book you always carry.
-Billy Collins

(in reply to Sekhemet)

Profile

Post #: 55

RE: vanilla in public, D/s in private - 10/23/2006 9:23:01 AM

Liar

Posts: 11
Joined: 10/21/2006
From: India
Status: offline

I have never paused being a Dom in public, but I know its not easy. Its difficult for people out of the lifestyle to understand what I am really up to, they always have a bunch of questions ready, they find My girl weird, for them she is like a zombie, of course.

_____________________________

L.I.A.R.

"On Gor it is said that free women are slaves who have not yet been collared"

http://www.castlerealm.com/

(in reply to MisPandora)

Profile

Post #: 56

RE: vanilla in public, D/s in private - 10/23/2006 10:17:31 AM

agirl

Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline

You're speaking of public displays of bdsm activities, not D/s. Which the OP stressed wasn't what she was speaking of.

agirl

(in reply to Sekhemet)

Profile

Post #: 57

RE: vanilla in public, D/s in private - 10/23/2006 10:32:41 AM

Celeste43

Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline

People say this to prevent any possibility of inappropriate play in public. Me asking him what he wants for dinner in the grocery store and then choosing a nice, plump chicken for him is private D/s since my response wasn't to then say, no luck, it's meatloaf. Me going to the grocery store in corset and six inch heels is public.

And since most subs get asinine emails demanding that they do dress like this all the time, it's easier to state no public. It isn't meant to refer to the private relationship, it's meant to refer to overt, public displays.

It could also mean that you are a private person and not interested in going to munches, or dungeons or play parties. But I think this is less common.

(in reply to amlonging)

Profile

Post #: 58

RE: vanilla in public, D/s in private - 10/23/2006 10:39:29 AM

KeirasSecret

Posts: 415
Joined: 8/17/2006
From: central NH
Status: offline

Far be it from me to disagree, but there was a time when i was at a public event and i noticed a woman wearing a collar, with a leash attached to it, being led through the crowd by a man. Now, maybe I am incorrect in assuming it had anything to do with bdsm, but I can not think of another reason for them to be doing this.

k

(in reply to Sekhemet)

Profile

Post #: 59

RE: vanilla in public, D/s in private - 10/23/2006 10:27:04 PM

Sekhemet

Posts: 127
Joined: 7/10/2004
From: Canada
Status: offline

Scene functions are not "public" they're "friendly" ... thus exempt. Take the guy with chick on the leash to a truck stop AFTER the party, toss some clothes or a long coat on the slave but keep everything in place while he continues to dominate, and she to submit - then tell Me it was public, and you didnt get kicked out, and I'll go - cool! (*chuckles* - nice try though, lol, I saw that ... close but no ceeegar!) - It does happen , but not frequently.
We can't and don't scene in public because on the whole D/s (Domination and submission) is still unknown, unaccepted, and misunderstood, and thus too risky in any number of ways, for everyone involved. But people do stay in character, and there are slaves all around you in public all the time, you just most likely don't even know it. We just don't get into BDSM in public ... No bondage while grocery shopping (unless it's under the clothes), no deviance while washing the car (unless its under the clothes), no sexuality while cutting the lawn (unless no one knows) and no masochism while in the hardware store (wait can I take that last one back!) ... You all know what I mean I'm sure ... I'm not going to insult anyone's intelligence here. We hide a chest harness, and collars for pity sakes! I mean really, what's the big deal? No one cares ... Really.

And yes some of Us WILL do it in the fully public vanilla world, but you don't run around with a crop and bullwhip while doing it ... All I'm getting at is the fact that the line is so stupidly thin as to be non-existant between the two. There is no public/private ... There is perspective and opinion.
That's all I'm saying.
Or as someone else put it ... BDSM happens in private; D/s happens all the time and every day. (Excellent way to succinctly put it too BTW, I really liked that)

And My point ... Shades of grey don't go well in a black and white world. And it's those very same shades of grey which cause so much confusion and dissention within the community, because the community would rather in-fight about those shades of grey than take this out to the world and demand a "recount" so we can get the lines figured out, set, and take some ongoing responsibility as opposed to forever shifting the stance and perspective.

And finally, in summation; I think we deserve recognition on the whole and as an alternative sexuality, but we need to go outside the comfort of the community closet to get that. It can happen any number of different ways, but they all take the community being in agreement that it's time to go after a public perception change, in order to accomplish.

Enough hiding in the closet - It's getting rather cramped in here.
What say; we look at opening the door and taking over an entire room in this here mansion known as "humanity" and "society" - I bet they have room for us, and would accept the idea if presented appropriately. After all it's everywhere and around them all the time anyway, so they can either accept it, or give us the space for it.

(In Her best Yoda impersonation) Invaded the base, have We ... And prepared to take over, We are! Masters of the force scattered through out the realm - there are. Up to Us, it is - But what to do with that battle - ask We must.
That's all. The only lines between the vanilla world and the leather community - are the ones we each choose to see. If they can't even see Us, and all We are is a fantasy, they don't even know there's a line, or a possibility of one - do they? So where is it, other than in each one of OUR heads, and in each head it stands in a different place ... shades of grey.
So You'd have to know what the person beneath You even sees as "scening in public" in order to be able to give an appropriate answer, or perspective on the comment/question ... Where is that line to/for each person involved? Until this is widely delineated, accepted, and those lines drawn, enforced, and agreed upon by all sides ... Shades of grey, My friends ... no more and no less.

XxoxX

_____________________________

http://www.sinpages.com
Where fetish and desire are explored

(in reply to KeirasSecret)

Profile

Post #: 60