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correct protocol - 10/24/2006 12:38:58 PM   
patina


Posts: 493
Joined: 9/14/2006
From: no
Status: offline 		I am in the process of talking with a Dom.  He lives in WI. I  live in Oh.  He will be coming to visit in a few weeks.   During the first couple of weeks of us talking another Dom contacted me.  This one is young enough to be my son.  He just wanted to chat as there are no BDSM events or activities in this area.  To find anything to deal w/BDSM you must go 2-3 hours  drive in all directions.  I told the Dom I am "in consideration with" about the young Dom wanting to talk with me.  He was not happy said he should back off as he knew I was spoken for. 

I told Dom (boy) that the Dom (man) did not want us talking but had agreeded with an exception, that all talk had to kept purly platonic.      Dom (b) agreeded to this in theory. 

During one conversation he mentioned he was painting and using drop cloths as his cavas.  I too paint pic so I told him to come by and pick up some proper canvas.  He did but unfortunatly, he also tried to persuade me to have sex. 

I refused, told him I had made a commitment to the other Dom (m)and could not break that trust.  He still kept asking me to give in.  I finally got him out the front door and my son was able to help him to leave.

My question is --What /if any kind of protocal is there for one Dom to contact another Dom's potential slave to be. 


Patina      

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RE: correct protocol - 10/24/2006 12:42:40 PM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		Whatever you decide.  But until you actually meet in person, why do you want to make a commitment not to talk to others or more?  Why get so serious so quickly?

< Message edited by KatyLied -- 10/24/2006 12:43:30 PM >

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RE: correct protocol - 10/24/2006 12:43:52 PM   
stef


Posts: 10215
Joined: 1/26/2004
Status: offline 		There is no 'protocol' aside from what the two involved parties agree upon. 

~stef

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RE: correct protocol - 10/24/2006 12:45:59 PM   
SexyFemDom


Posts: 25
Joined: 7/24/2006
Status: offline 		Why in God's name would you invite men YOU DONT EVEN KNOW to your house?  What?  Just becuz he's a "Dom" that makes it okay?

Watch out and be careful.

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RE: correct protocol - 10/24/2006 12:54:44 PM   
purelea2003


Posts: 78
Joined: 12/12/2005
Status: offline 		If you've given your word concerning anything, you should keep it. But that has nothing to do with "protocol". That has to do with personal integrity.

Due to so much wasted time and broken first meeting dates, I never take anyone seriously until I meet them in person. Therefore, I don't consider there is committment with someone I haven't actually met. First come - first to serve Me.

That's only My way though. Other P/people have their own path.

I agree with SexyFemDom completely. Strangers are strangers and should be treated with caution. Also this isn't in reply to Stef - it's supposed to be a fast reply.

< Message edited by purelea2003 -- 10/24/2006 1:00:30 PM >

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RE: correct protocol - 10/24/2006 1:06:50 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		A)  Another dom getting insecure about you talking/dating other doms at the same time when you've made no real commitment is a negative sign for me

B)  The other dom pushing you to have sex when you'd clearly established boundaries of friendship and nothing else was very inappropriate, no matter who else you may or may not have in your life

You should definitely date and talk to whoever you want.  Even AFTER you've made a commitment to someone, why would they care who you talked to and made friends with?  If they are secure in your relationship and your commitment to yourself and eachother, it won't matter.

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RE: correct protocol - 10/24/2006 1:23:26 PM   
toservez


Posts: 1733
Joined: 9/7/2006
From: All over now in Minnesota
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

A)  Another dom getting insecure about you talking/dating other doms at the same time when you've made no real commitment is a negative sign for me

B)  The other dom pushing you to have sex when you'd clearly established boundaries of friendship and nothing else was very inappropriate, no matter who else you may or may not have in your life

You should definitely date and talk to whoever you want.  Even AFTER you've made a commitment to someone, why would they care who you talked to and made friends with?  If they are secure in your relationship and your commitment to yourself and eachother, it won't matter.


I agree with this totally and I also suggest you be way more careful in meeting people. I do not care how nice they are in Email and phone conversations, until you meet them in person, hopefully at a nuetral site, and get a vibe from that before inviting them to your house.

For me I am upfront from the start. I do not get attached/exclusive with someone I am messaging and talking to on the phone. I make no statements of emotional attachment no matter how I am feeling over email and phone.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
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RE: correct protocol - 10/24/2006 1:29:53 PM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: patina

I told Dom (boy) that the Dom (man) did not want us talking but had agreeded with an exception, that all talk had to kept purly platonic.      Dom (b) agreeded to this in theory. 
...
My question is --What /if any kind of protocal is there for one Dom to contact another Dom's potential slave to be. 


Patina      


It can vary. Some Doms feel that, if the slave is owned, the slave's Dom should be contacted first. Some feel that casual banter is perfectly fine, no matter what a person's station. I try to follow the first, unless the slave has contact me initially. I assume that he/she has permission to do so. If the conversation goes into a grey area (like possible play time or whatever), I express that I feel that it's wrong to talk about such things without the expressed permission of their Dom (as in they directly tell ME).

Most Masters I know don't get bent out of shape if someone starts a casual conversation with their slave. What the Dom (b) did in your case rude and crossed a line since he agreed to the platonic nature of the conversation.

Master Fire




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RE: correct protocol - 10/24/2006 1:39:15 PM   
windchymes


Posts: 9410
Joined: 4/18/2005
Status: offline 		If a person told you he was a duck, would you start throwing water on him?  Just because someone calls himself "Dom" doesn't mean they have magical powers or have transcended human nature or behavior or have high-security clearance from some greater authority.

They're men, you're a woman, and the same rules of everyday society still apply.  Please use them wisely.

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RE: correct protocol - 10/24/2006 1:39:23 PM   
Kalira


Posts: 954
Joined: 10/9/2006
From: Fort Wayne Indiana
Status: offline 		First off, I can not believe that you would invite a stranger into your home. That just is a lack of common sense there.

Second, I don't see why you should NOT be talking to more than one, especially if you have yet to meet him in person. Seriously, if you met this guy at a bar, spent an hour drinking and talking with him; would you let him tell you that you could no longer talk to other men?

Hello...wake up

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RE: correct protocol - 10/24/2006 1:42:16 PM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline 		Good grief, inviting strangers from the net into your home?!?! My home is precious to me, very few are allowed in.

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RE: correct protocol - 10/24/2006 2:30:55 PM   
diamonddreamlove


Posts: 770
Joined: 5/19/2006
Status: offline 		The Dom i have been seeing and playing with for six months has never been in my home nor have i been to his.  Now he has been to the country/farm but that is not where i live.  Also he wasn't invited there until i knew him pretty well.  This post just reminds me to continue to take things slowly even with this Dom.  (LOL i am sure He would love to thank you for that).  For both of us our word is important to us and even when we don't like what we here it is still said.  Be careful.  Oh and the Dom (we are discussing collaring in the spring) was consulted when i wanted to go to Spanksgiving and he is unable to go.  So i am going with another Dom that is a good friend of mine.  I asked permission knowing i did not Need permission but felt that it was the appropriate thing to do.  We all attend local or area munches so although they do not know each other it will be noticed when i attend with another Dom.  I would not out of courtesy want feelings hurt and besides in my heart there is committment and i believe he is committed to me.  Having said that it is important to know that even when collared i do not believe he would attempt to stop me from talking with other Doms.  I would not play but i will certainly talk to my Dom/Domme friends.  But then that has already been discussed and disposed of as a topic.  Had he told me after our first meeting to not talk to anyone else i would have left immediately and not looked back.  Hope you make the right decision for you!

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RE: correct protocol - 10/24/2006 2:48:37 PM   
MasterWilliam55


Posts: 361
Joined: 1/27/2006
Status: offline 		From a Dom's point of view, it should be a matter of self-respect. If a sub tells me she is under consideration by another Dom,  I believe they should be given the time to work things out without my complicating things in any way. I expect the same in return from other Dom's.  In real life relationships, at least within the "older" group this level of respect is expected and given. In cyber relationships, the opposite often takes place, as I understand it. I don't play in cyber space so it isn't an issue for me. There is no protocol here, just common sense.

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Profile   Post #: 13
RE: correct protocol - 10/24/2006 7:54:40 PM   
Caitriona


Posts: 327
Joined: 8/28/2006
Status: offline 		I have never had an internet D/s relationship, so the dynamics of this are a bit "fuzzy" to me.  But here's what I think based on what you've said:

quote:

ORIGINAL: patina
I told the Dom I am "in consideration with" about the young Dom wanting to talk with me.  He was not happy said he should back off as he knew I was spoken for.

I told Dom (boy) that the Dom (man) did not want us talking but had agreeded with an exception, that all talk had to kept purly platonic. Dom (b) agreeded to this in theory.


What does being "under consideration" mean to you?  There are boundaries that need to be defined at that stage, and I don't know if you and Dom M did that.  I feel that being "under consideration" takes you off the market, so to speak.  Casual conversation is fine, but intimate discussions cross that line for me. 

Dom M made it clear that he did not want you talking to Dom B.  But he was polite enough to know that you're not collared and have the right to make your own decision.  If you agreed to what Dom M outlined, then some of the fault is yours.

quote:

ORIGINAL: patina
During one conversation he mentioned he was painting and using drop cloths as his cavas.  I too paint pic so I told him to come by and pick up some proper canvas.  He did but unfortunatly, he also tried to persuade me to have sex.


I was discussing this with My Lord, and he said something to the effect of "talking is not seeing" - it seems to me that you broke the agreement here.  I cannot imagine why you thought it a wise idea to invite this man to you home, knowing that he was interested in more than friendship. 

quote:

I refused, told him I had made a commitment to the other Dom (m) and could not break that trust.  He still kept asking me to give in.  I finally got him out the front door and my son was able to help him to leave.


I am curious if Dom M feels that you inviting this man over breaks the trust that you say the two of you share.  I know that it would shatter it for me.  It's one thing to talk, especially knowing there is that sort of desire/tension/ect on one side.  But to know that and present the interested party with an opportunity?

quote:

ORIGINAL: patinaMy question is --What /if any kind of protocal is there for one Dom to contact another Dom's potential slave to be.


No matter what, it's always polite to ask first.  It's that simple.


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RE: correct protocol - 10/25/2006 12:48:25 AM   
patina


Posts: 493
Joined: 9/14/2006
From: no
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SexyFemDom

Why in God's name would you invite men YOU DONT EVEN KNOW to your house?  What?  Just becuz he's a "Dom" that makes it okay?

Watch out and be careful.


No!! I do not invite strange men into my house at a moments notice or just because they are Dom's.   The Dom (b) is from my home town which is very small.  Which is why I agreeded to be friendly with him, to find any BDSM anything you have to go at least 2-3 hours drive away.  If you sneeze when you pass it you miss it.  So everyone knows everyone or at least the family.  The other Dom (m) I feelt secure in inviting him because I know how and can protect myself.  Also my 24 yr old son has just moved back home while finishing college.  I am not completely stupid people, although I may have given the impression at the start I was.  I also told Dom (m) about Dom (b) coming over and got his ok before he came. I guess the term "under consideration"  should have been replaced with
the term training in progress.  

I kept my word in that nothing happened, and I reported all things to Dom (m).  He told me he was not upset or mad at me as I did the right things just that he had been proven right the other guy only wanted sex.  I said I was sorry for trusting the young guy but couldn't see how a 51 yr old heavy gal would interest a young slender good looking 27 yr old.  I guess in that I am stupid. 

That is where I got my ? from he said the younger Dom should of known you never go to a  house to see a sub/slave  until he gets permission from the Master, and you never go with the intent to seduce the girl.


Patina






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RE: correct protocol - 10/25/2006 9:57:18 AM   
SexyFemDom


Posts: 25
Joined: 7/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: patina

quote:

ORIGINAL: SexyFemDom

Why in God's name would you invite men YOU DONT EVEN KNOW to your house?  What?  Just becuz he's a "Dom" that makes it okay?

Watch out and be careful.


No!! I do not invite strange men into my house at a moments notice or just because they are Dom's.  

".......The other Dom (m) I feelt secure in inviting him because I know how and can protect myself.  Also my 24 yr old son has just moved back home while finishing college.  Patina



You DID invite a strange man you never met to your house.  Show me where I misinterpreted what you wrote.

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RE: correct protocol - 10/25/2006 10:11:50 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: patina
That is where I got my ? from he said the younger Dom should of known you never go to a  house to see a sub/slave  until he gets permission from the Master,

Only if that's a rule you have established between eachother, and if so, it's YOUR responsibility to communicate said rule to the other person.  It's certainly not a universally or even generally understood rule in the scene.

quote:

and you never go with the intent to seduce the girl.

Well as I said before, it was inappropriate of him to try and break boundaries he previously accepted, but that just means he's a horny guy who won't respect boundaries.  Easily handled.

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RE: correct protocol - 10/26/2006 6:15:07 PM   
Voltare


Posts: 841
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: Santiago, Chile
Status: offline 		As mentioned, you don't 'owe' anything to Domyouareconsidering, beyond what you would normally want to tell him.  Domwhowantedinyourpants probably isn't someone you want to be friends with.  There's nothing here that is unique to BDSM, so the same rules apply that you would use while dealing with 'Guy A is interesting and I might want to date him.  Guy B is half my age, but we share some interests.  Guy B tried to get in my pants.  Should I tell Guy A?'


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RE: correct protocol - 10/26/2006 8:12:58 PM   
dcnovice


Posts: 37282
Joined: 8/2/2006
Status: offline
quote:

couldn't see how a 51 yr old heavy gal would interest a young slender good looking 27 yr old. 


Well, the fact that he was interested gives me hope!

< Message edited by dcnovice -- 10/26/2006 8:15:39 PM >

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RE: correct protocol - 10/26/2006 10:35:45 PM   
Arpig


Posts: 9930
Joined: 1/3/2006
From: Increasingly further from reality
Status: offline 		ARRRGGGGG!!!!!

I agree with Stef, again . Will you stop being right so I can get back to disagreeing with you!!!

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