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RE: Question:Attention Span - 2/6/2005 4:54:00 PM   
proudsub


Posts: 6142
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Washington
Status: offline
quote:

Yes, I have indeed noticed this one. Being the incredibly verbose individual that I am, I find that there are a great many who can not effectively wend their way through my missives and actually retain the gist of what I had been saying.


I am one of those. I will often skim the long posts unless it is a topic i am especially interested in. It's more a matter of time constraints than attention span for me.

_____________________________

proudsub

"Without goals you become what you were. With goals you become what you wish." .

"You are entitled to your own opinions but not your own facts"--Alan Greenspan


(in reply to Suleiman)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Question:Attention Span - 2/6/2005 10:39:07 PM   
subchris04


Posts: 17
Joined: 12/12/2004
Status: offline 		OK I thought I needed to reply to this one. I have an extremly short attention span. I don't attribute it to tv or ims or text messeging. I have a ligigitamate disability where I have a hard time concentrated on one thing. I have been diganosed with adult ADHD but I don't take medication. I am sure if it did I would be able to concentrate more effeciently but it also wouldn't be me. If something catches my attention I can get through it. Sometimes it just takes me a little longer than others. I have gotten alot of emails. I read most of them, even the long ones. Sometimes I have to read them more then once and as long as there is some interest in what the person is saying I can make it through. There are some though that have no thought to them and I just can't make it through. Its not because I am being disrespectful, there is just no connection for me to even try. I do always go to the profile of who writes me because I miss things alot. Its not intentional and its not because I am lazy, I just don't always comprehend what I read.

My attention span and concentration though hasn't given me much trouble with Mistress. She knows where I struggle and helps me. She also knows how much I strive to please her. I don't have any problems doing what she says. I have to try sometimes a little more to remember and to focus. But its so worth it to please her.

I am not one who accepts failure or defeat well, so I try my hardest to do whatever I can. Sometimes I struggle. I did manage to graduate from high school and there were struggles with assignments at school and things but I have never given up on anything in my life.

I also hold a full time job and I have since I was 16 and even with my problems with concentration it hasn't effected my job performance. I think its more because I strive for profection and I don't give up. People that know me know where I struggle and what I struggle with. I haven't had a lot of support but I have always had to make others proud of me so I always make it through.

I don't think though that my lack of attention or my inability to concentrate on something for a long period of time has really held me back or got me into any trouble. If I want something bad enough than I try a little harder. The extra effort in the long run makes the end result so much more pleasurable.

slave chris

(in reply to LordODiscipline)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Question:Attention Span - 2/6/2005 10:56:20 PM   
RiotGirl


Posts: 3149
Status: offline 		Access Denied

< Message edited by RiotGirl -- 3/15/2005 10:49:20 PM >

(in reply to sub4hire)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Question:Attention Span - 2/7/2005 11:21:48 AM   
knkywch


Posts: 53
Joined: 7/23/2004
From: Cal-iFORN-eye-yay
Status: offline 		Gloria,

This is an interesting topic. While I did a speed read through the responses, I didn't see anything that addressed the realm of polite behavior and how that may be playing a role in the situation you summarized.

If the person who claimed to have a short attention span wanted to further contact with the Dominant, she COULD have fired off a brief email saying something like, "I might take a while to respond to your last post as it seems rather long and I don't have time to fully respond right now. Just wanted to confirm that I did receive your post though." Polite confirmation and reset of expectations can take mere moments... IF indeed one wants to keep engaged in the communication exchange. However, we might also consider that the responding party MIGHT have been telling a little white lie to help ease the Dominant's discomfort at encountering her lack of response.

Sometimes, hell MOST times, people use silence to communicate "no, thank you". In that way, there is no confrontation, no getting into "why" and trying to "fix" it so that the "no" gets pushed into becoming a "yes". Most humans have a very difficult time saying no. It is really uncomfortable to tell someone (face to face, via phone, or even in writing) that you aren't interested in or attracted to them.

Lots of people (myself included) SAY we want to know the truth ("Just TELL me!"), but sometimes that truth is downright uncomfortable and ego (or fantasy) bruising and most folks don't have the communication skills to package that kind of sensitive information so that it can be received gently (and not totally piss off or depress the other person). IMHO, most humans are chickenshit to do or say something that might provoke upset feelings and so favor silence as a oft-used tool.

Sometimes, folks tell little white lies to get out of furthering a relationship. You know that old story of the woman who has to stay home and wash her hair pretty much each night her would-be suitor wants her to come out on a date. She doesn't totally avoid the suitor, but repeatedly does not accept the invitation to go out on another date either.

These little lies are meant to be hints to the other person, code to say, "I'm not interested in connecting with you anymore". It's another type of silence, intended to be a gentle way of saying, "go away and stop bugging me". Interestingly, Miss Manners advocates for the use of silence and little white lies as polite code for, "no, thank you" (and other variations thereof).

So, while short attention span is something to consider, I would assert that POLITENESS and knowing the codes of behavior associated with acting politely (and being able to interpret said behaviors) is a more important communication issue.

Food for thought...

Regards,
kw

_____________________________

I don't think I'm gay. I don't think I'm straight. I think I'm just slutty. Where's MY parade? -Margaret Cho-

(in reply to sub4hire)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Question:Attention Span - 2/7/2005 12:01:34 PM   
dixiedumpling


Posts: 456
Joined: 5/10/2004
From: southeast Mississippi
Status: offline 		I'm pretty sure it's the TV remote control that's sapped American's attention spans. A commercial comes on and they can't sit still through them all, they have the switch channels. I find that ALL the channels have commercials on at the same time.

feline, do you find that your ADD medication zaps your appetite? I've tried both Adderol and Concerta and can't tell the difference in my attention span with or without the meds, but they sure do suppress my appetite. Amazing how speed can make someone calm down. Curious, no?

I usually answer emails even it it's just to say that I'm not interested. However, I don't really think it's rude not to answer them. It's a convinience, just like having a telephone. It rings, but there's no law requiring that you answer.

_____________________________

Toodles,
dixiedumpling

My mind is no place to play alone. Anna Pigeon as written by Nevada Barr

(in reply to sub4hire)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Question:Attention Span - 2/7/2005 1:29:53 PM   
sub4hire


Posts: 6775
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		Interesting topic or not. If you look to see when I first posed the question to the board's its been about a year ago.

Frankly I sudo remember why I posted it. Some guy was in a chat room complaining about lack of polite behavior. Come to find out after watching him interact with someone. The woman he had contacted was in there as well. She did say he had written her too long of a letter and frankly she did not have the time to read through it. Nor the attention span.

It made me think about the newbies I get in my group. People who meet new people within the scene actually send newbies to me. For guidance. It is very hard with some. Trying to keep them focused.
I remember a munch back 2 year's ago. Doug and I were up north visiting his relatives.
A friend was hosting my munch. A new couple came. Apparently the man was talking about rape and non consentual activity. The woman pretty much talked..but didn't seem to have anything sink in.
Anyway, the others at the munch told her to go nowhere with that guy. They could tell he was bad news. Well, of course she did. She was raped that day after the munch. When I came back I had a rather emergency meeting on safety with this new sub as the main participant.
Anyway, as time passed she became a very good friend of mine. Trying to keep her safe and focused. Well, also in time I failed. Even when you allow someone to play it doesn't quite seem to be enough for some. Nothing is ever fast enough.
No matter how much you talk to some. Or how many books you give them. They just don't want to read(which was the case with her).
I haven't spoken to her much in the past year. She told me I was too negative about the people she met. She has been abused by everyone so far. She will meet someone online and meet them in person without a safe call or anything within a couple of hour's.
So, hence my reasoning for the question way back then.
Just makes one wonder.

(in reply to knkywch)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Question:Attention Span - 2/8/2005 12:01:48 AM   
NoPinkBalloons


Posts: 125
Joined: 2/7/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sub4hire

If you don't have an atttention span how do you manage to survive with a Dom or a sub?
Can you ever carry out a task in your entire lifetime? Would'nt you be into trouble all of the time?
I'm just curious to this because I do run into a lot of newbies each and everyday. They seek me as their mentor. Some you can manage to get through to and some you don't. Is this like an epidemic? Has anyone noticed its attention span? Is that why there is so much reckless behavior amoung newbies?



I admit it...I often don't read through long emails or posts (though I'm prone to writing them at times). Do I have a short attention span? Perhaps, but I think more likely it's that I tend to focus my attention only when I need or want to. If someone's email or post doesn't catch my interest pretty early on, then I don't invest the energy to read the rest of it.

This doesn't mean I'm not able to focus. I can focus for several hours on a contract I'm working on at the office. I can read 3 page posts when the content is of interest to me. I read long emails when they have something to say that I want to hear. I can get lost in a good book for most of a day.

I don't generally watch TV (though I did watch the Super Bowl), and haven't in many many hears. I didn't watch much TV as a child either; I preferred to read.

If you see me watching a movie, for example, you'd probably think that I have a very short attention span - I get up and wander to the kitchen, pick up a book and read for awhile, fold the laundry, play with the dog, etc. If the movie isn't holding my attention, I do something else and just listen to it in the background until something happens that I'm interested in again. However, if you were to see me reading a good book, you'd notice that I barely move, except to turn the pages, and sometimes even forget to smoke the cigarette that I've lit because I'm so focused on what I'm reading.

Some things just don't warrant a lot of attention/focus.

_____________________________

-- Sherri

A hard-on does NOT count as personal growth

(in reply to sub4hire)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Question:Attention Span - 2/9/2005 2:56:24 AM   
GrandpaLash


Posts: 133
Joined: 1/8/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ShadowHwk

That way I can reply, and explain the situation more clearly. You know, not one of those to whom I have replied has had the courage to write me back – imagine that! Why should this be necessary?



I'm one of those who gets really irate about subs who can't be bothered answering 'No thanks' to what I believe are well thought out, polite approaches. But now my primary and I are trying to replace a young sube we released recently (won't rant about that LOL), and I have been using one of her profiles (another site) to send emails because she has money there going to waste.

I am horrified at the number of messages, emails, and winks she gets from men who clearly haven't read her profile, which states 24/7 owned and collared and looking for a female, or ignore it. And like ShadowHawk, I have taken to replying for her (grins LOL). He's right, most of them haven't the courage to reply. One did: he stated, 'Why should I read your dumb fucking prolile cunt? I send out this message to every new woman on the site'.

So now perhaps I'm not quite so quick to condemn subs for not replying - though I still wish they would, even negatively - it allows me to clear my favourites and email files out and saves time looking for 'last on-line' times.

Grandpa

_____________________________

Sex without D/s is about as pointless as D/s without sex

(in reply to ShadowHwk)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Question:Attention Span - 2/9/2005 5:49:46 AM   
domtimothy46176


Posts: 670
Joined: 12/25/2004
From: Dayton, Ohio area
Status: offline 		I had my girl post a profile here so she could read the message forums. Her profile states "Questions and comments should be directed to Master, DomTimothy46176" One bozo sent her a message that read, "You don't know what you're missing out there". What kind of moron sends a message like that? That level of stupidity boggles my mind.
Timothy

(in reply to GrandpaLash)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Question:Attention Span - 2/9/2005 1:27:59 PM   
MistressJadeMTL


Posts: 168
Joined: 12/18/2004
From: Montreal, Canada
Status: offline 		I have found that short attention spans have proliferated over the past few years, particularly from online newbies.

I have purposely written a long clear and detailed profile explaining what I am looking for and NOT looking for in a prospective sub, along with instructions on how to apply. I have found (to my delight) that it usually weeds out the HNG and clueless newbies who have wasted my time in the past.

I recently began mentoring a very young local male sub (19) despite his newness to the scene, because he was one of the first to write to me in full sentences, divided by actual paragraphs and used little or no abbreviations. He managed to prove his interest because he took the time to read my profile and respond to it in the the way I requested. It was a ray of light in an otherwise dull world of tacky "one-liners" and unimaginative come-ons.

I guess I think of it as a form of natural selection... if they can't be bothered to take the time to read my profile and respond to it the way I ask, then I don't have the time to waste on them either!

~ Mistress Jade Dragon
Montreal, Canada

(in reply to domtimothy46176)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Question:Attention Span - 2/9/2005 1:52:32 PM   
songbird26


Posts: 72
Joined: 1/16/2005
Status: offline 		I don't know if it's as much the 'younger generation' or the 'MTV generation' that's to blame, and I don't know that it's fair to blame it entirely on television. Personally, I think the internet has a LOT to do with short attention spans, especially in a personal ad or dating situation. The internet creates entirely disposable, five-minute relationships with no committment and no emotional investment. I've known some people who have had true, sincere online relationships, but they're extremely rare in my experience. It's less that there's no attention span there, as it is a feeling of "there are so many other people out there, why should I bother with this one any more when he's not quite as fabulous as I first thought?" Bam, the person moves on to the next great thing.

Even people with the best intentions can get caught up on this. It's why I'm so clear when I'm talking to people that I am NOT interested in long-distance or cyber relationships. It's a tempting behavior pattern, and I think rather destructive, and I prefer to just remove the possibility at all.

Note to Suleiman: When.......you............were talking about ellipses.......I almost..........fell down laughing.............seriously.........!

(in reply to Suleiman)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Question:Attention Span - 2/9/2005 3:10:41 PM   
GrandpaLash


Posts: 133
Joined: 1/8/2005
Status: offline 		My previous post got a little off the point of attention spans, so I'll come back to it.

What does one make of a sub who contacts a Dom/switch couple, very keen to establish something, and then takes literally minutes to answer real-time messages because she's in a chat room? When criticised for this, apologises, but five minutes later makes the cardinal error of typing in the Messenger window, 'Waves madly at everyone in the room'. LOL. Now that is a short attention span.

Needless to say, we are no longer negotiating.

Grandpa Lash

_____________________________

Sex without D/s is about as pointless as D/s without sex

(in reply to songbird26)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Question:Attention Span - 2/9/2005 3:12:08 PM   
caitlyn


Posts: 3473
Joined: 12/22/2004
Status: offline 		This seems like a "remember the good old days" post, if you ask me.

Do you really think young people have a shorter attention span now, then they did when some of you were very young ... or could it be that people today have to process much more data than they did back in the days when you could get a job with a high school diploma, and traffic was something they had in New York and L.A.?

Do you really think people don't have the patience to read the newspaper, or could it perhaps be that half of what you read in print is innacurate and banal, and thank goodness that these days we have better places to get our news, and at a little quicker pace?

Don't even get me started on answering emails on collarme. No matter what I have tried in my profile, even to the point where I politely asked people not to email ... they just keep coming, and coming, and coming. You could spend hours each day just giving polite answers, and even when you do, half of the ones you answer will just send a rude response, or try to convince you that you are just unwilling to admit your desire to move to Idaho and clean their house!

So ... welcome to the world we are growing up in ... where to get a good job, you have to complete six to eight years of college, which means you better do well in high school ... which means you better do well in grade school, etc ...

Short attention span ... are you kididing? There is nothing I would like more, than to have time to hang around and read a newspaper every morning, while drinking orange juice.

Welcome to the real world.

caitlyn

(in reply to songbird26)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Question:Attention Span - 8/1/2005 3:45:07 PM   
saltie


Posts: 101
Joined: 6/30/2004
Status: offline 		i myself have a short attention span but am able to read a long email but just have to keep going back over it again and again to see what to answer/comment on. mine is due to stress and gets better/wose back and forth. for other things i just cant keep at to dowhatever it is until done with at times and other times able to finsish after starting. not easy having it but am able to finally get things done. believe me its not fun being like this.

(in reply to sub4hire)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Question:Attention Span - 8/1/2005 5:04:52 PM   
subcheryl


Posts: 280
Joined: 11/2/2004
Status: offline


[/quote]

I admit it...I often don't read through long emails or posts (though I'm prone to writing them at times). Do I have a short attention span? Perhaps, but I think more likely it's that I tend to focus my attention only when I need or want to. If someone's email or post doesn't catch my interest pretty early on, then I don't invest the energy to read the rest of it.

This doesn't mean I'm not able to focus. I can focus for several hours on a contract I'm working on at the office. I can read 3 page posts when the content is of interest to me. I read long emails when they have something to say that I want to hear. I can get lost in a good book for most of a day.

I don't generally watch TV (though I did watch the Super Bowl), and haven't in many many hears. I didn't watch much TV as a child either; I preferred to read.

If you see me watching a movie, for example, you'd probably think that I have a very short attention span - I get up and wander to the kitchen, pick up a book and read for awhile, fold the laundry, play with the dog, etc. If the movie isn't holding my attention, I do something else and just listen to it in the background until something happens that I'm interested in again. However, if you were to see me reading a good book, you'd notice that I barely move, except to turn the pages, and sometimes even forget to smoke the cigarette that I've lit because I'm so focused on what I'm reading.

Some things just don't warrant a lot of attention/focus.
[/quote]




This is pretty much the way I am also, I love to read, but if the writer doesn't make the effort to make some kind of sense in his email to me it gets deleted, beleive it or not I have gotten emails that just said "Hi", very intellegent right, if they can't make the effort to write more than that the least I can do is delete and ignore them.
I don't look for perfect spelling, but try to get close to the way it sounds at least. I grew up with a sis that spelled the way it sounds and have two sons that spell the way it sounds and I can read them just fine. And those that use, "u=you, r=are and so on" really irritate the crap out of me too it shows laziness to me. I think kids or the young who have just too much to do in their lives haven't developed the skills for reading, writing, and using their minds for imaginations, and I am not talking those who go to grad school and such, but when some of us oldies, LOL I am 49, were growing up the choice for tv was in the evening after school work and such if it was nice you were outside playing and using your imagination with cardboard boxes making houses, trains, airplanes, cars that kind of thing, reading, and the use of imaginations help to stimulate the brain and also to some degree helps to focus , so really don't know if it is an attention deficet or if it really is laziness or just no time, but I guess they should write a quick "will respond later" and then do so when things quiet down. as for volume, I guess if they get that many emails, then they need to learn the skills of quick scanning, saving what interests them and respond later, and send not thanks to those who don't interest and if they are jerky like my "hi" email just delete. But too if I don't get a response, I figure no skin off my nose, nothing ventured nothing gained and you can't miss something you never had in first place and move on. there are more out there. hope this makes since and not meant as a slam to anyone just my opinions and open for debate or clarification.

(in reply to NoPinkBalloons)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Question:Attention Span - 8/1/2005 6:08:20 PM   
MsIncognito


Posts: 742
Joined: 5/24/2005
Status: offline 		Sorry, but your message was way too long for me to get through. I have a brain the size of a pea and am not able to respond.

(I know, lame, but I couldn't resist).

(in reply to sub4hire)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Question:Attention Span - 8/1/2005 6:57:26 PM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ShadowHwk

quote:

ORIGINAL: wildpony

i met my perfect Dom on collarme. once i did, He told me not to respond to any other men. i felt like i was being impolite but i couldn't disobey him.


This brings up an interesting point. My slave, whom I met here, was receiving 100+ emails a day and driving herself a bit nuts trying to be polite and respond to them all. Most of the emails she received were from men who had not even bothered to read her profile, they had simply looked at her picture.

After a few days of this, enough was enough. The picture was taken down and her profile amended to state that she was not looking, had found the one she was looking for, etc.... Did this work? Nope, did she continue to get bombarded with emails telling her she should not belong to me, but to them? Yep. So in the end the solution was for her to delete her profile and create a new one, under a different name here on CollarMe. She has standing orders to forward to me any email from anyone who has ignored her profile and things she should be with them instead of me. That way I can reply, and explain the situation more clearly. You know, not one of those to whom I have replied has had the courage to write me back – imagine that! Why should this be necessary?

It is necessary because so many on here are without a scrap of honor. So many on here aren’t really “into” this except as a possible hook to get laid. I abhor those who attempt to prey on those who belong to others. I hold those that attempt to poach in the deepest contempt.

You are not a Dom/me, Master, or Mistress if you attempt to steal a sub/slave from another, in fact, you show yourself to be completely without honor, not worthy of being served.

In chat my slave can talk openly with anyone SHE chooses. But to avoid the same bullshit behavior she does not accept private messages without my permission. This saves a lot of time and aggravation.


Peace and Light
ShadowHwk


This I do have to agree with. I do feel also that the lack of attention span is not seen just in the lifestyle, but also across the whole spectrum. I’m a believer that today people are more and more demanding instant gratification and a goodly number want answers giver to them rather than work /study for them. In my view both TV and the Internet has much to answer for. Less and less people know of the simple pleasures of reading an enjoyable book or the excitement of the chase as they do the hard yards of researching a subject to seek enlightenment.

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to ShadowHwk)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Question:Attention Span - 8/1/2005 7:09:46 PM   
imtempting


Posts: 1280
Joined: 2/11/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: IronBear



This I do have to agree with. I do feel also that the lack of attention span is not seen just in the lifestyle, but also across the whole spectrum. I’m a believer that today people are more and more demanding instant gratification and a goodly number want answers giver to them rather than work /study for them. In my view both TV and the Internet has much to answer for. Less and less people know of the simple pleasures of reading an enjoyable book or the excitement of the chase as they do the hard yards of researching a subject to seek enlightenment.


And rock and roll music is the devils music thats sending kids to smoke pot and have sex with everyone. People seem to forget what they were like when younger. Kids have the same attention span today as in younger days.

Blame the paranoid parents for not letting their kids outside to play incase they get hurt in kidnapped or something.

I skip most of the long messages. At best I speed read it or look at the posts after it and if anything I agree with ill go and read it. Why you ask I dont well theres alot more interesting things to do on the net apart from reading an A4 size post which then gets dissected into 50 quotes which then gets dissected.

(in reply to IronBear)
Profile   Post #: 38
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